© 1998 by Kirsten Page
May not be copied without permission from the author.
Chapter One
She couldn't take the feeling of deception anymore, the sleepless nights that she had experienced for the past week. Knowing that the man she loved had been unaware of the torment and battle inside of her. He didn't even notice how she tossed and turned on the bunk beneath him. I have to tell him. I can't go on like this anymore. Lou turned on her back and stared at the top of the bunk. She looked around and noticed that everyone else around her was asleep.
Taking a deep breath, she stood up and wrapped her blanket around her shoulders. It was pointless to try and fight it anymore. She wouldn't be getting any sleep. Already it was seeming like a very long night. "Tomorrow, I'm telling him tomorrow." She whispered to herself. Lou looked over at Kid who was sleeping soundly, his breathing was evenly paced, and there was a slight smile forming at the edge of his mouth. "I'm glad someone around here can sleep well and have great dreams," she mumbled in a somewhat hostile way.
It didn't seem like that many weeks since Doritha had been killed. Louise had reflected upon it every day since it happened. She felt guilty for the anger that she had displayed towards his boyhood friend. I guess I was just jealous. Lou thought for the hundredth time. She didn't know how should could have thought that Kid would want to pursue his old sweetheart, especially after the glorious talk they had shared the next day.......
"Lou, you've got to know that I didn't mean to hurt you in all of this. I just wasn't quite ready to tell you. I mean there I was getting ready to leave on my run, and she just appeared. So many things came back to me......things I had chosen to forget."
Lou remembered the sadness that swept over his face as he re-lived that day. She had reached out to touch his hand. "Kid, you don't owe me an explanation. I understand that we all have things in our lives that we have to deal with."
He looked at her with his blue eyes shaded by his hat. "Yeah I do."
Bringing herself back to reality, Lou smiled at the memories. There was so much that she had also wanted to share that day. But she knew the time would come. Eventually she was going to have to tell Kid about that night (that seemed ages ago) in front of the campfire with Jimmy, and that is what she had been struggling with. The thoughts of that night caused her to pull her legs up into the chair and hug her knees close to her chest. Where do I start........how do I start? Pushing the questions from her mind she went back to the day, the day when, well, she guessed that she and Kid had officially gotten back together.
"Things went on with Doritha that I'll never be able to explain. We were close back in Virginia." Kid had paused to let those two sentences sink in. Lou remembered nodding for him to continue. "But once I left and got on with my life, she and everyone else just became my past. And then when I met you........." She remembered the tender look he gave her and the long pause before he cleared his throat to continue. "I met you and I never thought about her. You were all that mattered to me."
Lou took a deep breath at the recollection of how soft his voice had become when he told her this. Placing her forehead in her hands she tried to rub away the anguished thoughts of a more recent betrayal that were running through her head. She went back to that same day. Remembering those precious moments helped her to forget about the agony at present.
Kid had stood up to move over and sit closer to her. She could tell how nervous he was. Probably because he was afraid of what she might say, how she might turn him down as she had with his last proposal. Louise hoped that he wasn't going to ask that same question again. Give me a question I can say 'yes' to. Lou bit her lip and anxiously awaited what he had to say. "Kid, I don't know what to say. You know I've always cared about you."
He nodded in affirmation. "That's why I've got to ask you........"
Uh oh. She remembered that thought specifically.
"Yes, Kid?" Her tone came out a little bit more nervous that she had expected.
"I know that some things happened between us, and I want to do everything to make it right again." She held her breath waiting for him to finish. "Lou, I want us to be back together. I can't stop how I feel. I still love you." He left his sentence open, and didn't expect to have an answer. But needless to say he was about to be surprised at her upcoming response.
Lou remembered not having to think for very long at all. In fact she wasn't sure if she had been thinking at all when she answered. It all happened so fast. The answer was right on the tip of her tongue. "I'd like that, Kid. I know I've been confused, but you have to believe that I never did stop loving you." He did nothing but smile and reach for her hand. She squeezed his hand and kissed him gently.
"Lou. Come on, it's time to get up." Cody pushed her shoulder and her knee slipped causing her head to fall forward from the lack of support.
"Cody, what is your problem?" She barked. Frustrated from being awakened from some of the first moments of sleep she'd had in a long time. Wow, did I relive all of that by dreaming?
Kid came over to her side. "Couldn't you sleep?"
She looked up at him, her eyelids sagging with exhaustion. She managed a slight smile. "No, I guess I just got up to warm myself by the fire."
Jimmy came into the bunkhouse and looked at all of them. "Rachel says we're going to have breakfast at the house this morning." Cody was probably the first one out the door, followed by Noah, and then Buck who walked out calmly. Jimmy stepped out of the way to let them dash by. "You two coming?" He asked Kid and Lou.
"Yeah, I'll be there in a minute." Lou responded. He nodded and closed the door.
Kid turned to her. "Want me to wait for you?"
"No, Kid. Get over there while there's still something left!" She laughed at the idea of the other riders hogging all of the breakfast and there being nothing but empty plates left on the table.
"Okay, I'll save you something." He turned leave, but she stopped him by calling out softly.
"Kid, can you and I talk later today? I need to tell you something." She tried to make it not sound like she was giving bad news, but the fact that he cocked his head slightly caused her to realize that perhaps she hadn't been successful.
"Sure." He replied. "I'll see you in a few." Kid turned to head out the door. Lou waited until he had closed it before she sank back in the rocking chair, letting her head hit the back. This was quite possibly one of the hardest things she would ever have to do. And she wasn't sure if she could take the pain that would be in Kid's eyes once she told him.
Chapter Two
Breakfast had been especially nice. Rachel had fixed them an elegant meal instead of their ritual of eating in the bunkhouse. It was a rare occurrence, but occasionally she liked to make things extra special for the riders. Unfortunately Lou couldn't enjoy the meal as much as she would have liked to. There was a sad feeling in the pit of her stomach whenever she looked across the table at Kid who was joking and teasing Jimmy who sat next to him.
She watched as they all laughed around the table, never once seeing how hard it had become for her to pretend to be smiling at their jokes.
After the dishes had been cleared and the left over food wrapped and saved, Kid approached Lou as they headed out for their normal chores. "You wanted to talk to me, Lou?"
She swallowed, and then nodded. "Yes, can we go for a walk?"
He took her arm. "Sure."
They walked in silence to their favorite place.......a small cubby which was surrounded by trees, and had several logs laid out across the ground. It was almost as if it were made just for human comfort and relaxation. Lou spotted a small area which was partially covered with the fall leaves. She sat down in the pile, listening to the crackles as she settled down. Kid took a seat right next to her.
For several moments they sat saying nothing. Well, here we go. Lou fidgeted for a second before she began. "Kid, what I have to tell you ain't exactly the easiest thing I've ever had to tell. It's time you knew though, because I can't go on like this."
His legitimate look of confusion caused her to hesitate once more, but he quickly reassured her. "Ok, Lou."
"Well, do you remember that ride Teaspoon sent us on when we took Elias Mills to be hung?" She wasn't really waiting for a response, so instead she continued before he could interrupt. "Well, there's something I think you should know about what happened after you were shot." Lou felt tears start to swell in her eyes, but she forced them away.
Kid saw her face fall and he reached out to touch her arm. "I'm listening."
"I don't know what caused it, Kid. Elias was sleeping, and Jimmy was there, and before I knew what was happening we kissed, right there." She said it all as fast as she could and turned her head from him quickly, not wanting him to see the pain in her eyes. Nor did she want to see his face completely fall.
She heard him stand up and walk away for a few steps. Lou forced herself to look over at him and saw his back facing her and his hands rested on his hips. He seemed to be looking up to the sky. "Kid, I'm sorry."
There were long torturous moments of silence before she couldn't take it anymore and stood up. She was going to leave as fast as she could, anything to get away from the quiet figure that stood gazing. "I understand if you want to break things off."
He turned around and stopped her by stepping directly into her path. He placed a hand on each of her shoulders. She looked down, but he took his hand and pulled her chin up, forcing her to look directly at him. "Do you love him?"
The words pierced her heart. Did she? She knew from the beginning that she loved Kid, but there was more to it than that. There was a tenderness about Jimmy that she longed to learn more about. Was exploring that worth losing the first man she had ever loved though? "Kid......I."
He dropped his hands. "So you do then."
She jumped in quickly. "No! Kid, I didn't say that. You know I love Jimmy. He's a close friend, but I love him differently than I do you. Kid, you mean more to me than anyone else in my life. I just hope that you can love me enough to forgive me."
Lou turned to leave once again and was met up with the same blockade. "Lou, I have to tell you something now. Jimmy told me what happened."
She flushed bright red. "He what!?"
"He told me what happened that night, and that you spent the other half of the night worrying about me."
She slumped back down to the ground. "I don't believe it."
Kid sat down beside her. "Of course that was the same night that we both came in with black eyes."
She laughed for the first time in weeks. Remembering distinctly a night when Jimmy and Kid had walked in late and said that they had each fallen from their horses. Somehow nobody ever believed that excuse, but at the time Lou didn't know of anything that they would have been fighting about. Therefore, she never had a second thought about it.
"So you're not mad?" Louise repositioned, facing him. Relief was spelled all over her face. That was the last thing she expected that he'd tell her.
Kid took a deep breath. "Well I wouldn't be honest if I said that I wasn't at first. Just go ask Jimmy. But you know Lou, you had a right, I couldn't expect you to not go on with your life. We weren't even together." He smiled. "Just don't let it happen again."
Louise looked up at the top of one of the trees. She closed her eyes and let the reality sink in. Kid pulled her close to him and she refocused her attention into his eyes. "I promise." She whispered. He leaned down and kissed her.
After being held in silence, Lou slowly pushed herself away from him. "Where do we go from here?"
He said nothing, and she could see that he was contemplating for a brief moment. Before long his face was brightened by a warm, caring smile, and a slight shrug. "Take it one day at a time."
The End
'The Young Riders' is an Ogden/Kane Production. No breach of copyright is intended.
