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Wednesday, 03 Sep 03 - Weigh In Day That's right, it's my weigh-in day. My "rethink your strategy" day, if things aren't going well. But they are! I weighed in at 186 today. That's down 1.5 lbs from last week, for a total of 11.5 lbs. So I'm thinking things are going well. I'm really enjoying focusing more on the fitness and less on the food. I haven't obsessed about food at all so far. There has been no obsessive compulsive planning of when I get to eat next. I eat when I'm hungry and I try to eat well when I eat. Easy! And so far, it appears to be working. I was going to make my goal for this week to stop stepping on the scale every day. However, I haven't had the emotional attachment to the number it's been showing so far. As long as that continues, I don't think it'll be a problem to weigh myself every day. For now it just seems like another way to measure my progress and see how my body fluctuates through the week. Knowledge is power, after all. :) So for this week, I have a different goal. I don't eat NEARLY enough fruits or vegetables. So my goal is to eat at least one serving of a fruit and a vegetable every day. Yes, I realize I need more than that, but I gotta start somewhere, and that seems like a doable goal. As that becomes habit, I'm sure more fruits and veggies will find their way into my diet. I've started tracking my fitness over on my Fitness Chart page. For now there's just yesterday's data in there, but every now and again I would like to put some info in there. The table is likely to change over time as I decide to monitor different things, but it works for now. I can't wait to see improvement. :) This all just feels so healthy. The last few times I've done this I've been so over the top with it, totally obsessive compulsive, that when I screwed up it was a huge deal. Now it's just "these things happen" and I move on. I don't let it affect me mentally and so it tends to not affect me physically, either. There are no guilt binges. It's great. I love tracking things other than my weight. In fact, for now I'm way more interested in how my heart rate/blood pressure/fitness levels are going to change than how my weight is going to change. And it just feels right. :) -jynx |
Tuesday, 02 Sep 03 - Elliptical Envelope 30 minutes Due to scheduling conflicts on my part and my sister-in-law's part, I couldn't make it to yoga class today. However, I did have a spare hour so I snuck in a great work out. I feel SO good. I'm keeping track of my elliptical stats so I can track my progress. I also did a great upper body workout today, 3 sets of 10-12 on shoulders, triceps and biceps, 30 lbs for each. When I got on the elliptical it said that my heart rate was 67 to start out. I don't think that's very accurate, since the machines in the drug stores usually say it's around 90 or so. I want to start testing that every month so I have a good track of that as well. I've felt slightly off-centered the last few days. And I went and worked out and now I feel re-centered. I feel great! My arms are probably going to be sore tomorrow, since I pushed them pretty hard. Hopefully it's not TOO bad. I don't think I did anything stupid so it should just be that good sore, not the "I can't move my arms" sore. My eating hasn't been stupendous this last week, but it hasn't been BAD, either. Like I'm making smart decisions at restaurants and such. But I eat out WAY too much. Cooking is just tooo time consuming and I get sick of boxed food. Anyone have some ideas for fast, good eats? My water intake is back up, too. I've been craving water like a fiend now that I'm used to drinking the correct amount. I feel healthy minded. It's great! In fact, I'm craving some water right now. I think I'll go get some. -jynx |
I didn't go to the gym this weekend. Before you start thinking I've already begun to get lazy, I have a very good excuse. Saturday I spent the entire day helping Brad move. Talk about quite a lot of cardio and lifting! And then yesterday I spent the day vigourously cleaning my own house. Both activities brought up quite a lot of sweat, so I'm feeling pretty good about it. Tomorrow is my yoga/tai-chi class again. For some reason, in the last week, I've lost my nerve. It was hard to go the first time, but it's just as hard to go the second time. :( I definitely need to take more classes to get myself in that mindset. Plus they're so much more enjoyable for me. And really, the more ways I can make exercise enjoyable the better. That seems to be the key. I mean, it sounds so simple, but it really makes a huge difference. The main mindset change I'm trying to go for towards exercise is not thinking of it as something I have to do, something that's difficult, something that's "work". But instead thinking of it as something that's fun, something that relieves stress, something I WANT to do, something I GET to do. And since that's true, you think it'd be easy to just switch my mind over to it, huh. ;) Well, I'm not feeling particularly witty today. I apologize. I had the day off work but didn't realize it, so I went in anyway and then got sucked into doing stuff. Now I'm wishing I had a day off. Why can't I just RELAX? Obviously, I just need to go exercise. ;) -jynx | Friday, 28 Aug 03 - Late night ramblings Once again, I'm dead tired. Forgive me ahead of time if this post wanders. So I got comments working. So now if anyone comes and reads my journal they can leave witty and insightful feedback! Or really, you can leave whatever feedback you want. So far, I've done really well with water! And I didn't let my weigh in goad me into an eating binge. (From either the "omg I suck" angle or the "wooot, time to celebrate!" angle). I've also been craving healthier foods. That's a great sign as far as I'm concerned. It means my mindset is beginning to change. I've been reading Fred's book, From Chunk to Hunk. If you haven't heard of it, follow the link and take a look. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it. It's not the typical weight loss tips. It's more like weight loss wisdom. I haven't had a chance to finish it (although I'm going to read quite a bit more tonight) but it's got some of the best advice I've ever found. It's not about specific things to eat, or how many calories or how much exercise, it's about how to change your mindset. And since that's what I'm trying to do, it's perfect. :) And of course, his story is incredibly inspirational as well. (No, I don't get any kickbacks for touting his book, I just wanted to share it because I've really enjoyed it so far.) I spent most of my day at work reading "You're gonna run in a WHAT?" which is an awesome journal. I linked it on the sidebar over there. I'm feeling lazy and don't want to link it again. If you haven't read it, please do so. It's very inspirational! It makes me think that someday I WILL be able to run that marathon or do a triathalon like Erin at Lose The Buddha. I'm not exactly sure why I'm touting all these other people's websites, except that they are SO motivating. When I read them I feel like I really can do anything. Of course, I really CAN do anything. But motivation is always a good thing. ;) Hmmmm, see what I mean about rambling? I've been having some severe issues lately with self-love. It's cropping up in a lot of ways and it's been really dragging me down. I'm suffering at school and in my relationship because I don't think I'm good enough to succeed/worthy of love. What a bunch of bullshit. One of the things I've already started doing from Fred's book is trying to reprogram my brain from negative feedback to positive feedback. Every time I started having a negative thought today (and I had a SCARY number of them) I would think "Hey. I'm loveable. I'm valuable. I'm beautiful." And y'know, it actually helped a LOT. Brad and I are having a tough time right now due to some situational crap. And I was feeling really bad around supper time and had two thoughts. 1. I don't deserve to eat. followed closely by 2. I deserve to eat whatever I want (comfort food!). And then I thought "I am loveable. I am beautiful. I am a valuable person." And suddenly the reasons I felt crappy went away, and my desire for crappy eating habits also disappeared. It was very empowering. I'm probably sounding a little foo foo over here, but I've always been a strong proponent of "mind over matter". The mind is an amazing organ, and often underutilized. About time I started using mine for something useful. ;) I think I've babbled enough for the day. Time to read a bit and then get some sleep. Tomorrow I'm helping Brad move and I need to help my housemate clean the house. Also the Gardener is coming. He gets capitalized because I'm paying him $500 to clean up our front yard. Yes, it's just that bad. It'll be SOOO nice to have it looking decent, though. I'm sick of the neighbors glaring and leaving anonymous notes. (And before you start thinking I'm a slacker, the landlord keeps saying he'll fix it, he'll fix it. He's been saying that for 6+ months. I finally told him I'd just take care of it and remove it from my rent. And to make all this worse, the landlord LIVES here. So you'd think he'd be motivated. He wasn't even motivated by the letter from the county telling him to clean up his act. Yes, I live with a 29 year old fucking kid. Yaaar!) Annnyyyyway. It's a full day tomorrow. But best of all, I get to sleep IN! -jynx | Wednesday, 27 Aug 03 - A Few Asides Please don't expect me to update this regularly all the time. I just have a lot to say since I haven't said anything for a few months. Aside #1. Weigh day today. For not paying attention for the
last few months, I've maintained really well. I'm up 2 lbs from my all time
low, but it could have been much much worse. 187.5 today for a grand total
of 10 lbs lost. But as I said in my first new post, I don't want numbers to
rule my life. Sure I want the scale to go down, but I'm also very interested
in other measures of success. For instance: Aside #2. I forgot one of the hazards of drinking so much water. I can not sleep through the night without having to make a pit stop sometime in the middle. I have enough trouble sleeping, so adding yet another nightly distraction is less than ideal. I may try changing my drinking schedule to get all my water intake done by like 8pm or something. But for now, I'm still struggling to get all the water in. Aside #3. So why did I disappear, anyway? It wasn't because
I was gaining a ton of weight (although I did hit 190 at some point in there).
Three things happened that ate up almost all my free time. So why am I back? My schedule has changed some, mostly. I have some free time some mornings now to update to my heart's content. I try to get home a little earlier than I used to because I was driving far too tired. And I had some free time this last weekend to finally redo the graphics on this website which really needed a rehaul. And most importantly, I want to be healthier. I got a membership to this gym, and once again I was looking for a place to chronicle my journey. So here I am. I think I had another aside, but I've forgotten it through all that prattling I did. Oh wait! I remembered it! Aside #4. I forgot to mention this about my yoga class yesterday. So I went woefully unprepared, as I've never done anything like that before. I didn't have a yoga mat for one, although that turned out to not be a huge deal. However, I wore my normal loose-fitting (read: fat-hiding) tshirt and leggings. And of course during some of those poses (I don't remember what they're called at all) my shirt started riding it's way up.. Sure they're all girls in the class, but it's really hard to concentrate on meditative breathing when your size XL stomach that is currently being squished together by the position is slowly being revealed. (those who have done yoga probably know the position I'm talking about, the one with your butt in the air and you make an inverted V shape with your body.) Then we'd drop down into cobra, and I'd scrape my body along the floor in a very un-coordinated fashion trying to use the friction to pull my shirt back down. Then back into the inverted V, where my shirt would do it's slow climb up to my chin. Eww. But it's not like I want to wear a form fitting t-shirt either. Maybe I can tuck it in or something. Anyone have any hints? I am hoping to go to the class again next Tuesday (it's only offered once a week). Feel free to email me. I'm hoping to get comments working sometime soon, except I don't really have the time to write the code myself. I'll have to look around and see if I can find something to do it for me. :) -jynx | Tuesday, 26 Aug 03 - Feel my Chi! The class I went to tonight turned out to be 1/2 yoga, 1/2 tai chi. I hadn't tried either before, and I thoroughly enjoyed both of them. But who knew they were so HARD?!? I thought yoga was doing weird stretches, stretching muscles you didn't know you had. But it turns out to be somewhat strengthening, and strangely even somewhat cardiovascular. I was sweating pretty grossly by the end, and it wasn't Bikram style. The only thing I didn't really care for in the class was that at the end we got in a circle and held hands and did a little meditative exercise. Actually I probably wouldn't have minded it so much except that I knew my sister-in-law was fighting back some laughing and it made me have the same reaction. But we made it through and our healing energy went into the earth and I hope y'all out there got some of it. This is my first exercise class that I've ever done, and I can see why it's popular. It was far more interesting than doing the elliptical exerciser for 30 minutes and then doing some weights. I'm hoping to try some of the other classes, although I have to get past my scaredy catness. This is the only class my sister-in-law was really interested in trying, so any others I do, I do on my own. There is a dance/fitness class that I'd really love to try, as well as a BodyPUMP class which is lifting weights to music, and I believe it incorporates aerobics. There's also a beginning step class that I could fit into my schedule if I really tried. I was considering spinning, but I'm thinking that would kill me. So at least I have quite a bit to try out to hopefully keep my interest up. Oh yes, and as for my weekly goal, I got my 64 ozs of water in today. Yes, I realize I should have drank more because I exercised, but I'll take what I can get. Where's my gold star?!? Speaking of stars, I got a star at my violin lesson on Monday. YES! There was a piece I was working on that I just couldn't get right and this is the second week I'd been practicing it. Then after going through it and just getting worse and worse, I suddenly got it right! I was so happy that she gave me a star. :) My 3D design class is doing a project with metamorphosis in clay. In 4 steps (4 small sculptures) we are doing a progression from a manufactured item to a figure or creature. I'm doing a violin into a sitting woman, as the body of a violin is very similar to the shape of a woman's back (assuming the woman isn't super thin.) I'm really looking forward to it. I'm not sure why I felt like sharing that, but there you go. For the record, I think next week's goal is going to be to not step on the scale every day. It's time I took back the power I've given my scale and go to once a week weighings. Until then, it's water world time. -jynx | Monday, 25 Aug 03 - Late night goalie It's almost midnight, and I've been up since 7a. Sadly, this isn't that atypical. Kita's curled up on my lap, purring. At least someone in this household gets some sleep. As soon as my laundry is done, I'll go to bed, I swear. So I've been thinking of some healthy living goals, and I'm going to incorporate them one at a time. The goal for this week is water intake. 64ozs, minimum. I've been slacking on my water, and man do I notice it. (I go HOURS without using the bathroom now!) It's a small step, but it's a big difference. I got my first jury summons today. Yes, I'm 28 and I've managed to not get a jury summons before this. Of course I've moved EVERY YEAR since I was 17. It's been a touch under a year at this place, though. Guess they finally tracked me down. I realize that serving on a jury is one of the ways we can serve our country and it's a privelege, blah blah. But the system just seems somewhat broken. First of all, even though I work part time for shitty pay, I still make $40/day. I get $15 for serving on a jury. On top of this, I have to take time off of school. By law, my school has to let me do so. However, I learn a LOT from lecture, more than from reading a book or someone else's notes. That's not something I can get back. It's just highly inconvenient. And who really wants to waste their time listening to lawyers blow smoke up each other's asses? Not I. Does this make me un-American? Not hardly. It just means that I think the system is outdated. It sounds like the laundry is done, so time to throw my clothes in the dryer and hit the hay. I have class at 9:30a tomorrow, and school is an hour away. At least I know where my time is going. -jynx | Monday, 25 Aug 03 - A new beginning A new semester in school, and time for a complete redo of my website. It's not all implemented yet, but I figured I'd get it up and going and fill in the blanks as I go. I've decided to take a new approach to weight loss. I'm sick of counting calories and I'm sick of my mood revolving around how well I did or didn't do on whatever torture schedule (read: diet) I happen to be following. And most of all, I'm sick of being obsessed with food. I don't see myself being able to stick with a stringent calorie counting regimine for the rest of my life. So, what exactly does that leave me with? I want to be HEALTHY. And that includes my views of food and my body. I don't want my mentality to revolve around how much I weigh. Sure it's an indication of living healthier, but there are so many others. So with that in mind, instead of going on a diet, I am going to undergo a transformation. From a fat-minded person to a thin thinking one. I want to be the kind of person who doesn't play mind games every time I sit down with a menu. "Oh my gosh, I REALLY want the fried chicken, but I should really get the salad. But I've been so good, I DESERVE the fried chicken!" I'm sure you're all familiar with this game. Instead, I want to be the kind of person who just naturally WANTS the salad. Because fried chicken makes me feel tired and weighed down after I eat it. Whereas salad is light, filling, and tastes really good, actually. And if for some reason I am craving some fried chicken, I can eat it. And not feel guilty. And not worry about the 5 lbs I'm going to gain from another grease laden meal. Because I'll be living healthy, and it won't really matter. I want to be the kind of person who participates in races. Not to win, but just because I can and I enjoy moving my body. The kind of person who does active things on vacation, like riding bikes and learning how to surf. To that end, I've joined a gym with a number of classes that look interesting. I'm going to be trying yoga on Tuesday. Basically, I want to be the kind of person who doesn't worry about my weight. Rather, I want to be the kind of person who lives a lifestyle that just lends itself to a healthy body. I don't want to fight anymore. I know such a transformation isn't easy, but the desire is there, and that is a large part of it. I have a very busy life with school, work, and my boyfriend, but I know if it's a priority in my life, it will get done. When I have time, I will chronicle my transformation here. I'm excited to see what I am capable of. - jynx |
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