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*is decked out in creepy gothic survival gear*

Here we are deep in the depths of the north crater. 'Tis rumored that here dwells a most elusive and rare bishie. With eyes of the purest green and hair like silver snow he is truly a sight to behold. His build, manly yet elegant sends chills down my spine and awashes me in a warm glow of serene yet naughty hormonal-

Frederick: *bops adrastia on the head with a chunk of raw materia* "Snap out of it! We're on camera!"

Huh? >>

<<

Oh yeah! Heh. Got carried away there. oh and I'll zap you later for hitting me with that materia!

Frederick: *shudder*

Here in the vastly unexplored northern contenant of a world known soley as "The Planet" lies this elusive beauty. Although beutiful we must remember that he is well armed and prone to terrible acts of violence. Usually mild unless provoked we must understand that that is not always the case. He has a tendency to act on his temperment without warning and we must take great precautions when approching him. Which is why I have Frederick here as bait!

Frederick: "Oh dear Jenova.... Why me!?"

Simple. Because you are here! ^_^

Frederick: "Of course. Why did I even ask.

*suddenly there is the sound of footsteps up ahead*

~~~
Meheheh... The time is now...

Frederick: "Wha-"

*before poor frederick can finish his sentence he is thrust out into the open. a replica of black materia and a small script in his hands*

Frederick: "Hey!"

*whispers* Just read the damn script! And make sure the "black materia is in plain view!

Frederick: *nervously reads aloud as he holds up the fake materia* "Oh look here! Look what I've got, Sephiroth! Why it's the black materia! *reads script, Then drop "Black materia", ok...*
"Oh no! I seemed to have dropped it! Whatever will I do! Now anyone can steal it from me!"

Suddenly sharp green eyes peer over a large rock. a deep sexy voice, so cold yet so hot and- oops! lost myself again! anyway he speaks, masamune in hand* "Who's there? Who possesses the black materia?!"

Frederick: "Umm... Me?"

Sephiroth: "Too bad you won't live to use it..." As he raises the masamune to attack poor frederick is shaking in fear, suddenly adrastia appears behind sephy*

*TACKLE!!!*

Sephy-pie!!! <3

Sephiroth: "That voice! Oh dear sweet Jenova! Not you again! Don't I have a restraining order out against you?!"

It expired yesterday! ^_^
*hugs sephy* Oh my! He's a big one! So strong too!

Frederick: "Have you been watching Crocodile Hunter again?" -_-

Sephiroth: "Get off of me!!!"

Not until I tag you!

Sephiroth: "Tag me? I don't play tag! Especially not with lunatics like you!"

Frederick: "Lunatic? Well isn't that the pot calling the kettle black there, Seph..."

*sephiroth casts bolt 3 on frederick*
Frederick: "AHHH!!!!!!!!"

Haha! Good one Sephy-pie! And by tag I don't mean the game. I have to tag you before I can release you back into the wild! <3

Sephiroth: "What the hell?!!!!"

*before poor sephy can get in another word adrastia puts a homing tag on his ear*

Sephiroth: "Hey that hurts!!!"

Aww it's ok, Sephy-Pie. I need to keep track of you don't I? <3

Sephiroth: "My ear's bleeding! I'm suing you!!!"

Aww... Let me taste your mako laced blood Sephy-pie..."

Sephiroth: "If I wasn't so strangely attracted to you I'd kill you right now! My poor ear! And stop calling me Sephy-pie!!!!"

*adrastia chases after sephy licking her lips*

Frederick: *sigh* "as soon as we get home I'm blocking Animal planet..."

So concludes episode one.