Everybody Loves Scully
by Eisoj5
http://www.geocities.com/jcfos2001  
Rated: PG
Category: H
Keywords:  
Spoilers: Season 8
Summary: Three men vying for Scully's affections.  Arm
wrestling is involved.  So is much silliness in general.

Scully was just dozing off in front of the TV, too tired to even
think about moving, when the phone rang.  She reached over to
grab it, knocked it off the end table instead, felt around on the
floor for it and finally got it up to her ear on the fourth ring.  

"Scully."

"Agent Dana Scully?"  The voice on the other end was vaguely
familiar.  "Hi, this is Joanne from the bar . . ."  

She placed the voice.  Joanne from the bar, the bar she and
Mulder sometimes went to after work.  Scully hadn't been there
for months now, since she found out she was pregnant,
anyways.  

"Hi, Joanne.  Something wrong?"  She pushed herself upright
on the couch.  

"No, not really, but if you could come down here . . . your
partner's sort of drunk," Joanne said.  

"Which one?"  Scully frowned.  Mulder, drunk?  Doggett,
drunk?  

"Er . . . both, actually."  She could hear the bar noise filtering
over the phone and sighed.  

"They're not fighting, are they?" 

"Um, no, not exactly," Joanne said.  "Hold on a second." 
Scully heard her yelling "Hey, break it up!" somewhat muffled,
as if the bartender was holding her hand over the receiver.  "Do
I have to come over there?  Sorry, Agent Scully."

"Okay, Joanne, I'll be right there," Scully told her, getting off
the couch and searching for her car keys.  

"Oh, and there's a big guy with glasses with your partners,
too," Joanne added.  "They're . . . all drunk."  

Great, Scully thought.  

She pulled into the parking lot a while later, recognizing
Doggett's truck and Skinner's Blazer a few spaces over. 
Walking into the bar, she was assailed with the smell of
cigarette smoke, exhaled in her face by a business-suit clad man
whose tie was askew.  

Joanne waved and pointed to a booth near the back, and Scully
reluctantly made her way over there.  

"Scully!" Mulder grinned, brandishing a quarter-full beer bottle. 

"Scully!" Skinner and Doggett chorused.  

Oh, my God, she thought, taking in the scene.  There were
about ten shot glasses and a few emptied bottles on the table. 
Skinner had gotten one arm around Doggett's shoulders, and
Mulder was tilting the last bottle vertically over his mouth.  He
tapped the bottom of it to get the last few drops of beer out.  

"Jesus, Mulder . . ."

"Uh-oh, Scully's maaad," Doggett said, poking the other agent
in the ribs.  

"Is not, because she loves me," Mulder mumbled, hazel eyes
wavering upwards to his partner.  

"Right, Mulder.  What are all of you doing here?"  She
frowned.  

"Well, I was here first," Skinner proclaimed, thumping his fist
down on the table and making all the glasses jump.  "And then
Doggett showed up, and Mulder came too."  

Scully realized she wasn't going to get anything coherent out of
any of them, sighed heavily.  

"An-and then we decided everybody loves you, Scully," Mulder
said.  "And after nice Joanne got us some more drinks, we arm-
wrestled for ya."  

"I won," Doggett muttered, his eyes slightly unfocused on the
shot glasses he was trying to stack on top of each other.  

"No, Skinner won," Mulder corrected him.  "I think."  

"No, I won," Doggett asserted, knocking over the single shot
glass he was still playing with.  

"Oh.  Well, then I said that since I'm the father of your baby
that I'm the one that gets to marry you," Mulder finished,
grinning gleefully at her.  

"But I wanted to marry her," Skinner said, pouting.  

"So everybody loves me, huh?" Scully said, arching both
eyebrows skyward.  

"Yeah, even Monica loves you," Doggett told her.  He grinned. 
Mulder and Skinner grinned.  Big happy faces all around.  

"O-okay then," she replied, not taking anything they said very
seriously at the moment.  "Well, listen, I've got to get all of you
home because you are clearly way too drunk to drive," Scully
said.  

"I wanna drive," the A.D. muttered, pouting again.  

"Well, you can't," she told him firmly, feeling as if she was
disciplining a wayward child.  Damn, Scully thought.  I
should've brought a camera.  

Joanne helped get the three men out the door, and somehow
Scully managed to get them into the back of Skinner's Blazer
with minimal effort, the A.D. still protesting that "he wanted to
drive."  

"Where am I going to take you?" she muttered to herself.  She
couldn't take them to her apartment, they'd never make it up
the stairs.  Same went for Skinner's high-rise, even though there
was an elevator, and Mulder's place.  "Doggett, give me your
keys," Scully ordered, and there was some shuffling around in
the back of the SUV as the agent produced them.  

"Don't puke in my car," Skinner said, the comment the clearest
thing he'd said all night.  Doggett and Mulder assumed
indignant expressions.  

Scully tried not to laugh, finally amused by the whole situation.  

She parked in Doggett's driveway, looked in the back.  "Okay,
everybody, out of the car . . ." she trailed off, then burst into
giggles at the sight of the three men.  Mulder was leaning on
Doggett, who was leaning on Skinner, who was squished up
against the window, all asleep.  

Her laughter woke the A.D., who flinched upon discovering the
two other agents practically on top of him.  

"It's not funny," he growled at her, squinting without his
glasses.  "Where are we?"  He sobered up fast, Scully thought,
then revised her estimation of him as he nearly fell out of the car
after opening the door.  

"All right . . ."  She got Skinner inside, sat him down on the
sofa where he stretched out and went back to sleep.  "Aw, no,"
Scully muttered.  

Mulder and Doggett were less cooperative, neither entirely
pleased about being woken back up, especially given their still-
inebriated conditions.  "Coffee?" Doggett said in a plaintive
voice.  

"I'll find it," she assured him, glancing around his kitchen,
perplexed.  

"Scully, I love you," Mulder insisted drowsily from where his
head rested on the kitchen table.  

"Love you too, Mulder," she told him, half-jokingly, looking in
the cupboards, found coffee mugs.  It was going to be a long
night.

"I win," he mumbled happily.  

"Aw . . ." said Skinner from the couch.  

"But I won," Doggett protested.  

"Shut up, Doggett," Mulder said.  He smiled, then closed his
eyes and drifted off into sleep.  

end