This shall be a difficult subject with which to deal...I suppose the answer is both "Yes" and "No".
Allow me to explain.
The aforesaid details of these Rahkas Wars are scorched indelibly into the whorls of the brain. Like a true memory, I can smell the blood, feel the physical exhaustion, relive the terror. I can recall all this just as easily as I recall what was eaten for lunch the day prior. However, it is necessary to understand that it never truly occured.
How can I say this? If the memories exist, did the event not take place? This is where the details and understanding of such may become blurred.
This series of Rahkas Wars did not occur Outside. There is no physical proof that any such thing took place: The scars I have are not reflected on the body, for instance. The destruction to the landscape here on the Inside is exactly that...on the Inside.
I am not writing as eloquently as I could be...it is difficult to conquer a subject not easily explained.
I cannot explain, for instance, how it is that such a detailed and realistic series of events can be recalled so clearly, if they were indeed fabricated. It makes one wonder: What else Inside is fabricated? Truth be told, I cannot be certain. However, I can explain one thing that may help to shine light upon this confusion.
Inside, things are not built or bought...they merely appear. If something is broken, it "becomes" mended. With regards to the Rahkas Wars, there were no bodies. The dead merely ceased to exist. The blood did not stain for long, as it seemed to seep into the ground. We ate our meager rations Inside, yet we know that the Host did not. We do seem that have knowledge in weapons use, however the Host does not. Furthermore, during the height of both Invasions, the body continued to attend school and work, respectively. This could not have come to pass if it were "real". This was an Inside War only: the family does not recollect these Wars, nor does anyone else Outside. In light of this, it stands to reason that these Wars, as real as they were to us Inside, could not have happened in the purest sense of reality.
Does that make dealing with memories of atrocities any easier? Not much. Is it a comfort to know that these things were apparently fabricated? Hardly. Securing the knowledge that part of my existance was weaved deftly into such an elaborate lie is frightening, to say the least.
It almost saddens me to admit that...the Wars were such an immense part of my being. Nearly all of my decisions and thoughts were based, at one time, with the knowledge that the Wars had, indeed, occured. Some say the Wars were actually spiritual warfare, while others claim it was a masked event: meaning, we needed something on which to blame our anger, something just as traumatic, yet not as dangerous as the true traumas endured. At times I wish they truly had taken place, in that sense; it means I would have better justification for my fear or sorrow. That, too, is a fallacy I need to dispell. We all well know from where my fear and sorrow stem, and I daresay it is not the Rahkas Wars.
I am blessed, however, in that my fear and sorrow have been replaced by joy, warmth, love and forgiveness. Verily, forgiveness is the key to joy, but that is too complex a subject to delve into here...I shall discuss it in another page all its own. For the time being, I believe this is enough...I have yet to satisfactorily explain this, and I haven't the ability to without more thought on the subject.
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