Scene: A cute little house with pale green walls and a deep green carpet. Lance walks through the door, singing.

Lance: "It's a beautiful day in your neighborhood.. a beautiful day in your neighborhood.."

He walks to the closet and pulls out a pink cardigan. He smiles at the camera and puts it on.

Lance: "Won't you be mine? Won't you be mine?"

Lance sits down and pulls of his shoes, proudly displaying his "I Love Toby" tube socks.

Lance: "It's a beautiful day in your neighborhood.. a beautiful day in your neighborhood.."

He proceeds to put on a pair of sneakers, but he can't seem to get the laces tied.

Lance: FUCK.. SHIT.. ASS.. DAMNIT!

Realizing he is hosting a kids show, he covers his mouth.

Lance: "Uhh.. I mean.. Won't you be mine? Won't you be mine? Won't you be.. my neighbor?"

He successfully ties the laces and sits up, smiling. He begins to talk in a soft, sing-song, voice.

Lance: Hey neighbor. How are you today? Good? Great. Mr. Rogers is out sick today, so I will be hosting his show. This is.. *smiles* Mr. Bass's Neighborhood. Welcome, neighboor, welcome! Today. I have one of my lovely neighbors with me.. her name is Ashley. Come on out dear, and say hello.

The closet door opens and out comes JC, wearing a blonde wig and a little pink dress.

Lance: WTF? WHAT ARE YOU DOING JC?!

JC: Who knows? And my name isn't JC, it's ASHLEY.

Lance: Oh, what the fuck? This is so stu--

The camera man motions to Lance.

Lance: I MEANT to say.. This is stupendous.. Welcome Ashley, welcome

JC/Ashley: *giggles* Hello, Mr. Bass.

Lance: *grinding his teeth* I'm so glad to have you.. today, we're going to learn about trains. Do you like trains, Ashley?

JC/Ashley: No, I like crack. I mean.. tracks. TRAIN tracks. Yeah.. WTF? No, wait, NO, I DON'T like trains!

Lance: Well, you'll learn to like them.. BECAUSE THIS IS MY FUCKIN' SHOW!

Camera man once agains motion to Lance.

Lance: Heh.. silly me.. Thats ok, Ashley. You don't have to like them. We all have things we don't like. Take me, for example. I hate my bandmate, JC. He is a crackhead.. and he deserves to die.

JC/Ashley: SHUT UP, YOU LITTLE BITCH!

JC flys across the room and starts clawing at Lance's face.

Lance: GET OFF ME YOU FREAK!!

JC/Ashley: DO I LOOK LIKE A LITTLE INNOCENT GIRL NOW, HUH?! HUH PUNK?! HUH?!?!? NOTICE MY KUNG FU GRIP, LANCE?!?!? HUH??!

Mr. Rogers walks in.

Mr. Rogers: Umm.. excuse me, neighbors? Who said you could host my show?

Lance and JC turn to stare.

Lance: Uhh...

Mr. Rogers: Get out of my neighborhood.. NOW!

JC/Ashley: NOTICE MY KUNG FU GRIP!!!!!!

Lance: Shut UP JC!!!

Mr. Rogers takes off his shoe and throws it at Lance's head.

Lance: OW! YOU SON OF A BITCH!

JC: Who throws a SHOE?! HONESTLY!

Lance tackles Mr. Rogers and they both hit the ground. JC sits in Lance's chair and addresses the camera.

JC: Hello, and welcome to Mr. Chasez's neighborhood. That's pronounced "Sha-sey" for all you kiddies out there.

TV screen fades to show an "I'm sorry.. but this program has been canceled" message.

Due to this television program.. kids across the nation were scarred for life. Please, parents, make sure you review what your kids watch from now on. We don't want this to happen again.