Sephiroth arrived in the town square with his party.
"This will be so easy." He thought. "My little puppets will do all the work for me. And while they are busy squabbling I will destroy them all."
still staggering a bit from her hangover.
"Where are you mog turd?!" She yelled.
"Right here....." A voice replied.
Suddenly, Cloud stepped out from the hotel doorway, sword in hand. He and Sephiroth made short eye contact but neither acknowledged the other yet.
"Aha! I knew it! There ya' are! Didn't think you'd have the guts ta' show up mog turd! Now I'm gonna pound you outta every gil ya' finangled outta me!" Tifa said confidently.
"Look." Cloud said. "I didn't really cheat you ya' know. I didn't know that one speed drink wasn't enough ta' make that chocobo win the race. Yet you insist I cheated ya'."
"Shut up mog turd! Time ta' dance!" Tifa then lunged foward.
Cloud jumped out of the way and cast barrier.
"So!" Tifa said. "Wanna play rough eh? Heheheh...... Fine by me mog turd!" She then tried to summon Ifrit but couldn't. She was still silenced. "$#@@! silence! Someone cast esuna or give me a damn echo
screen!!!!!!!"
Sephiroth just rolled his eyes and used an echo screen on her.
"Heheh! Thanks bleach head!" Tifa yelled. She then summoned Ifrit again, this time it worked and inflicted enough damage to knock Cloud down. She then walked over to him and kicked him in the crotch.
"AHHHHHH! NOOOOOO! Not little Cloud!" Cloud cried, unable to get up. "I can't feel little Cloud! He went numb! Nooooo!"
Yuffie was laughing hysterically. She fell to the ground roaring with laughter. Even Sephiroth laughed.
"Hahaha!!!!!! Poor lil' Cloud!" Tifa laughed, attacking him with the Premium Heart.
"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!" Cloud screamed.
"This is the funniest most heelarious thing I ever did see!" Yuffie yelled as she grabbed Sephiroth's arm, which he pryed out of hers as quickly as he could.
"I'm gonna pulverize ya'"! Tifa yelled.
Vincent watched from behind a house. He had a bone to pick with Sephiroth. He wasn't exactly a bounty hunter, he was after sephiroth for his own reasons. He got no compensation. Sephiroth had done alot of bad things after he and Cloud had their falling out and Vincent had taken it upon himself to track him down and
stop him. He would wait for the right time to come out from his hiding place. Now was not that time.
"You %#$&@ mog turd!" Tifa yelled as she kicked Cloud.
Yuffie began to dance around and kick and punch at the air. This made sephiroth just shake his head.
"They are all imbeciles." He thought.
Just then Caith Sith and Cid rushed to the scene. They had heard the commotion and hurried on.
When they got there they saw Cloud being kicked and chastised by the drunken jailbreaker they were looking for. And the thieving ninja girl was there too.
Tifa held down Cloud as she watched their approach.
Sephiroth just stared at them, as did Yuffie who made a whispered coment about not wanting them to spoil all the fun.
"Well lookie here!" Cid said. "Here they are! Jus' like chocobos in a stable! Cuff 'em Cait!"
Cait Sith walked over with his handcuffs ready. Yuffie then stuck her foot out and tripped him, he fell flat on his face.
Sephiroth smiled as he watched his little "marrionettes" in action.
"Ow!" Cait cried as he hit the ground. "Ow ow ow!"
Yuffie then grabbed Cait's gun and tossed it to Tifa.
"Don't move or I'll blow this mog turd's brains out!" Tifa yelled. "I swear it! Best be droppin' that there gun sheriff!"
Cid, not wanting to hurt any innocent people dropped his gun.
"An' that pointy stick thingy too!" Tifa said.
He dropped the Venus Gospel as well. "Shoot!" He thought. "What am I supposed ta' do now?!"
Vincent was now standing against the wall of the pharmacy, behind a kupo tree. He could see the townsfolk peeking out of their windows and creeping onto their porches for a better look. Things were sure to get out of hand now. He couldn't let this go on.
Stepping out of the shadows Vincent stood where he could be easily seen.
"Sephiroth....." he said.
Sephiroth turned around and stared daggers at him.
"What do you want?"
Before Vincent could speak he was interrupted by an upset female voice followed by a very angry male voice.
"That's him daddy! He's the one that knocked me up and left me an' the baby! He bleached his hair blonde but that's him alright! That's him! Same clothes, same sword! Git him daddy! he owes me a weddin'!"
"No good dagnabbit bastard Soldier! You done gone knocked up my lil' girl! My sweet lil' Aeris! And ya' skipped town on her before the weddin'!"
Cid shook his head. It was old man Gast, the nuttiest guy in town. He was some crackpot scientist that lived with his daughter at the edge of town. He was a real kupo nut if Cid ever saw one.
"I have no idea what yer talkin' about!" Cloud said. "I swear!"
"He's lyin' daddy!" Aeris cried. That's him alright!"
Old man Gast held his shotgun aimed on Cloud. Yuffie danced around with the gun she had while Sephiroth smiled.
"Puppets....." He thought. Puppets wallowing in chaos they are too stupid to control."
Tifa started to laugh. "So mog turd, runnin' out on yer' girl eh?"
She kicked him harder."You ain't no man! You're a mog turd!"
"Ow!" Cloud screamed. "I swear, ow! I don't know what the mog is going on! I never saw that girl!"
Aeris started to cry. "Daddy! do something!"
"What you say his name was sweetie?" Gast asked.
"It was Zack," Aeris asnswered. I'd know him anywhere! Even with a bad bleach job!"
"Huh," Cloud said. Eyes full of surprise. "I'm not Zack! I'm Cloud!"
Shut up you no good blasted varmit!" Gast yelled. "I'll shoot ya' all the way back to the planet!"
"He is Cloud," A voice said. "Zack is dead."
That voice was Vincent. he held his Death Penalty on old man Gast and the rest. "Please stop," he said. 'You are acting foolishly. Can't you see what Sephiroth is doin. to you?"
"SHUT UP WEIRDO!" Tifa yelled, pointing her gun at Vincent as she held down Cloud.
Yuffie held her weapon on Cid as she sat on Cait Sith.
"You are all puppets to him," Vincent said. When he's finished he will do away with you all....."
"Alls I care 'bout is my little girl and and grandbaby!" Gast said, breath reeking of mako gin.
"Then get out of here before you are hurt by Sephiroth and his marrionettes," Vincent warned. "Hurry."
"But my weddin'! Aeris whined. I want my weddin'!"
I'm..... not... Zack!" Cloud shouted, short of breath from Tifa's death grip on him.
"You liar!" Aeris cried! "Think jus' 'cause you gots Yer hair bleached you can hide from me?!"
Sephiroth smiled. "Bit off more than you could chew Cloud? You know why I'm here don't you........"
"That materia...... was..... too powerfull. What you kept corrupted you. And we needed the money."
"I want the materia........" sephiroth said.
Suddenly Yuffie's eyes widened. "Materia?!!!!"
"Yes. Materia Yuffie," Sephiroth said. He took my materia. If you help me get it back then we can share it."
Yuffie's eyes lit up. "Alrighty! Materia!"
"It's a trick," Vincent warned. "Don't be his puppet....."
But it was too late. Suddenly, all hell broke loose.
People watched intently from windows as the chaos erupted.
Yuffie hopped off Cait Sith and grabbed Cloud.
"Where's the materia?!" she screamed.
Cloud replied that he didn't know.
Tifa told her to get off. "The mog turd's mine!" She yelled angrily. Pushing Yuffie aside. As the two were
fighting Cloud tried to run.
Yuffie quickly saw this and kicked Tifa in the shin, knocking her down. Yuffie then shot the fleeing Cloud in the posterior making him scream bloody murder and fall to his knees.
Sephiroth grinned viciously and Gast started shooting wildly, taking out windows.
Aeris was crying. "No daddy! Don't kill 'im! That's Zack Jr.'s father!" I want my weddin!"
Tifa then tackled Yuffie and started hitting her. "You rotten little $%@*%#!" Tifa screamed. "I'll teach ya' to mess with me I will!"
Cid helped Cait up and grabbed the Venus Gospel and held knocked the shotgun from Gast's hands with it.
"You %#$@# crazy! What the %@#@^&#@ you tryin' to do!" Cid yelled. "Someone's gonna get %#*@# hurt!"
And while all this chaos was ensuing Vincent, Death Penalty in hand stood before the grinning Sephiroth and said, "Get out of town. Midgar Gulch doesn't need this chaos."
"Why should I listen to you?" Sephiroth insisted. "I'm not going to take orders from one of Hojo's failed experiments."
"Look, just because I forgot the guy's birthday-"
"Nevermind,"Sephiroth said. Look at the chaos. Puppets...... mere puppets too stupid to escape my control......."
Vincent began to fight Sephiroth, firing his gun. Sephiroth blocked the shot easily.
"Foolish........," Sephiroth said as he cast earth3. The whole area shook and buildings began to shake. Cait Sith fell over and grabbed the guns that Tifa and Yuffie dropped when they fell over as a result of the
shaking. He held them on Cloud when he saw him crawling for Gast's shotgun.
"Hold it!" Cait said.
But as the earth shook it made Cloud fall on his wounded butt and he screamed louder than a little girl.
"My butt! OW! OW OW!"
Tifa and Yuffie were howling with laughter as Cloud yelled and grabbed his wounded derriere.
Meanwhile, Cid and Cait Sith were trying to get control of the situation. It seemed futlie. Tifa and Yuffie had gone back to cat fighting and Aeris was still whining.
The confrontation between Sephiroth and Vincent had gotten quite violent as well.
"Leave peacefully!" Vincent said. Anger edging his voice.
"And why?" Sephiroth answered. I have a score to settle. It's time I settled it."
With that said he pushed Vincent violently aside with a forcefull blast and began walking towards Cloud.
"What do you want?" Cloud asked.
"Materia..... My materia......," Sephiroth replied. "Give it back."
"But I sold it," Cloud said. "You know that."
"You'll pay in some way." Sephiroth said. He then raised his Masamune. "I'll cut you in half twice for each materia orb you stole from me!"
"Umm..... Don't get hasty." Cloud said. "Wouldn't you just rather me tell you who I sold them too?"
Sephiroth contemplated for a moment. "Ok," he said. Tell me. Tell me where you sold it and maybe I will spare you, you worthless mog turd!"
"Dear Planet I'm talking like Tifa!" Sephiroth thought suddenly. "I'm picking up her brutish dialect."
"I better whisper it in your ear," Cloud said. I don't want anyone to hear. Especially that weird ninja girl."
As Cloud moved closer to Sephiroth's ear he then suddenly tried to use Deathblow on him.
Sephiroth's eyes widened as he grabbed Cloud by the collar.
"Fool! I'm too strong for that!"
Cloud then peed his pants causing Tifa and Yuffie to go into spastic fits of laughter. Aeris sighed then continued her whiney crying while old man Gast proclaimed that Cloud was not a real man if he still wet his didies.
Sephiroth shaking his head dropped Cloud and then raised up a black orb to the sky.
"Haha, he said. "Pay for your foolish actions with Meteor!"
Suddenly the sky got darker and as the black materia started to glow a huge object could be seen in the sky.
"OH my gawd!" Gast cried. "It's a UFO!!!!"
"It's a meteor you &#*@# drunken old fart!" Cid yelled. "That's what the %#*$% hell Sephiroth just said it was!"
"A mee-tee-or?!" Yuffie said. "COOL!"
"No not cool at all. Infact very dangerous." Vincent said quietly.
"Damn straight!" Tifa yelled. "Get rid of it bleach brain!" You'll kill us all!"
Sephiroth laughed evily and exclaimed, "This is my long awaited revenge! I used you as a puppet Tifa..... haha! You were too drunk and weak minded to know what I was doing."
"Haha! Sephy pie used you! Haha!" Yuffie laughed as she danced around.
"I used you as one too ninja girl." Sephiroth said. "all of you infact were puppets of mine. What fools you were."
"You are the fool. You'll kill yourself too." Vincent said.
"No! I'll live because I am much stronger than you pathetic puppets!"
I'm gonna die b'fore my weddin'!" Aeris screamed. Daddy do somethin'!"
The sky grew darker as the meteor came closer.
"It's so fast!" Cait screamed.
"Ha! It's been enhanced by the power of mako!" Sephiroth said. "It's going to turn this one chocobo town into a pile of rubble!"
"No. I won't let that happen at all. You ain't ruinin' my #%@&%#$ town!" Cid said. "I'll shove that black materia up you're %$#%&-
Cid was interrupted by a deep thundering coming from below the ground.
"What the hell...." he said.
Townspeople were screaming everywhere and some even started to loot. The meteor was getting dangerously close and the closer it got the louder the rumbling.
"We're gonna die! We're gonna die! We're gonna die!" Cait screamed.
"Cid smacked him upside the head and yelled, "Pull yerself the %$^&@#$ together Cait! We gotta do somethin'!"
But it was too late. The ground began to roll. literally make waves.
Quakes were starting to break apart buildings and people were running for cover.
"Holy hell!" Cid screamed. "This must be the %#&@$# Lifestream! Run!"
"The hell we s'pposed ta do!" Gast screamed.
Aeris screamed, "Daaaaady!" and started to cry and the ground shook and the sky reddened with the appoach of Meteor.
"Like I #&*$@!#% said b'fore! RUN!" Cid yelled. The Lifestream's gonna blow!"
Everyone ran as the Lifestream poured out of the cracks that were forming in the earth.
Sephiroth just stood there. Laughing. Yuffie grabbed him and began to yell.
"C'mon Sephy pie! We gotta git outa here!"
"I am not leaving", Sephiroth stated. "This shall only serve to make me stronger."
"Well I ain't leavin' ya!. I love you! Plus yer damn hot!" Yuffie yelled out over the chaos.
Sephiroth kept trying to push her away as people ran past screaming.
Cait Sith tripped over a rock and fell flat on his face. Cid trampled over him.
"Sorry Cait!" He said. "I can't find Shera! I gotta go git her! You take care of everyone else!"
Aeris started to scream and clung to Cloud.
"I'm gonna die a'fore my weddin'! I jus' know it! Oh Zack! Hold meeee!"
"Dammit!" Cloud said. "How many times I gotta tell you I ain't Zack! He's dead!"
"If y'all jus' listen to me," Cait said as he got up. Sherriff left me in charge an-
"SHUT UP!" Tifa yelled. "I'm gonna kill that mog turd right now! 'Fore that dagnabitted meteor kills me!"
Tifa lunged at Cloud but was held back by Vincent.
"We have to get out of here," He said. Oddly calm amidst the chaos.
Gast grabbed his daughter and started to run. Suddenly the green jewel in her hairbow began to glow.
"Holy materia......" Vincent said.
"My momma gave it too me when I was a child. Said it can save the planet." Aeris said. "Ahh! I'm hearin' them voices again!!!!!"
"She's done gone crazy! My baby's gone crazy! I blame that there spikey weirdo!" Gast yelled.
Aeris held the holy materia in her hands and prayed. "Please don't let the world end! I want my weddin'! I want my weddin'!"
While all this was going on Cid had ran into the bar.
"Shera!" He called. "Where the %@&$*# are ya'!"
"Cid? That you?" Shera answered. Help!"
Cid ran towards Shera's voice. A large pile of rubble blocked the off half the bar.
"Dammit! ^@#^*# dammit!" Cid yelled as he tried to move away the rubble.
He made a hole in it finally and said to Shera, "I'm gonna pull ya through. Don't y'all git al %@*# hysterical on me!"
Shera gave Cid her hand and he pulled her through just as the back of the bar collapsed. He picked her up.
"Let's git the $@^*%@%* hell oughta here!" He yelled.
As Cid was carrying Shera out of the collapsing bar he saw the light of Holy in the distance.
"What the $%@%&!$^ hell is that?!" He said.
"My Meteor!" Sephiroth yelled.
"This means we ain't gonna die?" Yuffie asked.
Sephiroth didn't answer. He just grumbled.
Holy shot up and disintegrated most of Meteor. A small piece that remained fell on Cait Sith's head.
"Ahh!" He yelled. "Batting it off with his paws. "It burns! It burns!!!!!"
The Lifestream stopped flooding through the ground too. Although there was a ton of damage.
Cid set Shera down and walked towards Sephiroth.
"Dammit! You wrecked my beautifull town! What the $^&!@%@$^&$@$&^$@# were you thinking?! You nuts?!"
Sephiroth just stood there silently.
"Look", Yuffie said. Sephy pie is real sorry! Give him a break!"
"Oh I'll break somethin' alright!" Cid yelled.
Tifa ran over and started to yell. "You crazy bleach brained moron! I coulda been killed!"
Sephiroth looked at her blankly and said, "So?"
"What'ya mean so?!" Tifa yelled. "You must be plum near crazy!"
Meanwhile, Aeris was gripping Cloud and yelling. "Daddy! Daddy! I'm gonna have my weddin'!"
Cloud just groaned. He thought Aeris was a real nutcase. He thought to himself, "I don't look a thing like Zack."
All seemed well in the town of Midgar Gulch. Or what was left of it.
Vincent walked away quietly while no one was looking. There was plenty of time to get Sephiroth later. He didn't think he would be going anywhere soon. Maybe being stuck in the ruins of Midgar Gulch for awhile
was punishment enough.