The Courage to Go On

by Karen

Disclaimer: The characters of The Young Riders were created for television by Ed Spielman. The series aired on ABC TELEVISION from 1989 - 1992.

It would be difficult to let her go. He was worried about what would become of her off on her own, but he knew that he needed to allow her to go if he ever wanted her to come back. If he forced her to stay now, she would hate him for it and he would lose her forever. No, he needed to let her leave, go back to her mother’s family, and, hopefully, eventually come back to him. He had to have the courage to be alone once more in order to have the possibility of having his family together again. He had to have the courage to go on with his life as it was.

Keeping the thought of her eventual return in his mind, Bill Tompkins walked across the room to where his daughter was packing her bags. “I’ll carry those down for you as soon as you’re finished,” he said.

She nodded. “I just can’t stay here,” she said for the millionth time. “Maybe someday I can come back, but I just can’t stay now.”

“I understand,” he said as he watched her fasten the last latch. “I just want you to be happy.” He picked up the bags and carried them downstairs and over to the stage. Once there he handed them to the driver.

“She’ll be right down,” he said to the driver. He then turned to face the boy waiting by the door to the stage office. Buck stopped moving for a second and returned Tompkins' gaze. He prayed silently that the man didn’t speak to him; he didn’t want to listen to how her leaving was all his fault, how if he’d been quicker Sally would still be with them, how if he’d minded his own business none of this would be happening.

Tompkins sensed that the boy didn’t want to talk to him so he simply nodded and turned to walk away. When he turned, the boy once more started his pacing. As he watched Buck pace nervously up and down the sidewalk, Tompkins realized that he wasn’t the only one needing to muster up all his courage today. This boy was in the same boat; he needed to have the courage to let her leave also. He too was running the risk of her not coming back. He too needed the courage to go on with his life the way it was in order to have the possibility of it becoming something better. He nodded once more, went back to his store, and started sweeping the sidewalk out front.

Jennifer Tompkins watched her father walk back across the street. She was so afraid of what lay ahead. She only vaguely remembered her mother’s family back east, but she knew she needed to be away from here for a while. She was going to need all her courage to face the unknown world that awaited her. She made her way down the stairs. She stopped at the door to her father’s store and waited for his return. “Thank you,” she said, as she kissed his cheek.

“For what?” he asked surprised by the tender gesture.

“For understanding why I have to go,” she said. “And for not causing a scene at the stage office.” She smiled as she left him standing in front of his store holding his broom.

She stopped to talk to Buck before she got on the stage. They had a pleasant conversation, and she had the chance to tell him she’d been wrong before when she’d told him he had betrayed his Kiowa blood. She gave him a small token to remember her and boarded the stage.
As the stage pulled away, she forced herself to not look back at him standing in the street watching her go. She hoped he understood her need to leave. She had to have the courage to go away so she could have the courage to come back. She had to be able to think without either of them around in order to make a decision about what she wanted in her life. She had to have the courage to go on.