The Morning After

Author: XFilerN
Contact: me@xfilern.de
Spoilers: Season 8
Rating: PG-13
Category/Keywords: DSR/Doggett POV
Archive: SHODDS and Gossamer - Any others, just please let me know first.
Timeline: I just pretend TINH has not happened yet *g*
Disclaimer: They all still belong to Chris Carter, 20th Century Fox, and 1013.
Summary: It's the morning after. And the one before.
Dedication: Although she will probably never get to read this story since it is in German, I dedicate this story to LJP – I might never have turned into a Dipper if it were not for her.
*Translator's Random Musings: Awww, I think there's sumthin we can do about that little problem ;)*
Translation: Tasha – tasha@thetruth.de
T's Note: I sure hope I have succeeded in putting Nadia's words and the atmosphere she evokes into English. If not, be sorry for what you have to miss, then. All mistakes are entirely mine, all brilliance lurking through this translation is entirely hers.

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It was still early morning when he opened his eyes and turned towards the woman lying beside him, covered only with a sheet. He'd never thought that this morning, this morning after would ever happen. Not that he hadn't thought himself good enough, no, but he had thought that she would mourn her former partner longer, the man whom she had loved for so long. He had thought that she wouldn't allow herself to love or be loved. Now, he could not quite say how it all had happened, but she was here – so close to him. She was breathing deeply, regularly, and he watched her chest rise and fall.

Carefully, he caressed her shoulder, then moved his fingers down along her side to her waist, until he reached the rim of the sheet. He pulled it up a bit so that she was covered to her shoulders, and put his arm around her. Knowing that she had spent the night with him and had not bolted away then to escape from the morning's talk, and just being so close to her made him happy. He just wanted to lie here beside her and relish this moment. Not thinking about what would follow.

Had she really forgotten him? Probably not. Their bond had been so strong. Maybe the loniless had driven her into his arms, seeking hold and security. He wasn't ready to believe yet that after so little time had passed, she already felt for him what he felt for her. He tried not to delude himself but to simply enjoy the moment instead. He really wasn't one of those men who would take advantage of a woman's time of fear and weakness, and he had never planned on doing so with Dana Scully. This was not really like him, and he was slowly beginning to ask himself who had come to whom seeking for affection and comfort?

Since his divorce he had not been with another woman. He had focused on his job and his career – so that he would forget. He had tried to forget what had happened to his son and to his family, and he had not been ready to fall in love again. He had closed his eyes, trying to ignore every woman who might have come closer to him over the past years. But what had happened in these last weeks had sent the wall behind which he was trying to hide crumbling to the floor.

He had only tried to save himself from further pain. Just like Dana had. They had called her The Ice Queen, or Mrs. Spooky. And they hadn't given a damn about him. When a man pretends to be unapproachable for any woman, they call him worthy of respect and admiration. When a woman does so, they call her cold as ice.

He had tried to ignore the rumours he had heard about Dana and her former partner. He had wanted to give her a chance. He had been eager to find what had been true about those rumors.

All the others would most likely never know that Dana Scully was so unlike people said she was. Far from it. She was understanding and caring and she had a sense of humour. She was all the other agents had never thought her to be, and he had found that out.

John turned on his back but let his hand rest on her hip, almost as if he needed this feeling of being close to her as a reassurance, as if he needed to feel her so that he knew he was awake and not dreaming. He held his breath when Dana stirred, then turned and looked at him with sleepy eyes in the semi-darkness of the room.

"Hey…," she whispered. "You been awake some time already?"

"A while," he answered and exhaled the air from his lungs. "Slept well?"

She nodded and snuggled her head to his chest. "How about you?"

"To be frank, I didn't sleep very much," he admitted.

"Is there a reason for that?" She sat up, rested on her elbow and looked into his clear blue eyes.

"Honestly?" he asked softly and she nodded. "I didn't want to go to sleep because I feared you'd be gone when I wake up."

"John… - what makes you think I'd just up and leave?" She gave him a questioning look and frowned a little.

"I guess I'm uncertain." Being honest with her was not at all a problem for him. She had heard enough lies in her life, he decided, and he was definitely not in danger of losing his pride when he admitted that he felt uncertain.

"Do you think I am one of those women who sleep with a man, their partner even, and then just vanish the next morning as if it all hadn't happened?" She sat up completely and didn't bother hiding that his words had hurt her.

Hastily, John rose. "No, you are not like the others. I have known that since that day you threw that water in my face. But as I have asked you then, five months ago – How well can you really know your partner?"

"I'm really bad at pretending, in case you haven't noticed, and taking advantage of someone like that is just not in my nature," Dana replied and looked at him with a serious expression.

"Good, because I haven't planned on taking advantage of you, either." A light smile passed over his face, and she smiled back.

This was the morning after a night full of passion, and it was also the first time in his life that he shrank from kissing the woman lying on his side. The first kiss is always demanding – but after a while, after having had some time to think about it, the second kiss often is not that easy.

"Are you always brooding like this?" Dana wanted to know and moved closer to him, their shoulders touching now.

"I am not – no, not really," he decided to simply tell the truth again.

"Be honest, John. Are you afraid that I will see him instead of you when you kiss me and make love to me?" she asked softly and looked straight into his face.

"Wouldn't you be afraid if I had been hiding my feelings for my partner for seven years?" he asked in turn.

"Probably yes, John, I… I am surely not over his disappearance yet, I do admit that," she replied and looked into his eyes again. "But I do know that you are not him, and I don't want you to be him, either. This feelings I have right now, these feelings I have for you, you see. You provoke them, not him. You two are far too different to make a comparison, really.

"And what exactly are these feelings you have for me?"

Dana bit her lip. "Give me some time, okay? I first have to come to terms with myself about that. But I can tell you that last night was wonderful and I certainly don't want to pretend that it all never happened."

He nodded and smiled again. "Okay, that's a good start, I'd say. And I don't want to pretend that it all never happened, either." Carefully, he reached out to touch her cheek and pulled her face a little bit closer to his. "So, is it okay when I kiss you now?"

"No – because I will kiss you," she said, suppressing a smile and then leaned forward to him, all the while holding the bed sheet in place that covered her body. John felt her lips touching his and knew that taking this step was no mistake. It was right to be unconditionally honest to each other. He would just wait what the future would bring and give Dana all the time she needed to get over the loss of Fox Mulder.

The End

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