House on Haunted Hill

Cast :

Director: William Malone 

In the cinematic chicken vs. egg battle for cinematic originality, which came first is not necessarily as important as which does it better.  Witness 1997’s asteroid battle, where Armageddon hit first, but was outshined, barely, by Deep Impact.  In 1999, the battle for haunted house supremacy pitted The Haunting, based on the Shirley Jackson’s The Haunting of Hill House, against House on Haunted Hill, and based on a 1950’s movie starring Vincent Price.  While neither is entertaining, nor original, at least it was nice to marvel at The Haunting effects.  In House, there is nothing to marvel at, except for the question of how Geoffrey Rush’s deliciously mustache twisting performance gets swallowed up in yet another mediocre, predictable horrible movie.

The story begins with some curious hope and premise.  Rush is an amusement park designer, and lover of thrills, but not necessarily his wife.  Their relationship is rocky at best, and when he rents a supposed haunted mental asylum for her birthday, it is hinted that he may be trying to literally scare her to death.  The opening scenes give us the gruesome history behind the house.  This one thing the Haunting never really did.  The fun then begins when five strangers receive mysterious invitations to the party.   All of the houses inhabitants must survive the night.  If they do, they will receive 1 million dollars apiece.  The premise has potential at this point, but once everything kicks in, the humorous, mildly satirical sense of humor disappears.  At this point the movie reaches a crossroads, it can take its sharp, wicked spoofing sense of humor, fueled also by Kattan’s whiny but effective performance, to the next level.  Or, it can cave in and follow every other horror movie down the path of stupidity, gore and insipid dialogue.  Unfortunately, it goes screaming down the second path like one of Rush’s designed rides. The movie becomes a carbon copy of The Haunting, but with cheesier effects.  These two movies could be put side to side and the effects would be the only distinguishing factor.  Right down to the horridly insipid familial references at each movie’s conclusion.  Not even Rush’s playfully wicked mustache twisting turn as the possible instigator of the madness can help to make this movie even remotely entertaining.  The cast is a collection of supporting characters, save Peter Gallagher, whose career has been running in neutral for longer than maybe he can remember.  None of the cast standout as anything more than potential victims in the usual horror plot machine as it rolls forward.  It is a short, boring, blood filled ride that cannot end soon enough. 

Ultimately, House on Haunted Hill turns a promising beginning into another run of the mill slasher movie, with only the venue changing.  Had the movie maintained the acerbic wit, and Scream-style laugh at itself sense of humor that it began with, the movie might have rose above the obviously campy premise.  Alas, it becomes just a companion piece likely to end up as a double feature for Joe Bob Briggs on bad house theme night. ($ out of $$$$)

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