Title: Remember to breathe
Author: Jessica ( j_rothen@yahoo.se )
Website: www.geocities.com/jlovesxfiles
Rating: PG-13
Category:DSR,RST,AU, V, angst
Spoiler: None
Archive: Whereever..Just let me know where
Feedback: Yes, PLEASE:...j_rothen@yahoo.se
Summary: A night in a cottage together..Hmm...:) 
Disclaimer: The X-files, Mulder and Scully belong to FOX
and they are not mine.
Note: This is a follow-up to my "One moment in time"-fanfiction.
This is Doggett's POV.
English is not my first language so spelling/grammar
mistakes may occur.
Thank you to Sam for helping me out here!
------------------------------------------------------
"If today I follow death,
go down its trackless wastes,
salt my tongue on hardened tears
for my precious dear time's waste
race
along that promised cave in a headlong
deadlong
haste,
Will you
have
the grace
to mourn for
me?"
("Mourning Grace" by Maya Angelou )
----------------------------
Remember to breathe (1/1)
by: Jessica
-------------------
I'm not scared.
I will not give death the satisfaction of seeing me scared.
It's not that I haven't been here before.
I carry the scares of many battles.
I carry them with pride.
With glory.
They define me.
They are apart of me.
I can see in her eyes that she is scared.
She hides it well, though.
It amazes me how much she hides away from the world.
She has a wall around her heart.
It's not easy to penetrate.
I have tried, believe me.
But I'm just one man.
Maybe it will take an army to penetrate her shield.
Now she is sitting here beside me.
Worry paints her face in light colours. 
It happened so fast.
I had no time to react.
I wasn't ready.
We had chased the suspect through two states before we ended
up in a forest in the middle of nowhere.
My instincts told me to go after him.
I ran as fast as I could through the dark forest.
I could hardly see the path in front of me.
But I didn't mind.
I was determined to win.
So I continued on.
He seemed to come out of nowhere.
I wasn't prepared.
The sound of gunfire pierced the silence of the night.
Then pain.
Pain.
I stopped.
I reached for my gun.
Darkness surrounded me.
I wanted to call out for Scully.
But I didn't want her to be harmed so I stopped.
I stood there in the middle of a clearing listening to
my heartbeat.
Maybe this wasn't such a bad way to go.
I was ready.
Let it come.
But nothing happened.
All I could feel was the burning sensation in my side.
Then she was at my side.
"Are you okay?"
Her words found there way inside and warmed my heart.
"He got away, Scully."
Only the night surrounded us.
"Are you okay, John? I heard gunshots."
"I think so..."
She never calls me John, except when she is worried.
She moved closer to me.
Worry flashed across her face.
I looked down on her and I couldn't help but smile.
I could see that she was struggling not to care about me.
But she couldn't hide it now.
Little by little her walls came shattering down.
"Don't worry..I'm fine."

But I wanted to erase the sorrow in her eyes.
I wanted her to smile.
Not worry.
Then my legs gave in and I crumbled to the ground.
Then darkness came and took me away. 
I have never fainted.
I feel embarrassed when I think about it.
I don't know how long I was out.
But the world came back with the sound of her voice.
The pain shot through my body as I dared to move.
My legs felt weak as she helped me up.
"I need to get you to a doctor."
"Can't you fix it?"
"Not here. Not like this."
I can't remember how we got to the car.
Everything was in a blur after that.
All I can remember is fragments.
Her voice saying that everything is going to be all right.
Her hand on mine.
It had started to rain as we came to the cottage.
At first I wanted to object.
I wanted her to be safe.
But I hadn't the strength to say anything.
All I wanted was to sleep.
For days.
She kept talking to me.
I tried to focus on her voice.
She helped me inside.
It wasn't pretty.
But it was shelter from the coming storm.
Her hands were so gentle as she laid me down by an old fireplace.
I was so cold.
I tried to focus on her face.
She kept saying my name.
Telling me to stay awake.
But my eyelids felt so heavy.
All I wanted was to sleep.
I surrendered. 
The warmth from the fireplace brought me back.
"John.."
Scully.
I opened my eyes.
She was kneeling down beside me.
Her hair was in a mess.
Her clothes were wet from the rain.
She looked pale.
"Scully.."
"Can you sit up?"
Every part of me ached as I dared to move.
"Let's get you out of these clothes, Agent Doggett."
"You have just waited for this moment, huh?"
I couldn't help but smile.
Her eyes were dark as she helped me off with the coat and tie.
I couldn't help but notice that her hands trembled as she unbuttoned
my shirt and pealed it of me.
Or was it all in my mind?
She moved closer to me.
So close that I could catch the slightest scent of her perfume.
She smelt like roses and soap.
Her hand was warm against my skin.
"We have to put a bandage on. Tomorrow we'll find a doctor.
Can you manage until then?"
How could she go unnoticed?
God, she was beautiful.
Her red hair seemed to glow in the light from the fire.
Her eyes met mine.
Green eyes met blue.
Something inside of me trembled.
"I'll be fine."
That was all I could say.
Her face changed in a second.
I could almost see as she raised her emotional walls again.
She moved away from me.
She moved around me.
Talking about everything and nothing.
Finally she settled down beside me and bandaged my wound.
My mind went blank as she leaned in.
Her scent.
Her hair brushed my chest for a second.
A fire inside of me that I couldn't hold back.
Not this time.
"I'll take you to a doctor in the morning. He
will fix you right up. And we'll find that guy
and..."
I wonder what she would do if I touched her.
Would she back away?
Slap me, even?
My hands craved to touch her.
Even just for a second.
She was so close.
Scully.
The beauty that was Dana Scully.
Her spirit reaching out and touching me through those lovely eyes.
Was this crazy?
But for a moment I didn't care what was right and proper.
I didn't care if she would push me away.
Hate me afterwards.
All I wanted was to know what it was like to really touch her.
My hands trembled a little as I placed a finger on her lovely mouth.
"You talk too much."
Her eyes met mine.
I wish I could read what she was thinking.
She didn't move away.
I dared to move closer.
I ran my hand over her cheek.
Her skin was so soft under my hand.
Just like I had imagined.
"You're shivering"
Her eyes were dark as they pierced into me.
Seeing everything.
She had that gift.
Of seeing every part of me.
Even those parts I wanted so desperately to hide.
That I was human.
That I even I could hurt.
I liked to think that I was untouchable.
That nothing ever could harm me.
Guess, I was wrong.
"You're cold."
I took her hands in mine.
She didn't object.
Didn't move away.
She just looked at me.
"I'm fine. I'm more worried about you. You have lost a lot
of blood.."
Always the doctor.
Always the strong one.
I wanted to break her.
I wanted to penetrate that wall.
Make it crumble.
Make her feel something.
Anything.
"You shouldn't.."
I lied.
I wanted her to worry about me.
That proved that she felt something.
That I mattered in her life.
I moved closer to her.
My body objected as I moved.
But I didn't care.
My mind was all in a blur.
Focused on her.
I whispered her name as I framed her face between my hands.
She didn't move.
Didn't even blink.
Those eyes seemed to occupy her whole face.
I could drown in them.
She was so close now.
The warmth from her body made me shiver.
My heart trembled as I whispered:
"May I kiss you?"
Silly, question, I know.
But she was the kind of woman that you didn't just kiss.
Not like this.
Not by me.
But I didn't wait for an answer.
Her answer drowned as I lowered my mouth to hers and tasted her.
Softly at first.
Moving slowly.
She didn't push me away.
Slowly but surely her walls came crumbling down once again as
she surrendered under me.
The second my tongue met hers all sanity was lost.
Not even god could pull me away from her.
Her hand against my chest started small fires inside of my stomach.
I pulled her even closer to me.
Wanted to feel her closer to me.
Wanted to taste everything.
I drowned in her.
I tore at her clothes.
Wanted to feel her skin against mine.
Maybe she would regret this in the morning.
But I didn't care.
Desire ate at my core.
Whispered crazy words in my ear.
I laid her down by the fireplace.
Whispering words from my heart.
My hands trembled as I took of her shirt and bra.
Her skin seemed to glow in the light from the fire.
It almost seemed like she was molded of pure gold.
Slowly, slowly we pealed of the last remaining pieces of
clothing that separated us from each other.
She came to me without the shackles from the past.
She came free from the worries.
She gave herself totally.
I gasped for air as our bodies touched for the first time.
She called my name into the dark as I touched the center of her
being.
Searching.
Exploring.
Burning hot.
We melted together.
A dance of two lost souls.
We came together.
Aching for being touched.
Tasting.
Feeling.
Torturing.
Touching.
Remembering.
I entered her with a sigh.
Her eyes met mine as we moved together in harmony.
We fitted together so perfectly.
Fire.
Ice.
Melting together.
She surrounded me on all sides.
Then heaven came with all its glory. 
Now she is sleeping here in my arms.
She feels so light.
Like a feather in my arms.
I cling to her sleeping body afraid of the coming morning light.
The storm is rolling outside.
I wanted to etch every part of her into my memory.
Remember how her hands felt against my body.
How she tasted.
The way her eyes changed the moment we came together.
Everything.
I fear that the memories of her are slipping away to fast otherwise.
I want to lock my memories away and never let them go.
But I know her.
Soon she will wake and raise that wall she has around her heart.
It comes natural to her.
To protect herself.
She will push me away and say that we have to forget about this
night.
I know her.
I can feel it coming.
She will resent me.
Maybe even hate me.
God, I can't take that.
Everything but hate.
I pray that I'm wrong.
But I'm not Mulder.
I'm not her prince.
Her prince is missing.
I came to find him.
I never expected this.
Her.
Now I'm laying here with heaven in my arms.
And I don't want to let go.
I don't know how this happened.
How did I fall?
When did I fall?
I used to be so careful with my heart.
We were so alike when it came to that.
Protecting a vulnerable heart.
The truth is that I don't know what I feel about her.
I feel many things; happy, scared...lost..found..
This feeling inside is impossible to describe.
All I know is being with her is stronger than me alone.
I listen as the thunder roll across the sky.
I pull her a little tighter and whisper:
"I'll not let go."
I will hold on.
And pray that I can win her heart somewhere along the way.