Title: Major Chapters
Author: Juliette Mada (aka Doggettstoy)
Rating: R-ish
Classification: Doggett!Fic, D/R, D/Other
Spoilers: Basic Luke storyline
Summary: It seems the major chapters of my life have been marked by certain women.  
Each different from another, each playing a different role, but each having the same 
amount of impact on my life and my person. 
Disclaimer: Not mine, never were, but, if they were, I'd treat 'em a lot better. :)
Feedback: PLEASE!!!  juliettemada@yahoo.com
Note: Yes, I changed Doggett's wife's name again, no biggie. :)

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It seems the major chapters of my life have been marked by certain women. Each different from another, each playing a different role, but each having the same amount of impact on my life and my person. Funny how people you don't really see as major figures can have so much influence in the long run. And how when things happen, we don't realize their reasons or meanings, we see things as unfair, as unwarranted, having no purpose. But everything does happen, and you finally realize their meanings, it's usually too late to do anything about it.

I hope it's not too late for me.

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Rose Doggett- My mother.

She raised me, my father wasn't much of a help, unless you call womanizing and drinking day and night 'helping' to raise children. Mom played both roles for me and my siblings.

I had her to myself for a while, though, until I was six, she was all mine. I had all her attention, I was her angel, her baby boy. I still wonder where that went and if she still sees me that way, or as the disappointment I know I am to her.

She taught me to read, to write, to spell, she taught me right from wrong, but she didn't carve me in her image. She let me make my own mistakes, and she let me learn certain things for myself. Like how unfriendly snakes are when you throw rocks at them, there's a lesson that sticks out in a five year-old's mind.

Once she had my two brothers, though, everything changed. She didn't have nearly enough time for me anymore, Jake and Matthew were enough of a handful, what with Jake's heart murmur and all.

But that was okay, because by that time, I'd found another female companion.

Mom was my teacher and my guardian.

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Margaret Lebonetti- My childhood best friend

We met in kindergarten, and were practically joined at the hip until sophomore year.

We did everything together, we stood up for each other on the playground, we had sleepovers at each other’s houses every weekend, then almost everyday, once our parents realized we would actually get up the next day for school and get there in time.

We didn't need anyone else, we could do anything we wanted as long as we were together, we could be anything, be anyone, and we were happy, as long as we were together.

Margaret, or 'March', as I called her, made me more confident in myself, made me dream, made me know there was something outside my little house and farm.

She moved to Kansas our freshman year.

Margaret was my companion.

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Darlene Phillips- My high school sweetheart

Darlene was, well, how can I say this.... probably the 'bad girl' of my life. Her father was a preacher, and her mother was just a housewife, but a devout Catholic (obviously, since she married a minister), so Darlene had the Bible ingrained into her soul. Or so her parents thought.

She hated her upbringing, hated it with a passion. She rebelled in every way she could, but it wasn't really rebelling, since she never got caught. If she got caught, she'd never be able to do that again, her father would make sure of it.

But, her father liked to travel to other parishes, out of state, a LOT. He couldn't take Darlene, since she was in school, but he took her mother, so Darlene was home alone a lot. Not that she minded, let her do just about anything she wanted, as long as she could destroy the evidence in a day or so. Which she did.

Darlene and her family moved to my town our freshman year, the same year Margaret moved away. She was drawn to me by my ears, she said, because they made sure I'd never loose the innocent little boy inside of me, which, then, I thought nothing of, really, because I was a little boy. Darlene made me grow up.

We had been friends for a few months, but something more than that, just underlying, it was there, she knew it and I knew it, she was just waiting for me to act on it.

And act I did. I asked her out in May of our freshman year, and had lost my virginity to her by August. We'd been at the movies, and, naturally, fooling around in the back row, when she whispered to me that her parents were out of town for four days, in South Carolina, and that she had the whole house to herself, then stuck her tongue in my ear.

I'm no dummy. We left the movie early, I swung by my house to pick up a change of clothes, and told my mom I was sleeping over my friend Todd's house. I 'slept over Todd's house' a helluva lotta times during my sophomore, junior, and senior year, I'm surprised mom never said anything.

Then, I drove like a bat outta hell to Darlene's house, where I found a trail of her clothes leading from the front door to her bedroom, in which stood Darlene, naked as the day she was born, in front of her bed, a full mattress, with a high, flat, wooden headboard(which would come in handy later), and lit candles on every surface.

Like I said, I'm no dummy, but I couldn't move for a good, oh, five minutes, I guess it must have been. Of course, by that time, Darlene had walked over and had begun undressing me, and once I came to my senses, I made that a lot easier.

Now, I don't want to be blunt, but I don't think a guy could ask for a better first fuck than what I got. I've heard my guy friends bitching about embarrassment and awkwardness, but there wasn't any of that with Darlene and me. Ever. Not even when we'd sit on the floor of her bedroom, naked, and she'd spread her legs so far apart they formed a horizontal line, not even when she snuck into my bedroom at five am on my seventeenth birthday and woke me up with the best damn blow job I've ever received. To this day, it's still the best in my book.

Darlene not only made me a man, but she was the reason I became a military man, as well.

See, my dad didn't react to favorably when I stumbled into my house, drunk, at three in the morning, with Dar's panties jammed into my back pocket, for the fifth time. So, it was off to the service for me.

Dar didn't wait for me, I never expected her to. Funny thing though, we still have each other's class rings, and I know I have that final pair of pocket-panties in a box somewhere, with all my high school stuff.

Darlene was my first love, my sex-kitten, almost.

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Lynn Hayden- my ex-wife, mother of my son, Luke

I met Lynn in Beirut, Lebanon, they took us to the main hospital there if we were wounded, and Lynn was a nurse.

She was from Virginia, so she was southern, like me, just not as rural or down-home as I was. She had gotten rid of her accent, she said it made her sound floozy, but said that mine made me sound innocent. Funny that the two women commenting on my features keeping me innocent were major factors in me loosing said innocence.

Anyway, Lynn nursed me back to health after the barracks bombing, both my legs were busted, I couldn't walk, but hey, she fixed me. We both went back to the states at the same time, and once I could walk again, we started going out, and two years later, we were married. I'm still not even sure how it happened, it just seemed like the next rational step. And the next January, we had Luke.

Luke was and is one of the greatest sources of pain, guilt, and remorse in my life, but also the source of the greatest happiness I've ever felt. I'll never forget how proud, how happy, how invincible, how elated, and yet, how deeply frightened I was the first time I held him in my arms. He was so small, so fragile, all I had to do was squeeze, and I'd break him. And I honestly thought that's what I'd do, was break him.

I did everything I could to make sure my family was safe. I worked my ass off to make Detective so we could have a house somewhere in a suburb, a one-bedroom in Brooklyn is no place to raise a child, not by my upbringing. I made sure he knew to look both ways, not to talk to strangers, and to stay close to us, but it still wasn't enough, I lost him. And then I lost Lynn. She was always so level-headed, she knew we would just drag ourselves further into oblivion if we stayed together.

I fought her, I fought her tooth and nail, it wasn't in me to start all over again. It wasn't in me to break up a family, no matter how broken-up it already was. I tried to convince her we could fix things, start all over. But in the end, I couldn't stop her. I fought her till the very end, till she was standing on the front porch, with all her bags surrounding her, a cab waiting out in the street, and me on my knees, tears streaming down my face, clutching her legs, using every name I'd ever called her, hoping one would jar a memory of a better time for us, hoping she would want to try for that again, begging her, pleading with her not to go, not to leave me.

But she did. And there was nothing I could do.

Lynn was my level-headed girl, the one who brought me up so high, then sent me crashing down with her reason.

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Dana Scully- my first partner on the X-Files

I'll admit it, when I took that permanent position in the X-Files office, I pissed my career away. No two ways about it.

And Dana played a big part in that. I stayed for her, I'll admit it. I stayed because she had nobody, and once she went on maternity leave, the only part of her partner she was able to keep alive would be shut down forever, and I couldn't let that happen, she'd been through so much, she deserved better.

And I would have given it to her. In a heartbeat. I fell for her, and I fell bad. All she had to do was snap her fingers, and I'd come running. I'd have done anything she asked, for just the sliver of hope that I might have a chance with her.

At first, I couldn't stand her. I thought she was being a stubborn bitch, since she wasn't following orders at any step of the way, and refused to trust anyone but AD Skinner.

But once I saw past that, I saw that she didn't trust anyone else because by then, that's all she knew. Mulder had practically locked her up and threw away the key, even when he wasn't there, she was plainly marked as his, with that baby she was carrying. The baby that I knew nothing about until it had to be a miracle that fetus was still alive.

Once I knew she was pregnant, my dreams changed. Instead of wakin' up and bein' disappointed because I didn't see her flaming red hair splayed out the pillow next to mine, I woke up and was disappointed I couldn't roll over and feel if she had begun to show her pregnancy more.

When Mulder came back, I knew it was hopeless. She had him, that's all she needed. She was totally unattainable to me.

Dana was and still is my untouchable goddess.

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Finally - Monica Reyes- my current partner, current love, FINAL love

Yes, I love Monica. There, I've admitted it.

But I love Monica for different reasons that I've loved women in the past. She isn't just the one who looks after me, she isn't just my companion, she isn't just the girl who'd go down on me in a movie theatre, or the one who can keep me on my feet, but cut the tethers holding me there at a minutes notice, she isn't just the one I can't have or touch.

She's all of them.

She's everything I've ever loved in a woman my whole life, in one pretty package tied up with a bow.

I've screwed things up in the past, I'm determined not to do so now. I've put her through too much, I owe her a normal relationship, and goddammit, I *will* give it to her.

I will *not* let her down.

I will *not* give her less than she deserves, less than she's due.

But I *will* protect her.

I *will* keep her safe.

I *will* love her.

With everything I have, everything I am, I *will* love her.

And if that's all I have to offer, then so be it.

Monica will mark the last major chapter of my life.

I'll make sure of it.

~Fini~

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Author's Notes: This idea was shoved in my face by my muse during a half-nap at 10:30 pm on New Years Eve. I wrote it at about 11:30 till 2 am. But I'm still pretty proud of it. I hope you liked it.

Feedback: juliettemada@yahoo.com