I stopped and smiled
down at the little girl tugging on my leg.
“Ashlie, please don’t go!
I’ll miss you so much!” My little sister stopped and stared up at me
with huge eyes filled with the most dread and despair that a 5 year old can
dredge up.
“Silly, I’m just going baby-sitting! I’ll be back after you’re in bed, but I’ll
be here in the morning.”
“Promise?”
I hesitated, and looked her full in the sweet childish
face, not willing to make promises I couldn’t keep. My mind whirled to a day not so long ago, and yet so far away
that I blew dust off the memory and peered down towards my tear stained, 11
year old face.
“YOU PROMISED!! YOU
SAID HE’D BE FINE!!”
I shuddered as I watched my mother move to gather me in her
arms, her shoulders laden with a heavy responsibility of raising four children
alone, the pain of being forced to move on, the fresh burden she would carry
forever, wounds that would indeed leave scars.
I will never forget the promise, never forget that it was broken. The promise that even my mother believed,
promised herself. How it must hurt to
break a promise you’ve made to yourself.
Why should anyone else have to live through that? I asked myself, and marveled at how such a
simple ritual could evoke such hidden emotions. But I already knew why these memories were out of place. Because I, too, have “moved on”. I no longer live every moment of my life
waiting for the ones I love to up and leave.
I no longer use every opportunity I have to remind myself of my “tragic
life”. I have learned how good can come
from bad, and how people grow from trials.
Life lessons that were handed to me at such a young age. I have learned that, no, life is not fair,
but yes, you WILL survive, and be better ‘cause you did.
I looked at her face once more, and decided to let her
learn all that in good time, like I would have.
“Its better that way” I whispered aloud.
“Huh?” she asked, twirling a strand of hair around her
ear. I snapped into focus, her waiting
eyes bringing back from miles away.
“Nothing darling, nothing at all. I’ll see you in the morning time, sweet pea.”
A kiss on her forehead and I was gone. It probably wouldn’t be the last time I saw
her, but what if it was? I shook my
head, as if to clear the foggy thoughts, and laughed at myself, at my mindset.
“See you tomorrow!” I called over my shoulder. See you tomorrow.