The Bald Truth

by Mark Patrick Lorenzana

One, two, three, four…they are like withered leaves falling off uselessly from an old oak tree in mid autumn (or if you prefer a simile that better suits the Philippine setting, how about, "like overripe coconuts falling dangerously from a tree in the dry season"). I count them with worry as they drop one after the other on the wet bathroom floor. Five, six, seven…to my dismay, others continue to comply with the force of gravity, descending to the ground, no thanks to the pelting water coming from the shower spout, forcing them to drop like dead flies at my feet…

The scene previously depicted was I taking a shower. And in case you're wondering what I was referring to, it's my hair. The hair from my scalp, to be precise. Yes, although I hate to admit it, I have what every young guy would consider a nightmare (some might even equate it to the end of the world)- falling hair, and to top it off, a receding hairline. Every time I take a shower, lots of hair end up in the drain, much to my chagrin, and all I can do is watch helplessly. A friend tried to comfort me once by telling me that it is normal for hair to fall off, and that up to a hundred strands could be lost everyday. Yeah right. Easy for him to say. Maybe because the hair falling off his scalp grows back again. Mine does not. These "delinquent" falling hair of mine all want to leave, and the sad part is, they do not buy roundtrip tickets. They go bye bye permanently.

A hopeless dilemma?

Baldness, or alopecia in medical terms, is defined as the total or partial loss of scalp hair. The condition may be temporary or permanent, and can hit anyone as early as age fifteen. In my case, premature baldness (the type that some adolescents and young adults experience) is partly a result of an imbalance of sex hormones. The most common type of alopecia is pattern baldness, a hereditary trait that is expressed more often in males than in females because it depends on the influence of the male hormone testosterone. Makes sense. Although my father still has a full crown of hair, my grandfathers, both from my mother's and father's side were bald as a cue ball. I guess I got "the gift" from both of them. And you bet I am far, very far, from happy.

It is said that neither hair tonics nor any other medical measure can prevent or reverse baldness, so all those who have the same problem as I can forget those expensive over the counter hair growers. Apparently, they do not work and are just a waste of precious money. There are some drugs though, such as Minoxidil and Propecia that have been reported to have significant effects, but have some serious side effects as well. For one, the former was not really meant as a hair grower, but a cure for hypertension, and the latter might well solve your hair woes but it also kills all your sperm (if you're male, obviously). If you ask me, I'd take on losing all my hair any day than have some pill leave me sterile. I still have plans of procreating, you know.

Now there is also the matter of wearing a toupee and undergoing a hair transplant. Let us imagine myself a few years later, when all of my hair have taken their permanent leave. I'll still say I'd pass on the toupee, lest I be embarrassed on a windy day. You know what I mean. And the hair transplant? I do not think I'd be able to spend up to a couple of hundred bucks or more just for the sake of vanity. There is also this old folks' remedy of rubbing a dead fly on one's barren scalp. How could an insect aid in curing baldness, you may ask? I have no idea. That is why I do not intend to try it on myself. Besides, don't you think it's gross?

The object of ridicule

Abante agtang, atras buhok, HIV (Hair Is Vanishing) positive, NPA (Nawng Puros Agtang). These are but a few of the wisecracks a bald or balding person might receive from some hair-abundant but insensitive people. I remember a story an uncle of mine (yes, he is bald!) told me a few years ago. He was getting tired of being teased by his friends, and when one of them blurted at him "Opaw! Opaw!" he jokingly replied "Na-ay buhok, Na-ay buhok!" At that time, I laughed whole-heartedly at his quip. But now that I'm on the verge of having a hair do (or no hair do) as my uncle's, I don't see baldness as laughing matter anymore.

Indeed, many people in society (especially Filipino society in general and Visayan society in particular) see baldness as one of the great sources of jokes. Remember the lyrics of the song Long Hair that go "anong paki mo sa long hair ko? inggit ka lang, kasi ikaw nakakalbo?" Or how about the lyrics of the song Opaw by Max Surban that go “…mitan-aw siya sa samin, ang iyang nawng murag siopaw nga lignin, sa likod ug taas abot sa aping, apan ang ibabaw daw gi-kaingin?” Both novelty songs aim to elicit laughter at the expense of those who have lost their furry tops. But we cannot readily blame those who scoff openly at bald people. After all, they were born in a world where the rules of aesthetics dictate that those who are bald are ugly, while those who have hair are beautiful. Thankfully, times are slowly changing, and luckily, to the advantage of the "hairless".

Bald is Beautiful

If it may appease our bald brothers and sisters, there are some celebrities out there who had and currently have bare heads: In the world of sports, there is tennis phenom Andre Agassi as well as NBA hardcourt hero Michael Jordan. In the music scene are vocalists David Draiman from the industrial metal band Disturbed, and Billy Corgan from the legendary Smashing Pumpkins. Both have bald tops. Dolores O' Riordan of the rock band The Cranberries and Sheryl Manson from the bizaare pop group Garbage once sported shaved hair dos a few years ago. In Hollywood, there is Bruce Willis, from the Die Hard trilogy fame and rising star Vin Diesel from the blockbuster hit Triple X, who both defy the odds, and seem to project the fact that bald is macho. Demi Moore once shaved her head while doing the movie G.I. Jane, and many found her sexy after doing so.

What I am trying to point out, though difficult as it may seem, is that we should not adhere to the dictates of society on what beauty should and should not be. We should remember the sayings "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" and "Beauty is skin deep", before we proceed to look down on bald people. It is a fact that some people actually look good without hair, or in our local dialect, angayan. There are also people out there who are remarkably bright, intelligent and very nice, and lots of them are bald.

So there is no point in seeing those with bare scalps as one of the less-fortunate. Maybe you might say that I am only writing this article because I am worried that in the future, I would also be the object of ridicule of other people, and that this is sort of a defense mechanism. Perhaps. But I also would like to open the minds of those who regularly sneer at bald people: Who knows, you might also become bald eventually, join the club, so to speak, and you'll surely experience all the mockery, the hurtful jokes and jeers firsthand!

Even so, I admit that I am still concerned when the time comes that I would no longer have the luxury of running my fingers through my hair. It still pains me to think that before I reach the age of twenty-five, I'd have a head as shiny as a well-polished marble floor. But I think I'm ready for that. I mean, I am just glad things did not get any worse. At least I do not have a life-threatening disease or a serious handicap or something.

Nowadays, I just enjoy my hair to the fullest while I still can. Now I can relate to the adage: "We often take things for granted, unless we lose them." And in this case, it's my hair. I remember something one of the professors (Yup, you guessed it! He is bald!) in our department said jokingly, and I quote, "I would like to be remembered as a shining example of a brilliant personality." I guess I would also like to be remembered as such. Not just of my head, but as a person. And that's the truth. The bald truth, anyway. But in the meantime, I'll just have to be content in counting my falling hair every time I take a shower. Why not? It has been my pastime for nearly two years now.

…eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve…

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