Title: Friends will be friends Writer: Kimi Smith Rating: G Keywords: MSR Category: VR Disclaimer: Is it fair that unbelievably rich film stars get free make-up and clothes when they make a fortune? No. Well then how is it fair that the stupendously rich company, 'Fox' can sue poor innocent X-Philes who have too much spare time on their hands and are considered right? In case it isn't clear, Mulder and Scully aren't mine although If Mulder's going for sale... Spoilers: Up to season 6 FEEDBACK: Come on, you read it, just a couple of words? Yell at me for wasting our time or something... xphila@xphila.freeserve.co.uk or xphila@yahoo.com ~When you're in need of love They give you care and attention When you're through with life and all hope is lost Hold out you hand because Friends will be friends Right till the end~ ----------------------------- Friends Will Be Friends By Kimi Smith ----------------------------- Certain thoughts I have banished from my mind. I can think for hours about scientific anomalies. I don't, but I could. I can even think about what if I'm wrong about aliens. I can stare out of a window for hours and really wonder. I can think about my father. My sister. Emily. My childhood. I can think of the most painful memories for hours. But one topic I steer well clear of is the one that can evoke so many emotions for me. About my partner. My friend. I love him. There is absolutely no questioning that. We have a platonic relationship...well, fairly. It's different to any friendship I ever had with a man, and it's not a brother-sister relationship. I mean, if one of my brothers acted to me the way that Mulder does I would be seriously worried about them. We've grown into a relationship of closeness without being close at all. I couldn't ring him up if I wanted to talk about other guys I was interested in, yet we don't have a relationship so I'm lead to assume that he doesn't feel that way about me. I think we will end up together. I think one day it will happen but I'm half-hoping it won't. Maybe anticipation is better than resolution. Maybe the flirting and kisses-and-nothing-more are more exciting than a relationship would be. I want fireworks. When I kiss Mulder for the first time when we both want it, when we're ready to pursue it, I want there to be sparks flying. What if it isn't like that? What if what we have now is something which we would throw away if we became romantically involved. He's my friend. Friends with be friends. It doesn't matter about lovers because friends will always be there for you. So why do I want to exchange what Mulder and I already have, which is wonderful, for the unknown. Mulder would go to the ends of the earth for me...he has in the past. And I would do the same for him. Why, then, do I want more? I have the most caring, perfect, loving relationship I have ever had in my life with the most wonderful, sexy, intelligent and complicated man I have ever met. We might not be together but I know he only has eyes for me and I only have eyes for him. Does that mean we're meant to be together? I have all this and I want to trade it...for what? I love him, though. I find him attractive...very attractive. I want to be able to kiss those gorgeous lips every time the urge hits me. But I've never had a lasting, real relationship. Even the one I had with Jack was a bit hit and miss. I wasn't in love with him. Not like I am with Mulder. What else do I want? I can't have children with him, although, God, I want to. I don't even care if we don't get married. So, really, the only thing I want that I don't have now is the sex. No. That's wrong. That isn't what I want...not just that anyway. But what's wrong with the friendship? Why am I thinking of friends? And why am I thinking of Mulder? I didn't need to think of him, except he's my only real friend. This was a bad subject to get onto. I'm never going to make the first move, I don't really know what he wants. That whole thing with Diana Fowley was enough to put our relationship on the proverbial rocks. There is a knock at the door. Damn, trust me to get onto that subject when Mulder's coming over. It's for work. I know that. Professional only, we need to finish a report and neither of us can quite work out exactly how to phrase the impossible in a plausible way for Skinner. I open the door to him after keeping him waiting while I collected myself. "Hello, friend." Shit, did I just say that? From the look on his face, I think I did. he raises his eyebrows, "Huh?" "Come in," I ignore it. He still looks a little puzzled. He doesn't usually get to see me after one of my serious talks to myself. He looks cute puzzled. Get over it, Dana. I smile at him. He smiles back a little. I'm acting strange, I know and he's definitely noticed but he caught me off guard on one of the few occasions where I'm not myself. I look at his face as I pick up a file from my desk. Why do I want to change this? I see him all the time. I see him in every mood. I see him when he's happy, concentrating, interesting, amused even hurting, distraught and desperately in need of comfort. My comfort. What do I want to change that for? There's nothing wrong with it. Far from it, it's idealistic. So why do I feel a burning desire to lean over and kiss him and make love to him for the rest of my life. Could be that he's completely gorgeous. I'm not blind, I'm well aware of that fact. It's not just that though, there's something deeper at work here. I want him to hold me as well. He can do that for the rest of my life if he feels like it. OK, he's looking at me strangely. I recognise that face, he's amused. At me. He raises his eyebrows and asks if I'm OK. I nod and open my mouth. Then I clamp it shut again. Close. I'm such a coward. Yep, you're a coward, Dana. Hear that? This isn't getting anywhere, I tell myself, sit down and try and get to work. I sit down next to him. Did he just move closer to me or was that my imagination? Must be me. He says my name now I'm sure as hell that that was a provocative noise. He knows! He has to. I'm getting all this from the way he says my name. I am really in a bad way. I manage to reply with "Uh huh?". Is he breathing on my neck? He is!. Nope, that's his hand, Dana. Why does he have his hand on the back of my neck? I've got tingles all the way down my spine. I've tensed up completely. He's guess, my God, I think he's finally guessed. I realise his hands are gently straightening my hair out. Suddenly he pulls away. "Got caught in your collar." Oh fuck, he didn't really just say that did he? He knows what he's doing, he so knows what he's doing to me. This is purposeful. Well he's made one move I guess if this is going to get anywhere I'd better meet him in the middle. I turn to look at his face. He looks flushed but that could of course be my imagination. It's working overtime at the moment. "Oh now, Mulder you're not going to get away with that this time." I press my forehead against his. "Do you know what you just did to me." His hands have landed up on my face, his thumbs stroking my cheeks. "I'm hoping that had the desired effect." He practically growls. I love this man. "I think it did." I agree with him. Slowly he's leaning in towards me. Too slowly. I take matters into my own hands and push my face even closer to his, catching my lips with mine. Ahh, that feels so good. I should have made this happen years ago. I can't help smile and I feel him smiling back, his arms wrapping round me, pulling me closer to him. Something falls to the floor but we ignore it. Suddenly I'm hit by panic. This is my friend, this is Mulder. Mulder, Dana, look who you're kissing. The panic subsides. It may be Mulder but My friendship with Mulder has just evolved. I like it. In case you're wondering. Those fireworks I was thinking about. I feel like I'm on fire. Fini xphila@xphila.freeserve.co.uk, xphila@yahoo.com, FMulder@paranoia.co.uk