Title:  My Sacrifice
Author:  Susan Olivia  < suzsonic29@hotmail.com >
Rated: PG
Summary:  Seven months after Season 9 ended...
Disclaimer:  Only CC knows what happens seven months after season 9 
ending so since he's not going to speak up I am:)

Chapter 1

Monica walked into the X-Files office.  She stopped suddenly when she 
noticed an older man sitting in her chair looking up at the "I Want
To 
Believe" poster.  She quickly glanced around the office.  John was 
nowhere in sight.

"Excuse me.  Can I help you?" asked Monica.  She was trying to be
nice 
even though this person whom she had never seen before had made 
himself at home in her and John's office.

At the sound of Monica's voice, the man slowly swiveled in her chair 
and faced her.  To her utter astonishment he pulled out a cigarette 
and lit it.  He took a long drag of it.  "Actually the question is
can 
I help you?"

Monica just stared at him, uncertain how to respond.

"Oh," said the man with a smile that evoked anything but good 
feelings, "Where are my manners?  Would you like a smoke too?"  He 
held out his pack of Morleys.  "It's your brand."

At this point, Monica lost all her patience.  "I quit smoking and how 
do you know my brand?  Who are you?"

The cigarette-smoking man shrugged.  "Names are so unimportant."

"Look I don't know who you are.  You're going to have to leave."

The man shrugged again as he took another drag of his cigarette.  
"Suit yourself."  He stood up and walked over to where Monica was 
standing at the door.  He leaned in close to her ear.  It took all
her 
will power not to shove him away.  "You think you and your partner
can 
just step in this office and pick up where Mulder and Scully left
off. 
 You're amateurs.  The timetable has already been set.  And your 
partner will not survive without you."

And with that the cigarette smoking man left mumbling something.

Suddenly Monica felt a sharp pain in her stomach.  She put her hand
to 
the pain and felt something sticky and wet.  When she pulled her hand 
away it was red. She was bleeding.  And then everything went black.

Chapter 2

"Gun!"

Monica's voice reverberated in John's ears.

The handcuffed man had somehow gotten hold of the arresting officer's 
gun.  The man aimed the gun directly at John.  There was no time for 
John to react, to pull his own weapon, to defend himself.  The man 
fired as the other officers in the squad room tackled the man to the 
ground.  But he had already gotten off one shot.

Monica threw herself at John knocking him to the dirty, coffee
stained 
floor.  John's body slammed against floor with the combined weight of 
himself and Monica.  That had been close-too damn close.

"You okay, Monica?" asked John his breathing heavy.  She had rolled 
off him and was now lying on the floor next to him.  She lay on her 
stomach, her eyes closed.  She opened her eyes slowly.  John saw the 
unmistakable sign of pain in her hazel eyes.  He had seen this pain 
many times as a U.S. Marine and he instantly recognized it in his own 
partner.

"John, you okay?" she managed to get out weakly.

John felt something sticky that his palm had been resting in.  That's 
when he saw the blood pooling at her stomach.

"Monica!"  John quickly reached over and gently rolled her body over 
so she was lying on her back and he could assess the damage.  He took 
off his new suit jacket without a second thought and pressed it 
against the wound.  The red blood quickly soaked the jacket. 

"Agent down!" John yelled.  "Someone get an ambulance here now!" 

One of the detectives nodded and started dialing on the nearest desk 
phone.

John looked down at Monica.  Her eyes were starting to lose focus.  
With his free hand that wasn't pressing down on the wound, he put his 
hand against her check.  It felt cold, too cold.  The coldness spread 
to him, chilling him.  He found her hand and pressed his hand into 
hers.  He tried to give her his best smile. "You're going to be just 
fine, Monica, just fine.  Help's on the way.  You just gotta hold on 
until then okay?"

Monica nodded weakly that she had heard his words, that she
understood 
him.  She managed a smile to reassure him.  "I..." Monica's eyes 
fluttered closed.  She was going into shock.

"Monica!   Monica!"  All John could do was scream her name as if she 
could hear him, as if he could get a response out of her.  He got 
none.

Chapter3

"I wouldn't pay him any attention.  He's just a bitter old man."

Monica looked up at the young man who had entered the office.  He 
smiled at her. For some reason Monica felt more at ease. She glanced 
at her stomach.  The blood was gone.

"I was bleeding..." Monica began unsure of what was going on.

The younger man looked at her sympathetically.  "The mind has a hard 
time adjusting sometimes.  It has a hard time understanding what the 
body it telling it.  The mind denies what it knows to be true."

The man stretched his hand out.  "The name's Sean, Sean Pendrell."

Monica hesitantly shook his hand.  "I'm Monica Reyes, but I have a 
feeling you already knew that."

The man just smiled at her mysteriously.

"You're saying I'm dead," said Monica unbelieving.

"Think of this as a way station.  Your body is deciding whether or
not 
to move on."

"Why do I feel like I'm having déjà vu?  So I'm not dead yet?"
asked 
Monica.

"No."

Monica looked around the office until her eyes rested on the "I Want 
To Believe" poster.

"Not much has chanced in this office over the years," said Sean as he 
too looked around the room.  "Sure the people change from time to 
time, but the posters still there, the trash can is still dented, the 
pencils are still stuck in the ceiling...."

Both Sean and Monica looked up at the pencils stuck in the ceiling.  
They then looked at each other.

Monica just smiled good-humouredly at the man.  "This is a joke
right? 
 Did John put you up to this?"

"You spent a happy year here.  Your mind choose this place because of 
that," said Sean.  "Can't say I blame you."

Monica suddenly felt chilly.  She hurried over to the file cabinets 
and opened all of them.  They were full of X-Files.  Memories came 
rushing back.  "They shut us down and took the files.  They 
transferred John and I out.  They separated us."

Monica felt another stab of pain in her stomach.  She looked down but 
she wasn't bleeding this time.  The pain subsided and then
disappeared 
entirely.

"I was shot wasn't I?" asked Monica even though she knew the answer 
already.  The fog was slowly lifting from her mind.  She was getting 
clarity.

"Yes," said Sean sadly.  "It's amazing being on the job.  The thought 
of being shot crosses your mind, but you never really think it will 
happen to you."

"You were an Agent here?" asked Monica.

"Yes.  I helped Agents Mulder and Scully on several occasions.  A 
beautiful woman that Agent Scully is.  Any way I was shot one night."

"Another martyr for the cause?"

"Well the bullet was meant for someone else, for Agent Scully.  I was 
drunk, carrying drinks to her table to celebrate her birthday.  I 
accidentally stepped into the line of fire.  It was purely by
mistake. 
 I can still feel Agent Scully hands trying to stop the wound from 
bleeding."  Sean absently touched his chest.  "She told me that I was 
going to be fine.  That I still owed her a drink."

Monica put a comforting hand on Sean's arm and found it surprisingly 
warm and not cold as she had thought it would be.  "Just because it 
was an accident, it was no less of a sacrifice.  You saved her life."

Sean smiled at Monica's words.  "Just as you sacrificed your life for 
John's."

"John..." said Monica.  And the memory of the shooting came rushing
back 
at full force."

Chapter 4

John sat in the hospital waiting room feeling utterly alone.  Just as 
alone as he had been for the past seven months he had spent apart
from 
Monica.  He wiped at his eyes.  How could she do this?  How could she 
risk her life to save his?  He hadn't asked her too.  It was a 
sacrifice he never would have allowed her to make.

Thoughts of Monica raced through his mind. He remembered the first 
time he had met her.  She had promised him she would do everything in 
her power to find Luke.  When the New York Detectives and Bureau 
Agents protested his involvement in the search for his son, Monica 
alone welcomed his help, his insight.  When they had found his son, 
Monica had held him tightly as he broke down at the sight.

He hadn't spoken her in a long time since then and when they were 
close to finding Mulder he knew, he knew, he needed her help.  She 
came, no questions asked, to help him find Mulder and then later to 
help him on the X-Files as his partner.  His mind wandered though 
cases they had worked together in that basement office.

John thought about Monica.  The way her smile reached her eyes
warming 
him inside.  He could hear her laughter.  He had never met anyone so 
beautiful before inside and out.  He saw her hopeful eyes that night 
in her car when she had waited for confirmation that he loved her, a 
confirmation that he couldn't give her at the time. Not because he 
didn't love her, which he did, he was just too scared to tell her. 
He 
remembered the way she had felt in his arms at her apartment and that 
day at the beach.  She was so brave, so fearless, so protective of
him 
in every way, physically, emotionally.

But mostly he thought about the day they had said good-bye at the 
airport.  Monica had been forced out of Headquarters.  She was 
transferred back to New Orleans since the X-Files Unit was being 
disbanded and he was forced to stay, to be transferred to another 
Unit.  Monica had started to walk away when then called her flight
and 
John had pulled her into a hug.  Letting go had been on of the
hardest 
things he had ever done in his life.  They didn't want them working 
together.  It was one of the worst days he had ever had.

Sure they talked as often as they could on the phone, e-mailed, and 
instant messaging.  But between people watching them, hoping they 
would lead them to Mulder and Scully and between cases and field 
investigations, they hadn't had time to see each other.  So when
after 
seven months, Monica had called him, told him she needed help on a 
case, he knew it was a ruse.  She didn't need his help.  He was happy 
to play along, because he needed to see her.  John's silent prayers 
wandered to heaven pleading for Monica's life.

"I'm looking for my partner, Agent Monica Reyes.  She was brought to 
this hospital.  I need to know if she's okay."

John looked up at the man's voice and saw a young, and John hated to 
admit it, good-looking man talking to a nurse.  The nurse said 
something to him and the man looked over at John.   He approached
John 
and John eyed him warily.

"Agent Doggett?  I'm Caleb Mattingly, Monica's partner."

"Yes," said John as he tried to push down his feelings of jealousy.  
Must have been what Mulder had first felt when he came back from the 
dead to find that his partner had another partner.  "Monica told me 
bout you.  You two were partnered before she came to D.C. to work
with 
me."

Caleb sat down in one of the chairs across from John.  John too sat 
back down.  "How's she doing?  The nurse was a little vague."

"Still in surgery.  The docs say it's going to be touch and go.  They 
don't know if she'll pull through."  John's voice betrayed his deep 
emotion.

"Damn," swore Caleb.  "I heard what happened.  If only I hadn't have 
had to have been in court today.  Maybe I could have done something."

"It should be me in there.  I should be the one shot," John said with 
conviction.

Caleb shook his head.  "You can't think like that.  If it was you in 
there, she would be outside here worrying about you."

"But at least she'd be okay."

An awkward silence settled between the two.  Caleb had no response to 
this.  Neither knew what to say to each other.

"I'm glad I got to meet you," said Caleb finally breaking the
silence. 
 "Although I of course wish it were under better circumstances.  She 
was so excited about you coming down."  

John smiled sadly at his words.

"You know," continued Caleb, "I've worked with Monica twice.  First 
when she transferred here from the New York Field Office.  Back then, 
I could tell she was getting away from something or someone that had 
caused her pain.  She was so relieved to be here.  I knew after 
working our first few cases together that she was a great Agent.  She 
had great instincts.  Her ideas sometimes were, well out there, but 
she was always a good Agent. She just wasn't the typical FBI Agent."

"She prided herself on that," said John and he realized that he too 
felt that same pride.  He knew the reason that Monica had been upset. 
 She had seen her ex-boyfriend Brad take that bribe.

"Yes, she did," agreed Caleb.  "And then she transferred to your
Unit, 
the X-Files.  I talked to her from time to time.  She was so excited 
to be there, so excited to be working with you.  I don't think I'd 
ever heard her so excited.  And then she transferred back here after 
your Unit was disbanded and I don't ever think, even when she 
transferred here for the first time, that I've seen her so sad.  Oh, 
she hides it well, but she misses all of it.  I'm afraid her 
reputation has only increased since she was on the X-Files.  Her 
theories are more out there than usual.  I'm glad to have gotten a 
chance to work with her again, but I'm sorry you two weren't able to 
keep your Unit open."

"I'm sorry too."  John smiled sadly at Caleb's words.  He felt like 
crying.  "Monica's always spoken very highly of you.  I was glad to 
hear that you'd be watching her back since I couldn't."

Caleb looked at John.  "She's really thinks the world of you know.  
She tries to hide it, but I can tell.  I didn't know if you knew
that, 
but I thought you should know."

John looked up at Caleb and understood the deeper meaning of the 
words.  "When she asked me to come down here...I didn't get a
chance to 
tell her that I had finally gotten my transfer request approved.  I 
was going to come here if she wanted me to."

Caleb leaned back in his chair and let out a deep breath.  "Monica 
didn't know I knew about the transfer request she had filled out that 
sat in her desk drawer.  She wanted to request a transfer back to 
Washington."

The news hit John in the gut.  He put his face in his hands.

Chapter 5

Monica looked up at Sean.  "Do you know how John is?"

Sean nodded.  "Physically he's fine.  Wouldn't have been if you
hadn't 
taken that bullet for him.  Emotionally, he's a wreak.  You're all he 
can think about right now.  He's praying that you'll be okay, that'll 
you live, just as you once prayed in a chapel for his life."

Monica nodded her head.  "I wish I could comfort him somehow.  He's 
lost so much in his life, takes so much blame upon himself-first Luke 
and now me."

"You must really love him."

"What?" asked Monica confused.

"You must really love him.  I mean, you take a bullet for him and
then 
your life is hanging in the balances and all you can think about is 
him," explained Sean.

Monica smiled sadly.  "All I can do is think about him these days.  
Ever since I was transferred back to New Orleans, I've been...I've
been 
so empty without him.  You know I've got a transfer request form 
filled out sitting in my desk drawer?  If I only knew that he wanted 
me to be back with him, I'd have filed the paperwork.  But with the 
X-Files gone, I don't know if he still needs me.  So what do I do, I 
invent some excuse, some case to get John down here.  I just needed
to 
see him again."

Sean walked up to Monica and looked into her face, analyzing her for
a 
few seconds, but it was as if he was listening to some inner voice.  
Then he smiled.  "He needed to see you again too.  He's been lonely 
without you these past months."

Monica opened her mouth to asked how he knew when everything went 
dark.

Chapter 6

At the sight of the doctor, both John and Caleb stood up.  The 
doctor's expression was unreadable.

"How is she Doc?" asked John anxious and impatient.

"It was a serious gunshot wound and it splintered on impact.  We've 
been picking out the pieces."

John felt his heart sink to the lowest it had been since he had found 
Luke's body.  Caleb, also anxious, asked, "But will she pull through?"

The Doctor looked at them.  His expression was serious.  "We've done 
all that we can for her.  If she survives the night, there's a good 
chance, but I have to be honest with you, we're not really 
optimistic."

John was willing to grasp onto any hope, no matter how small.  "Can I 
see her?"

"We'll I think I should only allow one of you two to see her.  Is one 
of you her husband?"

Caleb and John turned to look at each other awkwardly.  Caleb just 
nodded at John.  He knew how desperately he needed to see Monica,
even 
if it was only to say good-bye while he had a chance.  

John for his part nodded his thanks.  "I'm not her husband, but I'll 
see her if that's okay."

The Doctor simply nodded and he showed John the way.  They walked
down 
a corridor and then came to a room.  He left John there.

John's hand shook as he grasped the door handle and opened the door.  
As soon as he opened it, his gaze became fixated on Monica.  She just 
laid there with tubes and wires attached to her.  Her breath was
being 
mechanically pumped in and out of her body.

John walked over to Monica and sat down wearily in the chair beside 
her bed.  He caught her hand up into his and kissed it gently.  He 
brushed a few stray locks of her dark hair away from her face.

He thought of the last time he had been he waiting, worrying, praying 
for some sign, any sign that Monica was still alive, that she would
be 
okay.  But this was different.  There was no Doctor Death to confront 
and save Monica from.  There was no Audrey to show him the way and 
lead Monica back to this world. This was real. This was final. This 
was out of his control. If only he had been a few seconds faster.  
Maybe he could have gotten the drop on the guy.  Maybe he could have 
stopped Monica from jumping in front of him.  Mentally, he cursed 
himself and very nearly cursed God for allowing all this tragedy in 
his life, for taking away the one thing that had ever made sense in 
his life since Luke's death, for taking away the one bright spot in 
his life.  But he knew that right now God was all he had left to turn 
to.  He needed God.  He needed God to bring Monica back to him.

John cleared his throat.  "Monica, it's me, John.  I just wanted to 
let you know that I'm right here with you tonight.  I'm not leaving 
this hospital without you walking out of here with me."

John slowly pulled out a piece of paper from his coat pocket and put 
it between Monica's hand and his. "This is a transfer request for me 
to come to New Orleans that just got approved. I wanted to come here 
and surprise you.  I was hoping that you'd want to be partners again. 
 Or at the very least, even if we weren't partners, we could see each 
other, ya know.  The truth is, this piece of paper ain't worth a damn 
if you're not here.  There's no place on this earth I want to be if 
you're not with me."

John could feel hot tears sliding down his face.  He thought for a 
second to wipe them away, but he needed to hold Monica's hand, to
have 
this connection with her.  "I've been so afraid for so long, Monica, 
to let you into my life.  I didn't think I deserved to be this happy. 
 I thought you could do so much better than me.  I kept you at a 
distance, didn't let you in.  I didn't want to bring you down and
hurt 
you like I always seem to hurt people.  I just didn't realize that by 
not lettin' you in I was hurtin' you even more.  I realized you 
already knew who I was deep down, and if I let you in, it would only 
allow you to love me more, the way I have always loved you."

John leaned back in his chair, but didn't let go of Monica's hand.  
His tears slowly subsided and his anguish was replaced by a quiet 
resolution.  "If you still want me when you wake up, I'm not leaving 
you ever again, Monica."

Chapter 7

The night wore on and John fell asleep still clutching Monica's hand. 
 A few hours later the first rays of the morning came streaming 
through the hospital window.

John jolted away and looked at Monica.  Nothing had changed.  He had 
half expected to wake up to find this was all some horrible
nightmare. 
 But the anguish of the night had not disappeared despite the 
daylight.

John thought he felt Monica's hand move and John gripped her hand
even 
tighter.  His gaze flew to her face, search for any sign of 
consciousness.  Her eyelids slowly began to flutter and she finally 
got her eyes open.  John's face was the first thing she saw.   Monica 
smiled at him.  "John..."

John was so happy and relived that he was at a loss for words.  John 
leaned over and gently kissed Monica on the lips.  

Monica, weak and full of pain, was touched greatly by this.  She 
smiled again. "You better watch it, John.  A girl could get used to 
waking up this way."

"That's good," said John still smiling.  "I was worried about what 
you'd think when I told you I got a transfer to New Orleans field 
office."

Monica was confused.  "You're coming here?"

Suddenly, John was unsure of himself again, unsure of Monica's 
feelings for him.  "If...if you wanted me to."
  
But Monica's smile quashed all his doubts.  "Of course, of course, I 
want you...."  Monica's eyes were starting to flutter close.  
"Sorry...just so tired..."

"Hey, you just get some rest now, okay?  We'll talk about everything 
after your feeling better."

Monica's eyes closed but she managed a nod to let John know that she 
heard him.  She still had a smile on her lips as she drifted back
into 
sleep.

John simply watched Monica sleep.  The sight of her, alive and okay, 
comforted him.  Never again would he allow Monica to doubt that he 
loved her.  As long as she wanted him in her life, he would be there 
to love her as she had always been there for him.

The End

"Hello my friend we meet again/It's been a while where should we 
begin...feels like forever/Within my heart are memories/Of perfect
love 
that you gave to me/I remember/When you are with me/I'm free..I'm 
careless...I believe/Above all the others we'll fly/This brings
tears to 
my eyes/My sacrifice/We've seen our share of ups and downs/Oh how 
quicly life can turn around in an instant/It feels so good to 
reunite/Within yourself and within your mind/Let's find peace
there...I 
just want to say hello again."-Creed-"My Sacrifice"