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Chapter One: There was a beginning and it, uh, ensued.
"I've really got to learn to just do the damage and get out of town. It's the stay and gloat that gets me every time."-Ethan
Xander slammed an uncoordinated hand in the general direction of his alarm clock.
<Drinking...at the Bronze...> His brain finally offered up. <Anya dumped me and I went drinking.> He groaned as he was forced into recalling Anya's passionate declaration that he was a "spineless, heartless, inconsiderate man-pig". Apparently she was finding him unequal to the task of reminding her of what it was to be a human woman. He groaned again and rolled out of bed. He blinked blearily at the world. He vaguely registered that everything was wrong looking, but he couldn't place how through the sleep/hangover funk he was in. He also didn't much care.
He stopped on his way to the bathroom long enough to glare resentfully at his houseguest. Spike was
sprawled out on the obnoxious orange chair by the stairs. Xander knew that the chair was
uncomfortable but somehow the vampire managed to make it look like a hammock on the beach. He
blinked and yawned and stumbled on to the bathroom. Once he'd had a shower he'd feel better.
Spike was half asleep after registering the wretched beeping of the alarm. His eyes remained
closed as he half listened to the routine sounds of Xander's rising and shining. He woke a little
more when the twit stopped in front of his chair but pretended to be asleep. He could practically
feel the irritation on the boy. <Ingrate.> He thought, remembering how he'd dragged the boy's drunk
ass back to the basement the night before. The boy moved on to the bathroom, his scent wafting over
Spike's sensitive nose. His eyes snapped open as he scented something out of place. He looked to
Xander just as the bathroom door shut.
Spike got to his feet, sniffing as he headed toward the door. Something was definitely off about
the brat's scent. It wasn't as musky, and not nearly as unpleasant as it usually was. As he stood
by the door sniffing curiously, he jumped, startled as a scream came from inside. A high pitched
girly scream.
"Bloody Hell, you scream like a woman!" He accused as he shoved the door open to see what was wrong
with the boy. "What're you on about now you stupid git?" He was met with a rather pleasant sight. A
young woman stood in the bathroom staring at the mirror. She was wearing only a pair of oversized
boxers. She turned big brown eyes to look at him before said eyes rolled up into her head and she
fell unconscious.
"Right then." Spike muttered and went back to his chair, flipping on the TV. He settled down to watch infomercials until the idiot woke up again.
"Owowowowowowowowow." Xander yelped as he rubbed the back of his head. He'd smacked it on the floor
when he'd fainted. "Wait." He blinked, looking down to see two perky full breasts where his pecs
used to be. He resisted the urge to scream again, merely blinked again and pulled himself upright
using the sink.
After a moment of staring at himself in the mirror, he did what any guy would've done and groped himself. <I don't make a half-bad girl.> He thought idly. His eyes were the same chocolate brown and his hair was dark but it was long now, falling to his shapely rear end in gently waves. He was shorter, far shorter, now the same height as his best bud, Willow. He was pretty too. He had full pouty lips and thick lashes and smooth porcelain skin. Yummy. He finished studying himself and climbed into a nice hot shower.
He was due at a Scooby meeting in an hour anyway, he figured they could investigate this wonderful new development then. He wasn't too worried. Weird shit like this happened all the time on the hellmouth. Giles or Willow would find a spell to fix him and Anya would try and get him to give her lesbian orgasms before... He frowned.
Had Anya done this? He quickly Pert-Plussed his long hair and rinsed it, marveling at the long silky mass of hair. It was strange, being so short, having to reach pretty far to pull the towel down over his new body. He dried himself off, unable to resist pinching and prodding certain portions of his new anatomy out of curiosity. He was still too shocked to really worry about it though. He left the bathroom wrapped in the towel and headed for his clothes pile.
After he looted through his pile for a moment he felt eyes on him. He sighed and turned to face the demon in his basement. Spike was studying him with his sharp blue eyes, curiosity and smirking humor evident on his face. "Not a word, Moochy." He warned. Spike's smirk grew but he didn't comment. Xander turned back to his clothes, picking out a bright red and white Hawaiian print shirt and buttoning it on over the towel. He then found a pair of relatively clean khakis and a belt. When he was dressed in the oversized clothing he checked his watch. It was 7:15 p.m. He's slept most of the day away after his post-Anya-drinking binge. He'd been lucky his alarm was set to remind him of his Scooby Meeting at 7:30.
Spike got up, still smirking obnoxiously. "Right then, ducks, lets go show everyone your pretty new outfit." He said, chuckling. Xander dropped his towel and growled, stomping barefoot over to the vampire, intending to get in his face. He stopped, disconcerted, when he had to look up at the bleached blond instead of slightly down.
Catching the hint of weakness, Spike pushed it, stepping into Xan's personal space bubble, trying to look intimidating. He was rewarded with a look of startled fear before he recovered his now absent bollucks and pushed the vamp back. "One more joke, Mr. Chomp and Scream and I'll tell Buffy you put gum in her hair yesterday." He threatened, his now silkier voice purred. I sound so sexy! He resisted the urge to grin and bounce around the room. He put on a pair of huge flip-flops and headed out the door. Spike followed, still smirking.
Spike followed behind the huffy brunette and got in the car in defiance of the little woman's glares. Xander finally drove off for Giles' place with him still in the car. Spike really wanted to see this meeting. He also needed to bum a few bloodbags off of the Ex-Watcher. He cast a few looks toward the moron during the short drive, snickering at him/her the whole way.
"I put this before the group. What the hell is it?"-Buffy
I wasn't really sure how or why I became a girl but I had a few theories worked out by the time we reached Giles' apartment. My first and most likely theory was Anya. She must have regained her powers and gotten vengeful on my ass. Another theory was Willow. She may have botched another spell with me as her victim again. I didn't really suspect any outside forces for this one. Its not like I'm big muscle or mojo in the Scoobies, so who the hell'd target me? I snorted.
I was just about ready to slay the hell out of Spike by the time we reached Giles' place. He was enjoying this far too much so I made a point to slam Giles' door in his face as I entered. It was almost worth being of the female persuasion for the startled looks on the group's faces. Willow's eyes grew to almost saucer-size in surprise. I love it when she does that. Buffy looked at me warily, clutching a stake. Giles just blinked at me from the couch and Riley gave me a curious yet vacant look.
"Can I help you, miss?" Giles finally choked out. I smirked and nodded as Spike shoved past me to head for a perch on the stairs. Getting good seats to the mayhem, no doubt.
"Yeah, you can help me, Funk Master G, give me a sex-change." At this I couldn't resist bursting out laughing and wasn't too surprised when Spike's low chuckle joined my girlish giggling. <Giggling? Heh.I giggled.> I stopped though when Buffy stepped threateningly toward me. I guess she figured me for a demon or something.
Wills, however, was as sharp as ever. She must've caught the "Funk Master G" I threw out and being my bestest buddy since forever she must've recognized me. "Xander?!" She squeaked. I nodded, watching her, she didn't look guilty when she jumped up and raced over to me. So Anya it was.
"Yup, it's the Xan-man, here in the flesh...female shaped flesh, that is." Buffy finally caught up and came over, followed by Riley.
"What happened?" She turned toward Spike suddenly, angry. "You did this, didn't you?!" She accused the startled vamp. I stepped forward and put a dainty, girly hand on her shoulder.
"Wasn't him, Buff," I told her, wondering at her amazing Slayer-like ability to leap to conclusions miles away.
"I've got easier ways to get my entertainment, Slayer." Spike responded, still smirking at the sitcom before him.
"I think it was Anya." I explained. "We kind of broke up last night and I woke up with nice perky breasts as punishment for not knowing what it's like to be a woman." Giles took off his glasses and started to clean them. Willow was circling me, poking at me. She poked me in the boob experimentally and I crossed my arms protectively over my chest.
"Hey gitcher grubby paws off the merchandise." I groused then grinned at Wills. "Its kind of neat being on eye level with you." I said and gave her a nice squishy hug. She swatted me and then got serious again.
"So how do we fix this?" Buffy asked Giles as she slid into Riley's lap. Giles was already flipping through a big dusty volume of demony goodness. I sighed, realizing the entirely obvious lack of response to the Anya issue. What a lovely group. Sorry your heart got torn out, Xan, but can't we get back to the important slaying stuff? <I feel so loved.> I was actually getting choked up about it.
I blinked back tears frantically. Crying in public was a no-no. Why was I feeling so emotional? I normally had great control of my emotions. You had too when raised in a family where to cry was to say, "I'm a weak defenseless victim! Shred me now!"
Giles settled us all with books to look through (except Spike, who just kept smirking at me). I flipped through pages, looking for anything about gender bending but found nothing of any use. I was even surprised at myself for not making any jokes. I was upset but my usual defense mechanism of humor was fritzing out or something. I wasn't too worried about being a female. I knew enough about the Scoobies to know that we'd find a solution no matter what. It was just a matter of time. I was more worried about the now overwhelming urge to break down and cry like, well, a girl.
I slammed my book shut at the same exact time as Buffy shut hers and we looked at each other with understanding smiles. "Brain hurt. Patrol now?" She pled with the group in general. Riley nodded in agreement as Buffy slid off his lap. I got up as well. Giles continued flipping through a volume as he waved us on absently.
"We'll keep looking here," Willow said, smiling at me. "We'll find something, don't worry, Xan." She reassured me. I nodded and turned to Buffy.
"Hey, can I borrow some shoes?" I asked, holding up my foot with my oversized flip-flop. "Walking is hazardous." She grinned.
"We'll drop by the dorm before we patrol and play dress up." I scowled at her. When Riley led us out of the apartment, I found Spike following quietly. I looked at him questioningly.
"Wot? A bloke can't go out for some demon pounding when 'e wants?" I rolled my eyes and fell into step beside Buffy. She linked arms with me and started babbling on about the adorable outfit that she wanted me to try. I pretty much tuned it out, still depressed that everyone had brushed off my Anya news. They'd already forgotten. I sighed as Buffy went on obliviously. Riley and Spike followed silently.
"Oh hell no!" I backed away from the psycho slayer, hands out to hold off her advance. "No skirts! No dresses!" She followed me around the bed holding up the black mini-skirt.
"C'mon Xander! It'll be adorable on you!" I shook my head frantically. I tried darting around her to the door. Maybe if I screamed real scared-like Riley would let me out and hide me from his insane girlfriend.
"Nonononono! All I need is shoes!" I pled. She finally gave up and returned the skirt to her closet. She pulled out a pair of nice, normal jeans instead and tossed them too me.
"Fine, be a wuss." She pouted as She tossed me a black tank top. I glowered at her but decided that it was impossible to defeat a Slayer bent on blackmail. I changed quickly, briefly struggling with the top which had a strange bra-like layer in it which established it as an offshoot of the sports bra family. The jeans fit snuggly and I felt like a freak going commando in such tight pants. It was strange to feel the fabric clinging to me. The shoes she gave me were luckily a simple pair of worn black Nikes.
Buffy helped me dress myself and we managed to only burst into "this is insane" giggles a few times. Its amazing, the ability the female has to giggle. It's hard to stop sometimes and the sound is amazing.
"You're going to have to stop touching your ass before we leave." Buffy pointed out as I ran my palms over my firm butt again. I sputtered.
"But its so..firm.I like it better than my other butt." I said and resolutely put my hands back at my sides. I waited tolerantly as Buffy brushed and braided my long hair after she'd agreed to give me five Twinkies payment for my cooperation. I even let her give me lip-gloss. It was fairly traumatic. When she finally pulled me from the dorm room I was completely dreading the outside world.
Riley grinned at me. "You look ravishing." He said, snickering. I growled at him, hoping that Spike'd gotten bored waiting outside and had wandered off to scare old ladies or something. Buffy beamed at her boy toy and kissed him. "Let's go kill things..please?" I pled, my mood slipping down to something darker. <Heartbroken man here, I don't really need to watch you make out, do I?> I scowled and started for the exit. I burst from the door into the night, walking fast, no longer caring if Spike mocked me. All I could think about was how Anya had looked the night before. She was beautiful as always, and tactless. I wished I could go get drunk again.
