"Matters of the Heart"
By: Becky
Chapter 4

Brian and Rebecca returned to a quiet house. She waited in the living room while Brian went to look for Nick. He found him in his bedroom shoving clothes into his Nike sports bag. "Hey Frack, why are you packing?" Brian asked, but Nick didn't even look at him. "Yo Nick! What's up man? Where are you going?"
"I'm going to visit my family for a while, and don't call me that."
"Call you what?"
"Frack. We're not Frick and Frack anymore Brian, hell I don't even know if we're still friends," Nick said zipping up his bag.
"What in the hell are you talking about? Of course we're friends man, we're best friends."
"Are we Bri? You know, for the past few months I've sat back and watched you change because you won't tell me or anyone else what's wrong with you. It hurt only being able to watch and it still does. But that doesn't matter now because it's obvious that you don't give a shit about me anymore so I'm not going to sit around this house for the rest of the month being ignored."
"So you're just going to leave me here alone for the rest of our vacation?"
"Oh yeah right, like you're really going to be all alone," Nick said going through his closet for a hat to put on.
"Come on Nick, can't we talk about this?"
"Now you wanna talk?? Ok we can talk. Tell me why Brian, why have you shut me and the rest of the guys out? Why won't you tell me anything anymore? Why won't you ever talk to me anymore?"
"It's just… there are things you wouldn't understand…"
"Yeah you're right. I'm just a stupid nineteen year old kid who doesn't know bullshit about anything, and the only thing he understands is music and he even fucks that up all the time!" His voice started to crack and his eyes filled with angry, upset tears.
"Whoa calm down. You're not stupid, I never said that you were stupid. No one would understand what I've been going through…"
Nick cut him off again. "But how do you know that? How can we understand when you won't tell anyone? Explain that to me Bri because it makes no sense to me!"
"I… I don't know. I just don't think that anyone would."
"Well try me. Look me in the eyes and tell me what's been going on, tell me what the problem is, tell me everything. I could be able to help, you never know until you try. Tell me as your best friend. Please Brian. That's all I'm asking of you."
Brian tried to swallow the knot that was in his throat and looked Nick in the eyes. Nick had so much showing in his eyes… so much love, compassion, so much life. Brian couldn't look at him anymore. He broke their contact and stared at the floor. He didn't want Nick to see his weakness. He didn't want to let him down by not being stronger about all of this. "I can't, I'm sorry Nick."
"So am I," and with that Nick grabbed his bag and left Brian standing there feeling more worthless and weaker than ever before. He just let the person he cared about the most walk away hurt and confused, and it was all his fault.
He closed the door to Nick's room and went back to the living room where Rebecca was waiting. She was sitting on the couch with her face in her hands, and when she sniffed he knew she was crying.
"Hey what's wrong?" he asked sitting next to her, putting a comforting arm around her shoulders.
"This is my fault isn't it? Is it my fault that Nick got mad and left?"
"No, no it isn't. This is not your fault in any way. What happened between me and him started way before I met you. It's my fault and only mine. Did he say anything to you?"
"Nope, he just looked and kept going." They sat in silence for a few minutes thinking and absorbing everything. She quietly spoke up. "Brian I think I need to go home."
"Oh ok. Give me a minute to change clothes and I'll drive you." He ran to his room to change then came back out in a different pair of shorts and a t-shirt. "See I put on shoes, you know just in case you feel the urge to go for another run," he said with a smile. She laughed a little and they went outside together.

End of Chapter 4

Chapter 5
Email Becky
Matters of the Heart Index
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