These are the last 2 picture's taken of Max.
They were taken the day before Mother's Day.
One week later he died.
"~A Child Loaned~"
"I'll lend to you"
"for a little time">
"A child of Mine, He said,"
"For you to love the while he lives,"
"And mourn for when he's dead."
"It may be six or seven years,"
"Or twenty-two or three,"
"But will you, till I call him back,"
"Take care of him for Me?"
"He'll bring his charms to gladden you,"
"And should his stay be brief,"
"You'll have his lovely memories"
"As solace for your grief."
"I cannot promise he will stay"
"Since all from earth return,"
"But there are lessons taught down there"
"I want this child to learn."
"I've looked the wide world over"
"In my search for teacher true,"
"And from the throngs"
"that crowd life's lanes,"
"I have selected you;"
"Now will you give him all your love,"
"Not think the labor vain,"
"Nor hate Me when I come to call"
"And take him back again?"
"I fancied that I heard them say,"
"'Dear Lord, Thy will be done,"
"For all the joy Thy child shall bring,"
"The risk of grief we'll run."
"We'll shelter him with tenderness,"
"We'll love him while we may,"
"And for the happiness we've known,"
"Forever grateful stay."
"But should the angels call for him"
"Much sooner than we planned,"
"We'll brave the bitter grief that comes"
"And try to understand'.""
"~Mackenzie Yvonne Bryceland~"
I do not want to share anything about the morning/day of Max's death. I relive that day, 100 times a day, everyday. I do not want anyone else to have to have those images, I wish I didn't. I will share something that happened at Max's funeral.
Jessica is sure it was a miracle.St. John's is a very old church, it has no airconditioning. They always open the big stain glass windows for mass. A bird got in the church, it flew around, circling the altar. It stayed for most of the funeral, just flying around. That morning I was at the cemetary, sitting where we were going to bury Max. (The cemetary is across the road from my parent's house). I prayed so hard for some sort of a sign, that Max was with me, that Jesus loved me. I am choosing to view the bird as my sign.
There has not been a day go by that I have not cried. Not one day I have not wished that I could die, so I can be with my son again. I am, (not always so patiently) enduring my life, existing, doing what I can, living for the glory of the Lord. I want to be with my son again. I MISS him more than words can ever express. That book I told you about on the first page of this site had a message. We are here on the earth to show LOVE and KINDNESS to others. To help eachother. To spread the WORD of the LORD. The happiest people on the earth are the ones who have figured out what their Mission for GOD is. I thought I knew what my Mission was, now I am unsure.
And now this word to all of you: You should be like one big happy family, full of sympathy toward each other, loving one another with tender hearts and humble minds. Don't repay evil for evil. Don't snap back at those who say unkind things about you. Instead, pray for God's help for them, for we are to be kind to others, and God will Bless us for it.
~LESSON LEARNED~The day before Max died he was sitting on my lap, smiling or course. He had this little blue baseball cap. I put it on his head, he looked so unbelieveably CUTE !!! I told him "tomorrow we are going to dress up in different clothes and take your picture". I was rushed for time, we had to go pick up his sister. I took the hat off his head and put it on the chair for tomorrow. I did not know that there was not going to be another tomorrow. All we really have is right NOW, TODAY !!!
How do you know what is going to happen tomorrow? For the length of your lives is as uncertain as the morning fog-now you see it; soon it is gone.
Little I knew that morning,
God was going to call your name,
In life we loved you dearly,
In death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you,
You did not go alone,
For part of me went with you,
The day God called you home.
You left us beautiful memories
Your love is still our guide,
And though we cannot see you,
You are always by our side.
Our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same,
But as God calls us one by one,
The chain will link again.
~Author Unknown~
The one that died you know.Don't worry about making me cry.I'm already crying inside.PRETENDING he didn't exist.I'd rather you mention my child,knowing that he has been missed.I say "pretty good" or "fine".
Thank You So Much Karen & Brad...
for this BEAUTIFUL Susprise.
The "Green" ribbon represents Organ and Tissue donor awareness. When Max died, I wanted to donate his organs. If my baby had to die, maybe through his death, another child could live. I made the decision to donate his heart valves. (The other organs could not be used.) Max's picture is in the Midwest Transplant Network Transplantation Through the Millennium 2000 Calendar. I have submitted a quilt square for the MTN Donor Family Quilt. The quilt is used to help spread the message or organ and tissue donation and to honor and remember those who have given gifts of life.
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