Part II
By Hanny
April 13, 1860
Dear Diary
At the beginning tonight, I want to thank God for keeping all of us alive. We were so close. Well, at least one of us was. And thank God for keeping us all together. I don’t know how life here would have been looked like if Jimmy wasn’t here. I don’t know how life here would have been looked like if any of them weren’t here. All of us, together, makes a complete unit and it wouldn’t be the same if one of us was missing.
It all started the morning after Cody told us about Longley. We haven’t paid him much attention and we should have. Early in the morning Jimmy woke up, haunted by a bad dream. He rode out of the station, taking someone else’s run. Later that day, we were in town, picking up supplies, when that gunman Cody was talking about stepped into the store. Apparently he was looking for Jimmy. Longley said that Jimmy spooked his horse that morning, which made him have a mud-bath. He demanded that Jimmy apologize to him. Jimmy, being the hot-head that he is, wouldn’t, in spite of Cody’s persuasions that he should say sorry and forget the whole thing. Longley then insulted Jimmy’s mother which made Jimmy really angry.
Longley called Jimmy out and if it wasn’t for the Kid’s quick reaction, Jimmy, probably, wouldn’t be here with us today. Kid knocked him out and tied him up. When Jimmy woke up at the station he started fighting the Kid for hitting him. When he wouldn’t let go of the Kid, even after Teaspoon doused them with water and Emma stepped in, Teaspoon dragged Jimmy to the hothouse.
I don’t know what they were talking about, Jimmy wouldn’t divulge, but it seemed to cool him down a bit.
Later that day, Longley killed Sam Cain’s friend, Ludey Bryan, and Sam brought Ludey’s little boy to the station. Later that evening Jimmy went to apologize to Longley after Emma asked him to. I’m not sure what went on between Emma and Jimmy but Jimmy was really upset after he talked to her. When Jimmy tried to apologize, Longley just made fun of him and called him out again. Kid and Cody helped Jimmy out when Longley’s men tried to shoot him down. Longley shot Jimmy and wounded him but Jimmy shot Longley dead.
Jimmy felt as if he let Emma down when he dueled against Longley after she asked him not to, and he wanted to leave the station. Somehow Emma convinced him to stay. I’m happy she did.
I’m watching the boys now. Cody, Buck and Jimmy are at the table playing some poker. It looks like Cody is losing, as usual.
The Kid is just lying on his bunk which is directly under mine. I can feel his eyes burning holes in my mattress.
With each day that passes I want to talk to him more and be around him more.
I must get him out of my mind! It’s not like we will ever be able to have some kind of a relationship other than the one we have now. Nobody must ever know I’m a girl and if we will get closer everybody will find out soon enough.
But he is so cute. Sometimes he even tries to impress me when nobody is around or watching. Like the other day when we were at the store, before that Longley arrived, he put some perfume on. No! He put a lot of perfume on. When he came to stand next to me I tried not to laugh out loud and just told him he smells like a whore-house. He asked me how should I know and I told him I know more than he thinks. If he only knew...
Then, when Cody smelled him he warned everybody not to light a match and Jimmy run away from him. Good thing Teaspoon doused some water on him - it made the smell disappear.
I just glanced at him now and he gave me his innocent smile but his eyes told me he was thinking about me. If I only knew, exactly, what he was thinking about me...
with that thought in mind I’ll go to sleep.
Good night,
Lou.
April 17, 1860
Dear Diary
We almost made Buck leave us. We are such fools. Why didn’t we believe him? Why didn’t we trust him. I mean so his brother is the Kiowa’s war chief. So what? Nobody’s perfect and we shouldn’t have judged him for his family-connections. I should have known better than that. Me of all people.
And who can guarantee me that the other’s families are so great?
And Buck did save the Kid.
When I think of that night he spent out of the bunkhouse, alone, I feel so embarrassed. How could we let ourselves think about him that way? He’s our friend, and family...
How can I tell him just how sorry I am? I really want to make it up to him.
I want to tell him just how much I admire him and his courage knowing what he went through to save Ike.
But it seems to me that whatever I’ll say or do won’t fix the damage we made.
Oh, I’m so, so sorry, Buck.
Lou.
April 23, 1860
Dear Diary
So many things have happened the last few days, but I guess I should start at the beginning.
While on a run, Ike witnessed a massacre of a stagecoach passengers and wasn’t able to help. The things he saw there affected him pretty badly and he became withdrawn and desolated.
Later on Ike told Sam about what he saw and led us to the same gang that massacred the passengers earlier. Ike needed to identify the gang’s leader, Nickerson, on his trial in Blue Creek. Sam assigned a couple of deputies to protect Ike but Nickerson’s men shot one of them dead and wounded the other. We decided to accompany him to Blue Creek.
At an outpost we got to, I saw a couple of horses and I cut their bridles. Some members of Nickerson’s gang came out of the outpost with a gun aimed at Ike. We managed to save him and left the outpost when more members of the gang arrived. Cody was left behind to slow them down.
Escaping from the gang we found ourselves caught up in a canyon. Kid decided to climb the canyon so he could pick off the gang members. We weren’ t too happy about leaving him behind, the least of all me, but Kid said it was our only chance and that only he could make the climbing. He was probably right.
When we arrived at Blue Creek, Sam put Ike in jail for his own protection. On our way to dinner Buck offered to help some lady with her bags and went with her. Jimmy, Sam and me were sitting at a table when Kid and Cody showed up. I was so happy to see them both alive and well, especially the Kid, who got me real worried when he hasn’t showed up for so long. I almost forgot myself and my disguise but I caught myself soon enough. Only moments later a note arrived, saying the Nickerson gang held Buck.
We told Ike about the note but he decided to testify anyway.
At the courthouse I saw a couple leaving as soon as Ike took the stand. I followed them to where Buck was held captive and we were able to save him.
Back at the courthouse, when we returned with Buck and Ike saw him, Ike pointed a finger at Nickerson, identifying him as the murderer.
One thing I did learn from the latest events: I should be more careful around the boys. I almost lost my disguise last night when I saw the Kid coming into the restaurant. I should have been more careful!!!
I can’t let them suspect anything!
Kid and I were just talking about that. He saw I almost got caught off guard and he was kind’a amused by it and by my fear of being reviled. I told him I was quite nerves when I realized my mistake and he just laughed out loud at the memory of the event and just put his arm around my shoulder and drew me closer to him.
At that very moment I was so happy I thought I could fly. He is sleeping already. How can he sleep so peacefully when I’m here lying awake, can’t fall asleep because I can’t stop thinking of him.
Hope you’ll have sweet dreams, Kid.
Lou.
April 25, 1860
Dear Diary
Tomorrow I’m going to visit my brother and my sister at the orphanage in St. Joe. I already asked the Kid to help me buy a dress at a near-by town, I can’t show up dressed as a boy.
I’m so excited about meeting them again. But what if they won’t recognize me, now that my hair is so short? One of the things I miss the most about being a girl is my hair. It used to be so long - it got to my waist. Maybe someday, when I won’t have to be "Lou" and I can just be "Louise" I’ll let it grow and grow and grow. I wouldn’t hold my breath, though.
I think I’ll buy them lots of presents, for all the birthdays and Christmases I missed.
I hope they’ll be happy to see me. I’m really looking forward to see them after all this time we’ve been apart. I wanted to visit them sooner but after what happened at St. Jo, I just couldn’t. I was afraid they’ll see the fear and pain and suffer through my eyes. It’s not just that I was ashamed, but I didn’t want to frighten them. They’re just little kids and they shouldn’t know such things can happen. When I was their age I didn’t know. I was still sure the world was perfect and my father wasn’t such a bad man. But he’s long gone and so is my mother and the world just ain’t as perfect as I once thought.
But I’d better go to sleep if I want to get going as soon as possible. Just hope the Kid would wake up in time, sleepy-head that he is...
Good night,
Lou.
April 29, 1860
Dear Diary
I’m sitting here on the porch outside the bunkhouse. The boys asked me to get out while they are getting ready to sleep. They just found out I’m a girl and they’re not feeling as comfortable getting undressed in front of me as they were before.
Yes. They found out. I didn’t plan for them to know but things don’t always happen the way we want them to.
I stopped writing for a moment now - the Kid just came outside to check if I’m all right and to tell me I can come in. I think he’s a bit afraid of me, though. I told him it’s OK but he still doesn’t feel too good about it - about killing my father.
I’m getting a little confused so I’ll try and make things clearer:
The morning after I last wrote, the Kid and me went to buy a dress for me to wear for the visit at the orphanage. It’s a blue dress and I really like it. The Kid seemed to like it too. Later I got to St. Jo. and went straight to the orphanage. The nun told me a man, claiming to be our father, took my brother and sister. I told her my father was dead, but there was nothing else she could do. She didn’t even know the man’s name.
I got back to the station and told Emma I’m going after my brother and my sister. The next morning I found out Ike was shot. Sam identified the man who shot Ike as Peters which, he said, used to work for a man named Boggs. When I recognized the name I decided to go along with the boys to find that Peters. I figured he will lead me to Boggs, and that’s the man I was after...
Kid got a little suspicious when I decided to go with them. He asked me if I knew Boggs. I lied and said I didn’t but I don’t think he believed me. Either way he let it pass for a while. The next day when we camped for the night he asked me again if I knew Boggs and I didn’t answer him. How could I? How could I tell him about Boggs? Was I supposed to tell him my "dear" father, whom I told everybody was dead is, in fact, a gunrunner and a murderer?
Anyway, he knows the truth now, they all know the truth now, so I guess it doesn’t matter anymore. But then, at the camp that night, when I didn’t answer him, he just turned and went to sleep. Everybody else was already sleeping.
I got up early in the morning, before everyone else and rode toward Boggs’ hideout. I was caught trying to break in. at the hideout they put me in an empty room. I was scared. I didn’t know how my father would react when he sees me. I knew I had to get away from there. Especially from that room. I looked out of the window so I can figure out where I was, and I saw my sister, Teresa. I felt tears in my eyes for the sight of her. She was so beautiful, playing with mine-her doll, Miss Mumblepuss. I called her and she didn’t recognize me at first but after I told her her doll’s name she did. I asked her to get me the gun that was leaning on the wall beside her. With that gun I managed to escape from the room, knocking down the guard. On my way out I was caught again, this time by my father himself. He didn’t recognize me, falling for my disguise as a boy. He put me in another room and tied me down to a chair. Than he started asking me questions: who I am, what I’m doing there, what I want. When I didn’t answer him he hit me pretty badly so I told him I told him I was sent by Mary Louise McCloud to get her children back. He said she was dead and promised me I’ll die soon too.
Suddenly, we heard blowing noise and my father left to see what’s going on, leaving me with one of his men. Thankfully he still believed I was a boy. I don’t want to think what might have happened to me if he knew I am a girl. A few minutes later the Kid barged in, killing that man. When we got to where Teresa and my brother, Jeremia, were Jeremia wouldn’t come with us. He accused me of leaving them behind. I didn’t have time to argue with him so the Kid just grabbed his arm and pulled him with us toward a secret door, Peters told the guys about. At the door we met Jimmy but before we managed to escape my father caught up with us. He asked me once again who I was. I told him Mary Louise McCloud was my mother. He said that was impossible because he had two daughters and only one son (he still thought me for a boy). I told him he still does. That caught both him and Jimmy by surprise. He called me "Louise" when he finally recognized me and I told him I’m taking Jeremia and Teresa with me so they won’t grow up to be like him. he said he wouldn’t let me and tried to shoot us but missed. Kid dived to the ground, grabbed his gun and shot him. The shot wounded him pretty badly and before he died he told me he came for me too. I just leaned over him and didn’t know what to think. If I should be happy or sad that he’s dead. Kid said he didn’t have any choice. I really wasn’t angry at him or anything like that, like he thinks, and I just told him my father never gave us a choice either. We rode out of the hideout, Teresa riding with me and Jeremia with the Kid. When we got to St. Jo Teresa asked me if Boggs was really our father like he said. I lied to her, saying our father was a good man and that he died long time ago. I kept my promise to my mother never to reveal my father true identity to my brother and my sister. I settled things between me and Jeremia, explaining to him that this was the only way I can give them a better life. I promised to visit them every chance I get and I’m planning to keep this promise.
The ride back to Sweetwater was silent. I rode close to the Kid, kind’a afraid of the others reaction to the latest news. They kept glancing at me with wide eyes as if it was the first time they ever saw me.
I stopped my ride not far from the station. I wanted to thank the boys for saving me and Jeremia and Teresa. I told them I’m gonna miss riding with them but they said they won’t tell my secret and that no one could ever find out the way that I’m riding like a man. Jimmy said he was relived finding out I’m a girl. He said he was kind’a worried about the way the Kid and I were looking at each other.
Ooops...
The Kid just called me to get into the bunkhouse again, so I guess I should get in before he or Cody would come out to see what I’m writing. Cody is awfully curious as it is.
Good night, and may my father rest in peace.
Louise (Lou) Boggs.
May 2, 1860
Dear Diary
There’s a black man staying here tonight. It’s kind’a peculiar. I mean, he just came out of nowhere holding a colt in his arms. It’s a stormy night and the lightnings spooked the horses and they broke out of the corral. We managed to get them back, except for that colt, and then he came carrying it. Amazing.
He said his name is Ulysses and Kid is quite positive he’s a runaway slave. Teaspoon and Emma offered him a place to stay and decent food as payment for a job he asked for.
If he truly is a runaway slave, like the Kid said, I hope he won’t cause us any trouble. We seem to have enough of that on our own.
Well, it’s been a long day and I’m pretty tired so I guess I just turn in and go to sleep. And I have this run tomorrow... damn.
Lou.
May 4, 1860
Dear Diary
Ulysses just left Sweetwater to join the underground railroad.
Though the Kid tried to save him from the militia I think he was kind’a relieved when Ulysses said he’s leaving.
We found out that Ulysses is in fact a runaway slave, as the Kid suspected, and that he murdered his master. Ulysses told us he killed that man as self defense when his master wanted to whip him after he killed Ulysses’ mama. He said he won’t get a fair trial because he’s black and the people in Missouri think of him as the next Nat Turner.
Emma said the town’s people were supposed to have a meeting and that Ulysses should talk to them. She promised him they would help him.
On my way back from my run, I bumped into a few militia men who recognized me from an incident Kid, Sam and I had with them the day before, when they heard us talking about Ulysses and how he saved Katy from a burning barn at the Doc’s earlier that day. They showed us a wanted poster with Ulysses name and asked if that was the man we were talking about. Sam came forward and asked them to leave the town. When those men recognized me, they started chasing me. I managed to outrun them and when I got to the station I told Teaspoon about the militia riding after me. Teaspoon sent us to warn the town.
When we got to the meeting we found out the people wouldn’t help Ulysses as we thought they would.
As we knew the militia is coming, Sam told Emma and the Kid to take Ulysses back to the station, where the militia had already searched, while the rest of us slow them down.
Emma and Kid drove the cart where Ulysses was hiding under a pile of hay. They didn’t get far, though, cause the militia stopped them and Ulysses was discovered.
The town’s people became helpful at the last moment and we managed to free Ulysses.
Teaspoon invited him to stay Sweetwater but as I wrote before, he decided to decline and move on.
Emma just called us to came to supper so I guess I should stop now and go to eat before Cody will finish all the food.
Lou.
Addition
A couple of hours passed since dinner. After the meal Kid and I sat on the porch outside the bunkhouse. We sat in silence for a long time and then I asked him how he feels about Ulysses. He said he knows what I and everybody else were thinking - him, being from Virginia, hates negroes but that it’s not like that. He said they never had slaves working for them and that, in fact, he didn’t feel too comfortable with Ulysses at first but that he proved himself to him when he risked his life to save Katy.
He said we were probably thinking he tried to save Ulysses from the militia just to show he’s not like all the southerners but that he didn’t do it just to show off. He really believed in what he was doing and he said he would have done it again.
He had this sadness in his eyes, not much but still evident to me. I wanted to reach out for him and say something encouraging but I realized he’ s right about what he said. I wanted to apologize for thinking that way about him but I didn’t know him. So we were just kept sitting there on the porch in silence. After an hour or so he went to check on Katy so I came back inside the bunkhouse to write this down. Sometimes I wish I was Katy...
G’night,
Lou.
May 7, 1860
Dear Diary
A duel was taking place at the saloon this afternoon. A duel between poker and books.
We were at the saloon watching Sam playing poker. We all was fascinated with the game. All except Cody (he always has to be exceptional). He sat near a table a bit far from us and the game, reading a book - some dime-novel by J. D. Marcus. I like reading but why, the hell, was he reading this trash when there was such a fascinating game going on?
Jimmy, apparently, thought like I do. He took the book from Cody and threw it into a pail full of water. Cody was really hurt. Even if Jimmy and the rest of us didn’t approve, he liked his book. Jimmy saw the hurt in Cody and promised him to buy him a new book, just after they’ll learn some more about the poker art.
It’s just so happens, that book’s writer, that J. D. Marcus, was at the saloon at the same time!!!
He was quite furious and insulted by Jimmy. He gave Cody another copy of his book with a personal inscription. Cody was so happy, but Jimmy didn’t understand what the fuss was all about.
Jimmy’s apathy toward Marcus insulted the writer and he tried to hit Jimmy with his cane from behind. Jimmy, somehow, knew what was happening, even though he was with his back to Marcus, and he turned around and shot the cane. That made Marcus even more angry with Jimmy, though very much impressed by Jimmy’s ability with a gun.
Anyway, it was getting late and we headed back to the station.
Cody is unusually quite tonight, reading his book. Jimmy is watching him suspiciously. He doesn’t understand the interest Cody finds in reading. I have a feeling Jimmy can’t really read, and perhaps that’s the reason. Jimmy isn’t as educated as some of us. I’m not so sure about the Kid either.
I know Cody is very educated, and he keeps wanting to learn more, in every filed there is.
Buck and Ike are quite educated as well, they probably had good teachers at the orphanage. Buck’s English is sometimes better than Jimmy’s.
Me, I like reading and I had some schooling at the orphanage but I guess you can always learn something new.
Maybe I’ll learn something from my dream. My eyes are shutting.
Sweet dreams,
Lou.
May 10, 1860
Dear Diary
Kid and I just got back from a run. It was the first time we‘ve been on a run together and without the others. We rode to Willow Springs on some special errand for Teaspoon, and we had to spend last night on the outdoors.
We camped between a triangle of trees. I attended to the horses while he went to look for some branches for the fire. We sat near the fire silently. We barely said a word to each other the whole day. There was this tension between us, as if we were afraid to get close, too close to stop our emotions. My emotions...
Yes, I guess I have to admit it now, at least to myself. I’m in love with that man. I know I said I shouldn’t before and it’s I still shouldn’t, but there was nothing I could have done about it.
I don’t know, perhaps he feels the same way.
God, I hope he feels the same way.
This morning he woke me up before the sun was fully out. He said we should get going as soon as we can if we want to get to Sweetwater to dinner. Actually, I didn’t mind all that much staying another night with him out in the open. Even though we barely spoke since we left the station till we got back, I was hoping maybe he will get sick of the uneasy silence. I didn’t say a word, though, about my "plans" and so we ate a quick breakfast and headed on on our way.
He’s out at the corral now, probably talking to Katy. I swear this mare gets more attention from him than any of us. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Katy, you’re one lucky girl.
Lou.
Copyright 1998-This work is not to be reproduced without the permission of the author
