The First Annual Slothist Sur Le Web Awards!!

And the Nominees Are..

Coolest Person Alive..

• Annie McKim
• Anne McKim
• Anne E. McKim

Best Celebrity Impersonator..

• Stephanie Barton (for her astonishing rendition of Hanson)
• Naomi Greene (for "Moesha")
• Ken McKenzie (for Steve Erkel, minus the glasses)
• Amani Starnes (for Scary Spice)

Most Revolting Topic...

• White Rat Disscection
• Blue-Balled Monkeys
• Brian Myers' "Vote for Me because I'm Fat" Speech
• The Nock Walk
• C'est Ann's Thigh Muscles
• Malynn
• Eric and KFC
• Ghetto Booties
• Anal Gerbils

Why oh, Why Did She Swallow the Fly?...

• Sheer Enjoyment
• The Crunch
• Flies are an excellent source of dietary fiber
• I told her to
• She was intoxicated
• Damned if I know
• "She saw it on that sadistic MTV"
• The Fly pissed her off
• Appetite Suppressant
• It's all the rage
• Mid-life Crisis

Best Rap, Hip Hop, or Folk Song

• "Ice, Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice
• "Blame it on the Rain" by Milli Vanilli
• "Whistle when you're Low" by Cancer Boy
• "The Joys of Bovine Castration, a progressive piece" By Do Park
• "I'm in Love with an Eighth Grader" by Daisy MacDonald
• "And Along came A Spider" by Ken McKenzie
• "I HATE PATTI LaBELLE!!!" by Bradley Bailey

The Most Infuriating Thing that makes me want to Kill...

• Animals dressed as people
• Cow Tippin'
• Alone, Constipated, No Ex-lax
• Sheep Molestation
• Kate Moss
• "I'm gonna kill somebody!!"
• That lil' Cusser Boy
• Motorized Wheelchairs
• "Back to the Future" movies
• The Spanish Royal Family
• Malynn, Malynn, MALYNN!!!!!!
• Yo-Yo Ma
• "Hole-in-the-Ground" Toilets
• Homemade Condoms
• Japanese Maxi-Pad Washing
• Decapitated Chickens Running Around
• Split Infinitives
• The E! Channel
• Joan Rivers
• Naomi and her erotic poems (they're really gross)
• Whoever keeps signing my guestbook as Monica Lewinsky (and her damn berets!)
• For Whatever reasons Clinton has to like ugly women
• Janet Reno

• Email: blueboy14@sprintmail.com