About eight years ago, Kevin's father Gerald, was an active man and looking forward to retiring," He was a big man," says Kevin about his father, " as tall as I am - about 6'1'' - and alot more muscley. He was an outdoors man and a handy man,who could fix anything around the house. He played American football when he was younger, and he came to me and my brother's football games, cheering us on. He was dependable, always there for us. And my father wouls never complain if he's hurt himself, or if he was sick." Then, 10 months after his diagnosis, his family lost him to cancer...
Kevin was living in Orlando, Florida, and was working at Walt Disney World, when his Mother, Father, and his Brothers went down to visit him on vacation," We had a really good time, but as soon as the vacation was over, my dad was diagnosed with Colon Cancer. I was 19."
When his father was diagnosed with cancer, Kevin didn't know that he was ill at first," I didn't know he was ill at first. He didn't want to worry me." Kevin's father went into surgery to have the tumor removed immediately," With immediate treatment, the survival rate is normally pretty good." However, even with the surgery, the cancer came back, but this time, it had already spread throughout his body," When I was told, I was devistated. I moved back home to Kentucky to be with him."
As time went on, Kevin saw all the stages of the cancer," He was taken too the hospital, and after a while, he was able to come home." Kevin's father then went through Chemotherapy, which caused clots in his blood, and eventually a stroke that put him back in the hospital," The doctors thought it was over, but he lived through that too. Through it all, I never thought my dad would actually die. I never thought something like this could happen too my family."
Ten months after his diagnosis of cancer, Kevin's father died. It was a very sad time for the family, however, their support of each other helped then get through the tragic time," We've always been close, so we were all really supportive of each other. My oldest brother, who was a model in Dallas, moved home too. I'm so proud of the way my Mom handled it. She and my Father were highschool sweethearts. My Mom was - has been - so strong."
Kevin himself went through some extreme emotions," I felt angry at God. I doubted him. I still haven't gotten over the anger, but eventually I realized my family is not unique. With all the illnesses around, such as cancer and AIDS - related diseases, people go through alot of pain. It helps me to understand that I'm not the only one. I just have to go on."
Even the time of seven years after his father's death, Kevin still misses many of the great things that his father gave too him in life," I miss his advice. I talked to him about what I wanted to do with my life. I was going to join the Air Force when I left high school. That was the logical thing, my brain told me to do that; Where as, my heart told me to pursue my music, and my Dad agreed. He told me to do whatever I wanted. Not long after we had that conversation, my best friend and I moved to Orlando."
When the holidays come around, it is a bit of a hard time for Kevin, especially around Christmas time," Whenever I hear Christmas music, it brings back all the memories of our times with him. When I was growing up, we used to collect the christmas tree together, shovel snow off the drive way, all the perfect christmas things."
With the success of the Backstreet Boys, and being on the road, it is a little hard to imagine, that there are still things out there to remind Kevin, of what his family went through," Things still remind me. What gets me, is when we meet terminally ill children. If I see a child who I know isn't going to have the chance to live life, it tears me up inside. I have to leave the room sometimes."
Whenever Kevin, or his cousin Brian have the chance to thank everybody for their support, they take the time out to remember Kevin's father, and thank him for what he has done for them, even though he is no longer around," To our family and friends, " Brain said to everyone at the MTV music awards in 1996," whether you're watching at home or up above, Thank you!" Kevin went on to add, " I knew if I said something too, I'd get emotional. But if I get the chance again, I'll mention him. I love my Father, and I want him to be remembered."
Throughout the pain, and other emotions that Kevin and his family have gone through, there has been one thought that has helped Kevin," I want to live my life in a way that would make him proud. I think he'd be pleased that I worked at the band. As long as I do what makes me happy, without sacrificing my morals, and follow what I was brought up to believe, he'll be proud."
I would like to take this time out myself, to leave a short message for Kevin, here in this space. This is part of a letter that I sent to him in December of 1997,(although it is a bit different) and I am unsure as too whether or not he recieved it.
For some reason I get the feeling that you are unsure as to what direction you want to take your life at this moment. Perhaps you have asked for guidance, and have recieved no discernable answers, until now. I know not what good advice that I could give you, but this I can say: There is a light with in you that burns brighter than any light that I have seen for a long time. A light that allows you to do anything that you want too, no matter how far fetched it may seem. Only fear kepps you from following all of your dreams. And what is fear, but the innability to accept that you are capable of doing something. It is now the time in your life, to break down the barriers you have put up, and to let that light shine forth like it never has before. If you wonder about your father and whether or not he sees and knows everything that you do in your life. He does. Everytime that you look into the mirror; your father is there, looking back at you. Know that he is inside you. He is inside your heart and in everything that you do. When you are on stage singing, he is there watching you; giving you the encouragement that you have asked for. You are not alone, and will never be alone, as long as you keep him in your heart, and ask him for advice when you need it. The answers will come to you, when you are ready to hear them. That's why it is now time for you to heal..... - Sarah Baker '98.
