Date: Jan 7th

Went to weigh in on Saturday and had an 800g gain. Less than I expected, so I was pleased about that. Still kept me under 80kg so that is the main thing. Went out Saturday night with the girls, and even though I drank, I managed to get some dancing in so that balanced it out somewhat. Have been back to the gym and started walking again, so I am back on track at least. Have had the last 5 days off which has been nice. Wasn't actually planned that way, but I have enjoyed it. Last time I had this many days off in a row was to study for my exam, so at least this has been more enjoyable. As I think I put in my final entry for last year, that I didn't think it would last much longer with J. Looks like he had the same idea as neither of us has contacted the other since mid December. "M" can't understand why I would want to end it if I am getting regular sex. It is not the sex side that is the issue. Knowing that J is there means that I don't have to make an effort to look for someone else. Given that there is no future between the two of us, then it is just wasting each others time to continue. So I have decided to give internet dating a serious go this time. I know I have done it in the past, but was never serious about it. I only went one date and he bored me senseless. With most I stopped e-mailing them within a few weeks as I was too lazy to reply, or they didn't hold my interest long enough. I am having coffee with "C" this afternoon so that will be interesting. We have only been e-mailing for a week. He suggested meeting up, so at least if there is no connection then we won't be wasting each others time. May update later after coffee.

Date: 27th December

I am officially pathetic. Over a month since the last update, I should be ashamed of my laziness:). Since the last entry I have received my Uni results. Two B's and a D (ugg). I actually got a B for the anthro subject I was convinced that I was going to fail. The D was for Legal. I so much prefer Legal to Anthro, but I am better at Anthro. Guess my mind is more geared for the Humanities than the Law. Four subjects to go next year and then I am done. Had to pick my subjects. What a bloody nightmare that was trying to find subjects of interest to start with (all the good ones I have already done) and then seeing if there were no time table clashes and still be able to work. At this stage it looks like I will have classes from 9.00 - 2.00 without a break. As per usual the Uni had fucked the time tables. One subject was listed as 1st semester but could only enrol online for it in 2nd. Emailed the Uni who were ever so helpful NOT and am still unsure if I will be doing it in first or second semester so makes it hard to organise work. Anyway, what else. Oh yeah, at last weigh in I was a 70's girl. WOOHOO. Don't think I am now as I have eaten like a pig for the last few days, but I will be again before long. I was so excited. It is the first time in over 10 years that I have weighed under 80kg. Went out that night and celebrated with some champagne. That means that all up I have lost over 20kg and it is tattoo time. Have told Tracy that I will wait until she has lost her 20kg so we can get them together. Am leaning towards hot pink angel wings at the moment. Have been catching up with some family lately that I haven't seen for months, and one of them didn't even recognise me. I thought that was a great compliment. Social life has been fairly hectic of late, but then it always is at this time of year. Had our annual Anti Social Christmas which was great and got to catch up with old work colleagues again. Had a girls night out at a fantastic seafood restaurant in the city. It was heaven. We decided that we needed a treat to celebrate all that we have achieved this year, and have a last dinner before Chris had bub. Just re read last journal entry and I ended with saying I was going on a date with "M". First and only I will say. He was nice enough but it was a struggle to keep a conversation going through out dinner. Not my type at all. Have still been seeing J on a regular basis for sexercise. Don't think that will continue much longer though as I think it is time to move on, as much as I like being with him, he is not relationship material and he is not long term. We shall see what happens in the new year.

Date 13th October

Missed weigh in on Saturday morning. Didn't go to bed until 4.00 am so I decided I was not getting up at 9.00 am. Went to day and had a 0.7kg loss which I was pleased about. Didn't think there would be a loss as had a bit of a pig out Saturday night (seafood and then a chocolate box with strawberries and cream, yum!). Have done heaps of exercise though this week. Have been doing cardio and weights every second day, as well as my usual amount of walking. Saturday night was good. Jan and I made impromptu dinner plans and B&P were able to join us which was good. Sometimes it is such a struggle to get a time that suits us all. It has been known in the past to plan weeks ahead as that is the only time we are all not working. Jan and I went out to a club after dinner. It was ok to start with. Jan got a bit pissed off when some guy asked me if I was out with my mother. Got a bit feral towards the end. Pissed blond trash on the dance floor spilling drinks over people and whacking into them while they were 'dancing'. Decided to leave after that, think I am too old (or maybe I was to sober) for that. The plan was to spend the week end doing my essay. Did not one scrap of it. I am having such a struggle to motivate myself to do it, and I can't keep procrastinating with it much longer. Will do some more tonight after I get home from work. If I can have at least 3000 words done by this week end then that will be a good start.

Date: 23rd September

Well another 200g loss again on Friday. Was a bit disheartening 2 weeks in a row. I had gone over points early in the week, but had made up for it by the end of the week with exercise alone. Think I will have my first gain this week. Out for dinner Friday night, kebab meat Saturday night and out for dinner again tonight. Thanks god that Saturday will be the start of my next week, so when I have a blow out on grand final day (Go Brisbane) on alcohol alone I have the rest of the week to make amends for it. Have been trying to do heaps of exercise lately. I can actually manage 15 minutes on the step machine now. Will keep working my way up to the 30min mark. Started swimming again the other day. Only managed 14 laps, but I can only get better. The fact that I had come straight from a pilates class may not have helped either.:) Sunday was the 5th anniversary of Dad's death. It has gone quick. Surprisingly this year there were no tears, just more reflection. I wonder how different my life would have been had he not died. Would I have stayed in Israel as I had planned and then gone back to the UK to work? I know that I would not have come back to Australia so soon if it hadn't been for the funeral. It is not that I don't enjoy my life now, I am actually the happiest I have been for a long time, but I guess it is just the not knowing. It is like in Sliding Doors when an event leads her life in two different paths. I would have like to know where that other path would have led.

Date: 8th September

Another loss this week which is great. 200gms off being under 90kg, so hopefully this week I will go under. Have been good with my exercise and got my reassessment done at the gym Friday and scored ok on fitness level which was pleasing. I just have to stop having my pig outs on Saturday after weigh in. I have done that a few weeks in a row now and it has to stop. Went out Friday night with the girls. I didn't have one single alcoholic drink. Yeah to me. It is the first time I have been out in about 10 yrs and not had alcohol. The fact that I was on antibiotics helped, but then it never stopped me in the past. Lol. Went to a couple of the local pubs. I had already decided that I was going home at 1.00am as I knew I had weigh in, so we were standing near the door at about 12.55 getting ready to leave and who should walk in but A. We both sort of looked at each other embarrassed, neither of expecting to see the other obviously. "M" didn't realise who he was at first and then clicked. Being as pissed as she was she started to interrogate him about why he had never called me. His said that it could just as easily be why I hadn't called him, which is true. Still no excuse though. Ended up staying at the pub talking to him and then we all went clubbing after the pub shut. More exercise points which was good. We made no plans to see each other again and I am getting conflicting info from friends as to if I should contact him or wait and see if he contacts me. On one hand had we of not run into each other neither of us would have made any contact, but then was it fate (that comments for you "T":)). God this stuff is so confusing. Why can't men be as easy to understand as women? lmao

Date: August 24th

Footy was good. We lost as was to be expected. Ahh where is the Carlton of old? Sent an sms to A telling him that if he was going to be out and wanted to catch up then let me know. Ended up meeting him after the footy and went to an over 25's club. I love those places. So over young hangouts these days. I have no interest in socialising with the 18 year old brigade. Didn't get home until 0330, but only had 3 vodkas for the night. Brilliant for me. Figured that I could have them as I would have earned a few exercise points during the night. Needless to say was to tired to go to weigh in, so I will do that on Monday.

Date: 21st August

It is the morning of the big date. lol. I am starting to get nervous about it now. Does he remember what I look like, that I am fat? I have spent so much of my life being insecure. Because I judge myself by my weight I believe others will as well. I guess we can only wait and see what happens tonight. Have been trying to get a bit more committed with Uni this semester. I am finding it so hard to get motivated at times. I really enjoy 2 of my subjects, but one I am finding rather dull. It is one of my core subjects so I really have to do it to get the major in it. I am really enjoying research which I didn't think I would. I guess as part of my process of the 'new me' I am trying to get my life in order. Work is fairly sorted out, home is as well, so now it is just Uni to go. I must do study each day. It is much easier in the long run.

Date:16th August

Now that I have spent several days getting this site up to a standard that I am happy with, I guess I have no more excuses as to not starting a journal entry.:) Went to weigh in this morning and was very surprised to find that I had lost 1.4kg. Had done very little exercise during the week and had a bit of a blow out on one day, but obviously not bad enough for long term effects. Off to a ball tonight. It is in 4 hours time and I am still ambivalent as to wanting to go. Initially when we first talked about going back in June I figured that I would have lost all the weight I put on O/S and would be looking fabulous. Unfortunately not the case, but the 4.8kg I have lost so far has made a difference. Spent hours at Highpoint the other day trying n dresses. Bias cut is so not me. The only one I liked was a tad too small. The girl said she would order the next size up for me, but never heard from her again. Ended up getting one from 1624 this morning. On sale for $20, so that was good. My clothes are much looser around the waist which is always the case for me. Makes it a pain to buy clothes as I have to get them to go over my thighs, which means the waist is always huge. I am so looking forward to the day that they are somewhat in alignment. Lol Anyway, the girls will be arriving soon, so better go and start getting myself ready. Grr not looking forward to this at all. Will just have to remember, what doesn't kill me can only make me stronger.

Date: January 2nd

Happy New Year. So far so good, but then we are only two days in. Went out in the city for NYE. All we wanted to do was spend the night dancing, but the music was crap. The DJ would play one or two songs that were danceable then put absolute shit on and the dance floor would clear. We were home by 1.00 as we figured that it wasn't worth staying if we couldn't dance. The good thing though was that I didn't drink much and didn't spend much. Went to the gym today for the first time in 3 weeks and did 40 minutes of cardio as well as walk half way there and all the way back, so that was an extra 45 as well. I have decided that I am going to get back on track. Christmas was just ridiculous with what I was eating. I want to get to goal and I on a regular basis. I was only 2kg from the top range of my weight range, so it would be a shame to ruin it all now from sheer laziness when I am so close. Initially I just wanted to get under 80kg. I am not sure what goal I am going to go for. I am happy with my body from the waist up, but am still big from the waist down. I know that I can't change my natural body shape, but I am not sure how much difference, if any there will be in my thighs the more weight I lose. My resolution (the one that I am sharing anyway) is to get to goal weight, what ever number that may be.

Date: 20th November

Given that I have been asked several times when my site will be updated, I though it was about time that I did it. Last entry I was stressing over Uni stuff. Well that is all over for the year now. I had my last exam on Friday, could hardly move my arm after 3 hours of continuous writing. Five essays in 3 hours. Results don't come out until next month. As long as I have passed I don't care. My main concern is Anthro as that is a core subject for the major, so if I have failed then I will have to either redo the subject, which I really don't think I could, or drop Anthro as a major. Hopefully it won't come to that. Other that Uni I haven't really been up to much. That has mostly taken up my time for the last month. Went to a Cup Eve cocktail party. It was ok but by midnight I had had enough and wanted to go home. Rang J and met up with him afterwards. Saw him last night as well. Sex is a damn good exercise. Have been trying to go to the gym several times a week which has been good. My arms are certainly getting muscley, though still have the under hang which is a pain, but can't do much when it is genetic. Tracy and I have been talking about what tattoos we are going to get as the 20kg incentive. Tracy is getting a dolphin and a bear. I am leaning towards stars at this stage. Still have 4.1kg to go til tat time. Had hoped to have been 80kg by the end of November. Could still do it as I would only have to lose 2.2kg, but it is not likely as I don't have big losses very often any more. I shall be a 70's girl in December so that shall be good enough. Have a date with "M" tonight we have been e-mailing for a few months now. Should be an interesting evening.

Date: 8th October

Very lazy with updates lately, but given that I am being avoidant today (damn essays to do) I thought I would do an update. I broke my drought of 200 gm losses with a great loss of 2.2kg. I was thrilled as it gave me my 10 kg and my 10%. I had had a fluctuating week food wise that week, with a few pig outs early in the week, but did enough damage control and exercise to compensate for it. Last week though was a different story. Grand final day (yeah Brissie) saw alcohol and pizza being consumed. This was followed the next day by Yum Cha and 3 course roast. Even at that stage being so early in the week I could have gone into damage mode. But oh no, I decided that I may as well just have a bag eating week, and I did. Some of the consumables for the week were: Indian, pav, camembert cheese (from King Island, how could I resist) Turkish and numerous cakes and ice creams. I must have done enough exercise to limit some of this piggyness as I only had a 400 gm gain. It was enough to give me a kick up the arse though and decide to get back on track. Have been much better this week, have only gone over points once, but have heaps of spare at this stage which is good. The other thing that has helped was shopping. I decided to treat myself for reaching two of my goals. Bought several new out fits last week (all size 16) one of which, a great pair of cargos are a tad tight at the moment so are my incentive pants. T says I have to be in them by the time she gets back from America. Might be a bit of an achievement though at this stage. I have set my own mini goal though that I want to be 80 kg by the end of November. That gives me 7 weeks to lose 7 kg. If I eat healthy and exercise heaps then that should get me there, and if not, then at least fairly close to it. In theory I could be at the start of my goal range by Christmas. Other than this I have been busy with work and Uni. I hate this time of the year when everything is due in and exam are looming. This is when I question why on earth am I doing this. I have 1 essay (5000 words), 1 research assignment and 2 exams to prepare for. Arrrgggghhh. Got my research assignment back yesterday and was thrilled to see a B+ on it. Gave me a bit of reassurance that I did actually know what I was doing in that subject at least. Have seen J as few times in the last week. We have such an odd "relationship". We really enjoy each others company. We spend most of our time together laughing, but other than the sex thing there is no interest on either of our parts for anything more. Well I shouldn't speak for J as I have never really asked him, but I know from my point of view I don't see him as a future long term partner. He certainly has traits that I would like in a long term partner though. Well I can't procrastinate any longer, back to the essay I go. Have a great holiday T and remember I want mouse ears.:)

Date: 17th September

Well I had a loss last week, but only 200gms. It was enough to get me below 90kg, but otherwise a pathetic loss but well deserved as I had been having a few pig outs here and there. Same has happened this week. Instead of looking at my meager loss and deciding to do better, instead I decided to continue to be a pig. I ate cake 2 days in a row. I don't even eat cake, that is how stupid it has been. Admittedly last week I spent more time in front of a computer working on Uni stuff than doing exercise, so that didn't help. But I have put a stop to it and am feeling motivated again. Back on track with the points and back to doing exercise. I really miss it when I can't exercise for a few days. Tonight I went to the gym for a cardio work out, followed it up with some weights, and then did a yoga class. Maybe a bit OTT and I am sure I will know about it tomorrow when I can't move from my bed. Anyway I think I finished off my last diary entry with running into 'A' at the pub. Well after conflicting info from friends about what I should do (call him/don't call him) I decided not to call him. I went with the theory that it was a purely accidental meeting, and if it hadn't have happened then neither of us would have contacted the other. He had obviously decided the same thing as he never bothered to call either. Still haven't had any alcohol but I think it will change this week end as I am going out Friday night with former work colleagues, and then Saturday night with my cousin. Luckily I have made plans with 'B' to go to pilates Saturday morning so I can't drink to excess on Friday night. Went shopping to day and bought a new pair of jeans. Size 16!!! Also bought a new skirt and 2 new shirts. Decided that I need them desperately. Lol Had to get jeans as my other ones are falling off me. Decided that if I try something on in a 16 and it doesn't fit, then to bad, I don't get it. I REFUSE TO BUY BIG SIZES ANY MORE. No item of clothing over a size 16 will be purchased again.

Date: 31st August

A bit slack on the updates this week, so here goes... Weighed in on Monday with an 0.3kg loss. Had hoped for more but given that I had a pig out with B&P Saturday night on Alaysha's kebab meat and Turkish bread, I should be happy I even got that. It was enough to get me to my first 5kg though. YEAH I have a book mark. Worked all week so was knackered by he time the week end came. Was meant to work on Saturday but didn't end up happening, but given that I had bugger all sleep on Friday night I wasn't to concerned. Weigh in on Saturday saw 1.7kg loss which I was thrilled about, especially as it had only been 5 days since my last weigh in. Has done heaps of exercise though. I am really enjoying pilates and my flexibility has certainly improved from it. Hoping to start back a yoga again. B and I have plans to go to the Thursday class again as we enjoyed it last year. Just conflicts with work at the moment. Haven't heard from A at all. We had talked about it and decided that we wanted to see each other again. I guess he changed his mind. I know I could have called him, but given that I had made the first move on Friday I decided that it was his turn. It is a shame as we seamed to have got on really well on our dates, but not to be.

Date: 22nd August

The date went ok last night with A. We met at a pub and then went and had dinner at a restaurant near by, then on to another pub to listen to a band. Was very good and only had 1 glass of wine (to settle my nerves) and a filet mignon for dinner. Mmm very nice it was. Cooked to perfection. No plans were made to see each other again, so I guess it is just wait and see. Had to ring Jan after the date to tell her how it went. She has decided that if I haven't heard from him by tonight night then I should sms him. We'll see. Off to the footy tonight. Going to watch Carlton get beaten by Hawthorn. lol At least I will get to see Crawf in shorts. Tracy will be jealous.

Date: 18th August

Well it went ok on Saturday night after all my reluctance. Unfortunately I got stonkingly drunk (very easy to do on champagne when I don't drink much anymore). Basically blew my points for the next month on food and alcohol, so ithere is not likely to be a loss this week. After the ball we went to a club so we could continue to dance(and drink). Met a guy there (A) that I have a date with Thursday night. Should be interesting. Felt like death on Sunday. Shocking hangover, forgot what they were like. Couldn't eat until 7.30pm I felt so bad.