"Reunion"
by Andra Marie Mueller
Part One
SUMMARY: The mysterious death of his closest friend reunites Doggett with his ex-wife and begins the discovery of long buried secrets that will forever alter the lives of the agents of The X Files.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is very much an alternate universe story. While I have tried to follow canon wherever possible, the nature of the story dictated I take certain creative liberties with character and plot histories that have been established on "The X Files". Therefore for my purposes, Mulder was suspended from the FBI, not fired, after the 8th season episode "Vienen" ; he did not mysteriously disappear after the season finale; and the 9th season didn’t happen. Additionally, Jessica Doggett, her family, and her history with John are my creation and were invented prior to the series’ introduction of Barbara Doggett and her history with John. Thanks to Shea and Sarah for sending feedback and being darn good friends.
DISCLAIMER: All things X Files are the legal property of Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions, 20th Century Fox, etc. I am merely letting them out to play.
**********************************
"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing." - 1 Corinthians 13:1-2
ALEXANDRIA, VIRGINIA
November 19, 2002Blackness. No matter where he looked, that’s all he could see. The rain pounding down upon his car was loud enough to drown out the sound of the radio, and his headlights were barely able to illuminate more than a few feet in front of his car.
“I thought it was supposed to be the fires of hell, not the rainstorms,” he muttered aloud.
Lifting his left hand from the steering wheel, he shifted his arm and glanced at his watch, the illuminated numbers indicating it was close to 9:00 p.m.
“Damnit,” he swore. “Sarah’s going to tan my hide for missing dinner again.”
A sudden brightness caught his attention and he glanced up as the white glare of oncoming headlights filled his limited field of vision.
“What the…?”
The thought was left incomplete as a sudden screech of brakes and a horrendous crash signaled the collision of the two cars. He barely had time to register what was happening before the force of the impact sandwiched his car with him inside of it. The windshield shattered and hearing the crackle of the breaking glass was the last sensation he had before he felt a flash of searing pain, and then nothingness.
************************************
FBI HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON D.C.
Assistant Director Walter Skinner was bored. He had spent the morning catching up on his paperwork, then most of the afternoon sequestered in meetings, and was now feeling the faint pangs of hunger, as well as a bit of ‘cabin fever’. More than ready to get some fresh air, he wandered out of his office and promptly collided with Monica Reyes.
“Agent Reyes, I’m sorry,” he apologized quickly. “I didn’t see you coming.”
“That’s all right, sir,” Reyes responded. “I was reading my case notes and wasn’t watching where I was going, either.”
“You seem to be in a bit of a hurry,” Skinner observed. “Is everything all right?”
“Everything’s fine. It’s just that I promised Agent Doggett I’d get back to him about this file before I left for vacation, and I’m supposed to be at the airport to catch my flight in about an hour.”
Just then a feminine voiced laced with a Southern accent addressed them. “Excuse me,” she said.
The agents turned expectantly, and Skinner did a double take at the woman standing a few feet away. She was dressed in a black knee length skirt with a matching blazer and an ice blue blouse, and was undoubtedly the most exquisitely beautiful woman he had ever seen. Medium tall and very shapely, she appeared to be in her mid to late thirties, with fair skin and dark blonde hair, and sapphire blue eyes that accentuated the sheer perfection of her face.
She’s almost too beautiful to be real, Skinner thought.
Oblivious to Skinner’s reaction to her, the woman directed her attention to Reyes, tentative recognition evident in her expression. “I know you,” she replied. “Agent Reyes, right?”
“Yes,” Reyes confirmed. “You have an excellent memory.”
The other woman smiled. “Given the circumstances under which we met, I have a rather vivid memory of you,” she replied.
“I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure,” Skinner interjected, and extended his hand. “I’m Assistant Director Walter Skinner.”
“Lieutenant Jessica Doggett,” she returned, and they exchanged a handshake.
“Are you related to John Doggett?” Skinner asked.
Jessica smiled faintly. “In a manner of speaking,” she allowed. “Do you know where I can find him?”
“I think he’s still in his office,” Reyes told her. “Take the elevator to the ground floor and it’s at the end of the hall.”
“Thank you, Agent Reyes. Mister Skinner.”
Bidding them farewell, Jessica turned and made her way back to the elevator. Once she was out of earshot, Skinner addressed Reyes. “What is her relation to Doggett?”
“She’s his ex-wife,” Reyes clarified. “I met her briefly after their son was killed.”
“She referred to herself as a lieutenant. Is she in the military?”
“No, she’s a police officer, but John mentioned once that she was living in California.”
“Any guesses as to what she’s doing here?”
“No, but if she’s gone to the trouble to track John down after almost five years I can’t imagine she’s here with good news.”
*********************************
Unaware of his impending visitor, Doggett was in his office making a valiant attempt to work through the stack of files covering his desk. Although the agents working on the X Files were still considered personas non grata within the Bureau, with the expansion of the division from two to four people the powers that be had reluctantly enlarged their office on the ground floor of the Hoover Building. As he crossed over to the water cooler to fill his cup, Doggett heard the unmistakable click of high heels on the tiled floor echoing in the hallway as they approached. Assuming the new arrival to be Reyes, he offered a greeting without turning around.
“I was beginning to think you’d forgotten about me,” he quipped.
“I don’t think I’m capable of that.”
Doggett froze, awareness making the hair on the back of his neck stand up a split second before he recognized the distinctive voice, slightly husky and laced with an accent that was a unique combination of upper crust East Coast and Southern drawl. Tossing his paper cup into the trash, he slowly turned around to face his visitor, feeling his heart skip a beat at the sight of his former wife. She looked much the same as she had the last time he’d seen her, that fateful day four years and seven months ago when they’d agreed they needed to spend some time apart. Jessica had moved to California, and eighteen months later the divorce petition had arrived by registered mail. He had phoned her then, not to contest her decision but merely to assure her that he bore her no ill will, and that he would always care for her. She had responded in kind, and that was the last contact Doggett had with her until hearing her voice a moment ago. Yet despite the time and distance his reaction to her remained unchanged, and he silently wondered if he was in for another emotional roller coaster ride.
Ah, Jess ; what havoc will you wreak on my heart now?
Obviously amused by his stunned silence, Jessica spoke first. “I do believe this is the first time I’ve ever seen John Doggett at a loss for words,” she chided.
Finally finding his voice, he managed to return her smile as he responded. “Sorry,” he said. “It’s just that you’re about the last person on Earth I expected to walk through my door.”
“Does that mean I don’t get a hug?”
“Of course not.”
They met one another halfway and exchanged a brief hug, then Jessica reluctantly pulled back as Doggett asked, ”So what brings you back here from California?”
She frowned. ”Obviously you haven’t heard the news.”
“News?”
“Scott’s dead, John,” Jessica told him, sorrow etched in her refined features. “He was killed in a car accident three days ago.”
“Sweet Jesus…” Doggett exclaimed. “I’m sorry, Jess. I had no idea.”
Scott was Scott Caldwell, Jessica’s brother and a member of Doggett’s unit in the Marines. The two men had met as roommates at Syracuse University, and it was their friendship that had brought John Doggett into Jessica’s life.
“Alexandria P.D. is still investigating the case, but the preliminary reports indicate he was hit by a drunk driver on I-395 during the storm.”
“What was he doin’ drivin’ in that kind of weather?” Doggett asked.
“Sarah said he had been working late at the office and was rushing home to try and join the family for dinner,” Jessica answered. “The other driver apparently crossed over into his lane and hit him head on. Scott was killed when the car flipped over.”
“Hell of a way to go,” Doggett muttered. “How are Sarah and the kids taking it?”
“About as well as can be expected. Thankfully my mother’s connections have enabled us to keep the media out of our hair, but it’s only a matter of time before the news breaks.”
“The death of the only son of a U.S. Senator is definitely worth a headline or two,” Doggett allowed.
“I know this is short notice, but the funeral is 3:00 P.M. Sunday afternoon at St. Matthew’s Cathedral,” Jessica told him. “It would mean a lot to all of us if you could be there.”
“Of course.”
“Good. I was fairly certain you would want to be there, so I took the liberty of arranging a car to pick you up.”
“A car?” Doggett prompted.
“Limousine.”
“Ah.”
The two lapsed into an awkward silence then, and after a moment Jessica spoke again.
“Well, I’m sure you have work to finish so I’ll let you get back to it,” she said. “But I wanted to make sure you heard the news about Scott from me. In spite of what happened between us, he always considered you the brother he never had.”
“The feeling was mutual,” Doggett responded. “I’ll miss him.”
“We all will. I’ll see you tomorrow, John.”
“Thanks for deliverin’ the news personally, Jess. I appreciate it.”
Her only response was a warm smile, then she wordlessly left his office. No sooner had she walked out then it occurred to Doggett he had not given her his address. Crossing the office to the doorway, he stepped out into the hall and called out to Jessica just as she reached the elevator.
“Jess, wait a minute!”
The lieutenant turned expectantly as she pushed the call button.
“I didn’t give you my address.”
She smiled at that, and John felt his heart skip another beat. She is still the most beautiful woman on the planet, he thought to himself.
“John J. Doggett, 1969 Bear Creek Lane, Falls Church, Virginia,” she recited.
Doggett’s surprise was obvious. “How’d you know that?”
“I have friends in high places,” Jessica answered evasively, and stepped into the elevator.
*************************************
Frowning at her computer screen, Scully was attempting to organize her notes for her current case when the phone rang just as William awoke from his nap and announced his hunger.
“I’ll grab a bottle and feed Will,” Mulder offered from the couch. “You can get the phone. Its probably for you anyway.”
Scully gave him an ‘I am not amused’ look as he retreated into the bedroom. Reaching around her desktop terminal, she retrieved the portable phone. “Hello?”
“Scully, its me.”
She smiled in recognition of Doggett’s familiar gravelly voice. “Good morning, Agent Doggett. What can I do for you?”
“I’m sorry to bother you at home, but I was callin’ to let you know that I’m gonna have to miss Will’s birthday party this afternoon.”
“Are you all right?”
“I’m fine, but my former brother-in-law was killed in car accident a few days ago and I have to go to the memorial service,” Doggett explained.
“Monica mentioned that your ex-wife showed up out of the blue at Headquarters yesterday,” Scully replied. “She also said that your former mother-in-law is Senator Elizabeth Caldwell. I’m impressed.”
“I’m sure,” Doggett responded with friendly sarcasm.
“I’d be interested to hear how a conservative New York cop turned FBI agent from Georgia wound up married to the Virginian born and bred only daughter of one of the country’s wealthiest and most Democratic families.”
“My history with Jessica will take more time than I’ve got to explain over the phone,” Doggett stated, his tone making it clear that the subject was not to be broached again. “And I’d appreciate it if you could keep the information about her family to yourself. They want to keep the media away until after the service.”
“Of course.”
“I’ll bring Will’s gift to the office tomorrow,” Doggett said. “Meantime give the little guy a hug from his uncle John and don’t let Mulder give him any model spaceships or toy aliens.”
Scully smiled. “I’ll do my best,” she demurred. “Please express my condolences to your ex-wife and her family.”
“Will do.”
Scully replaced the phone in its cradle just as Mulder emerged from the bedroom with a happily feeding Will nestled in his arms. “Who was that?” he asked.
“Agent Doggett. He called to tell me he can’t make it to the party this afternoon because he has to attend a friend’s memorial service.”
“For whom?”
“His former brother-in-law.”
“That would explain why his ex-wife showed up at the office yesterday,” Mulder remarked casually, earning him a surprised glance from his partner.
“How did you know about that?”
“I passed by her in the lobby when she was leaving the building,” Mulder answered, “and after hearing Skinner’s description of her I realized who she was.”
“Monica says she’s quite beautiful,” Scully said.
Mulder made a tsking sound. “Agent Reyes has always had an inflated opinion of herself,” he quipped.
Scully permitted herself a small smile. “I meant Jessica Doggett,” she clarified.
“Ah. Well my taste runs to redheads with blue eyes and medical degrees, but I will confess that from what I saw, Lieutenant Doggett is indeed an exceptionally beautiful woman.”
Scully’s smile widened. “You realize that your disclaimer about preferring redheads is the only reason you’re not toast,” she told him.
“I love you too, Scully.”
*************************************
WASHINGTON D.C.
As the limousine made its way through the streets of the nation’s capital, Doggett shifted his attention from the people passing by outside to the woman seated next to him. Jessica had been in the back seat when the limousine arrived at his house, and they had spent the first part of the ride exchanging casual conversation, including a brief explanation of why they were both in D.C.
“How did you wind up working at the Bureau’s Headquarters here in Washington?” Jessica asked. “You seemed to enjoy living in New York.”
“I did, but when the offer came to work on the X files, it seemed like a good opportunity to take a new career direction.”
“And return to your Southern roots,” Jessica added.
Doggett smiled. “That too,” he allowed.
“I felt much the same way after my time in California; that’s why I moved back here last spring.”
Doggett’s eyes widened in surprise. “You’re livin’ at home again?”
“Not at the family estate in Fredericksburg, no. But I have a small house of my own just outside of Alexandria and I work for their police department.”
“Really…” Doggett muttered. “I just assumed you flew back for the service.”
The lieutenant smiled. “Actually I didn’t fly at all,” she revealed. “Given my claustrophobia, not to mention the issues involved with booking a large dog on a cross country flight, I decided it was easier just to pack up my Expedition and drive back.”
“You drove across country with Trouble? That must have been an interestin’ trip.”
Jessica’s smile widened. Trouble was an English Mastiff, and had been a gift from John to Jessica as a puppy when she had suffered two miscarriages after successfully having Luke. True to his name, the dog wreaked havoc wherever he went, mainly because he weighed 175 pounds.
“Believe it or not, it wasn’t as bad as you might think,” she said. “As long as I stopped often enough to let him burn off his energy and kept him full of food, he behaved rather well.”
Following Jessica’s story of traveling with Trouble, the two had fallen into a companionable silence. As the limousine came to halt in front of St. Matthew’s Cathedral, Doggett glanced over at Jessica, finding her staring out the window in thoughtful silence.
“You okay over there?” he asked softly.
Jessica shifted her gaze to his and gave him a small smile. “I was just remembering the last time you and I were in a limousine together,” she replied. “It was the day of Luke’s funeral, and we were hurting too deeply to even attempt to make conversation. But I remember you reached over and took my hand in yours without saying a word, and just that simple contact gave me the strength I needed to get through the service.”
He smiled back. “I remember thinkin’ that I wouldn’t have made it through that day if I hadn’t had you there with me.”
“Too bad we didn’t manage to tell each other that then,” Jessica said, regret evident in her tone. “It might have meant the difference between five more years together and our divorce.”
“Hindsight’s twenty twenty.”
“I suppose so.”
The car door opened then, and Doggett climbed out of the limousine before extending his hand to help Jessica out. As he did so, he caught a flash of light on her hand and glanced down to discover her sapphire and diamond laced gold wedding band still adorned her third finger. Shifting his hold on her hand, he lightly rubbed his thumb against the ring as he gazed at Jessica in silent inquiry.
“In spite of the divorce, I could never bring myself to take it off,” she said simply. “Old habits are hard to break, I guess.”
“There’s more to it than that, Jess,” Doggett countered gently. “You haven’t worn it all these years just for old times sake.”
Dark blue met ice blue as she held his gaze for a moment. “This isn’t the time or place for a discussion about us, John,” she said at last.
“Fair enough. But when the funeral’s done and the guests are gone, you and I are goin’ to finish this conversation.”
She nodded in silent agreement, and he placed his hand against the small of her back as they made their way inside the church. He recognized a few of Washington’s elite among the mourners, recalling that some them had attended his wedding to Jessica.
“Some of these folks were at our wedding,” he said.
“Yes,” Jessica confirmed. “Weddings and funerals always bring out the Washington bigwigs.”
As if to prove her daughter’s point, Elizabeth Caldwell chose that moment to make her appearance, accompanied by Scott’s widow Sarah and their three children. Sarah immediately embraced Doggett in a fierce hug, her voice muffled against his chest as she spoke.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” she declared.
“I’m sorry about Scott, Sarah,” Doggett said. “He was one of the good guys.”
Sarah gave him a teary smile. “He always said the same about you,” she responded.
“Hello, John,” Elizabeth greeted simply. “I didn’t know you were coming, but it’s good to see you.”
“Likewise, Senator,” Doggett returned. “I just wish it could’ve been under better circumstances.”
“As do I. I’m having a few people over to the house after the service. If you have the time, I’d like you come as well. I know Sarah and the children would enjoy spending some time with you.”
“I’d like that.”
The priest performing the service approached them then, and told Elizabeth that the family should take their seats. The senator nodded and the group made their way to the front of the church and settled themselves in the front pew. Elizabeth sat on the aisle, with Sarah on her left, then the children, then Jessica and John. Once the rest of the guests had settled, the priest began the service, muffled sniffles accompanying his even tone as he spoke. As he neared the end of his sermon, he turned his attention to Jessica.
“Before we send Scott to his final resting place, his sister Jessica would like to say a few words. Lieutenant…”
She rose to her feet and crossed over to the altar, then positioned herself behind the podium and took a deep breath before speaking.
“Most of you knew Scott well enough that there isn’t anything I could tell you about him that you don’t already know. But I am his baby sister, so I’m going to ask y’all to indulge me for a few minutes as I share with you my memories of Scott. He was seven years old when I was born, and having been an only child for that time he would have been well within his rights to resent my sudden intrusion into his family. But from the moment I arrived in his life, Scott was everything I could have needed and wanted in an older brother. He was my friend and my protector, and after our father died when I was eight, he became my surrogate parent as well. Scott was never too busy to make time for me, whether it was to teach me how to fish or teach me how to dance for my junior prom. I watched with envy as he met and eventually married his wife Sarah, who along with their children gave him his greatest joy. And it was through him that I met and married my own soul mate. Yet as protective as he was of me, Scott was always willing to let me make my own mistakes, and be there to catch me when I fell. Aside from my husband, there has never been anyone in my life that offered me the unconditional love that I received from Scott, and no brother has ever been more devoted to his sister. I believe that angels exist, and I know that Scott has earned his place among them. Rest in peace, Big Brother; I love you.”
By the time Jessica finished the eulogy, tears were streaming down her face, and she lifted a hand to wipe them away as she stepped down from the altar and resumed her seat. Doggett silently reached over and took her hand in his, giving it a small squeeze of reassurance as Jessica flashed him a grateful smile. The priest concluded the service, and after a final prayer the mourners slowly filtered out of the church.
***********************************
The sound of footsteps echoed loudly in the silent hallway as he made his way to the room at the opposite end. Reaching the door, he stifled a nervous sigh and knocked once to announce his presence before stepping inside. The only light inside came from a pair of windows on opposite sides of the wall, and it barely revealed the presence of an elderly man seated in a wheelchair in the center of the room, a burning cigarette dangling from one hand. The room was heavy with cigarette smoke, and the younger man was unable to stifle a cough before he spoke.
“You wanted to see me?”
“I wanted to discuss your methods for eliminating the problem I spoke of when we last met.”
The voice was a raspy whisper, undoubtedly the result of a lifetime of smoking, and the younger man said a silent prayer of gratitude that he had never indulged in the habit.
“It was my understanding that the ‘methods’ were to be at my discretion provided that the end result was the same.”
“At no time did I say that the end result was to be his death.”
“Alive he was a liability.”
“Alive he was easily manipulated and able to keep what he knows under our control. Now the investigation into his death will undoubtedly bring unwanted attention to the Syndicate and unearth family secrets for the Caldwells and Agent Mulder that are best left buried.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Don’t I?” He paused to take a drag from his cigarette and slowly exhale before continuing. “ His mother is a United States Senator; his sister is a police lieutenant; his former brother-in-law is an FBI agent. And not just any FBI agent, but one of the four assigned to the X Files. How long do you think it will take them to uncover the truth about his death and the circumstances which led to it?”
It was a rhetorical question, and an answer was neither expected nor received.
“What do you want me to do?”
“I think it will be in our best interests to control how Lieutenant Doggett and the agents obtain their information. Make arrangements for the first piece of the puzzle to make its way to the lovely lieutenant within the next twenty-four hours. Once we’ve seen how she reacts to it, we can proceed with the next piece accordingly.”
”I’ll see to it myself.”
********************************
FREDERICKSBURG, VIRGINIA
It was almost four hours later when the last of the guests bid farewell to Elizabeth and left the house. With her children overwhelmed by the events of the day, Sarah had left as well, after thanking Doggett for being at the funeral and extracting a promise from him to call her in the next couple of weeks. With Jessica having vanished a short while ago, Doggett was alone with his former mother in law.
“Scott would have been pleased that you came today,” Elizabeth said. “He was always so fond of you.”
“He was a good friend,” Doggett replied. “I wish we’d managed to spend more time together.”
“I know the feeling,” Elizabeth concurred. “I was so busy being a Senator I rarely had time to be a mother and grandmother. So much time lost and now there’s no way to make up for it.”
Hearing the self-chastisement in her voice, Doggett gave her a small smile. “Don’t be so hard on yourself,” he said. “Scott knew you loved him. Nothin’ else matters.”
“May I ask you a personal question?”
‘Sure.”
“After you lost Luke, how did you manage to put the pain behind you and move on?”
He considered the question for a moment before responding. “Once I realized that bein’ angry and bitter all the time wouldn’t bring him back, I promised myself that I would honor his memory by movin’ on with my life. The pain was still there, but eventually it became more manageable.”
“I imagine it might have helped if Jessica had stayed with you in New York instead of moving to California,” Elizabeth remarked.
I’m not touchin’ that with a ten foot pole, Doggett thought to himself. To Elizabeth he simply said, “She did what she felt she had to do.”
The evasive response earned him a smile from Elizabeth. “Even now you defend her actions,” she replied. “How chivalrous. And curious.”
Doggett said nothing, but his expression made it clear that further discussion on the topic of his separation from Jessica would not be welcome, and Elizabeth changed the subject.
“I’m curious as to how you learned about Scott’s death,” she said. “Jessica has made it clear within her department that the news isn’t to be made public until their investigation is concluded, and as far as I know they haven’t called the FBI in on the case.”
“Jessica came by my office yesterday to give me the news in person and invite me to the service,” Doggett clarified.
The senator’s smile widened. “I suppose I should have figured that out when you two showed up together at St. Matthews,” she allowed. “Ironic that even in death, Scott managed to bring the two of you together again.”
“Mind if I ask you a personal question?”
“Not at all.”
“A moment ago you were tryin’ to get me to say that I resented Jessica or was angry with her for leavin’ me after we lost Luke,” Doggett replied. “Yet now you make it sound like Scott’s doin’ some Divine intervention and tryin’ to bring us back together. I’m just wonderin’ which scenario is the one you really want.”
“Maybe I’m hoping that the former will lead to the latter,” Elizabeth answered evasively.
Any response from Doggett was prevented by the arrival of Jessica, who flashed her mother an apologetic smile as she approached. “I’m sorry to do this to you, but I have to go,” she said. “I just got a call from the station and they need me to come in to review some new information on one of my cases.”
“Can’t it wait until tomorrow?” Elizabeth asked. “You buried your brother today.”
“Unfortunately crime has no respect for grieving families,” Jessica countered, and glanced at Doggett. “If you don’t mind a short detour, I’ll take you home after I finish up at the station.”
“Sure.”
Jessica gave her mother a brief hug. “I’ll call you tomorrow,” she promised.
Elizabeth turned to Doggett. “John,” she said simply. “Don’t be a stranger.”
“Take care of yourself, Senator,” he responded.
He pressed a light kiss to her cheek, then he and Jessica made their way out of the house. As they climbed into her car, Doggett asked, “Where’d you disappear to?”
“I was in Scott’s old room,” Jessica answered. “I wanted to say a private good-bye.”
“As I recall, you did the same thing the day of Luke’s funeral.”
The lieutenant gave him a small smile. “Old habits,” she said simply.
“Speaking of which, now that we’re alone why don’t you tell me why it is you’re still wearin’ your wedding ring?” Doggett pressed.
She chuckled. “You certainly get straight to the heart of the matter, don’t you?”
“You’re avoidin’ the question.”
Jessica fell silent for a moment before responding. “I still wear it because I’m still in love with you,” she admitted at last.
That was clearly the last thing he had expected to hear. “Excuse me?”
“You sound surprised.”
“Shocked is more like it.”
“I can’t imagine why,” Jessica countered. “I’ve loved you in one form or another since I was all of eleven years old, John, and you have been present at every important event of my life. Is it really so surprising that I would still be in love with you?”
“That’s not the impression I got when you left New York,” Doggett responded, residual anger evident in his tone.
Ouch, Jessica thought wryly. I should have seen that coming. “We both needed time to heal. After we lost Luke, we were both so hurt and so angry we couldn’t give each other what we needed. We barely managed to say ten words to each other, and when we did they were usually unpleasant. At the time, I felt separating was the only way to salvage what we had. But as the days turned to weeks, and the weeks to months, I began to think that maybe the best thing I could do for you would be to set you free. I convinced myself that I was nothing more to you than a reminder of the son we’d lost.”
“I felt the same way,” Doggett admitted. “When we decided to spend some time apart, I thought it was your way of tellin’ me that you blamed me for what happened to Luke.”
“I never blamed you for Luke’s death, John; I didn’t have to. You blamed yourself enough for both of us.”
Unwilling to relinquish his sense of responsibility for their son’s death, Doggett chose not to respond to Jessica’s remark and instead returned to the original subject. “It’s been five years, Jess. Why tell me this now?”
She sighed. “After the attacks on the World Trade Center last year, I called the Bureau’s field office in New York to find out if you were all right, and they told me you’d transferred to D.C. the year before. I figured I’d have a better chance at tracking you down if we were in the same state, so after putting out feelers and arranging to transfer to Alexandria’s police department, I moved back to Virginia. But once I was here, I got cold feet. I worried that you’d met someone else and possibly remarried. Scott got tired of listening to me whine about it and after doing a little research, he told me that you were still single. He also told me that if I didn’t call you by the end of November, he was going to call you on my behalf and invite you to the annual Caldwell Christmas party. Ironically enough it was the desire to have you at his memorial service that finally prompted me to seek you out.”
“And so here we are,” Doggett said. “But you’ve only told me the ‘how’, Jess; not the ‘why’. Or at least only half of it.”
“I want you back, John,” Jessica declared. “I want us back. Walking away from you was the hardest and the stupidest thing I’ve ever done, and I’ve had five years to regret it. I don’t want to regret it anymore.”
So there it is. The bluntness of the admission was no surprise to Doggett; honesty was as natural to Jessica as breathing. Depending on the occasion, it was both her most appealing and disconcerting quality. He was unsure which adjective he would apply to it in this instance.
“I’m not sure what you want me to say,” he began carefully. “It hurt when you walked out, but I will admit that I’ve missed you over the last five years, and that I still care about you. But I don’t know if it’s enough.”
“It’s a start,” Jessica replied, and afforded him a brief sideways glance. “I don’t expect you to welcome me back with open arms and pretend that the last five years didn’t happen. All I’m asking is that you take some time to consider if you’re willing to give me a second chance.”
“And if I say no?”
“Then we call it as friends and move on. But I don’t want to spend the rest of my life without you unless I know in my heart I did what I could to get you back.”
She fell silent then, awaiting Doggett’s response. He remained quiet for over a minute before speaking again.
“I’m not makin’ any promises, but with a little time to get used to the idea, startin’ over again may not be outside the realm of possibility,” he said at last.
Relief and joy were evident in Jessica’s elegant features. “A simple ‘I’ll think about it’ would have sufficed,” she teased, “but thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
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On to Part two
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