Déjà vu threatens to overwhelm me.

Once again, my friend and partner has disappeared, vanishing from my life without word or warning. Were it not for the miracle of my son, I would believe that God has no wish for my happiness, my security, my comfort.

I have loved three men in my life: the first I lost to death; the second to forces unknown and unexplained. The third may yet be returned to me, if I have not already lost him to my own fear and complacency.

I wonder if perhaps this is test, handed down by the heavens to force me to rise above my own insecurities to grasp the gift they have granted me in John Doggett.

I pray that I can rise to the challenge. I fear that I cannot.

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