The guys are gathered together at Justin's house, minus Chris.

Joey: Why are we doing this again?

Lance: Because.

Joey: Because what?

Justin: Because with Chris still in the group at 30, Wade can't put those pelvic thrusts we're so famous for in our dance routines. And have you see Chris dance? Dayum...not a good sight.

JC: Yeah, and do you think we'll be able to shatter records with a grandpa in the group? Anyway, what's the plan, Lance?

Lance: Well first we have to find a replacement. I don't want this to backfire. I've called up people who want to be a "Celebrity" (in stores June 26th) or just want to hang out with cocky assholes like ourselves. So far we have all 5 members of BSB, Christian from BBMak, that Jason guy who I replaced.

Joey: Jason? He's still alive?

Lance: Just barely. I found him under a bridge in New York living in a cardboard box with our posters all over it. He was licking a picture of Justin and singing, "I Just Wanna Be With You." It's sad what happened to that guy. I also have Justin from 98 Degrees and Jacob from O-Town.

Justin: What the hell? There's already a Justin. We don't need his non-singing old ass. He's just as old as Chris. We need a younger guy, Lance. How 'bout Trace? He ain't gotta sing. He can lip-synch.

JC: Does the replacement have to be a male? Can Bobbie join the group?

Justin: That bitch can't sing. How bout Britney? *face lights up with happiness*

Joey: *mutters under breath* That bitch can't sing either.

Lance: We'll interview these guys tomorrow. And remember, JOEY, don't let Chris find out we're doing this.

Joey: Why?

JC: It's a SECRET Joey. Meaning, don't let him find out, or your stupid ass will be kicked out next!

Joey: Why?

Justin: Joey, just shut up and get the hell up out of my house.

Next day, at Justin's house, Lance and the guys minus Chris are conducting the interviews. First up, Kevin Richardson from Backstreet Boys. He walks in wearing a black NSYNC t-shirt with the sleeves cut off and tight red leather pants.

JC: Oh hell no! HELL NO! I'm the man, bitch! I only wear the tight leather and show off my arms! Not even Justin can pull that look off. He's not going to replace Chris. Over my dead body!

He storms off to the bathroom, vein throbbing in his neck.

Justin: Weird ass...he's shooting--

Lance: Uh, shut up Justin. *Lance puts on his glasses* Sit down, Kevin.

Kevin takes a seat in the middle of the room, as Joey and Justin pace around him, looking him up and down.

Justin: He'd have to get rid of that hair. Mullets are so 1980s.

Joey: Do you like to eat, Kevin? I'm a daddy before you and I'm not even married.

Lance: Will you dumbasses sit down? You're scaring the boy.

Justin and Joey take their seats next to Lance.

Kevin: It's like...find your own identity....

Lance: What?

Kevin: Find your own identity.

Justin: What in the hell is he talking about?

Joey: *shrugs* I dunno...

Kevin: I don't want to be in your messed up group. You guys are losers. You took our fans. We have nothing now! Nothing! And you're all to blame. You ugly son's of bitches! You ruined it all.

Justin: *walks towards Kevin, cracking his knuckles* Who's got the most fans, BITCH? Take that back or I'll make your ass black and blue!

Lance blocks Justin before he has the chance to get to Kevin.

Lance: Well thanks, Kevin. You can get the hell out of Justin's house now. Old ass bastard.

Joey grabs Kevin by his mullet hair and throws him out the house. JC walks out of the bathrooms, skipping happily.

Justin: Got your fix, eh?

JC: *glares at Justin, then smiles* Hell yeah. That shits better than any orgasm I've ever had with Bobbie.

They guys raise their eyebrows questioningly at JC, and start to say something but the phone ringing cuts them off.

Justin: *on the phone* Hello, house of beauty this is cutie...

Chris: Uh, right. Don't answer the phone like that. You should say, "Welcome Burger King. Home of the Whopper, can I take your order?" That would be so funny! AHAHA! Hang up and call back and I'll answer the phone like that, okay? Okay?

Justin: No. What do you want?

Chris: You're no fun, Baldy. What are you guys doing? Why couldn't I come over?

Justin: You weren't invited.

Chris: No kidding. Oh wait, you're planning my surprise 30th birthday party, aren't you? Geez guys, it's just April. My birthday's not till October. But hey, that's cool! I'll leave you to your party planning, you crazy guys!

Justin: Uh yeah. Bye Chris.

30 minutes late for their joint appointment, Nick and AJ stroll in Justin's house. Justin is now conducting the interviews.

Justin: Take a seat, you backstabbing assholes.

Nick and AJ stare at Justin as if he's lost his mind.

Nick: Okay, Justin.

AJ: Uh yeah.

Unable to hide his anger, Justin lashes out at them.

Justin: Which one of you non-singing ass mothas slept with my whore? HUH? WHICH ONE WAS IT? You didn't think I'd find out did you.

Nick: It wasn't me...

AJ: Even had her in the shower...

Justin: WHAT THE FUCK? You what?!!?

AJ: Caught us bangin' on the sofa...

Nick: Picture this we were both butt-naked bangin' on the bathroom floor...

JC: I even had her on the counter...

Joey: Had Steve get it on camera...

Justin: What the hell? Y'all all screwed Britney? And she ain't puttin' out for me? Aw, hellz. NO. I'm kickin' all y'alls asses out of the group.

JC: *panicking* Wait, no, no, no. I didn't screw her. I'd never...but man..damn...she's got a mouth like a Hoover, J...

Justin: Aw, hell yeah. I know that's true. I'm mad, but hell, it's ain't no fun if the homies can't have none, right?

The guys give each other high fives, all except Lance.

Lance: Riiiiight, so now on to the interviews, Justin.

Justin: Oh yeah, that's right. Why you losers wannabe in our group?

AJ: Well, because we're the youngest 2 and quite frankly, they think we can't sing. Brian, oh by the way, he's not coming. He's decided to leave the music biz to make porn with Leighanne. Anyway, they say I scream and that Nick's voice isn't quite developed yet. What?! Are they losing their minds? We're the talent of that group!

Nick starts to cry.

Nick: I mean *sobs* we started that group when I was still sleeping in my underoos. *sobs* Do you know how *sniffle* hard it is to *sobs* know that they'd rather replace you with your little brother than to keep you around? HUH? DO YOU!?!?!

Joey: Aw man, that sucks.

Nick: No shit man, no shit.

Lance: Well, we'll call you guys when we come to a decision. Tell Howie, he's too old for the group and we have enough ugly guys. We have Joey. But here, slip him my number and tell him to call me later. *winks*

AJ: Right. Let's go, Nick. Quickly.

AJ and Nick run out the door, screaming. AJ throws Lance's number out of the window and they drive off.

Lance: Hmm, that was weird. Okay, next up is Christian from BBMak. I like him, that's why I asked him to join. Too bad he's dating that skeezer whore Mandy Moore.

Justin: Damn Lancey, the girl is just 17. She's hot too. I'd plow my Hoover into her dam anytime.

Joey: Justin, be careful what you say. You know Britney has your walls bugged.

Justin: Oh shit yeah. I forgot.

JC: Christian is a foreigner. The only guy from a different country. This could work. Now stupid people will stop saying, "Five hot guys from all over the country." That gets on my nerves!

There's a knock on the door.

Lance: Oh god, how do I look? Do I look okay? Oh let me go fix my makeup!

Lance scurries upstairs to change his clothes.

Justin: Fucking fruit...

JC opens the door and Christian strides in.

Christian: Hi, I'm Christian, from BBMak.

JC: We know, thanks for reminding us. Come in.

Lance comes back downstairs, wearing a pair of Justin's leather pants, and one of Joey's shirts.

Lance: Oh god, guys. He's SO in the group. *licks lips* Christian, have you ever been dominated by a man? *straddles Christian's lap*

Christian: Uh, no. And I never intend to. *pushes Lance on floor*

Lance: You jerk! I love you, Christian! *runs out of room crying*

JC: *smiles* SO....you still wanna join the group? You know what, you are kinda hot... *puckers lips out at Christian*

Christian: *in heavy British accent* You guys are insane. I'm completely satisfied with Mark and Ste. Losers.

Christian spits in JC's face and leaves the house.

Justin: Damn you horny freaks! Man, just when we had the perfect guy, you go and mess it up! Do you know what having a cute British guy in our group would have done for us? Not to mention that they guy writes his own music and plays an instrument. We'd be a band and people could stop dissin' us. Damn y'all.

Joey: Well hopefully this Jacob thing will work. If it doesn't I'm telling Chris how mean you guys are.

JC: Shut up. Go buy some diapers or something.

Joey: Stop bringing that up! We were drunk! Damn.

Lance walks back in room.

Lance: Unfortunately, that psychotic dreadheaded freak from O-Town is next. You know he's mad at his label or something now. I personally hate him and O-Town cause it's not real. But this guy, he hates them too. He says we can be grunge with him in the group. I think he's our man, guys.

Justin: He looks like me though. There can only be one curly-haired Adonis in this group. *pats bald head* Damn! I forgot my hair was gone!

3 hours later Jacob comes and all the guys interview him.

Justin: Did Lou ever... touch you? *sobs* The memories...

Jacob: Yeah, but he said that he had to test our penis sizes with his hand. Something about taking care of erections on stage.

JC: Yeah, I know what he means. Without him, I'm har--

Lance: Whoa, too much information, dude.

Joey: Did you screw Danay in Innosense?

Jacob: Actually, I screwed Nikki first.

JC: It was like watching paint dry, wasn't it?

Jacob: Actually, no. She's very limber...

JC: What's her number, man?

Jacob: I don't even think so, man.

Justin: You look like me. I don't like you. But you're in the group.

Jacob: Coolness. I think all of O-Town was gay anyway. Good thing there's no gay guys in this group.

Everybody looks at Lance quickly.

Jacob: I mean, not as many...

Lance: Okay, phase 1 of Kick Chris out is completed.

Justin: What's next?

JC: We just have to knock him out, put him on a plane and send him to the Bermuda Triangle.

Joey: That's just in Britney's pants. It doesn't really exist.

Justin: Don't be talkin' bout my hoe's triangle. Damn y'all for screwing her before me.

Lance: I didn't screw her, Justin. I'm gay, remember?

Justin: Yeah, how can I forget? *image of Lance slipping under his covers nude pop into his head* Mommy!

Lance snickers, and winks at Justin. Justin kicks the guys out of his house.

It's October 17th, 2001 now, Chris's 30th Birthday. People are at his house and the guys, along with Jacob are acting suspiciously.

Chris: What's wrong with you guys?! It's Crazzzzzy Chris's 30th Birthday! Paaaaaar-taaaay!

Justin: Yeah *throws hands up effortlessly* Woohoo.

Justin leans in to whisper to Lance.

Justin:When do we ditch this loser?

Lance: Soon, Justin. Keep giving him drinks. Here, try this Hard Lemonade. It sure to knock his ass out.

JC: We don't want to kill him guys.

Joey: This is so wrong. Bad wrong bad.

Jacob: Shut the fuck up Joey. Damn. This group is going to stress me out.

Chris: What group? Why are you here anyway?

Jacob: Uh..I'm here because I'm uh--

Lance: He's dating me. He's my date, Chris. *pulls Jacob in for a kiss*

Jacob screams as Lance's lips hit his. When Lance pulls away, Jacob rubs his lips dry.

Chris: Riiiight, then why'd he pull away from you like--

Justin hits Chris in the back of the head with a frying pan.

JC: If you killed him, we're in deep shit.

Justin: Shut up, he's alive.. he's breathing.

Lance: Hey, I could use Chris being unconcious to my advantage.. *licks lips*

Justin stares at Lance for a moment.

Justin: Homo.

Jacob: I'm beginning to miss my group..

Joey: Chris's head is lopsided. Hehe.

Suddenly, Chris wakes up.

Chris: Who am I?

Justin: *whispers to JC* Hey, this could work..

JC: You're right.. You're BoBo the Clown and you work for a circus in Albuquerque. We're going to put you on plane now, mmk? You wanna go home to all your pretty little clown friends, right BoBo?

Chris/BoBo: I..guess..so..

So, the guys all drive Chris/BoBo to the airport and put him on a plane. After he's gone, the guys realize Jacob sucks ass and kick him out of the group, replacing him with Ricky Martin. They took the first letter of Ricky's last named and became *NMYNC.. pronounced "N-Mink" JC had no problem with this, seeing as how he likes fur and stuff. They went on to make 3 hit albums until the day Chris regained his memory. He went on a killing spree and killed all the members of *NMYNC.. except Ricky.. who he kept around to be his bitch.

::The End::