I'm Falling
by BudgiebirdClassification- Scully POV; sort of post DeadAlive
Archives- Ask me first.
Rating- PG
Spoilers- DeadAlive
Summary- Scully realizes that she has fallen.
Disclaimer- Not mine. It would be awful nice if Doggett was though..... : )
Feedback- Pleasepleasepleaseplease!!! I live for it! you have no idea how happy it will make me!!! Pleaseplease!! Išll even take flames! Any form of feedback! išll even take feedback for stuff that has nothing to do with this story! Just give me a sign that you have read it!!!!!!
Note- I was thinking about playing a joke in this story, but I decided that for all of the dippers out there, it would be really mean of me. Oh, and also, if you have read any of my other stories, you might notice references to them in here.
I'm falling.
I think I first realized it when I held him in my arms. I came to chew him out, but I wound up holding him. Like a lost little boy looking for comfort, he sobbed into my shoulder and told me that he died. Not something that one would usually hear, but hey. I work in the X-Files. I gave him the comfort he needed to get through the night. Give a little, get a little I guess, for the next time it was me crying into HIS shoulder. He shared some of my grief. He helped me get through my partneršs decline after we found him. He held me in his arms and told me everything would be wonderful someday. At the time, I didn't believe him, but now I know that he was right.He was there for me again when my partner gave out and died. He helped to cheer me up a little that night. He helped me forget for awhile that there was a big cruel world out there. Nothing intimate happened. He just helped. I can still picture him falling off the bed in his nerve induced laughter caused by our playing. I don't think I'll ever forget that.
That night, he made a promise to me. He told me that he would be there for me always. He's kept his word. In return, I shall be there for him as well. I hope he knows that by now.
Tonight, I sit beside the partner that I thought was dead. The partner and best friend that once, I loved romantically.
I sit beside him physically, but spiritually I am not in the room with him. My thoughts linger on the man who has shared the worst part of my life with me. The man who helped make it all bearable. Earlier today, he told me that all he was ever worried about was my well being. I reacted completely the wrong way. Instead of telling him how much his words meant, I lashed out at him. He's been rather guarded around me since then. Just a few minutes ago, he dropped by the door. He looked in, saw that Mulder was awake, and slowly left without a word. My heart ached at the statement on his face. Not to mention the bruise that decorated it as well. I wonder what he did?
I get up from my chair. I look toward the man in the hospital bed next to me.
"Mulder, I'll be right back."Mulder looks up at me and nods. I smile as best I can at him and hurry out of the door. I have a hunch as to why Doggett came to the door. He must have accepted Kirsch's promotion. That's why he had such a look on his face. He must have felt guilty for some reason.
I walk down the corridor, looking in every space. I can't let him leave without telling him how I feel. I can't. I can't let the best man I have ever known just walk out of my life like that.
Finally, I catch sight of him. He's waiting at the elevators. Just as the doors open, I call his name.
"Agent Doggett!"
He turns. I walk up to him, out of breath from running to get to him.
"Agent Scully, are you ok?"
His eyes are worried. I give him a sad smile.
"I think so."
He nods.
"Did you come to tell me something Agent Scully?"
I draw in a breath. I don't even know where to start. Since I'm still not quite sure how to bring this up with him, I take the coward's path. Start out with the easy.
"Did you accept Kirsch's promotion?"
I hope I don't sound too desperate. He doesn't respond for a moment. Now's the time. I have to tell him now, or I never will be able to. Just as I'm preparing to open my mouth, he opens his.
"No. I can't. It's no longer an option."
I look at him for a moment. That wasnšt the answer I was expecting. He looks me in the eyes, his ice blue depths now unreadable. He draws in a breath.
"But, for me, leaving the X-Files was never an option."
Now I'm thoroughly shocked. I just stand there, staring at him.
"I'm sorry Agent Scully." he says.
He turns and walks into the waiting elevator doors. With one final look at me, he presses the button and the doors close.
I should have told him. Right then and there, I should have told him. I should have at least told him that he had nothing to be sorry for. But I didn't. I couldn't do it. I don't know if I ever will be able to now. I feel myself grow lighter as a realization hits me.
"He's staying with me." I say to myself. "He's staying, just like he said he would."
Mentally, I call up the image of his face.
I'm falling.
Check that, I've fallen.
I have fallen in love with John Doggett.
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