EPINIONS BLOWS DOG
by Sordid-1 on Oct. 25, 2001
Pros: Epinions Member A: “Epinions blows dead dogs.”
Cons: Epinions Member B: “No they don’t, I saw one move!"
The Bottom Line: With their latest (last?) round of ‘improvements’, Epinions becomes a slow-motion kick to the crotch, delivered C.O.D., helping each of us feel like Ned Beatty in ‘Deliverance’.
Recommended: No
No more Mr. Nice Guy
No more Mr. Clean
No more Mr. Nice Guy
They’ll say
He’s sick
He’s obscene.
~Alice Cooper
Integrity.
Competency.
Respect.
These are pleasing concepts, one and all. They are the fiber that make a man a decent man, that once allowed business transactions to be undertaken with a hand shake and a promise, that prevent a business from frequently taking liberal, broad-brushed strokes of the pen to their contractual agreements with their subcontractors to constantly and retroactively sway the agreement to their favor, all the while paying lip service to the idea that they value the individuals who comprise the heart and soul of their business, talking out of one side of their corporate mouth even as they poise the dagger between the shoulder blades of those they so greatly “value.” Does that sound a little over-the-top? Perhaps. But here is a statement of fact: Somewhere along the line, Epinions has determined that honesty, integrity, and respect for those that make the business work are commodities that they could no longer afford. They are in dire financial straits, have opted to reduce the payment to their content providers from a pittance to a semi-pittance, have taken covert steps to ensure that they can usurp ownership (in a “possession” sense, not a “legal” sense) of the intellectual property of its users, and think us fools enough to buy into their spin.
Yeah, they’re doing it for all the right reasons. To instill “equity” into the process, to cripple the “click circles”, to prevent the “gamers” from taking money out of the pockets of the hard-working, “valued” members. That seems to be the great Epinions way; do whatever the hell it wants, throw a few buzzwords out there, and through sleight of hand and creative use of forked tongues deceive the more ignorant on-site that it’s all in “their own best interest.” You can almost picture Nirav bragging to his equally empty-headed compatriots in his brain (or lack thereof) trust, “Phew! I think they bought it! :) Those that didn’t will come back, they always do. :) ALL YOUR EPINIONS ARE BELONG TO US! How am I doing :)” Perhaps that is an unfair characterization of Epinions’ management (lovingly referred to by Epinions’ users as “the trained chimps at Brisbane.”) Perhaps they have a lot more on the ball than their asinine actions and gross incompetence would indicate. But the fact of the matter is that they think WE are idiots. And anyone who buys into the thoroughly weak and stinking-to-high-heavens explanations for the site changes IS an idiot. Fortunately, though, it appears that in a great show of solidarity, the nearly unanimous consensus of the Epinions community believes that Nirav and his bloodsucking minions are full of shit, and we, the users of Epinions, are just doing our best not to get any on us.
In addition to eliminating all the predicatable and viable ways for the writers (who, let us not forget, provide EVERYTHING that is of value on this site) to earn income by trashing the content partner program and blowing away the whomping ONE CENT PER MEMBER READ that was being paid to certain reviews in certain categories, they have hamstrung the writer’s ability to maintain control over his own work. Let me reiterate that point: YOU NO LONGER HAVE CONTROL OVER YOUR OWN WRITINGS. Now it’s one thing to basically write for free. I like to write, I will write for free. As an Epinions member, I basically have. Having the ethereal and elusive Income Share, a system apparently determined by readings from a Magic 8-Ball and random dart throws, as the sole pay source does not bother me. I have averaged slightly over one dollar a month for my fifty-some highly-read, highly received reviews. If that’s NOT writing for free, it’s the next best thing. What tends to burn my ass worse than a 3’ high brushfire is the incredible audacity the aforementioned Trained Chimps of Brisbane display by basically telling me, “You are being PAID. We own your ass. Everything you’ve posted on this site is OURS now. You may not delete it, you may not edit it, hell, you’re lucky we even let you LOOK AT IT, you scurvy dog.” Don’t be surprised if that exact quote doesn’t one day find its way into the Epinions FAQ. Of course, if Nirav is involved in that project you will need to imagine the text liberally interspersed with an abundance of cutesie-pie little emoticons to get a more accurate picture of the finished product.
Now just for shits and giggles, let’s take a look at the OFFICIAL Epinions explanation for stealing control of the intellectual property of independent writers and claiming it as their own.
Edit/Delete Policy Change
Posted: Wednesday, October 24, 2001
In an effort to ensure that reviews on Epinions remain accessible to all Epinions users, reviews may not be edited or deleted after they are published on Epinions. Reviewers will be able to edit a review as many times as desired in draft mode. Epinions reviewers continue to retain all rights as outlined in the User Agreement.
I’ll give a bright, shiny nickel (more than you will probably make on your reviews now) to the first individual who can decipher that horseshit-in-text into something that even vaguely resembles a concept beneficial to the users of the site. Taking away the user’s ability to correct typos helps reviews “remain accessible to all Epinions users”? Preventing the user from making corrections to existing reviews to reflect changes in technology and increased familiarity with the product in question helps reviews “remain accessible to Epinions users”? Keeping a user from deleting an old review that no longer meets her standards of quality helps reviews “remain accessible to Epinions users”? Hold on a minute, Skippy. That one actually makes sense. But why do they think they have the right to creative control over YOUR writing? Because they pay you a dollar a month! Oh, and because it says so in the TOS! Yes, the holy TOS, worshipped by thousands on this site, the end-all and be-all of fair use. But which TOS are they talking about? The TOS as is stands now? The TOS as it read yesterday? The TOS of a month ago? The TOS of a year ago? Epinions TOS has probably been changed at least a dozen times since this site’s inception (more than likely illegally, too), each time getting a grand twist to screw the user more and more. The half dozen or so lawyers I have discussed this issue with each seem to be of the opinion that the Epinions TOS is a joke and would in all likelihood not stand up in a court of law. So anyone who is bowing down and worshipping the almighty TOS is going to get a mouthful of smoke and mirrors. Oh, and shit. That is, after all, the primary ingredient of Epinions TOS.
But I still haven’t addressed what the aforementioned dumbass statement is REALLY saying, and I will be glad to do so for those of you who have not yet figured it out on your own.
Edit/Delete Policy Change (as interpreted by Sordid-1)
Posted: Wednesday, October 24, 2001
Through a combination of factors such as a soft ad market and our immense bumbling, Epinions.com is no longer a viable financial entity. As such, we have decided to fuck our users (who we highly value!) Since the vast majority of individuals who use this site are going to throw up their hands in disgust and leave in lieue of writing for free, we have decided that, like a thief in the night, we shall steal their work out from under them and prevent them from taking their intellectual property with them in the midst of their mass exodus. Fuck ‘em, there’ll be more to take their place. We shall do this with no advance notice or sense of ethics whatsoever. Aren’t we the cagey motherfuckers? Epinions.com apologizes for any inconvenience. :)
It is an unfortunate turn of events. There are many fine writers here, professional-caliber writers. Many have been contributing their work to this site for months or years, doing it for a multitude of motivations, but with the expectation that Epinions.com would not jam a red-hot “no edit or delete” poker up their respective heinies. But, apparently, this is how Epinions.com has opted to thank its previously loyal writers. It is, indeed, unfortunate.
Equally unfortunate are the potential adverse effects of the new “no edit, no delete” policy. These are things that I would really hate to see happen, so you, as an Epinions writer, should do everything within your power to ensure that the following things do not happen. It will take extra care on your part since a valuable tool has been taken from you that once allowed you to revise and improve your, OOPS, I mean Epinions’ reviews.
#1 – Do not, in a fit of anger, write an editorial stating that “EPINIONS BLOWS DOG” or “fuck Epinions” or “fuck those dog-blowing Epinions idiots” or “I don’t know if Nirav Tolia blows dogs, but it is certainly possible” because once it has been published, YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO DELETE IT! So don’t do that.
#2 – If you do accidentally write an editorial about Epinions blowing dog, for the love all that is holy, PLEASE POST IT IN THE APPROPRIATE CATEGORY! Do not, for example, post the editorial among the reviews of the Dell Dimension XPS T500 or the 2001 Volkswagon Passat. The fact of the matter is that Epinions blowing dog (which is mere conjecture, not a proven fact) has absolutely nothing to do with the 2001 Volkswagon Passat, a highly-regarded mid-sized sedan. Filling inappropriate categories with spiteful rants would diminish Epinions.com’s ability to be AN EVEN BETTER resource for consumers to make smart purchasing decisions, and that is the last thing anyone here wants, even if Epinions does blow dog and covertly steals from you in the middle of the night. Please remember that ONCE YOU POST YOUR OFF-TOPIC REVIEW, YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO DELETE IT AND REPOST IT TO A MORE APPROPRIATE CATEGORY! Gosh, I can even imagine scenarios where someone could inadvertently post a review to five or six inappropriate categories before recognizing her error, but IT WOULD BE TOO LATE TO RECTIFY THE MISTAKE!
#3 – Be careful not to make a faux pas when utilizing html tags, as you will not be able to edit the review and fix the mistake. This can result in entire reviews in bold or italics or bold italics! You will, in fact, look like a dumbass, so BE CAREFUL ABOUT THAT!
#4 – Do not use inappropriate word choices like “fuck”, “fuckity fuck fuck”, “dogblower”, or “EPINIONS BLOWS DOG”, as you will NOT HAVE THE ABILITY TO ALTER YOUR WORD SELECTION AFTER THE PIECE HAS BEEN PUBLISHED!
#5 – Do not read anything by Jim Scileppi. He is merely a rabblerouser. I know that has nothing to do with the new “site improvements”, but it somehow seems relevant to any rant.
Now many of you may ask, “Sordid-1, you sexy fez-wearing motherfucker, does this mean that you will no longer contribute to this site?” and I recognize your potential distress at the prospect of silent sordidity. Actually, I haven’t decided yet. As long as it is still fun, I will continue to sporadically post here. But rest assured that I will closely adhere to the five aforementioned rules as I don’t want to do anything to tarnish Epinions stellar, well-deserved reputation.
In closing, thanks to all my friends on this site for the support and interaction. The Epinions experience would be worth less than a half-full bucket of lukewarm monkey jizz without you. Oh, and one last thing… EPINIONS BLOWS DOG.
Special thanks to kchowell, Erik Kosberg, and AggieBrett for delivering to me the perfect title, pros and cons, and bottom line for this review of the 2001 Volkswagon Passat.
Amount Paid (US$): 4.89
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For a time in October 2001, you could have read this review on http://www.epinions.com . It has been deleted from that site, but other writing by the author is still available there at http://www.epinions.com/user-sordid-1 .