Title: Paper Moons and Cardboard Seas
Author: Katherine Scully
Author Email: dolphin_66th@hotmail.com
Rating: PG
Series: The X-Files
Timeline: Season 8, up to “This is Not Happening”
Feedback: Please!
Archive: ATD, TLS and SHODDS can have it if they want it. Also at MTA, when
I get a chance. Anyone else please ask first.
Spoilers: This is Not Happening, minor for various others including the
movie.
Note: Challenge response. The challenge was to include the following line:
“It’s only a paper moon.” I know this has probably been done to death, but
I was bored…
Disclaimer: Not mine. The people who own “It’s only a Paper Moon” know who
they are. The X-Files and all related characters are property of Chris
Carter and Ten Thirteen productions.
Paper Moons and Cardboard Seas
By Katherine Scully
It’s only a paper moon
Sailing over a cardboard sea
But it wouldn’t be make-believe
If you believed in me.
He watched her staring at the door of their office. She did this
subconsciously now, and he knew that she was watching for Mulder to walk in
the door, even if she didn’t know it. Even though Mulder’s body had been
found and he was buried. The door remained closed, and he saw the
unconscious look of disappointment form on Scully’s face as she turned back
to the file she was working on. His heart ached for her, for the pain he
knew she was experiencing. God knew he knew what it was like to lose
someone close.
He had vowed to himself that he would find Mulder for her, that the wayward
agent would be alive and well. But somehow, Doggett knew, even as he had
made the promise to himself, that it wouldn’t come true. He had sensed,
somehow, that Mulder would not be found alive. Scully, however, had never
given up hope, and as he watched her he noticed a small tear sliding
unchecked down her cheek. She tried to turn her head away before he noticed
but she wasn’t fast enough.
“Scully, do you want to talk about it… about him?” he asked, pulling his
chair closer to hers. Though her heart beat slightly faster at his nearness
she shook her head.
“I’m all right,” she protested. Doggett reached up to wipe away the tear,
and noticed there were more threatening to follow.
“No, you’re not, Scully.” He put his hand on her shoulder. “I’m here for
you, if you need me.” In so many ways… his mind added, but he wouldn’t say
aloud. He still wasn’t sure what her feelings were for him, even though he
knew he was in love with her. Had been for a while.
“Oh, who am I kidding?” she asked suddenly. “It’s only a paper moon anyway,
now.”
“What do you mean?” he asked her.
“My life. It’s all a sham. That’s all it’s been, since I joined the
X-Files. At first I was only doing it because it was my assignment. Then,
it seemed like I was only doing it for Mulder. I wanted to quit so many
times, but I thought he needed me. Then after Mulder disappeared, I was
still only doing it for him, to find him. Now he’s gone, and I don’t know
what to do anymore. There is no reason to keep going.”
Her words cut through Doggett’s heart like a knife, though he didn’t show
it. Drawing her into his arms, he was surprised after a moment to feel a
wet spot against his chest and realized she’d started crying for real.
Though his own body ached with the need for her, heightened by her
closeness, he knew she needed comfort more than anything else right now.
“Don’t say that, Scully. There’s lots of reasons for you to keep going.”
“Name one.” She looked at him defiantly. Me, his mind substituted
immediately, but he bit his tongue.
“Yourself,” he improvised. “Your own search for the Truth. You know, it’s
still out there, Scully… even if Mulder isn’t the one continuing the search
for it. There must have been something besides Mulder keeping you drawn to
the X-Files these last eight years,” he said. She looked up at him, her
tear-streaked face showing only the faintest signs of hope, but also of more
tears. She thought for a moment.
“Maybe you’re right. But I don’t know if the drive is strong enough that I
want to stay plugging away at the X-Files.”
“If you quit now, they win,” he said quietly, almost to himself. She almost
missed the comment.
“What did you say?” she asked, recognizing Mulder’s words.
“If you quit now, they win,” he repeated. She stared at him wordlessly for
a moment.
“How did you know?” she asked. “How did you know those were Mulder’s exact
words to me?”
“I didn’t,” he admitted. “When did he say that?”
“The first time the X-Files were closed,” she said. “Two years ago. I was
about to be reassigned, and I was thinking about quitting. I stayed
because… because he believed in me. Because he believed so strongly in his
quest for the Truth that I came to believe in it too.” She was beginning to
realize that he was right; there was always a reason to keep going. Would
Mulder have wanted her to quit, just because he was gone? No. He would
have fought with her bitterly until he convinced her to stay, just like
Doggett was doing now. But Doggett had never known Mulder; he had begun to
realize he was looking for his own answers in the short time that he’d been
assigned to the X-Files. The X-Files had ceased to be Scully and Mulder’s
quests for the Truth. They had become Scully and Doggett’s quest for the
Truth.
And, he was right; if she quit now, the bastards would win. It was what
they wanted; it was why they had taken Mulder in the first place. And, the
knowledge that the Smoking Man had told her of two years ago, the knowledge
of how to heal every human ailment, was still out there. She had to keep
looking.
She looked up into Doggett’s intense blue eyes. He was watching her
expectantly, waiting for her answer.
“I’ll stay,” she said softly. His smile dazzled her, and before she knew
what was happening he’d pulled her to him and kissed her. The gentle touch
of his lips ignited every nerve in her body, and she closed her eyes,
responding eagerly to him. It was several moments before they broke apart,
and in each other’s eyes they each saw the promise of things to come. She
allowed herself to smile.
It was not the first time they’d kissed, but this time, it seemed to hold
more meaning than before. This time, as she kissed him, she realized now,
she’d said a silent goodbye to Mulder, and with this kiss welcomed John
Doggett into her life. The future was looking brighter already.
~Finis~
