In His Own Words: The Wit and Wisdom of Buddy Cole

If any of these are inaccurate, I don't care. This is my page I can do whatever I want. Ha!

As the great Buddy Cole once said....

• Americans know as much about Canada as straight people do about gays. Americans arrive at the border with skis in July, and straight people think that being gay is just a phase. A very long phase
• Ma Cheri...oh, she'll hate that. She hates when I write in french. I usually correspond in fag, but it's incredible how often they're the same thing, n'est-ce pas
• What are the odds? I can't believe it! Here I am stranded on a desert island and my only supplies are my favorite book- All About Rhoda by Peggy Hertz from Scholastic Press and my favorite album- Johnny Mathis and Denise Williams, "That's What Friends Are For". I always like to have an ex-lover's music around. Denise is good, too
• And while you're at it do something about your hair it's threatening to become more interesting than you.
• I just broke up with my lover Zeke. I think he was cheating on me. His nickname for me was "Next!" So, I picked myself up, dusted myself off, swallowed my pride `cuz it's still safe
• All of a sudden that strange new army of penises, which moments before had seemed so innocent, now appeared to me as poisoned tipped sabres aimed at my heart.
• They say that behind every great man there's a woman; and behind every great lady, there's a preening fag.
• Elizabeth Taylor was our one millionth customer for God's sake. Oh, who am I trying to kid? Elizabeth Taylor never came here. The biggest Taylor we ever had was Rip
• And I don't just say that 'cause I always fall in love there. It's just that there, they usually fall back
• All I had with me was 37 cents and a *big* diamond ring worth about two million dollars. I figured that would keep me going for about a month.
• I, however spoke French with a refined, Parisian accent which made people think I was a snob. Luckily I was; so I didn't mind.
• You know what? I can still perform marriages as long as I don't practice homosexuality during the ceremony. It's so I wont come on to the groom.
• Well I prefer sodomite. It goes along with my concept that the world's a big jail.
• That blacks are inferior, because they like to dance and screw around. Excuse me? I love to dance. And as far as I'm concerned, screwing is next to godliness.
• I'll bet Richard Chamberlain had a couple of sleepless nights. Oh I'm not saying he's gay, I'm just saying I hope he has a good lover 'cause he's gonna need a lot of sex with a man to help him through this crisis. Good luck Dick!
• I mean why is it always the big smelly guys that think all fags want them?
• Andrew Dice Clay is NOT the new Lenny Bruce. I am!
• A place where the brothers can be sisters, the sisters can be parents and I can be *simply*... mmm... I'm not saying I'm gay, I'm just saying, boys, you don't wanna run into me in a dark alley.

What was that again, Scott?

• I'm actor/comidien Scott Thompson. And yes, I'm the fag. C'mon. Don't run away. What are ya runnin' from? What are you scared of?
• I'm....not....gay. I... I... thought I was... but I made a mistake. Uh, I'm sure I'm sorry... I guess I was in a hurry. OK! 'nuff said! What do we want!?! Come on... WHAT DO WE WANT!?!
• Then, the drag queen starts talking. "Alright. Listen up fags," she says, "this is the beginning of the drag revolution." So I go, "'Scuze me? Aren't you a bit fat to be Diana Ross?"
• I was ah, meanwhile in the corner studying my lines for the next scene. Or maybe I was doing lines. Anyways, I was having a very difficult time remembering my next line. Or remembering if I had just done one.
• Now did all the, uh, make- up come off? Because, you know, because I don't want anyone to think I'm gay.
• Don't look at the person next to you to see if it's ok to laugh! Just laugh people!