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"Why is it, the guys you like, you can't trust, and the guys you can trust, like eachother?"
"Why do they call them apartments? They are connected, they should be called connectments."
"No one ever wants to be a wiener of any sort. If someone calls you a wiener, it means that you are a wuss. If someone calls you a dick, it means that you are a jerk. Why then does everyone sing about wanting to be a Oscar Meyer Wiener? If you belong to or work for Oscar Meyer, does it mean that it's cool or ok to be a wuss or a dick?"
"A woman who gets beaten once is a victim of abuse. A woman who gets beaten twice is a victim of trust. A woman who gets beaten three times is a victim of her own stupidity."
"I've decided that the best thing I can do for the world is to piss as many people off as possible and get everyone to hate me; that way, when I die, I shall make no person sad, and everyone in the world can unite and rejoice for one common purpose."
"The phrases, "Please remain seated" and "Don't panic" should be put into the dictionary with the definition, "Run like hell, you're all gonna die!"
"Why, when I love you, do you go away? Why, when I need you, do you never stay?"
"Dreams are the most important things in life. Without dreams, we have no goals; without goals, no motivation; without motivation, no drive and no reason to live. Even those who believe that dreams are worthless, stupid, or fanciful have dreams. Their dreams are usually just to lead small, boring, normal little lives. And sometimes, that is the hardest thing to attain."
