Title: Nightmares and Dreamscapes. Writer: Xphila Rating: G/PG Keywords: MSR, Angst Notes: I usually can't even read the Scully or Mulder/other stories so writing on is a bit strange for me but the idea has been knocking around my head for a while so lets see what happens. Disclaimer: The character's are CC's and the story is mine. All of the other characters are mine! Ha, you have to use a disclaimer for them *lol* Feedback: Submit or Serve. --------------------------------------------------- Nightmares and Dreamscapes Xphila ------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm walking into the sun. I don't know where I am and I don't know where I'm going. I'm all alone. I'm hurting all over. I taste salt on my lips and realise I'm crying. I'm crying for everything. I'm crying for me, I'm crying for her. The sand is blowing round my face and I can't remember what I'm doing here. I see her. Scully. In front of me. She's a little way off so I can't see her expression. I walk faster...I start to run but however fast I go I can't reach her. She's out of my reach. The sand is blowing around her and I can't get to her. I fall and my legs refuse to get up again. She's fading before my eyes. Then she's gone. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Scully smiles at me. Our hands were clasped together at our side. We are walking somewhere white. It looked like perfectly white snow. But it wasn't cold. I am warm and I am getting hotter. Scully's hand was getting colder to my touch. I look at her, her face looks cold. Her teeth were chattering and her lips are glowing with a bluish tint. She is fading. The way she always does. Her hand is ice cold, he could feel her shivering. He couldn't let her go, it was hurting his hand. The cold was freezing his hand. She was so cold she didn't look like Scully any more he couldn't see her features anymore, she disappeared in front of his eyes. The way she always did. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Her lips are like candy. He'd been kissing her his whole life. Every time he looked at her. She was kissing him back, it was real now. They were really kissing. Her lips and becoming more sensitive to his kiss. He had to kiss harder to taste her. He took a step back. He couldn't see her properly. She was not really there. He wasn't really seeing her. He moved to take her in his arms and embraced air. She was gone. Again. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- He was staring at her. Her eyes are almost unreal in their intensity. They were meeting his own. He couldn't see what she was thinking. She was scaring him. He couldn't tell why she was staring at him. Her eyes fill with tears. The tears fall but he couldn't see them. He knew she was crying but the tears faded before they reached her cheeks. But that wasn't all that was fading. Her whole face was disappearing in front of him. He was losing her again. Losing her like he always did. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Every night Mulder woke up in tears, on his couch covered in sweat. He couldn't go on like this. He couldn't keep dreaming about her. Him and Her. Them. He couldn't carry on crying about what he couldn't have. He should tell her. He should try to stop the dreams. The nightmares. Why did he love what he couldn't have? Why was Scully the only person he had ever fallen in love with and the only one who he could never tell. And why is that? Because He was too scared to. He'd never been scared of anyone in the world. Other than his father but not in the same way he was scared of Scully. He was terrified of losing her amongst all the insecurities he had about her feelings for him. This was getting beyond his control. He hadn't had a night in the last two weeks where he hadn't had a nightmare about Scully. They were always the same. He was so scared of losing her that he dreamed that he did. He had a degree in psychology, he knew why he was thinking like this. He knew why he was dreaming of this. But he didn't know how to stop it. He couldn't even ask someone's help. Even hers. Even the person he wanted to have tell him just why he was feeling this. He couldn't ask. He was going to tell her. After the latest dream...nightmare he decided that he couldn't do this anymore. He had a shower and changed. It was late. It was very late. It was almost three in the morning. Maybe he should wait until tomorrow. He should at least call him before turning up on her doorstep. He picked up the phone and dialled her number. It wasn't like it was the first time it was the middle of the night when he had called her. "Hello?" That wasn't Scully. He looked at the phone, her name had come up, it was the right number. Why was a man answering the phone? His heart stopped beating. "Hello?" the man asked again. "Sorry..." He muttered. "Wrong number," and hung up. He couldn't believe it. She was sleeping with someone else. That thought made him despair of his life. It felt like she was cheating on him. They weren't anything. She wasn't cheating on him. Yet it still felt like that. He went back to the couch. This was it. he'd lost her forever. The dreams had come true. --------------------------------------------------- Part 2 --------------------------------------------------- Mulder looked at his watch. Another nightmare had woken him at quarter past eight. Scully would be wondering where he was...actually, forget that, she was probably lying in the arms of her stranger right now. Or was he even a stranger. Mulder began to think, what if Scully had been seeing someone for months...even years. Was it so impossible? Did he pay enough attention to her to have noticed? Yes. He did. But not recently. For all he knew she could have been seeing someone for months. He didn't like that thought. He sat up on the couch and clicked the TV on, breakfast TV News and Weather. Mulder got up and went to inspect his fridge, trying to rid his mind of thoughts of Scully and the other man. --------------------------------------------------- In the FBI HQ in Washington DC Scully looked at her watch. Mulder wasn't here, she was getting worried. She was pretty sure he hadn't been sleeping well recently. She picked up the phone and dialled Mulder's number. She let it ring for a couple of minutes before giving up. She hung up and tried his cell phone with the same result. By nine thirty, when Mulder still hadn't shown, Scully was getting even more worried. She grabbed her coat and left the office, he wouldn't be this late without warning if something wasn't wrong. --------------------------------------------------- Mulder wasn't answering the phones for two reasons. One they never rang and two because if they had he wouldn't have been able to hear them. He's unplugged the apartment phone and switched off his cell phone. And he was fast asleep. Finally the lack of sleep and depression had caught up with him and he had fallen into a deep, dreamless sleep. He didn't even hear when Scully knocked on the door, or when she entered. Scully watched him breathing. She sighed a sigh of relief to see him all in one piece. She sat across from him and allowed herself to indulge in just looking at him. After half an hour Scully left Mulder's apartment. She didn't have the heart to wake him and there was nothing urgent going on at the FBI, she could finish the paperwork on her own. --------------------------------------------------- Mulder woke around lunchtime. He felt a little better for having slept for longer than two hours. But it wasn't enough to make him think of anything other than Scully. He wondered why his apartment smelt like her perfume but decided it must be his imagination. Scully had moved on. Away from him. Without him. That didn't mean he could, though. Maybe she'd never thought of him as anything other than a friend. Maybe all that he felt for her had never been mirrored by her. Maybe she didn't even care. She'd moved on and so must he. He decided. He went to his wallet and looked through, stopping momentarily to wish he had a picture of Scully there. He found what he was looking for. It was the number of a woman who he's met on their last case. She was attractive and she had seemed interesting. At the time he hadn't wanted the number but if Scully was completely out of his reach now maybe he should try to get the life which had so far eluded him. He took a deep breath and dialled the number. "Hi, Danielle? It's Fox Mulder, we met a few days ago....yeah....well, If you'd like....that's great, how about tomorrow?.....Great, I'll see you then, Yeah, bye." Wow. He couldn't help thinking, he had a date. When he thought about it, it was the first date he'd been on since he first found the X- Files. The smile he was wearing faded. It wasn't with Scully. --------------------------------------------------- Two weeks later Scully was getting very worried about Mulder. She didn't understand his latest behaviour. He had been acting so distant and uninterested. He made every excuse he could to not be with her and he wouldn't even look her in the eye when they spoke. What was bothering her more was that there was no reason. Up until two weeks ago everything had been fine. She had gone through all the possibilities why he could be feeling bad but there wasn't one that it could be. She found out by accident. She walked into their office, looking at a file, "Mulder, you want to..." she looked up and stopped. Her gaze went from Mulder to the tall, olive- skinned woman whom he had his arm round. She looked back at Mulder. Her face purposely expressionless. She saw Mulder flinch, "Scully, this is Danielle Sander, Danielle, this is my...um...partner, Dana Scully." He said uncomfortably. "Nice to meet you," Danielle gushed, "I've heard a lot about you." "You too," Scully lied, forcing a smile. "Did you want something, Scully?" Mulder asked, doing a bad job of disguising how much he wanted her to have something to take him away from Danielle. She shook her head. "Nothing, just checking you were here." She turned. Mulder called out to her. "What's in the file?" "This? Nothing Mulder, see you tomorrow." She left. Mulder looked after her. Wondering why she had looked so upset. It was his imagination, he decided, but suddenly the last thing he wanted to go to dinner with Danielle. "You know, I should go talk to her, I owe her for all the paper work she did for me," he lied. Danielle looked jealous suddenly. "Why, Fox? Why does it matter, don't you want to go out?" "Danni, just let me talk to her, something's wrong, I can tell." Danielle didn't look happy but backed down. Mulder reached Scully outside the FBI. "Scully!" he shouted to her from a distance, she turned, saw him and stopped walking for him to catch up. "Where's your girlfriend?" was all she said when he was beside her. Mulder shook his head, "Um, she, she left, she's gone home," he stuttered out. Was it his imagination or was Scully jealous. It could also just be his imagination but it looked a hell of a lot like Scully had been crying. No, that wasn't possible, she had no reason to and it wouldn't be like her. "Oh, I see," Scully said stolidly. "Scully, are you okay?" he asked. "I'm fine," Scully said, just a little too freely. "No you're not," Mulder said, taking the chance. "I'm...I'm just not used to be walking into our office to see you have a woman in there." she said finally, looking away. "Why do you care?" Mulder asked, genuinely curious. "Because....." she began but stopped, looking away, "It doesn't matter." "It does matter!" Mulder said loudly, "I want to know." "It's nothing Mulder, I just have to get used to not being the only woman in your life." "At least I introduced you to her." Mulder muttered. "What's that supposed to mean?" Scully asked, looking Mulder straight in the eye. "I called your apartment a couple of weeks ago at almost three in the morning. You didn't answer." "Who did?" Scully asked, curiously. "It...it was a man's voice." Mulder said, uncomfortably. A look of realisation came over Scully's face. "Mulder, what date was it?" "Um....16th, why?" Scully sighed. "You talked to Charlie." She said quietly and walked away from him. Mulder stood for a second and then followed her. "You mean I went through all that because of your brother?" "Mulder, what the hell are you on about?" "I thought I'd lost you," Mulder whispered. Scully looked at him bewildered. When he didn't say anything but just stared at her she raised her eyebrows. "what is it?" "I...I thought you had someone," he paused, "you were in love with someone.." he paused again and sighed, "someone other than me." Scully frowned, "So what? You're seeing Danielle, were you ever going to tell me that? How can you stand her acting like I can't see anyone else when you are in a relationship yourself?" Scully turned and began to walk away from him, knowing he would stop her. Mulder took her arm and pulled her back to face him. "Are you jealous of Danielle?" he said, his voice low and emotional. "You have no right asking..." Scully began but Mulder stopped her. "I don't love her." He smiled sadly, "I don't think I even like her." Scully looked at him amazed. "I don't want to talk about this, as far as I'm concerned, it's nothing to do with me and if you don't like you're girl-friend you should probably shouldn't be going out with her." Mulder watched for a few seconds as Scully walked away from him. He had seen the look in her eyes, she was hurt. Very hurt. He followed her. "Scully." She stopped. "I love you," he whispered. Scully turned and stared at him. "No you don't. You just think you do." She walked faster leaving him considering her reply. A while later her felt arms go round his neck and turned to see he was in the grasp of Danielle. "What's up, sweetie," she smiled brightly. "Nothing, Danielle. This isn't going to work." He felt her let him go and closed his eyes, "I don't want to see you anymore." "It's Scully isn't it?" Danielle said, accusingly. Mulder sighed. "It doesn't matter," he said, not looking at her and walking to back to the FBI HQ. Leaving Danielle staring after him, fuming. --------------------------------------------------- Part 3 --------------------------------------------------- Mulder ended up back at the office. He sat down and reconsidered the situation. In all honesty he didn't know why Scully was so upset. But when he thought about it, he would have been upset if he walked into 'their' office to find her in another man's arms. Why had he even called Danielle? He asked himself. He thought he'd lost Scully so he got someone else. That was it, wasn't it? He's done it last time he'd lost Scully. When she was abducted he'd fallen into the arms of Kristine. That was different, he decided, why? Mulder put his head in his hands and sighed. Why hadn't he talked to Scully about the dreams? Why had he been so quick to believe that they meant he was losing her? Why hadn't he told her? Why had he never told her how he felt? Because he was afraid of how she felt. He had to tell her right now. He had to force her to tell him, whatever her feelings, good or bad, he had to know right now. Mulder picked up the phone and dialled Scully's home number. He checked his watch, he doubted that she was home but wanted to put off confrontation as long as possible. Scully's answer machine picked up and Mulder put the phone down without leaving a message. He took a deep breath and called her cell phone. "Scully," Scully answered after a long time. She knew it was him and was hoping he would hang up. He didn't. There was no sound on the other end of the line. "Hello?" She asked. She heard someone breathing. "Scully, it's me," Mulder said, quickly, "Please don't hang up," he begged. "What is it?" She asked. There was another long pause. "Scully, I have to talk to you. I have to see you." "Mulder...." she began. "Please," he interrupted. "I'm almost home..." "I'll meet you there." Scully didn't answer straight away. "Mulder," she said finally, "I'm....sorry about earlier....I over-reacted." "I'll see you soon," Mulder replied and hung up. --------------------------------------------------- As soon as Scully got home she hurried to her bedroom to change. She chose tight jeans although not too tight and a low-cut top, but not too low-cut. Just enough to show Mulder what he was missing. Not long afterwards there was a knock on the door. She might have known Mulder would be there soon. There was no way he'd stick to the speed limits. She felt her heart beat faster and mentally chided herself. It's Mulder, and nothing's going to happen, she thought. She looked through the peep-hole. Mulder stood looking at his feet. Scully shook her head in amazement at how he could make her love him when he didn't even know she was looking. That was it, though. Scully was in love with Mulder. That was why she had reacted so much to Danielle, that was why she'd been so hurt. But then, that was why they were finally facing this. She took a deep breath and opened the door. Mulder looked up and Scully looked away as their eyes met. Neither said anything as Scully stood aside to let Mulder in. He turned to face her. "Why did you care?" He asked. "About what?" "Danielle." he said shortly. Scully sat down and looked up at him and sighed. "The same reason you cared about Charles. Or, the same reason you did before you knew it was Charles." Mulder nodded slowly. "But..." Scully continued, "I did over-react.....and I had no right to say you didn't mean what you said......" she paused and looked up at him, terrified of his answer, "Did you mean it?" Mulder smiled to himself and looked up at her. "Yes," he assured her. "Well, you seemed to replace me easily..." "Scully, I wasn't replacing you. I thought you had someone else and if I told you how I felt then you might mess things up with....well, your guy." "Based on one phone call?" Mulder shook his head, "No, the phone call....sort of proved what I'd suspected..." "You suspected I was with someone?" Scully asked amazed. "No...but," he looked at her, "I've been having these...dreams...about, well, I guess they're nightmares and every time I ended up losing you." "How?" Scully asked, frowning in concern. "Well, there was always a different situation but you always....faded. Sometimes we were together, sometimes I could just see you in the distance but every time you faded out of the dream until I was alone....and when I phoned and Charles answered I just assumed that...that I really had lost you." Scully shook her head, smiling a little, "You'll never lose me," she whispered. "Why didn't 'you' tell 'me'?" Mulder asked, raising his eyebrows. "I don't know....You know....falling in love with you was the easiest thing in the world but telling you....It's so hard." "I know." Mulder took her hands and pulled her closer to him. "I love you, Scully." Scully looked at him and rested her head on his forehead. "I think I believe that." "Don't you trust me?" Mulder asked quietly. "I trust you with my life, Mulder, you should know that." "Yeah....but do you trust me with your heart?" Scully pulled away from him, their hands still joined in his lap. She nodded slightly. "I trust you," she smiled at the change in expression on Mulder's face. "I love you." --------------------------------------------------- Scully is in my arms and I think we're on a beach, I can feel warm sand on my feet. And Scully is warm in my arms. She kisses me, and her kisses are real. I pull away to look at her. She smiles at me. She's not fading. She's as real as I am and she's happy in my arms. I smile back at her. I think this is one time where I can have a happy ending. --------------------------------------------------- FEEDBACK: Submit or serve