Julie: Alright, so, you know what we have to do, right?

Jen: Sure.

Julie: You're lying, you have no idea what we're doing, do you?

Jen: Heh.. I just came along 'cuz I thought we were gonna get to see Joey..

Julie smacks Jen upside the head.

Julie: You idiot! We're not here for JOEY.. we need to find JCs alleged "thug appeal" THAT is our mission. Why do you like Joey anyway? He's a whore.

Jen: So? He's sexy..

Julie: He SO is not.. Justin is the sexy one.. My little ghetto bastard.. awww..

Julie whips out a pic of Justin and begins stroking it lovingly.

Jen: You're scary..

Julie: SHUT UP! Alright. Now Listen. Here's what we're gonna do. You see that scary, 500 pound bodyguard sitting at the entrance of the bus?

Jen: Yeah..

Julie: You're gonna distract him while I run onto the bus, mmk?

Jen: WHAT?! Hell nah! I ain't even TRYIN' to go near that scary, scary man..

Julie: JENNIFER! C'moooon! This is how we discussed it!

Jen: Nope, no way, there's NO way I'm goin' near that guy.

Julie: FINE! I'LL do it! I'll get him to walk away from the bus, and you sneak up behind him, and hit him with the baseball bat, ok?

Jen: Aight.

Julie: Good. Do I look slutty enough?

Julie adjusts her tubetop and miniskirt.

Jen: Definitely. Joey would love you. But if you go near him, I'ma kill you.

Julie: As if.. Joey's a DIRTY Mofo. And for the 2ND TIME.. We are NOT here for Joey, we're here to FIND JC's thug appeal!

Jen: Whatever..

Julie: Ok, let's get this show on the road.. once you see me lead him away from the bus, grab the bat from the backseat, sneak up behind him, and wack him as hard as you can.

Jen: Can't we get arrested for this?

Julie: OBVIOUSLY. It wouldn't be HALF as fun if this were LEGAL, yaknowwhatimsayin'?

Jen: Coo'

Julie gets out of the car and saunters over to the bodyguard. He takes in her tight tube top and mini skirt and smiles broadly. She says a few words to him and then leads him away. Jen slowly sneaks out of the car and follows them quietly. Once they're about 20 yards from the bus, Jen rushes forward and hits the bodyguard on the head. He falls to the ground.

Jen: Umm, I didn't kill him, right?

Julie: Nah, he's still breathing.

Jen: Mmk.

Julie: TO THE BUS!! MUWHAHAHA!

Julie runs towards the bus, trips and falls, gets up, and proceeds.

Jen: Hahahahahahahaha.

Julie climbs onto the bus.

Julie:Holy shit.. JENN, GET IN HERE!

Jen runs onto the bus.

Jen: Wha?

Julie: Look at all this shit.. This bus is bigger then my damn HOUSE.

Jen: Maybe YOUR house.. mah house is bigger then this..

Julie: Shut up.

Jen: Ok.

Julie: Ok, I'm gonna go snoop around and try to find JC's thug appeal.

Jen: What exactly does his thug appeal LOOK like?

Julie: Ya know.. baggy jeans.. timbs.. that kinda stuff.

Jen: What are timbs?

Julie: Umm, boots.. I think.

Jen: Mmk.

Julie begins to search the tourbus. She opens the mini refrigerator to find a case of beer. Contrary to popular belief, NSYNC DOES get wasted. After she grabs a couple for herself and Jen, she proceeds to the bunk area. She comes upon one with 5 pillows, discarded needles, a Billie Holiday CD and a suitcase. Jackpot.

Julie: JEN!! I FOUND JC'S BUNK!! GET OVER HERE!!

Silence.

Julie: Jen? JEN?!

Julie turns around to see Jen licking Joey's pillow. Apparently, she had found his bunk.

Julie: JENNIFER!!

Jen: Yes?

Julie: You're disgusting.

Jen: I am NOT! Joey SLEEPS here! His GERMS are on this pillow!

Julie: And that's a good thing?

Jen: Yep!

Julie: Not really. His germs may be on that pillow. But so are about 10 ho's. You probably just contracted about 20 diseases by licking that pillow.

Jen: Well, erm.. uhh.. SHUT UP!

Julie: Whatever.. I found JC's bunk.. Now help me. His thug appeal might be in that suitcase. Oh yeah, and here's a beer.

Jen: Oooo. thanx!

Julie and Jen pry open the suitcase and peer inside. They see about 10 bags of something that looks like "powdered sugar" and a piece of paper that says, "Jerome: 555-6749".

Julie: WHAT THE FUCK?!

Jen: Ya know, I thought we were always kidding when we said JC was on crack..

Julie: Obviously not..

Jen: Let's go look in the closet.

Julie: They have a closet?

Jen: Yeah, I saw one when I was looking for Joey's underwear.. I mean.. umm, nevermind..

Julie: Idiot..

Jen and Julie proceed to the closet. They open it to discover 50 baby blue FuBu shirts.

Jen: Umm..

Julie: How come there's no other clothes in here?

Jen: I think these are all Justin's..

Julie: JUSTIN?! AWW, MY AFRO PUFF GHETTO BASTARD!!! I wanna take these home!

Jen: Umm, no.

Julie: I'm gonna take at LEAST one.

Jen: How come YOU can take Justin's shirt but I can't lick Joey's pillow?

Julie: Justin doesn't sleep with groupies.

Jenn: No, he just sleeps with Britney Spears. Which is even worse.

Julie: What did you say....?

Julie glares at Jen and raises her fist.

Jen: Umm, nothing, nothing at all..

Julie: Thats what I thought..

Jen: Yeah, so anyway, I don't think JC has thug appeal, 'cuz we haven't found it yet.

Julie: Hmm..

All of a sudden, Julie and Jen hear voices outside the bus.

Julie: HOLY SHIT! They're back!! OMG, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?! WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!??! WE NEED TO HIDE!!! WHERE CAN WE HIDE?!?!?

Julie begins running around in circles, flailing her arms about.

Jen smacks Julie across the face.

Jen: SHUT UP!! Here.. get in Justin's bunk.. I'll get it Joey's.. don't make a sound.

Julie: Ok..

They climb into the bunks and lay there quietly. They hear the guys board the bus.

Justin: Yo guys.. I'sa tired foo', I'm goin' to bed.

Julie: Oh my God, no, please.. don't go to bed, no..no..

Joey: Hmm.. good idea J-dawg. I think I'm gonna hit the sack too.

Justin: Don't call me that.

Joey: Ok!

Joey and Justin walk towards the bunk area and open the curtains to their bunks.

Justin: WHAT THE FLIPPIN' FUCK?!

Joey: Umm..

Julie: Heh heh.. uhh, hi?

Jen: YOOOOOO!!! WUZZZZZ UUUUUP?!?!?

Justin: JC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Julie: Omg, no, don't call him, please, no.. anything but that..

JC appears.

JC: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TWO?!?!

Jen: Umm.. bodyguards?

Justin: You guys ain't no bodyguards.

Julie: Uhh.. we're.. aliens.. from.. outerspace?

Joey: REALLY?!?!? OMG, COOL!! What planet are you guy's from?!?!?

JC smacks Joey.

JC: YOU IDIOT!!!

Julie: OK, OK, I'M SORRY!!! WE WERE LOOKING FOR JC'S THUG APPEAL!! WE DIDN'T BELIEVE HE HAD ANY!!! AND WE WERE RIGHT DAMNIT!!! WE WERE RIGHT!!! YOU DON'T HAVE ANY TIMBS!!! OR BAGGY JEANS!!! WE LOOKED, OK?!?! ALL YOU HAVE IS CRACK AND NEEDLES!!! YOU'RE A CRACKHEAD!!! YOU ARE NOT A THUG!!! NOW LET ME LEAVE!!! DON'T HURT ME, PLEASE!!! I LIKE JUSTIN ANYWAY!!! I JUST WANNA GO HOOOOOOOOOOOOME!!!!

Julie falls to the floor and begins to cry.

Everyone stares at her blankly.

Justin: Heh.. she likes me.

JC: Shut up Justin.

Joey: You smoke crack?

JC: SHUT UP JOEY!!!

Joey: JC'S A CRACKHEAD!!! JC'S A CRACKHEAD!!!!!

JC attempts to strangle Joey.

JC: SHUT... UP.. YOU.. FUCKIN'.. FOOL!!!!!!! SOMEONE CALL JEROME BEFORE I KILL HIM, DON'T TEMPT ME!!!!!!!!

Jen: Hahahaha. He's funny.

Julie gets up from the floor.

Julie: Where's Lance and Chris?

Justin: No one cares.

Julie: True, true..

JC drops Joey to the ground, who is crying hysterically.

JC: ANYONE ELSE WANNA PIECE OF ME?! HUH?!?! HUH?!?! ANYONE?!?!?

JC's eyes are blazing red, there are veins popping out of his forehead, and his hands are clenched in fists.

Julie: Oh my dear Lord...

Jen: LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY CREAM PUFF, YOU ASSHOLE!!!!!

Jen punches JC in the face, and he falls to the floor, convusling.

Justin: Whoa..

Jen kneels down next to Joey.

Jen: Its ok baby.. Mama Jen will take GOOD are of you.. don't pay any attention to the mean crackhead.. he's unconscious now..

Julie: So, I guess this mission is accomplished. JC has no thug appeal. He's just a scary ole' crackhead who beats people.

Jen: Didn't we always know that?

Julie: Yeah, but.. whatever..

Justin: So, heh.. you like me?

Julie: *giggles* Yes..

Justin: Too bad, I got my bitch, Britney.

Julie: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!!!

Julie kicks Justin in the balls.

Justin falls over, wriggling and sqirming on the floor.

Julie: That's what you get... Bitch..

Jen: Ok, let's go.

Julie: Uhh, why is Joey smiling like that?

Jen: Heh heh.. I dunno.. hehe.. *ahem*

Julie: I don't wanna know.. let's just leave..

Jen and Julie exit the bus and run back to their car. What had they learned? JC has no thug appeal. He likes to beat people. He also does crack. Justin is an asshole and Joey liked whatever Jen did to him. I frankly, don't wanna know.