August 2000

For Vasili

A year ago , I lost my first cousin Vasili [known also as Billy] to cancer. He was only 42 years old and left behind a wife with two young children and many relatives in both Greece and Canada.

My brothers Chris and Fred had brought him over to the Cross Cancer Institute in Edmonton following a sudden worsening of his health.

It was around 8:30 at night when I received a phone call at the car dealership where I work. Fred told me that if I wanted to see Billy alive I should hurry because things did not look very good.
I was very upset with the news and I remember feeling disappointed that God had not healed him. After all, I am one of these Christians who believe in miracle healing and have been following the career of such preachers as Benny Hinn.

It was not even a month before Billy's death that I had convinced my brother Fred and Billy to go to Seattle to attend a Benny Hinn crusade praying and hoping that a miracle may take place.

After they returned from the crusade, Billy appeared to be somewhat healthier but with no real signs that anything extraordinary had happened.

On my way to the hospital the night Billy died, I remember rehashing all these thoughts in my mind. Why didn't the Lord heal him? This would have been a great opportunity for witnessing. After all , we both had many unsaved relatives and friends.
I was questioning God for allowing the Devil to win by taking Billy's life. My conversation went something like this:
"Why Lord, why Lord?", "Who's in control?", "Are we losing the battle?", "I know that Satan is the ruler of this world, but who is really in charge?"

You may wonder about my audacity and irreverent way of talking to the Lord. Frankly, you have a very strong case. However, at the time I was having a heart to heart conversation where protocol was anything but followed! Thank God, He knows my inner thoughts and desires otherwise I 'd deserve to be toast.

As I was expressing my feelings the Lord spoke to me. It was not an audible voice. It was rather a mental impression. "Look up" He said. I looked and was taken by a big surprise. Right in front of me there was a small pick up truck with an interesting insignia written on the rear door of its deck in an italicized , calligraphic form. It read:

God rules

Immediately , I broke into tears, sobbing and crying aloud. "I am so sorry my Lord, I am so sorry ... sorry for doubting you ...sorry for my lack of faith... please forgive me"

For me it became clear that night that even though we see things differently from God, it is essential that we trust Him. Faith and trust go together and they are in my estimation the best sign of spiritual maturity.

We are accepting God's lordship only when we surrender ourselves totally and unconditionally to Him. God does not owe us any favors. Wheeling and dealing ought to have no place in our relationship with Him.

I do not know if Billy ever made a commitment to Christ. I just pray that somehow the Holy Spirit touched his heart and mind in the last days or hours of his life. I pray that Billy is safe and happy in the arms of Jesus and that he is busy preparing a place for me and the other sheep that know the Master's voice.

John Costouros