The Valentine’s Day Massacre

(Joey and Dawson are in Bessie’s pick-up – Dawson is attempting to teach Joey how to drive – the truck is moving very slowly down Joey’s driveway)

Dawson: …so you kind of want to ease into it, alright? It’s very gentle – kind of give and take action, alright? (Dawson is moving his hands back and forth attempting to illustrate the clutch and accelerator) So… you might wanna do it right about now.

(Joey attempts to change gear and stalls it)

Dawson: Wait, wait! Ooh. (sighs heavily) OK, remember when I said that thing about stepping on the clutch before you actually try and shift – is that coming back to you?

(Joey gives him a sour look)

Dawson: Um, so you’re in (word??) – now put your foot on the clutch and put it in first gear—

Joey: No, no. (turns engine off) That’s it, OK? I don’t want to learn how to drive any more -- it’s too hard.

Pacey: Are we there yet? Look… (he sits up from the bed of the truck) come on, kiddies – we’re barely half-way down the driveway. What on earth have you guys been doing up here?

Dawson: See, this is a shining example of why friends should not teach friends to drive stick.

Joey: (defensively) You’re not exactly Lloyd Dobler, Dawson.

Dawson: What is that supposed to mean?

Joey: "Say Anything"? – John Cusack teaches Ione Skye how to drive?

Dawson: Yeah…?

Joey: Except, if I remember correctly, he was quite the patient tutor.

Dawson: Well, as I remember, she actually listened to his tutorial.

(Joey gives his an open-mouthed, shocked expression)

Pacey: (patronisingly) OK kids, let’s try and find the love up there, shall we? (he dismounts from the back of the truck) You know, Dawson, what say you and I invite Miss Josephine Potter to step out on the town with us tonight? (they both look at Joey) Unless, of course you’ve prior Valentine’s Day plan with the College beau?

Joey: No – massive mid-term crisis.

Pacey: (acting disgusted) Excuse me? What kind of moron would rather shove his nose in a book than take his girl out for Valentine’s Day?

Joey: Pacey, I know it’s a hard concept for you to grasp, but some people are actually dedicated to the pursuit of academic excellence.

Dawson: OK, so then why don’t you just come with us? It’ll be fun.

Joey: (thinks about it) Depends on what Goofus and Gallan are up to this evening?

Pacey: Well, as it happens, Matt Caulfield is throwing a massive anti-Valentine’s Day party.

Joey: (has a sour look on her face) Why would you want to go to a Matt Caulfield party?

Dawson: After everything we’ve heard about it, why wouldn’t we?

Joey: Well that surprises me, Dawson.

Dawson: Why?

Joey: Matt Caulfield? I mean, he’s not exactly of your tribe – he’s a creep and his parties are infamous for complete and utter debauchery. I mean, it’s not really your scene—

Pacey: Why are you coming down on the guy from wanting to shed his skin and have some fun for a change, you know?

Joey: And why are you dragging him into a seedy, depraved world reserved for bottom-feeders like yourself?

Dawson: OK, this tug-of-war over my morality is entertaining and all, but we gotta get going, we’ll be late for school.

Joey: As much as the idea of the two of you make fools of yourselves is appealing to me, I’m gonna have to pass on the whole party thing… and make it a Blockbuster night.

Pacey: (smugly and patronisingly) You know, that sounds like a great idea, Jo. Who are you gonna get to drive ya?

(Joey gives Pacey the evil eye)

* * * * *

(Capeside High – Dawson and Pacey are walking, looking over at Matt Caulfield)

Pacey: Can you imagine the life that guy is leading?

Dawson: Urban legend has it he slept with six cheerleaders in one weekend.

Pacey: I’m telling you man, we gotta go to that party.

Dawson: I don’t know man, maybe– maybe Joey’s right—

Pacey: (frustrated) Ah, what is this – is this doubt that I’m hearing young Skywalker?

Dawson: Well, I’m not exactly cut out for a career in hedonism.

Pacey: Dawson, pick up the phone already – this is your call to action, OK? Your hero’s journey begins now, my friend.

Dawson: Pacey Witter – poor man’s Yoda.

Pacey: You know, I’ve always seen myself more as a Hans Solo type. Rogue-ish good looks, devil-may-care attitude…

(Jack comes jogging over, out of breath)

Jack: Guys, guys, wait up.

Pacey: Hey, here comes my Chewbacca.

Jack: (confused) What?

Pacey: It’s not important. Anyway, have any luck?

Jack: Yeah, I talked to some of the guys on the team, and it turns out that the– that the location is completely confidential. I guess Caulfield and some of his buddies were afraid of, you know, if the cops get wind of it, they’ll bust it up.

(Dawson and Pacey look disappointed)

Jack: (smiles) But – I did get the password.

Pacey: Nice!

Dawson: What is it?

Jack: "I know kung-fu."

* * * * *

(Henry is at a blood bank)

Nurse: I told you yesterday, Henry, you can only sell blood every 72 hours.

Henry: But I feel fine.

Nurse: I know that huge heart of yours could probably fill half the blood banks in New England, but I’m sorry.

Henry: (pleading) Please? I– I’ve got a date with an angel tonight. (she looks at him dubiously) And everything is almost perfect -- I’ve spent the last two weeks working at her favourite restaurant to pay for the meal, I– I’ve got a reservation at the best table. Now if I could sell just one more pint, I’ll– I’ll have enough for a gift.

Nurse: (shaking her head) I can’t bend the rules.

Henry: Nurse Nicole. Somewhere out there is a guy, who thinks about you everyday, and dreams about you every night, a– a– a guy who would sell his blood just to make you happy.

Nurse: Well, he’s late.

Henry: Maybe he’s stuck. Maybe someone won’t… bend the rules for him.

Nurse: (thinks for a minute then sighs) Roll up your sleeve. (Henry smiles and jumps on the hospital bed) And promise me you’ll get some rest before your big date.

* * * * *

(Pacey walks through a park to Doug who is sitting in his patrol car listening to some crappy music)

Pacey: Hey Douggie!

Doug: So what do I owe this dubious honour?

Pacey: Can’t a fella just wanna hang out with his own brother? Do I always have to have an ulterior motive – and what is that satanic racket you’ve got going in there?

Doug: (laughs) Oh, listen to that voice, Pacey. Is that not a cause for joy, and is that not the voice of a diva?

Pacey: Douggie, if you continue in this manner, you are going to force me to unleash a (souvel word??) of gay stereotype humour that will leave you breathless and quivering, OK?

Doug: Always a pleasure, Pacey, but I got somewhere to be.

Pacey: Well, look, maybe I could do a ride-along with you tonight?

Doug: And why would you want to do that?

Pacey: Because, Doug, you’re my big brother – I look up to you. Call me crazy, but I think it would be fascinating to spend a night in the life of butch supercop, Douglas Witter.

Doug: Not tonight, OK.

Pacey: Why not?

Doug: Because you would be bored. Tonight I have to suffer through the ignoble task of staking out the golf course.

Pacey: Golf course, huh?

Doug: Yeah. A concerned citizen called in a heads-up about some big party at the golf course, so, you know? Hey, you haven’t heard anything about a party have you?

Pacey: At the golf course?

Doug: Yeah.

Pacey: Nah, nah. I did hear about this rager out on Witch Island, but that’s not really important. Thank you Douglas Witter.

(Pacey walks away quite pleased with himself)

* * * * *

(McPhee residence – Jack is approaching Andie’s room and overhears her talking on the phone)

Andie: … OK, so you take a left of Dearborn, and then we’re the third house on the left. So I’ll see you around eight o’clock? (pauses as she listens) Kate, come on, you have to come. I mean, it’ll be so much fun. Besides, you have to get your mind off things right? (Jack enters her room) OK, great, I’ll see you then.

Jack: Kate? Kate who?

Andie: Kate Douglas. She’s coming up from Rhode Island for the weekend to crash with us.

Jack: Kate Douglas – as in my ex-girlfriend?

Andie: And as in a very good friend of mine.

Jack: I can’t believe you would actually ask her up here without asking me first!

Andie: Jack, it’s Valentine’s Day, and she just broke up with her boyfriend, and she needs a change of scenery. So, I…

Jack: (sighs) Did she mention me?

Andie: Well, yeah. I mean, it’s only natural.

Jack: What did you tell her?

Andie: That you’re great.

Jack: And?

Andie: And?

Jack: And?

Andie: And no, OK, I didn’t tell her that – that is so your gig.

Jack: I can’t believe you!

Andie: Jack, look, it’s not that big a deal, OK? She gets here, you ask her if she wants a glass of water, and then… you– you know, you kind of mention that you like boys.

* * * * *

(Grams’ house – Jen is in her bedroom holding two dresses in the mirror – she look nervous)

Jen: What do you think – red or black?

Grams: It’s Valentine’s Day – red, of course.

Jen: Yeah. Yeah, I thought so too. Alright. (she goes off to change)

Grams: You know, it’s perfectly natural to be nervous. Valentine’s is a very exciting day—

Jen: (poking her head out of the door) Oh, I am not nervous, alright? It’s just another day, just another dinner.

Grams: It’s not just another day. It’s the day St Valentine gave his life to the Romans rather than stop marrying young Christian lovers. (shivers) Ooh, you can feel his spirit all around us.

Jen: Oh, it’s called a draft. And it usually wafts through old doors around the middle of February.

Grams: Oh, Jennifer, you are far too young to be this jaded.

(Jen emerges wearing the black dress)

Jen: Who’s jaded? I think it’s great that we have a day which commercialises on our emotions.

Grams: Not even the harsh jangle of the cash register can keep love at bay.

(Jen is inspecting herself in the mirror, still looking nervous)

Jen: Something’s missing.

Grams: You look beautiful, just beautiful.

(Jen rummages around in a draw looking for some jewellery)

Jen: No, something is definitely missing.

Grams: Now, an unadorned neck is proper for the first date – chaste, pure.

Jen: (smiles) And that’s so me.

Grams: You know, I’ve often found that the best thing for nerves is– is to simply breathe, deeply. (begins breathing deeply) In… (exhales) out…

Jen: (unconvincingly) OK, for the last time – I’m not nervous. I have absolutely nothing to be nervous about. I… I have been on plenty of dates, with plenty of guys, on plenty of days, and this is just another one, so please don’t make such a big deal out of it because it’s not a big deal at, OK?

Grams: Have fun on your date, dear.

(Jen nods – Grams leaves and Jen lets out a heavy sigh, full of nervous tension)

* * * * *

(Andie’s car moving down a street – Kate sits in the front with Andie, and Jack is in the back)

Andie: OK, so the plan is, is we’re gonna meet out friend at the club, and we’re gonna try and find this senior’s party, OK?

Kate: (looks around at Jack) Jackers, you’ve been pretty darn quiet for someone I haven’t seen in a year.

Jack: It’s just weird to see you, that’s all.

Kate: Have you missed me?

Jack: Yeah, of course.

Kate: I’m a pretty missable kind of gal, don’t you think?

Jack: Extremely missable.

Kate: So, who’s that special someone in your life these days?

Jack: Um… it’s… funny you should ask that. Um, (Kate begins to cry) ‘cause I think there’s something that you should know.

Andie: (concerned) Kate!? What’s wrong?

Kate: My boyfriend, the one who broke up with me -- it started just like that. I asked him what was wrong and he said, "Funny you should ask." And then he told me that he was gay.

(Andie and Jack looked shocked and Jack looks at Andie in the mirror – she gives him a ‘you can’t tell her now’ look and he throws his head back, not believing his luck)

* * * * *

(Pacey and Dawson are standing on a green at the golf club – Pacey is lining up for an imaginary putt)

Pacey: Here we are, eighteen green, Augusta. If Pacey Witter can sink this putt, he will become the youngest ever Master’s champion. You can see the tension etched all over the face of his girlfriend, acting sensation… Miss Heather Graham.

(Dawson chuckles – Pacey goes for his imaginary putt)

Andie: Hey guys. (Jack and Kate are with her)

Pacey: Ugh! McPhee! You just made my drop my putter.

Andie: (sarcastic) Woo-hoo, tragic.

Pacey: (mimics in a high-pitched voice) Woo-hoo.

Andie: Dawson, Pacey, I’d like you to meet my friend, Kate Douglas.

Dawson: Nice to meet you, Kate Douglas.

Kate: Any friends of Jackers, are instant friends of mine.

Pacey: ‘Jackers’? (to Dawson) I believe she just said ‘Jackers’?

Jack: Well, Kate and I go way back. (clears his throat) Way back.

Kate: Jack was my first boyfriend.

(Pacey and Dawson look on, surprised)

Pacey: (trying not to laugh) Oooh, waayy back.

Kate: I’d, uh– I’d just like to put it out there that I’ve recently broken up with my gay boyfriend, and I find myself in a highly charged emotional state. OK? Thanks for your time.

(Pacey and Dawson look on, not knowing what to say)

Pacey: Could we have a moment, please? Thank you. (he puts his arm around Dawson’s shoulders and leads him away from Andie and Co) Did you hear what she just said?

Dawson: I know, I feel bad for her. I– Jack – that’s not one, but two gay boyfriends.

Pacey: OK, I wasn’t really talking about so much what she said – more like what she’s saying.

Dawson: And the subtext is?

Pacey: That she needs to overcome the memory of her lost love. If only for a brief time. She’s looking to hook up, man. This night just turned into a teenage fairytale, and you my friend, are the big bright shining star.

Dawson: I wasn’t quite looking at it from that angle.

Pacey: Well that’s why I’m here, little buddy, isn’t it? Huh?

Jack: Hey, look who’s here.

Andie: Joey! Hey.

Pacey: Huh?

Joey: Hey.

Jack: Hi Joey.

Joey: Hi guys.

(Pacey and Dawson walk back to the group)

Pacey: Well, that’s odd. I mean, this couldn’t possibly be Miss Josephine "Buzz Killer" in front of me, because I was pretty sure she was boycotting tonight.

Joey: Well, I came to make sure that I don’t lose Dawson to the Dark Side.

Dawson: Joey. (she turns towards him) I appreciate your concern, but I’m really quite capable of taking care of myself.

Joey: Some day you’ll thank me, Dawson. And if Pacey insists on being the devil on your shoulder, then the least I can do is be the angel on the other.

Pacey: (sarcastically) Fine then. Come with me sweet little angel, be my guest. But you are not, and I repeat (he starts walking way), not going to ruin this night for us.

(the group follow Pacey)

* * * * *

(Grams’ house – we see a hand knock on the front door – Jen answers smiling)

Jen: Hi. (she closes the door behind her) Henry, do you feel OK? You look… kind of peaked?

Henry: I– I’ve been dreaming about this for so long, I’m afraid if I speak I’ll wake.

Jen: (smiles some more) You are awake.

Henry: You look gorgeous.

Jen: So are you.

(they start to walk along the verandah towards the driveway)

Henry: We’re wearing the same colour.

Jen: Black.

(they reach the screen door, which Henry opens for Jen)

Jen: You know, my– my grams would probably say that– that was a sign of the spirit of St Valentine.

Henry: Of course it is. I believe that. (they pause on the stairs) Uh, this is for you. (he holds out a single red rose)

Jen: Henry, thank you. It’s perfect.

Henry: This whole night is gonna be perfect.

Jen: Ouch! (she pricked her finger)

Henry: Oh, I’m sorry.

Jen: It’s OK.

Henry: No, it’s not OK – you’re bleeding.

Jen: No, no, it’s fine. Really. It’s just a flesh wound.

(she smiles and they continue walking)

* * * * *

(Golf course – the group are riding golf carts around the course – they are paired off – Joey and Pacey, Andie and Jack, Dawson and Kate)

Joey: Well that was as subtle as an Oliver Stone film.

Pacey: What was?

Joey: Shoving Dawson on that girl.

Pacey: What, are you jealous?

Joey: No! I’m worried about him, Pacey.

Pacey: (shrugs his shoulders) Why?

Joey: Because he’s lost. I mean, can’t you see that?

Pacey: I whole-heartedly concur with you – Dawson is lost right now. That is why he needs to acquire as much life experience as possible.

Joey: Pacey, why does ‘life experience’ have to translate into these wild parties and random hook-ups?

Pacey: What would you have the man do, join a book-of-the-month club?

(cut to Jack and Andie)

Jack: I’m screwed.

Andie: You have to tell her.

Jack: I can’t tell her now. I don’t want to give her a complex.

Andie: Well you can’t keep avoiding her all night, either.

Jack: Well if I tell her, I’m just gonna end up hurting her all over again.

Andie: (scoffs) Oh, OK, get over yourself, Jack.

Jack: What?

(cut to Dawson and Kate)

Kate: Is there something hideously wrong with me?

Dawson: Not that I can tell.

Kate: Dave, the guy I just broke up with? The guy who turned out to be oh-so-very-much a homosexual… he used to tell me I was an acquired taste. Is that just a nice way of saying I’m just a filthy eyesore? I’m not a filthy eye-sore am I?

Dawson: No, you’re beautiful – in the way that beautiful used to actually mean something.

Kate: What was your name again.

(Dawson just smiles and keeps driving)

(cut to the three carts pulling up – the party is just ahead – the group starts walking towards the party)

Joey: You know, this (word??) is still playing at the Realto. We can still catch it—

Pacey: Easy, Potter.

Jack: How do you think these guys are going to respond when they find out we’re crashing their party without an invite?

Andie: Uuh… a good question, and one we probably should have considered before we go here. So who wants to go get ice-cream?

Pacey: We made it this far, party people, we might as well.

(Matt Caulfield approaches the gang)

Matt: This is my party. And I don’t recall inviting any of you.

Andie: (cheerfully) Well, you didn’t. Our mistake, so we’ll be going now.

(she starts to leave but Jack grabs her arm)

Matt: Do you know the password?

(the gang just look at one another)

Dawson: I know kung-fu.

Matt: OK then.

Pacey: Well, OK. (nodding his head) OK.

(he starts to walk forward but is stopped by Matt)

Matt: Not so fast, kids. You do know about the entrance fee, don’t you?

Pacey: Oh, uh, of course, it’s, uh, what, five bucks to cover this, right?

(Matt walks over to a table and lifts up a tray containing small plastic cups full of some alcoholic concoction)

Matt: If you’d like to join us, I need each of you to down one of these bad boys.

(he holds the tray out for Pacey and Kate)

Matt: Go on.

Pacey: (downing the contents of the cup) Well thank you Mr Cosby.

Kate: OK. (she takes one and swallows it) Yummy.

Jack: OK for the soul. (he drinks)

Matt: (offering the tray to Andie and Joey) Betty, Veronica?

Andie: Actually, I’m the designated driver tonight.

Matt: Alright, what about you, doll?

Joey: An attractive offer. Although I sure you’re dying for the chance to hold back my hair when I inevitably vomit up that nasty keg beer, I’m gonna have take a raincheck.

(Matt shrugs and walks over to Dawson who takes one the cups)

Joey: (incredulously) You’re actually considering participating in this nonsense?

Pacey: Why can’t you just let the man make his own decisions?

Joey: Dawson, this isn’t you.

Pacey: (sighs in frustration) You know what? Your concern for Dawson is starting to border on pathological, Potter.

Dawson: Hey guys, we’re not at the gates of hell, and you are not arguing over my soul.

(Dawson holds the cup up and drinks – Joey looks disappointed and walks away – Andie follows)

Pacey: All right.

(he starts heading off to the party)

(Jen and Henry at the restaurant)

Jen: Thank you, Henry.

Henry: You’re just saying that.

Jen: All right, well, maybe– maybe I had my doubts at first, but, um, everything’s turned out really really nicely.

(Henry looks like his about to faint but Jen isn’t looking)

Jen: We’ve got a fun place to eat, and what’s more important is that we can spend some time doing what I was hoping we could do on Valentine’s Day, which is– is just, get to each other, you know what I mean?

(she finally realises Henry isn’t paying attention)

Jen: Henry? Um, Henry?

Henry: (finally snapping out of it) Huh?

Jen: Am I boring you?

Henry: No, no. I was– I was just… resting my eyes.

Jen: Oh. Well, feel free to put your head down and take a nap if you like.

Henry: (closing his eyes) Oh, OK.

(Henry falls off his chair and crashes to the ground)

Jen: Henry!

(there is commotion as people wonder what happen)

* * * * *

(Golf course – Andie and Joey ride in a golf cart)

Joey: (annoyed) How does he do it?

Andie: Who, Dawson?

Joey: No, Pacey. I mean, how does he always manage to get us into these situations?

Andie: (smiles) It’s his cocky charm.

Joey: Cocky, yes. But I don’t think the village idiot routine equals charm.

Andie: Nah, he means well.

Joey: Why is he so irritating?

Andie: Well if you think about it -- I mean, he is just this big, dopey dog.

Joey: You’re right. It’s like he runs through the house destroying everything in it’s path, and then he looks up at you like, "What do you expect, I’m just a dog?"

Andie: (laughs) You know who you sound like?

Joey: Who?

Andie: Me. Right before I started dating him.

(Joey gives her an ‘as if’ look but then the lights of a cop car flash)

Doug: (on the loudspeaker) You in the golf cart, pull over.

(Joey brings the golf cart to a stop and Doug gets out and walks over, realising that it’s Joey and Andie)

Doug: Good evening, ladies.

* * * * *

(Golf course party – a bonfire is ablaze and the party rages on – Dawson comes across Kate pouring a drink)

Dawson: Hey, Kate.

Kate: Hey, Dawson.

Dawson: I was wondering—

Kate: You were wondering?

Dawson: (laughs) Are you going to repeat everything I say?

Kate: Are you going to repeat everything I say? (smiles) Isn’t that annoying? I’m sorry. You were wondering…?

Dawson: Ah, I was wondering if you wanted to take a walk?

Kate: With you?

Dawson: With me, yeah.

Kate: (she thinks about it) A walks sounds good – let’s go.

Dawson: OK.

* * * * *

(Outside the restaurant – Henry is wheeled to an ambulance)

Paramedic: He’ll be at St Matthew’s later. He’ll be fine.

Jen: Henry, I cannot believe you sold your blood.

Henry: Twice in a forty-eight hour period.

Jen: What were you thinking?

Henry: I wanted to make sure I– I did everything possible to make tonight unforgettable.

Jen: Yeah, well, you did.

Henry: (he reaches into his pocket) And I wanted to buy you this.

(Henry hands her a small box felt-covered box)

Jen: (protesting) Henry. (she opens it) It’s a ring. And– and it– and it’s orange.

Henry: It’s Hungarian red. Try it on.

(she does but it’s too small)

Henry: (disappointed and upset) No!

Jen: Henry, Henry please don’t worry about this—

Henry: I ruined it. I’ve ruined everything.

Jen: No, no, it’s– Henry, it’s fine. Please, don’t worry about it.

(the paramedics are about to load Henry into the ambulance)

Henry: I wanted everything to be so perfect.

Jen: It is, it is. This is– this is perfect, it– it– it’s perfect.

(they load him up and shut the doors and drive away – Jen just shakes her head and walks away)

* * * * *

(Golf course party – Dawson and Kate are on their walk)

Kate: I know what you’re doing.

Dawson: Really? And, uh, what’s that?

Kate: You’re the resident caretaker.

Dawson: (laughs) The what?

Kate: The gang’s ‘nice guy’. Pretty friendly. The one who volunteers to take highly emotional and progressively wasted types off of everybody’s hand, so the other boys can go and have fun.

(Dawson looks surprised)

Kate: Don’t worry about little ol’ me, Dawson. I will present you with no burden whatsoever. (pauses) This place is hilly. (she walks away a bit)

Dawson: Wait a minute. Why would you assume that?

Kate: Assume what?

Dawson: That I’m a nice guy. Maybe I could be… trying to advantage of your situation.

(Kate begins to laugh)

Dawson: And you find that humorous?

Kate: I may be drunk, and I may hardly know you… but that’s not you.

Dawson: It isn’t?

Kate: No, it isn’t. I mean, first of all, who in a million years that was trying to take advantage of my situation use the expression "I’m trying to take advantage of your situation."?

(Dawson sighs, thinking he’s blown it)

Dawson: (speaking to the heavens – he’s obviously half-drunk as well) Would it really be too much to ask the universe that– that once, just once– just one single solitary time, you conspire with my desire to have a good time?

Kate: Quit whining. There are people dying in the Balkins.

Dawson: You be quiet, OK? This is between me and the fates.

Kate: Call me loco, but maybe if you just acted instead of hymning and hawing, and debating and conversing, then maybe you’d actually see some results.

Dawson: What is that supposed to mean?

Kate: Simply put – if you don’t want to be a nice guy, Dawson – when you take a girl into the woods, don’t talk to her about kissing her… kiss her. Especially after you told her that she was beautiful in the way the beautiful used to actually mean something.

Dawson: (smiles) It’s that simple?

Kate: (nods her head) It’s that simple.

(they go to kiss but Kate screws up her face at the last second)

Kate: Hold that impulse.

(Kate then up-ends the contents of her stomach)

Dawson: (shaking his head) Perfect. (looks up at the sky) Just perfect.

(a light shines in his eyes and he looks to find Doug, smiling)

* * * * *

(Gram’s house –Jen gets home and Grams is at the kitchen table)

Grams: You’re home early.

(she goes over and places her handbag on the table)

Jen: Unfortunately, not early enough. The haggard girl that you’re looking at now is straight from the date from hell.

Grams: Something for you and Henry to laugh about on your second date.

Jen: Sadly enough, I don’t think there’s going to be a second date, Grams.

Grams: Because of one sour evening?

Jen: This was our first real date, and to call it sour would be a kind review.

Grams: (placing her reading glasses on the table) Jennifer, you have got to get over your preconceptions about what a date is supposed to be. A date is– even if it is a bad one, it’s just another moment – it’s just another– another pearl in a great wondrous necklace.

Jen: OK, before you (act/ax???) geriatric, let me just cut to the chase. (she sits down at the table) Henry is right now at the hospital because he oversold his blood in order to buy me a Hungarian red ring, which by the way, is too small.

(Grams gives her a ‘how sweet’ look)

Jen: Sweet, yes. Adorable, sure. Grammer school, definitely.

Grams: Henry never claimed to be the sophisticated sort.

Jen: Which is exactly my point. I mean, why go for all this trouble, why– why plan a dinner, why buy me jewellery if that’s not why you are?

Grams: Maybe he thinks that’s who you want him to be.

* * * * *

(Back at the party – Doug pulls up in his cop car)

Doug: (over the loudspeaker) This is the Capeside police.

(everyone starts to scatter, leaving Pacey hanging from a tree with a funnel and hose)

Pacey: Hey, guys. Yo, guys. What, did I do it wrong? Hello?

(he looks up to find Doug starting down at him)

* * * * *

(Capeside police station – the gang are all in the same jail cell – Jack and Andie sit together, as do Dawson and Joey – Pacey sits alone in a corner and Kate is standing)

Kate: Do you guys party like this every weekend? Because, I gotta say, this has been the most fun I’ve had in a really long time. I mean, I am just so over my ex-boyfriend right now.

(she goes and sits next to Jack)

Jack: I am really glad to hear you say that, Kate. ‘Cause I think there’s something that you really need to know.

(Andie, slaps him on the shoulder and whispers)

Andie: You are not going to tell her in an enclosed space!

Kate: I heard that! Tell me what in an enclosed space?

Jack: Hey, look, I know this isn’t the optimum time to do this, alright, but I… (turns and faces Kate) Alright, look—

Kate: Ooh, I know what this is – you’re not over me, are you Jack?

Jack: No, no, no, that– that’s not it. Not to suggest that you’re easily get-overable or anything, but… the thing is—

Kate: Oh, my God. You’re gay, aren’t you?

(Jack’s expression gives it away)

Kate: (laughs) But we had…

Jack: Yeah, yeah we did.

Kate: And you were good.

Jack: Thanks. But that doesn’t have any bearing on our current situation. I’m still gay.

Kate: (to Dawson) Are you gay too?

Dawson: (surprised) Me? No.

Kate: Are you sure? Because apparently only gay guys will kiss me.

Joey: (shocked) You kissed her?

(Dawson just sighs and rests his head on the bars)

Kate: He started to, but my less-than-iron stomach napalmed the moment.

Joey: Dawson, what were you thinking?

Dawson: I wasn’t. (laughs) For a fleeting moment I wasn’t actually thinking, and it felt good.

Joey: To take advantage of girl who was drunk, vulnerable, and clearly on the rebound? I mean, is it just me Dawson, or is this jaw-droppingly out of character?

Dawson: (angrily) What character, Joey? The little sketch in your head that you have labelled ‘Dawson’? Look, this might not be the me that you’re used to, and I might make a complete fool out of myself, but you have to start letting make mistakes.

Pacey: (in an announcer’s voice) Here we go again, kiddies. For the 476^th time this hour, our number one Billboard chart topper – The Ballad of Dawson and Joey. Will those two crazy kids ever get back together again? Boy, I sure hope so.

Joey: Pacey, would you stay out of it?

Pacey: Oh, of course, far be it for me, lowly creature that I am, to ever tread on the sanctity of the Dawson and Joey dynamic. Sorry, it’s just that I find the way that you treat him so fascinating, Potter.

Joey: (sarcastically) And how is that, Dr Witter?

Pacey: Like he’s some weird, neutered, little virginal creature.

Dawson: What’s your problem?

Pacey: (scoffs) I don’t have a problem. I am but a (great course??), here to observe and interpret.

Joey: (standing) Pacey, when did you adopt this mean streak?

Pacey: Come on, Joey, you and I have always been known for the snap, crackle and pop or our repartee.

Joey: Right, the good-natured banter. But to the best of my recollection, I don’t remember it being pointed, and it’s never been hurtful.

Pacey: Or even being taken so seriously.

Joey: But how could I not take it seriously, Pacey. I mean, you’ve said one harsh, nasty thing after another to me tonight. What did I do to really deserve all that?

Pacey: You didn’t do anything to deserve this. The drunken lout in the corner just pleads sheer frustration. I mean, honestly, do you have any idea how exhausting it is to exist on your periphery? To witness this perpetual dance that you two have – one week you’re soulmates, the next week you’re giving each other up for the greater good. I mean, do you think it’s possible that sometime soon you could make up your mind? Please? And the reverence that you two treat this little saga of yours with, is enough to make a guy wanna puke.

(Pacey then goes over to the sink and throws up)

* * * * *

(Capeside police station – Doug approaches the cells followed by Mitch looking totally pissed off)

Doug: All right, everyone out.

(the gang quickly exit – Andie, Kate, Joey, Dawson ,who gets the evil eye from Mitch, and Jack)

Doug: (closing the cell door) Everyone that is, except you little brother. Dad thinks it might be a good idea if you spend the night.

(Pacey looks dejected and goes back to the bed)

* * * * *

(Capeside hospital – Jen enters a room where Henry is on a bed eating jello)

Jen: Hiya.

Henry: (holds the jello out) Jello?

Jen: (laughs and sits down) What is it about hospitals always serving jello? Do they think it has some miraculous healing power?

Henry: I’m sorry I can’t offer you more.

Jen: No, I’m sorry. Henry, I think that I may have been, um, just a bit more anxious than I let on about this whole thing.

Henry: (surprised) You? Anxious – really?

Jen: Yeah. Um… y– you see, at the Chaplain School, um Valentine’s was the day when the guy that I was dating would take out the girl that he really liked. Give her presents, and chocolates—

Henry: I don’t believe that for a minute.

Jen: Yeah, well it’s true, alright? I’ve never had a date on Valentine’s Day. Let alone a first date, so, I think that my– my need to fulfil that experience is what got the best of both of us.

Henry: That’s one way to put it.

(they laugh)

Jen: If we’re going to continue dating, and… and I’d like that, um, what do you say that we start acting more like ourselves and less like a couple in our thirties?

Henry: Does this mean you want me to return the ring?

Jen: (smiles) Not on your life! This is the best-looking Hungarian red-pink ring I’ve gotten. And besides, it reminds me of you, which makes it pretty invaluable. (they stare affectionately at one another) Mind if I do? (she motions to the jello and picks it up)

Henry: Do you realise what we’re doing? We’re having a date. No floods, no earthquakes, no—

Jen: Shh-shh-shh. Let’s not think about what could go wrong, let’s just… eat the jello.

Henry: (spooning another mouthful) There’s always room for jello.

* * * * *

(McPhee residence – Jack is helping Kate pack)

Jack: So are you OK?

Kate: Yeah. You know, I’m starting to realise that there’s something kind of cool about a relationship not working because the guy turns out to be gay.

(Jack looks at her quizzically)

Kate: I mean, sure, it’s heartbreaking in it’s own way, but it’s not my fault. There’s nothing I can do about it.

Jack: Of course it’s not your fault.

Kate: It’s not your fault either.

Jack: (sighs) I know.

Kate: Do you? Well then why were you so afraid to tell me?

Jack: I didn’t want to upset you.

Kate: (shaking her head) Mmm-mm. No, not buying it. You’re going to have to do better than that, Jackers.

Jack: (chuckles) OK. Um, when you and I were seeing each other, I always thought there was something a little… off. I mean, I’ve come a long way, but when I saw you it brought me back to a time that I thought that the feelings I was having were– were wrong. And I guess I thought that if I told you, I’d be somehow disappointing you.

Kate: In a million years, you could never disappoint me, Jack. (sitting next to him on the bed) Gay or straight, you’re a world-class human being. That’s why I wanted to see you – you take me back to this nice, safe place, where crushes never end and hearts can’t be broken. And I needed that this weekend.

Jack: Good. Well, I hope you found that somehow.

Kate: I did. I’m glad I get to go home knowing the real you.

Jack: Come here.

(he hugs her head to his chest and kisses the top of her head)

* * * * *

(Dawson’s place – in the kitchen – Mitch goes to the fridge and gets some ice-cream, then goes and gets a spoon – Dawson watches on)

Dawson: I thought the silent treatment was a tactic typically employed by kids.

Mitch: I’m not giving you the silent treatment. (he sits on the counter and starts eating the ice-cream)

Dawson: (laughs) You’re not talking to me, either.

Mitch: I was thinking.

Dawson: (taking his coat off) About what?

Mitch: My son. It’s been quite a year for you.

Dawson: (taking his scarf off) What do you mean?

Mitch: Well, it all started out with a wrecked boat and a wild party. And I was angry—

Dawson: Dad… what I’m trying to do is get back to the basics of being a kid. I mean, I– I’m sixteen, and it was a party, and those two things are inextricably linked.

Mitch: I have no problem with you going to parties. I have zero problem with you being sixteen. I do, I admit, have a problem with, oh, wrecked boats, strippers on the kitchen table, and fishing you out of the drunk tank on a Friday night.

Dawson: Fair enough. But can you, uh, chalk it up to youthful exuberance?

Mitch: Yes I can.

Dawson: Dad, thank you. I really appreciate it—

Mitch: I’m not finished. Since you’ve suddenly decided to start acting like a kid, I guess I’m left with no choice but to start acting (pauses) like a parent. And until you decide on a path for yourself, I’ve chosen one for you.

Dawson: What does that mean?

Mitch: Your mother’s planning on buying a restaurant.

Dawson: (surprised) Really?

Mitch: And you’re gonna work there, doing whatever she needs you to do – after school, evenings, weekends, whatever. And you’re going to do this until you begin to understand that suddenly deciding to be a kid doesn’t give you licence to be reckless, and irresponsible. Good night, son.

(Dawson is left to ponder the consequences of his actions)

* * * * *

(Capeside police station – Doug enters Pacey’s cell with some coffee)

Doug: (clears his throat) You were in rare form tonight.

Pacey: How bad do I suck, huh?

Doug: So what seems to be the problem?

Pacey: There’s no problem, Douggie.

Doug: Oh, come on, Pacey, I found you hanging from a tree getting completely wasted. Huh? So what is it, a girl or something?

Pacey: (defensively) What?

Doug: OK, so it’s a girl. Who is she?

Pacey: You know what, Douggie, it’s really not that important, OK?

Doug: OK.

(he starts to walk out of the cell)

Pacey: I’ll tell you something though, she is really, really annoying.

(Doug pauses)

Doug: Yeah?

Pacey: Yeah. I mean, this girl is amazing – there is not a single subject on the face of this planet that she doesn’t have an opinion on. It’s mind boggling.

Doug: (walking back towards Pacey) Well, that certainly sounds like a nightmare.

Pacey: Wh– no, I mean, no, it’s not quite like that, I mean, you gotta understand that the girl’s really smart so she’s usually right, and when she argues, it comes from this really beautiful, pure place, so I mean, how can you fight against that, you know? Especially if you’re a smart ass like me.

Doug: (smiles) Is she pretty?

Pacey: Yeah, she is pretty. She is very, very pretty. She’s actually that kind of pretty that gives you butterflies – know what I mean?

Doug: Ah, yeah. Never lose the butterflies.

Pacey: What?

Doug: You asked me what sucks most about getting older. Somewhere along the line, you just lose the butterflies. So the question is, little brother, what are you gonna do about it?

Pacey: Do?

Doug: Yeah, do, as in do something. Take action.

Pacey: You know, I don’t think you’re really properly grasping the gravity of this situation, Douggie. You see, if I was actually to do something about this, there is the strong possibility that the sun would cease to shine, that the tides would cease to rise. In fact, I’m betting there’s a pretty good chance that the very earth would crack open and Capeside would become home to a huge hell-mouth that would spew forth endless hordes of monsters and demons, that would choke the denizens of this city, making them fall to their knees, and pray for a return to the days before I took action. That’s what we’re really talking about here.

Doug: Hmm. Yeah, maybe. (he walks to the cell door) Look, Pacey, uh, in my experience, you don’t come across that many people with the ability to give you butterflies. You just don’t. And if you don’t tell this girl how you feel, well it’ll be like spending the rest of your life in your own personal prison. (he goes to leave)

Pacey: Hey Doug?

Doug: Yeah.

Pacey: Thank you.

(Doug smiles, nods and then leaves)

* * * * *

(Morning – Pacey walks slowly towards Joey’s front door – walks up the stairs and pauses before knocking – Joey answers wearing a dressing gown – she goes to shut the door)

Pacey: (putting his hand on the door) Hold on. Please.

(Joey relents and looks at Pacey expectantly)

Pacey: Look, what I said last night was way out of line. And yes, I was drunk, but more to the point, I was just plain wrong. And I want you to know that I’m really sorry.

Joey: Well, I was worried about you too, Pacey.

Pacey: (surprised) Me? Why?

Joey: (shrugs) I don’t know. (she closes the door behind her) Because, I mean, Satan himself could lead Dawson into the fiery pits of hell but he would still emerge with his moral code intact. But you… (pauses) Maybe I think that nobody’s worrying about you right now.

Pacey: So then, (clears his throat) what you’re really saying then, is that given the highly dysfunctional nature of our relationship, this is how you actually express concern for me?

Joey: (nods, smiling) You gotta learn to read between the banter, Pacey.

Pacey: Right.

(there’s a long awkward pause)

Joey: So. So are we all finished here?

Pacey: No, actually. Um, there’s something else.

Joey: Something else?

Pacey: Yeah. (pauses) It’s just something that I’ve been meaning to tell you.

(she looks at him as if to say, ‘yeah, what is it?’)

Pacey: Uh, look, uh… Joey?

(he looks at her for a moment, on the brink of telling her how he feels)

Pacey: You’re lingering on your clutch, OK? I know you think you’re just easing into the gear, but it’s not a good idea. You know, maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but soon you’re gonna do a lot of damage to your transmission. So, what I was thinking is that if you wanted to, I could show you?

Joey: (smiles) Now?

Pacey: (smiles back) Yeah. Yeah.

Joey: OK, Pacey.

Pacey: OK.

(cut to the Potter pick-up being driven slowly down the driveway by Joey)

Joey: Now?

Pacey: No, no.

Joey: Now?

Pacey: Now! Shift.

(she manages to change the gear without stalling)

Pacey: Huh? Huh?

Joey: I did it!

Pacey: Yes you did! (laughs) Congratulations, Potter, you are finally getting somewhere.