Shera glared suspiciously at the lab coat clad man who had just walked into the bar. She knew who he was and she didn't want any trouble.
"What's yer poison?" She asked. Trying to be polite even though she despised the Shinra.
"Mako tea and a ham sandwitch." Hojo said slyly.
"Ya know....," Shera began after she served him. "Folks here don't take too kindly to the Shinra. "I suggest that ya'll hurry up and skidaddle b'fore there's any trouble here."
"Oh don't worry at all ma'am. I'm just here to relax. That's all." He said, trying not to sound too suspicious.
"Well if it's all tha same ta you I think ya'll better get a goin' soon as yer done." Shera said. She was in no mood for a barfight today. Cid was already all burned up about the Shinra taking over. She didn't need
anything else to be concerned with.
No one noticed the man in red seated far in the back of the bar. Tifa, tripping over a foot that Sephiroth had stuck out (payback for the earlier incendent with the box of mako liquor) fell, dropping her tray.
Mako whiskey spilled everywhere as she fell right into Vincent's lap.
"Watch where yer goin' bozo!" She yelled. Then there was a look of shock on her face when she got up and saw the red clad stranger's face.
"I know you....... Your the weirdo that was hangin' round that time.... I gots put in jail 'cause o' you!"
"Look," Vincent said calmly. "You are all in great danger here. And it all starts with that man." Vincent then pointed to Hojo who was still eating that ham sandwitch.
"So?" Tifa said. "What's that gotta do with me?! Tell Shera or the sherriff or somethin'!!!"
"Look," Vincent began once again. "I am trying to warn you about Hojo. Listen, he has a materia... A very dangerous materia. It calls upon the ultimate dark force. The devil himself. If we do not stop him then we
will all be in great trouble. I can't let him know that I know just yet. It will only make things worse."
Tifa looked at him oddly and shook her head. "The hell am I supposed ta do?"
"Start a fight....," Vincent replied. "After all, it's what you do best."
"What? So I can git arrested?! No way!" Tifa's face was turning bright red. She was getting pretty boiled up. She really hated this weirdo.
Vincent put his normal, unclawed hand in his pocket and took out a roll of bills.
"200 gil...," he said. More than you make in a week. I'll give it to you if you do as I say."
If there was one thing Tifa loved as much as booze it was gil. Her eyes lit up.
"Make it 300 gil," she said shrewdly.
"Fine, just do it please," Vincent grumbled.
Tifa began walking towards the bar.
"Hey you! Yeah you no good behemoth-faced, four-eyed poor excuse for a man! I'm $%&@!#&* talkin' to you!"
Hojo put down his ham sandwitch and spoke. "You mean me young lady?" He said quietly.
"No," Tifa said. I mean the %$#@^$%*$ Pope! Of course I mean you!"
"Don't be fightin' here!" Shera said. "Take it outside please!"
"Yes," Hojo agreed. "Let us take this outside..."
"No!" Tifa yelled. "Right here, right now!"
Hojo got up and looked at her. He threw some gil on the bar and started to walk out when Tifa tackled him.
"Let's get this a goin'!"
"Get off of me!" Hojo yelled.>br>
a small red orb fell from his pocket.Vincent rushed to pick it up.
"This is it....," Vincent said. Very funny Hojo. Trying to destroy Midgar Gulch with this demonic materia."
"It's you!" Hojo said. "You! You forgot my birthday! You cheap bastard! Give me back my materia!"
"No, I shall dispose of it where it cannot harm anyone." Vincent said.
"Do whatever you want....." Hojo replied. "Doesn't really matter."
Tifa started to beat on him but Vincent pried her off.
"Enough," he said.
Tifa looked at him puzzled as Hojo left the bar grinning to himself.
"Well," Tifa began. "Don't just stand there lollygaglin' around! Git him!"
Tifa ran ouside, Sephiroth and Vincent behind here. She looked around but saw no one.
"Where'd he go?" Tifa said, both puzzled and irratated.
There was a young boy standing outside the general store across the street.
"Hey! Y'all seen a dork in a lab coat kid?!" She yelled.
"No ma'am!" The kid replied as he went into the general store with a sly smile on his face.
Earl Van Malboro ran the local general store. He was a fat, balding man with a little red bow tie. He was always cheerful and pleasant.
He was busy counting his inventory of mako jaw breakers when the little bell above the door rang, letting him know he had a customer.
Turning around Earl saw that it was the little Square boy, Tom.
"Well howdy there Tom Square!" Earl said, cheerfully piping out his usual greeting to the boy. "What can I getcha today?"
"I'm a lookin' fer a new pan. Ma's fixin' ta make grits an' tha' ole pan got burnt," the boy said.
"OK Tom," Earl replied. "I'll gitcha a new pan from the back."
While Earl got the pan Tom started laughing. He spread some red dust through the store.
Unbeknownst to his there was a face in the window
watching.
"The hell.....," Yuffie whispered. "I swear somethin' bad's fixin' to happen."
While all the commotion with the Shinra was taking place outside Yuffie had been absent. She was too busy. It was the perfect oppertunity to steal materia ans she couldn't pass it up. She had been sneaking around
seeing if anyone had dropped any when she saw what was going on at the general store.
"This jus' ain't right....," she thought as she creeped closer.
When the boy got the pan he wanted he smiled and said his goodbyes. Yuffie pretended she didn't see anything and walked over.
"Hi there Tom! Whatcha doin'?" She asked, trying to sound as normal as possible.
"Gettin' a pan fer my ma," Tom replied. "I gots ta be gettin' along now ok? I'll see ya all later."
"Wait," Yuffie said. "You ok? You seem a bit green in the gills."
I'm ok. Honest," Tom replied. "I really gots ta go now."
As Tom scurried off Yuffie had the strangest feeling that something wasn't right about him.
Suddenly there was a loud yell followed by the inane repetition of "Kupo! Kupo!". It came from inside the general store.
Yuffie rushed in to find a moogle running around, kupoing away.
"Where's Mr. Van Malboro?" Yuffie wondered aloud. "This his moogle?"
"Kupo! Kupo!" The moogle said. He sounded a bit desperate.
"Waits a minnit.....," Yuffie said. "This here moogle's wearin' a bow tie..... Jus' like..... I knowed there was somethin' fishy 'bout that boy! Y'all wait here mr. Van Malboro! I'm a goin' ta git the sherriff!"
Meanwhile, at the bar...
"So," Sephiroth asked. Got any threes?"
"Nope," Tifa replied. "Go fish."
Sephiroth sighed. "Ya know, we gotta find a more constructive way to spend our breaks."
"Really?" Tifa said. "Like how?"
Well, for one we could use that time to make up for the work that your slacking and tomfoolery made us miss!" Sephiroth said.
"What's that supposed ta mean?" Tifa yelled, turning red. She slammed her hand of cards down on the table. Sephiroth looked down at them.
"Hey!" He said angerly. "You had a bunch of threes the whole time! Cheater!"
"Who you callin' a cheater bleach brain?!" Tifa threatened, making a fist.
"I'm calling you a cheater! You.... you cheater!" Sephiroth yelled.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!"
Suddenly their fight was disrupted by a loud yell. It sounded like the sherrif.
Tifa and Sephiroth rushed out to see what was going on.
Their eyes widened as they saw a giant cokatolis attacking Cid.
"Son of a Shiva!" Tifa yelled.
Suddenly Cait Sith ran down the street. "Sherrif! Ya'll ok?" He said.
"Help me ya moron!" Cid yelled. Don't jus' stand there all %@&#* stupid!"
Cait nodded and cast Mini. He cringed when nothing happened. He tried to attack but the huge cokatolis easily dodged his every move. Then
suddenly, without warning the monsterous bird grew even bigger.
Sephiroth drew the Masamune and jumped up slashing at it's breast. He was shocked when he saw that his mighty blade barely registered a scratch.
Tifa ran at the cokatolis and started to kick it's feet. "Damn you! DIE!" She screamed.
The huge bird glared at her then proceeded to kick her into a nearby chocobo trough.
"Dammit! %@*%!!#%&!!!!!!" Cid yelled. "Ain't there no way to get rid of it? Where the hell did it come from any %@#$&*@way?!!!!!"
Shera came running out of the bar screaming. "CID!!!!"
"Git outta here Shera!" Cid screamed. "Don't be a dumbass! You'll get killed!"
Suddenly Cid had an idea. Perhaps if he turned it to stone... He had just purchaced a brand new materia from Yuffie's shop. It was called Stone. He wasn't sure how trustworthy the quality was but he had no time to contemplate that. He cast the spell. The materia orb glowed brightly and began to shake. It cracked and exploded sending up huge clouds of dust. Shera screamed and everyone took cover.
A loud rumble was heard and people began to scatter as the giant cokatolis, which was now completely petrified fell over. Sephiroth grabbed Shera and jumped away just seconds before the stone bird hit the
bar, crushing it as it shattered into millions of pieces.
Shera cried out for Cid, trying to sheild her eyes from the swirling dust. She tried to run to him but Sephiroth held her back. And as the dust cleared she gasped and began to cry. Both Cid and Cait Sith had
been turned to stone.
Tifa climbed out of the chocobo trough soaking wet and yelling obceneties. "The hell?! Somebody's gonna pay for that!"
Cloud came running over from the other side of the road. "You ok?" He asked.
"Ok? OK? OK!!!!!? Hell no!" Tifa screamed.
"Yeah well we have bigger problems," Sephiroth said, climbing stealthly over the rubble. "The sherrif.... the deputy... turned to stone."
Tifa looked shocked. "How the Ifrit did that happen? What happened?!"
"The materia I believe was defective....," Sephiroth said.
"Defective materia?" Cloud asked.
"It is possible," Sephiroth replied. "If the materia is damaged prior to use or if the energy is artificially refined by cheap mass production...."
"Yuffie's shop!" Dagnabbit I knew it!" Tifa said. I coulda been killed!"
"You?" Cloud said. "Don't be so selfish. "You were thrown pretty durned clear of the whole thing. "Now we ain't go no sherrif!"
"True..." Sephiroth said. "And with the current situation at hand we need one."
"Oh dammit!" Yuffie whispered to herself from behind a saraha tree. "It's all my damn fault ain't it.... But I jist know there wasn't somethin' right 'bout that Square boy... I'm investigatin'!"
And with that Yuffie ran towards the direction of the Square residence.
Shera was crying hystericaly. And despite the fact that the Wall Market pharmacist have given her a large bottle of CalmAll she was still crying.
"Oh mahhhh pooor Cid!!!!!!!" She sobbed. He's done gone been turned ta stone!!!!!!!"
There there, Sephiroth said. There's got to be a way to save him.
"But how!?" Shera cried. We tried soft, we tried Esuna, we tried everything!"
But there still has to be a way," Sephiroth said. "But in the meantime we need a new sherrif. We should all have a meeting with the mayor.
"This town's got a mayor?" Tifa said.
"Yes it does. Mayor Domino is his name." Sephiroth replied.
"Then how come we never see him? Where was he durin' all that trouble?" Cloud asked.
"He was on.... vacation," Shera said through tears. "He takes alot of vacations..."
"Hey, I jist noticed somethin'....," Tifa said. "that red clad weirdo with the claw.... Where'd he go?"
Mayor Domino had just gotten back from a six month vacation to Costa Del Sol. He was trying to settle back into his job as mayor of Midgar Gulch but he missed being on vacation. After all, he had spent most of his
career on vacation and being cooped up in a lousy one chocobo town like Midgar Gulch was nothing compared to sipping mako tequila on the sunny beaches of Costa Del Sol.
The mayor was pleased however to dicover his old assistant had left his job to join the cult of the eternal moogle, thus leaving the position open for Domino's lovely 18 year old intern Fox Green. And she was a hell of alot easier on the eyes than his fat, dumpy wife Helga.
If there was one good thing about the mayor's vacation being over then it was the fact that he didn't have to see his behemoth sized wife sunning herself in a bikini any time soon.
As he walked into the town meeting hall he checked over the notes Miss Green had given him. He glanced over the town's recent catostrophic events.
"At least I wasn't here to deal with it," he thought, taking his seat.
Before he could speak a hysterical woman stood up and started speaking between loud sobs. "Cid is turned to stone! Stone! My Cid!!!!!!!!!!!"
"And who might you be?" Domino asked. After all he hadn't seen any of these people in six months.
"Sir that's Shera," Miss Green whispered. "She runs the Golden Chocobo bar."
"Oh that's right...," Domino said. "So we can't turn him back?"
"No!!!" Shera sobbed. "We tried and we tried! And there ain't no cure that we know about! I think he was gonna ask me ta be his wife!!!"
Shera then broke down into hysterical sobs, popping another CalmAll.
The mayor listened to the people's complaints. It was quite obvious that they'd need a substitute sherriff and deputy until Cid and Cait Sith could be de-stoned.
"Hurry up bleach brain! We're a gonna miss the meetin'! Tifa yelled, downing another quarter bottle of mako whiskey.
She was still puzzled as to where Vincent had went but she really wanted to see what was going on at the meeting.
As she opened up the doors to the meeting hall with Sephiroth behind her she overheard the announcement that a new mayor and deputy would be petitioned for from Kalm.
"I won't let the Shinra bulldoze Midgar Gulch!" Domino proclaimed, hoping that if the land was cleared to make way for the mako refinery he'd be given a cushy job for his trouble.
Meanwhile, Yuffie was out at the Square family farm. She went up to the door and knocked.
Mrs. Square answered. "Howdy! Who might you be? A girly friend of my Tom?"
"Who me?" Yuffie said. "No way, I'm just a callin on him. I saw him today at the gen'ral store."
"My Tom?" Mrs. Square said, puzzled. "You must be powerful mistaken. My Tom's been in bed with the influenza for three days now."
"Oh reeeeealy?" Yuffie said. "That true? Ya sure?"
"As sure as a hedgehog pie is pink." Mrs. Square replied.
Yuffie's eyes widened. "Aha!" She said. "I knew it I kneeeew it!"
"Knew what?" Mrs. Square asked, still puzzled.
"I ain't gots the time to explain now but it's powerful suspicious!" Somethin' real fishy's goin' on!" Yuffie said as she ran off towards town.