I-70'S ROCK & ROLL DUAL IN THE SHOW ME STATE
(Or Two Record Reviews In One)
Featuring CRETIN 66 & THE CRIPPLERS

I do not know if Missouri's primo high energy rock and roll bands, CRETIN 66 and THE CRIPPLERS, have ever competed against each other in any sort of battle of the bands, or any other rock and roll rock 'em, sock 'ems. Before witnessing either of these bands live, remember, don't call them alternative, or even punk, because they simply play good old fashion rock and roll. Besides, the only labels these rockers give a damn about are the ones glued to their favorite bottle of spirits.

Cretin 66 hails from the outer fringes of Kansas City, more precisely, Independence. Their longwinded, yet accurate mission state reads the following," R&BPUNKROCK'N'ROLLFUCKEDUPMETALLICNOISE." Influenced by THE MOTOR CITY FIVE, THE RAMONES, THE KISS Army, BLUE CHEER, Pabst Blue Ribbon, and various other activities that cause them to be labelled, "the kids from the wrong side of the tracks." These dudes are not afraid to show off their rock andd roll roots and tell all the prozac injected, mall store punk rats to "GO TO HELL!" CRETIN will either make their life more miserable, or force repentence from their sorry ass dogmatic ways.

Just perch your ears towards their most recent compact ditty, "Demolition Safari." In order to maximize CRETIN'S virtuous motto,"All songs are for entertainment purposes only," they scouted stateside until finding Philadelphia's Steel Cage Records, while their international espionage ring already had hunted down some red headed American mischievous, commanding Deutschland's Middle Class Pig Records. A thousand times more metallic sounding than THE CRIPPLERS, CRETIN 66's tunes are LOUD, straight forward, and most importantly, catchy. Just force me to cease any further proclamations, which could result in the breaking of some equal opportunity laws. Just dutifully purchase "Demolition Safari," PRONTO!

THE CRIPPLERS, from St. Louie Louie (and sometimes Columbia), mission statement simply reads the following, "MID-WEST, LO-FI, PUNK AND ROLL !!!MAYHEM!!!." JOHNNY THUNDERS AND THE HEARTBREAKERS, ZEKE, THE WOGGLES, professional wrestling, and other alchoholic vices, helped prejudice THE CRIPPLERS. This band screams to the world that a varied diet of rock and roll is still in their blood. THE CRIPPLERS music is not just for zit faced punkers or Joe Alternative. No sir ee. According to recent telemarketing surveys, a typical CRIPPLERS fans just wants to get down and dirty.

On the verge of breaking up, THE CRIPPLERS decided it would be better to stick it out, as they just had a record released on California's Dionysus Records. The earsplitting, yet trashy rock and roll of THE CRIPPLERS may not sound similar to CRETIN 66, yet is parallel in quality, as documented on their debut album, "One More For The Bad Guys." Note to record collector scum, "File under rock and fucking roll!"

Rember, the next time you cruise eastward or westward on I-70 in Missouri, bring tapes (or c.d.'s), because the radio will not even think of crankin' out some raw rawk and roll. This means you better get off your butt and purchase these two albums, and you THE LISTENER, determine who is the winner of the battle of the bands, not this drunken' idiot. In the mean time, lets hope that these rock and roll messiahs pull out their beaten up band equipment, and cause cows to self-tip with their warped, yet righteous versions of rock and roll.

(thee ANTiHiPSTER)

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© Copywrite 2002 by Angus T. McWhorter. All rights reserved.