Baptism has to do with the process of what one travels through to become purified.  For me it was a series of events that led to my complete surrender..  In my dreams this is how it showed up...

1994

In a dream I found myself in place that was ancient,

more ancient than this world we know. 

It was a mansion with many rooms and I was only in one of the rooms.  In the center of this room was a large circular table.  I had been placed on top of the table.

Even though I knew I was in my 30’s, the ones standing in front of me were so ancient I felt like a little child sitting there, crossed legged, in the middle of that table listening to them talk amongst themselves about my progress and what should happen next in order that the vibration of love would begin to emerge within me. 

I saw through time how I was first a thought in their minds and that I had been created especially to vibrate a certain color of pink within the rainbow spectrum.  I saw how everything that had ever happened to me was all leading to the moment when from my spirit would emerge the pink ray of love, and how this ray of love would grow in its fullness. .

I listened to them talk for a while and then one, a male, in a long flowing robe stepped towards me.

  Just like a movie that plays in the theater, he held in his hand a living picture of the life I had already lived, the trials I had already been through and the progression of my growth. 

Then he began to show me what was about to take place.  “And this is what is going to happen to you next.  We believe this is what is needed in order for you to undergo the transformation that will bring about the emergence of the ray of love that we created you to emanate.”

There was almost a fear in his voice and his face was so grave that I could tell they were saying this was not going to be an easy road and they were acting like they were not even certain I would survive it.  I knew he was saying that this road would be far worse than anything I had ever experienced.  The pictures he was showing me were dark and shadowy and they were filled with terror and I was running away in fear for my life.   

In the dream, it didn't matter what was going to happen to me next.  I knew the special connection I had with them.  I knew that I when prayed and they would send visions and dreams to show me that they had heard my prayer.  I knew they heard me when I cried.  I knew that when the darkness around me got too intense and I began to cry, they always sent a guide to point me back to the light. 

The only thing that mattered was their ultimate goal, that I should be a reflection of Love's light.

When he asked me if I accepted this challenge, I said yes.

In reality

Within a month of this dream a friend said that his house had come open to rent and would I like to rent it?  I jumped at the chance to rent from a friend.  As I was moving in there was a man moving in next door and after a year of waving at him every time I saw him, he asked me out for a coke where he confessed that he had been standing in his house watching me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

In the months that followed my mind began to collapse as I searched through my my mind for every time I had gone outside and he had magically appeared..  And the moment I realized it had been every time was the moment my mind collapsed.

Trying to pick myself back up I decided to rent out some of my spare bedrooms to the guys who came around my sons..  There was this one guy.  He was 10 years younger than I, but his eyes were very pretty, and he seemed like a nice man so I .. flirted with him.. and before long we were engaged in a relationship.

After that he began disappearing and reappearing a week later which I found unsettling because of the stalker situation.  My sons said they were moving out so I decided to move.  I was not willing to be alone in that house with a stalker next door who was still watching me 24/7.

The boyfriend who had disappeared magically reappeared with a house to move into, so we moved together..  After this the boyfriend began to disappear more frequently, like every weekend.  It finally progressed to him disappearing from Thursday to Wednesday and at my insistence he finally confessed that while he was gone he was out robbing peoples houses for drug money..

After that I couldn't be with him.  The next time he disappeared, when he reappeared I told him it was over.  He said he would kill me if he couldn't have me.  I told him he had to leave anyway.

After that the temperature got cold and I shut the windows and doors.  I began feeling strange, like something was wrong but I couldn't figure out what it was.  When I would come home from work there would be some kind of strange mist, or fog all over the floor of my house.  After a while my face began swelling up like I was crying all the time, and there was a strange odor in the house that no matter how I cleaned I could not get to go away..

Finally I began to weep.  I could not figure out what was wrong..  Somewhere inside my head I heard something about gas poisoning and carbon monoxide poisoning but I couldn't get it to register.  I tried to call my landlord but he wasn't' home so I went back to bed.

When I got up on Monday I couldn't pee.  It was like my bladder shut down.  After I got to work I was able to pee..

The next morning I woke up and my head my was pounding furiously.  I called my landlord and told him I thought someone was poisoning me and asked him to come right over.  Then I threw myself back into bed.

About that time my brother showed up and pulled me from the house.  Then my landlord showed up and upon examination said that I had a serious gas leak and carbon monoxide leak and that it was a wonder the house hadn't exploded.  I was a half hour late to work, but after I got there I vibrated out of my body so I called my dad and asked him if he had a carbon monoxide tester.

When I got home I plugged it in and fell asleep.  30 minutes later the carbon monoxide alarm went off.   In that moment I realized that I almost died and all of a sudden I felt like I had been like the crazy one standing in the middle of the freeway, not even aware that I had been in danger until after the car sped by me without hitting me.

In that moment I began to weep..  and wept from around October until Christmas eve, where I was still weeping when there came a knock at my door.  When I opened it, it was the boyfriend I had broken up with saying that God had told him to come to my house.

In my tears and great loneliness I took him to my bed, and afterwards he stood before me with arms outstretched and told me that he was a junkie, that the reason he had been breaking into peoples houses was to get money to shoot up.

I took him back on the promise that he would not break into peoples houses.  and he began to go for treatment for his drug addiction.  In time he fell off the wagon, and began to steal things from my house that I would not notice were gone.  In the beginning he would again seek treatment, and we would again get back on the path of working on our relationship.  After a year or so of him trying to get clean it became impossible to him to get the desire to stay clean.  More and more things in my house were disappearing,  for which he was perpetually apologizing and when I would refuse to take him to get drugs he became threatening.  Finally he took a knife to my throat, said he was going to kill me.  After that he disappeared with my car so I had his family go get it for me. 

When he came back I called the police and for the first time, they were hauling him away I understood what they were saying when they said, "Ma'am, you need to get a restraining order against this man before he kills you"

So I did, In the year 2000 I surrendered.

I surrendered to the purpose for which I had been sent to Earth.

I surrendered to being led to that purpose.

In the dream it showed up like this:

Rite of Passage!

11/17/00  

Was having a dream I was finding somewhat frightening.  It seemed some guy was acting like he was really attracted to me and he was making his presence known.  The moment I became alarmed was when I received some mail from him.  It was my renewal for my tags (the little sticker you get) with two pictures he had taken of me.  I could tell this guy had been watching me for some time.  In one picture I was sitting on a balcony in California. That was in 1984.  In the picture I could clearly see this guy smiling with glee as he captured a picture of me sitting there with my panties exposed.  In the second picture it was the same thing.  He clearly was taking pictures of me in my most vulnerable position.  This picture was taken at least 10 years later!

This was when I became quite alarmed and the dream began to terrify me because I felt again as if I was being stalked.  Soon after this the dream split into two dreams.  In one, I was still in the house, but I had begun watching a movie on TV.  The movie was very frightening.  In the other dream, I was the one living the movie.  I saw myself going into the woods.  There was also a man going into the woods with me.  It seemed he was not so much my ex but he was a ghostlike image of the memory I carry of him with me.

The me inside the house saw the ghost like image of my ex fall onto an ax and get back up with it sticking out of his head.  The me living the movie knew this was going to happen so when he got close to where the ax lay I yelled a warning for him to stay away from there.  But it was too late.  I watched in horror as he stumbled to the ground.  When he got up, sure enough, there was an ax stuck in his head.  I went to him and pulled it out.  He seemed to be in a daze.

About this time, the part of me that was watching the movie thought, “Oh I’ve got to turn this off!  This horror show is scaring me half out of my wits.”  As I reached up to turn off the TV the part of me that was living the movie was helping the part of my ex I carry in my memories into a ditch to hide him.

As I was dong this, an old woman and a young sapling appeared.  She was an Ancient One, big, and dressed in a gray dress.  Her dress had darker streaks and lighter streaks going up and down it.  I instantly recognized her as a tree I had enjoyed the pleasure of hugging.  Grateful for her appearance I exclaimed, “Oh I’m not scared of you.  You are the tree I once hugged.”  Relief swept through me as I proclaimed,  ‘ Here let me give you a hug!”

She held out her arms to me as I went to embrace her.  She told me that all was not as it was appearing in my dream.  That this dream was about me and “Cha-chee-to-ah ,” the “Rite of Passage” that I had to pass through to get to where I was meant to be.  As she said this, she pointed her finger down a path.  But it was like a vision, not a part of this dream.  She held out her hand and from her hand stretched out this path that I had to travel to get to my final destination.  And this destination felt like home, only there was a veil hanging over my destination and I couldn’t remember ever being there.  I just knew that once I got there it would feel like home. And then she said, “This dream is about you and what you must overcome, the path you must now travel to get to the place you were meant to be. (The place that felt like home.)  It’s your ‘Rite of Passage.’”

About that time I heard a motorcycle coming.  I was still in the mode of feeling frightened, so I threw myself into the ditch with the memory of my ex.

On the motorcycle was a nice looking, dark skinned man with long hair flowing in the wind as it came out of his helmet.  He smiled at me as he drove by.  This made think he was the one who had sent me the pictures!  I was trying to grasp what the Ancient Tree Spirit had told me, and yet as my terror grew I huddled down in the ditch, thinking the guy was going around to make a pass before attempting to hit me with his motorcycle!

I turned to the Ancient Tree Spirit again and asked her, “This dream is not about someone trying to kill me?  This is about my overcoming something as a part of my “Rite of Passage?”  She assured me, “This is about you and only you.  It is something you must do.  It is your Cha-chee-to-ah (phonic spelling) your Rite of Passage.”

With that I found myself back in my home.  I was in my waterbed.  It had just been put up and it was all dusty.  I was trying to clean it and make it pretty.  There was an Indian figurine I was attempting to clean and put in its place, but it seemed I was over-doing it and that was causing it to change shape.  She was becoming more pliable so that soon she was in a very humble position down on her hands and knees. 

Then I heard this “Pop!”  Then a crackling sound as Eagles wings came out of her back and began to spread open as if she were preparing to take flight!

With this I panicked again!  I had made her so pliable in cleaning her that I wasn’t certain she would balance right and by now it seemed like she was trying to upright herself and was stuck in a half upright position. . Like she was still bent over but was only 3 quarters up.  And her wings were still spread so it did not seem like she could possibly remain upright!

About that time I realized the memory of my ex was in bed with me and he was struggling against what I was doing because a song was playing that was telling him to go to sleep.  I was feeling irritated with him for being in my bed when I was trying to do something so important.  But the Ancient Tree Spirits words were reminding me that this was something I must overcome as a part of my ‘Rite of Passage’ and it seemed they were singing my painful memories of my past to sleep.  I felt like I child who had awakened from a nightmare, being held by Winged Ones as a song of comfort was being sung to me.

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The surrender is liken unto the moment in baptism, surrender to purification in being washed in the water