Top 10 Lists
Top 10 Alternate Names for TRL
- Total Rejects Live
- Totally Rigged Live
- Total Raunchy Losers
- Ten Real Lame
- Total Rubbish Live
- Teeny Request Live
- Teenies R Losers
- Total Request Dead
- True Rock Loses
- Totally Requested by Losers
Top 10 Alternate Names for MTV
- The Teeny Network
- Waste of Airtime
- Many Terrible VJs
- Much Too Vapid
- Many Teenybopper Viewers
- Music Too Vile
- Pop Bands R Us
- Music Totally eViscerated
- Empty Vision
- Many Teenage Vixens
Top 10 Things I'd Like to Hear a Boy Band Member Say
- "We think anti-sites are hilarious."
- "We don't really love our fans, we're just in it for the money."
- "We're manufactured."
- "Actually, there were a lot of guys that could sing better. Lou Pearlman just though we looked the best."
- "Are you kidding? We can barely write our own names, let alone a whole song."
- "I would like to apologize to everyone for pretending that I look good in a 'fro." (said by Justin Timberlake)
- "Yes, we do have dead poodles on our heads. Why do you ask?" (said by AJ from the BSB and Chris from N'Sync)
- "I just went on 7th Heaven so I could score with Jessica Biel." (said by Lance from N'Sync)
- "Stop stealing our act." (said by NKOTB)
- "We admit it; we wouldn't see that little girl because we're pricks." (said by the BSB)
Top 10 Things to do With Britney Spears' and N'Sync's New CDs
- Coasters.
- Use them to teach your dog to catch a frisbee.
- Burn some good music on to it.
- Along with BSB and Christina Aguilera CDs, make a mobile for baby's crib.
- Cut them up into little pieces and use them to retile your pool like Martha Stewart did in the American Express commercial.
- Target practice.
- Small dart board.
- Find a fan and play keep away.
- Claim that it was the first one ever made and sell to a fan for a huge amount of money.
- Dangle it by a string and see if your cat will play with it.
Top 10 Things I'd Rather Do Than Watch MTV
- Give my dog a bath.
- My homework.
- Go to anthropology class.
- Clean my house.
- Clean my parents' house.
- Mow the lawn.
- Drive across Kansas and back in one day.
- Take all of my exes out to dinner.
- Watch a televangelist preach.
- Eat brussel sprouts.
- Read the tax code.
Top 10 Future Sources of Income for Britney Spears
- Stripper
- Playboy Playmate of the Year
- Hooter Girl
- Welfare mom
- Collecting enormous child support and alimony from Justin Timberlake
- Writing a tell-all autobiography about how her parents pushed her into showbiz.
- Does a workout video that shows how to go from a B cup to a DD cup naturally.
- Gets breast cancer and sues implant company.
- Gets skin cancer and sues tanning bed company.
- Spokeswoman for Hooked on Phonics
Top Ten Reasons Why VH1 is Better than MTV
- The Rock Show. Not only does it play really good music, but Cane is way more attractive than Carson Doofus.
- The 100 Greatest Women of Rock 'n' Roll. Agree or disagree with their picks, you have to admit that MTV would never run a show like this. (Note to teenies: Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera were not, repeat, not on this list.)
- Behind the Music. This show is addictive. BTM addiction should be one of the programs offered at Betty Ford.
- Where Are They Now? A look into the possible futures of Britney, Christina, Ricky, and other fad artists.
- VH1 gave Johnny Rotten a show. MTV gave Pauly Shore a show. 'Nuff said.
- VH1 doesn't have The Real World or Road Rules.
- VH1's VJs are not as annoying.
- VH1's Top 10 countdown does not feature screaming teenyboppers and an inane host.
- VH1 actually shows videos at decent hours of the day.
- VH1 wouldn't have fired Matt Pinfield.
Top Ten Alternate Names for Pop Artists
- Shitstaina Aguicrapa
- Hagstreet Uglies
- 98 Sleaze
- N*Suck
- Breastney Fears
- Backdoor Boys
- Gayzone
- LFBlow
- Titney Rears
- 98 Grease
Top Ten Reasons Why I Hate Pop
- Hordes of screaming teenyboppers
- They have destroyed the music industry
- They have the audacity to call boy bands "bands" when they don't write their own songs or play their own instruments.
- Britney Spears really did get breast implants. (If you don't believe me, check out some before and after pics.)
- They are contributing to the decline of American music.
- They have destroyed MTV.
- Their songs are really annoying.
- A lot of these acts can't perform live.
- Britney Spears acts like a slut.
- Their songs are perpetually overplayed.
Top Ten Things (other than pop) That Bug Me
- Furbies
- Car dealership commercials
- People who tailgate
- Comic strips that don't know when to die (Blondie, anyone?)
- Artists who cover a song and do a crappy job of it
- People who think I'm a snob because I went to Catholic high schoool. (Doesn't an attitude like that make YOU a snob? Think about it ...)
- People who don't let me sing along with the radio
- Sports nuts. (I can deal with sports, it's the psycho fans that irritate me.)
- When they try to turn a Saturday Night Live skit into a movie and do a really bad job of it. (Superstar, for example. 90 minutes of hell.)
- People who preach at me. (I'm not just talking religious preaching, there are a lot of other kinds, all just as annoying.)
Top Ten Ways to Irritate a Teenybopper
- Stage a public burning of pop albums
- Tell them you think N*SYNC/BSB suck.
- Tell them you heard that someone in a boy band is gay.
- Tell them boy bands don't write any songs or play any instruments
- Tell them your dog sings better than N*SYNC
- Tell them that boy bands are ugly
- If they invite you to a pop concert, tell them, "No thanks, I'd rather go out and listen to music."
- Remind them of the Celebrity Deathmatch episode where Marilyn Manson killed Hanson and the Spice Girls
- When they tell you they like ________, put your hand on their head and say,"Leave this child, evil demons!"
- Tell them that pop is a passing fad and they'll have forgotten about ________ in 2 years.
More to come!
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