"Matters of the Heart"
By: Becky
Chapter 1

Brian sat up on the rocks staring out into the ocean, his curly hair damp with sweat under his hat, his once bright blue eyes now dark, bloodshot, and teary, and his body trembling every time the wind blew. He didn't know what was wrong, but over the past month or so everything just seemed pointless. His once full and happy life now seemed empty and worthless, and he felt so alone. The weird thing was, he had no reason to feel this way. He had so many people that loved him; his family, his four "brothers", millions of people all around the world, and yet he was still filled with this loneliness. He was twenty-four years old, in good health, and he had the perfect career, which was his passion. His singing was what kept him going, it made the day worth living, but not even that made him happy anymore. It just takes more than having everything to make a man feel whole.
'I wonder what it's like out there,' he thought to himself. 'It looks so calm and peaceful…if only I could be out there…NO! What in the hell am I thinking? Oh God please help me... I don't know what's wrong with me...' Two tears slid down his cheeks, and he wiped them away with the back of his hand. It was then that he noticed the girl. She was staring out at the ocean just like he had been doing. His vision was clear and he could see that she was crying. He watched her, but she didn't seem to even notice him. She just stared straight ahead at the water, at her destiny. After a few more moments she started walking into the water. It wasn't until the water was right above her stomach that Brian realized she wasn't just going for a swim. He knew exactly what she was doing, and he got really scared. She had no intention to stop walking. He jumped up to his feet and not knowing what to do he yelled to her.
"Hey!" he called, but she didn't stop. "Hey! Wait, don't do it!" Brian climbed down from the rocks, clueless as to what he was doing or what he was getting himself into, but at the moment he didn't care. "Please don't do this!" he called again and she stopped.
"Go away. Leave me alone," she said not turning around.
"No, please. I can't let you do this."
"Why? You don't even know me. Just go away."
"No," he said again starting to walk out to her. "If you do this, I'm coming after you."
She turned to face him. "What? Are you crazy? You don't know me, you know nothing about me."
"And I don't care about that. All I know is that I was just thinking about doing the same thing you are doing now, and I know that it's not the answer. Come back to the beach with me." Brian held out his hand to her and prayed that she'd come to him and take it. "You don't really want to do this, please." "How do you know what I want?"
"Because you would have done it already. If you really wanted to do this, you would have ignored me, but instead you listened. Just take my hand and we can talk about this."
She looked at him for a minute, then as she started to cry harder, she reached out to him. He took a few more steps closer and took her hand. They were both trembling and scared. He led her to the beach and she fell into his arms as soon as they reached dry land. He held her close as she cried into his chest. For some reason, his heart went out to this girl, and even though she was crying it felt so good to hold her in his arms. He tried to fight it, but it wasn't working and he started to cry his own tears. They cried until they couldn't cry anymore, and she pulled out of his arms.
"I got your shirt all wet," she said wiping her face.
"That's ok. Don't worry about it," he said doing the same with his shirt. They sat down in the sand next to each other. The sun was just about the whole way down, giving the navy sky a dark orange tent. A group of about ten people were walking down the beach, and Brian and the girl kept their heads low so that their faces couldn't be seen. They didn't look up until the group was far away from them. Brian looked over at her and she at him. She had the most amazing blue-green eyes he had ever seen, and he had the bluest eyes she had ever seen. "So… what happened to make you want to do this?" he asked and she sighed. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
"My parents died in a car crash earlier this week, and the funeral was this morning."
"Oh man… I'm really sorry. That must be a really rough thing to go through."
"Yeah…" she said and was quiet again for a minute after that. "What happened to you? Why were you thinking about it?"
"To tell you the truth nothing happened to me. I don't really know why, but I just don't want to be here anymore. I have no reason to feel this way, but I do."
They sat and talked for what felt like hours. The moon was shining brightly above them and that was basically all the light they had. It was chilly, and because their clothes were still damp she was shivering like crazy. Brian put his arms around her to help warm them both up some. Neither of them wanted to leave, but they knew that they'd have to sooner or later.
"I just realized something," Brian said. "We've been talking for hours now about almost everything, and I still don't know your name."
"It's Rebecca, and I have been called every form of it that you can think of at one time or another." "Hi Rebecca, my name is Brian. It's nice to meet you." He held out his hand, and after laughing a little she shook it. Her laugh was like music to his ears.
"It's nice to meet you too, Brian. The circumstances suck, but the meeting is nice."
God, just the way that she said his name sent a chill down his spine. "I know what you mean." After a long pause she spoke again, "I don't want to go home."
"Neither do I… you can come and stay at my house if you want. I mean, I have an extra room, and it's a place to sleep… only if you want though."
"Thanks. I'd like that." She smiled at him, and his heart melted. She was so beautiful in the moonlight, and the smile showed that there was hope… for both of them. He smiled at that thought, and they stood up brushing the sand off of their butts and legs.
"It's about a twenty minute walk from here to my house. Oh and just to warn you now, my friend Nick lives with me so if you run into a tall, blonde, goofy looking guy, run for your life. Just kidding, he's perfectly harmless…" he said and his voice faded. He could tell that she was worried and he tried not to laugh too hard. "I'm kidding again. Nick's my best friend, you have nothing to worry about."
"I knew that…" she said trying to play it off.
"Sure you did," he said, and she playfully punched him in the arm then held onto it as they began their walk.
They didn't talk much for those twenty something minutes. Nick was already in bed when they got to his house, and when they saw that it was almost three a.m. they didn't blame him for being asleep. Brian gave her a t-shirt and a pair of boxers to sleep in. He assured her that he'd be right down the hall if she needed anything, then he left her alone.
He took a shower before going to bed. He tossed and turned for about an hour before giving up on the idea of sleep and getting out of bed. He gathered up some of his dirty clothes and with Rebecca's he put a small load into the washing machine so that she would have clean clothes to put on when she woke up. While the clothes were washing, he went into the kitchen and sat up on the counter drinking a cup of coffee. All he could think about was Rebecca. Every time he closed his eyes he saw her shy smile in the moonlight, and her blue green eyes that were just plain mesmerizing. He felt sorry for her in a way. She was only twenty-one years old, and she was just starting out in the world, but she wouldn't have the love and the support she would need from her parents. He didn't blame her for wanting to end her life; he probably would have done the same thing if he lost his parents. After hearing her story, he got so mad at himself for even thinking about ending it. It made him realize that things could be a lot worse, and he had life pretty good. But something good did come our of the whole suicide thing… he met Rebecca, the girl who managed to fill that void in his heart in the short amount of time they had spent together. He didn't want to have to see her go.
When he snapped out of his daze he checked the washing machine. It had stopped so he took the clothes out of there and put them into the dryer. He went back to the kitchen and saw Nick's butt sticking out of the refrigerator.
"It's a little early for breakfast, don't ya think?" Brian asked hopping back up onto the counter, and he laughed when Nick jumped out of his skin.
"Jesus Bri, just scare the shit out of me why don't ya? And yes I'm starving."
"You're always starving."
"I can't help it," he said taking all of the stuff out of the fridge to make a sandwich. "Why are you up?"
"Couldn't sleep. I have a lot on my mind."
"Wanna talk about it?"
"Not really."
"What's up with you man? You've been like this for a long time, and everyone's worried about you."
"Well you shouldn't be. I'll be ok, I just need time to think."
Nick hated seeing his friend like this, and he wanted to be able to help him out in some way, but Brian wouldn't let him. He wouldn't let anyone help. "Ok well if you want to talk you know where to find me." Nick put the stuff back into the fridge, then took his sandwich back to his room.
Brian was alone again, but only for a few minutes. Rebecca came into the kitchen rubbing her eyes.
"Hey," she said quietly.
"Hey, couldn't sleep?" he asked.
"Nope."
"Same here."
"Do you have any aspirin or something? My head is killing me."
"Yeah sure." Brian jumped down and looked in the cabinet above the sink and pulled out a bottle of extra strength aspirin. He fixed her a glass of water, and she took the medicine. He was fidgeting because he wanted to say something to her, but he just couldn't find the words to say it.
"Brian, try to go to sleep," she said wanting to talk to him too. "We'll talk in the morning."
"But it is morning," he said to himself as she disappeared out of the kitchen.

End of Chapter 1

Chapter 2
Email Becky
Matters of the Heart Index
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