Title: Storms never last
Author: Jessica  ( j_rothen@yahoo.se )
Rating: NC-13
Category: DSR, V, angst
Feedback: Yes please, j_rothen@yahoo.se
Spoiler: None
Archive: Wherever, just let me know where
Website: www.geocities.com/jlovesxfiles
Summary: A rainy night when memories comes back to haunt and 
two souls find comfort.
Disclaimer: The X-files, Mulder and Scully belong 
to FOX and they are not mine.
Note: English is not my first language so spelling/grammar 
mistake may occur.

The rain came quickly and chased away the last streams of 
sunlight. The wind came in from the west and shook the trees 
and the buildings. A few minutes later thunder and lightning
took a hold of the sky.

Vikings believed that it was Thor, the god of thunder, that
caused thunder by driving his carriage across the sky and that
it was his hammer that caused lightning. 
As I sit here by the window I imagine him driving across the
dark sky.
The sound of the rain against the window calms my soul. 
"Come away from the window, please."
He sounds worried. 
John Doggett is standing in the middle of the room. His hair 
is wet and he has taken of his jacket. 
"It looks like it's getting worse."
We had been on our way back home after working a case out of
state when the storm hit.
"I'm sorry that we couldn't get two rooms."
He walks over to me and looks at me. His eyes are dark as he
studies me. 
"It's okay, John."
He walks over to the bed and takes a blanket from it. Without 
saying a word he raps it around me. I look up at him and for
a moment his hand brushes my cheek. I shiver as our eyes meet.
I blame it on the cold rain that has made my clothes wet. I
know I should change my clothes but I have nothing to change 
into. 
He breaks the gaze first and walks over to the bed.
"You can take the bed and I'll take the couch."
"Thank you."
I rise from the chair by the window as Thor drives his carriage
across the sky once again. I shiver a bite and rap the blanket
tighter around me
"You should get out of those wet clothes."
"Yeah, I know."
"Do you want to use the bathroom first?"
"Yes, thank you."
I walk into the bathroom and strip of my wet clothes. I turn
on the shower and let the warm water wash over me. I stand 
there for a couple of minutes and let my body relaxes. 
After I have exit the shower I put on my bra and panties. 
I put on my shirt but leave my pants drying by the radiator. 
I rap the blanket around me and exit the bathroom. 
John is sitting on the couch watching a grainy television 
reception. He looks up and our eyes meet once again.

I can feel a bolt run through me as I see her standing there.
God, she is beautiful. 
Her hair is wet after the shower and brushed back from her 
face. She's dressed in only her shirt and the blanket rapped
around her. But that can't hide the beauty that is Dana Scully.
My mouth feels dry and my legs feel weak as I rise from the 
couch. I walk towards her without breaking eyecontact. Then,
suddenly she smiles and says that it's my turn. Without saying
a word I brush past her and enter the bathroom. I close the
door behind me and lean my forehead against it. I sigh and
whisper into the night:
"Please, just let me get through the night."

I sigh and let my eyes wander to the closed door. The thunder
has slowly died away and with that the lightning. But it is 
still raining and the wind have a strong hold of the trees.
It's getting darker. 
I slip under the covers of the bed as the door to the bathroom
opens. He has taken of his shirt and socks and his hair is in
a mess. My eyes drift from the messiness of his hair to his
flat chest and stomach. He is build like the statue of a Greek
god I once saw in a museum when I was younger. 
His eyes are dark and mysterious as he walks up to my bed. My 
heart skips a beat as he leans over and for a moment I dare 
to dream of something else than the endless road of loneliness
that lies ahead. I look into his eyes and I can see the same 
fire there that burns in mine. But he soothe it away the fire
and turns away from my eyes. He takes a pillow from the bed 
and walks over to the couch and lies down. He turns off the 
lamp that sits on the table near the couch. My world becomes
black.
"Good night, Dana."
"Good night, John."


Insomnia struck me and struck me hard. I lie here listening
to him breathing ebb and flow. My wristwatch shows 3:15. 
It's still raining outside.
I slip from the bed and walk up to the window. I sit down
in the chair and let my mind wander. 
"Couldn't sleep?"
His voice wakes me from my dreaming. 
I look over to the couch and try to make out his face in the 
darkness of the room. I hear him rise and walk over to me. 
He sits down in a chair opposite mine. 
"No."
He is still dressed only in his pants.
"Did I wake you?"
"No, it's okay. Dreams woke me."
"Nightmares?"
His eyes drift away from mine and he stares out of the window.
He seems miles away.
"You can't call them nightmares. I have gotten use to them."
"Want to talk about it?"

I study her eyes in search of something fake. 
Can I trust her?
I want to let someone in. Anyone. I used to think that I could
make it out here alone. But lately I have begun to crumble.
It feels like I'm on the verge of breaking down. 
"There is not much to tell. I keep seeing his face."
"Who's?"
"Luke. My son."
"Oh, god. John, I..."
She rises from the chair and kneels down beside me.
"I know it has been years since...But I can't let him go."
"You don't have to tell me..."
"I want to. I need to."
"Tell me about Luke, John. Tell me about your son."
She takes my hand and I look into her eyes. I can see pure 
concern there. 
There are still ghosts from my past that keep on chasing me 
around. They creep up on me whenever I let my guard down. 
I let my eyes wander and I stare out into the dark night as 
I let the memories wash over me.
"He was such a beautiful child. I remember when I first held
him. He looked up at me with those wonderful blue eyes and I 
fell in love with him right then and there. "
The rain against the window calms my beating heart as I 
continue my story. 
"When Barbara fist told me that I was going to be a father I
almost didn't believe her. I was so scared all through out the
pregnancy. I was so scared of being a bad father. But when I 
first held him I just knew that it was so right."
"What was he like?"
"Oh, you know..as every boy his age. He was smart and curious.
He wanted to be a fireman. He kept on and on about that. Drove
his mother and I almost crazy. Then it happened...."
The pain when the memories from that time washes over me is so
great that I almost grasp for air. 
"I remember it like it was yesterday. It's like a movie that
keeps on playing over and over in my head. I was with the 
NYPD back then. I worked the fugitive section. I was good at it,
believe me. So maybe it was ironic that I couldn't protect my
own family."
"Don't say that, John."
She squeezes my hand tighter. I look into her eyes and I can
see sorrow there. 
"But it's the truth. I couldn't save him. I couldn't keep him
out of harms way. He was taken one rainy afternoon when he was
on his way back home from a friend's house. We had let him go
by himself. We were so naive to believe that nothing like 
that could happen us."
"Oh, John, I..."
"He was found three weeks later, face down in the middle of 
a field. He had been strangled."
"Oh, god. I'm so sorry."
I rise from the chair and slip from her grasp. I turn away 
from her and stare out of the window.
"Whoever it was he was never found and I have begun to doubt 
that it ever will happen."
"It will happen. He will get his judgment. You have to believe
that."
I turn around and look at her. I know that she means well.
"You don't know what is like to know that he is out there 
somewhere. 
I keep seeing Luke's face. Sometimes I even hear him calling 
my name."
"Oh, John..."
She reaches out her hand but I slip away from her.
"Don't."
I turn away from her once again. Memories washes over me and I 
close my eyes to shut them out. She's standing behind me.
"Please, just let me hold you."
It has been so long since I felt somebody's arms around me. 
It has been so long since I have been held by anyone. 
I finally surrender and turn around towards her. She raps her
arms around me and I bury my nose in her hair.

I want to stay like this forever, just holding him. I want
to wipe away the sorrow that lives in his eyes. My heart ache
when I think about all the pain and sorrow life has brought him.
I place my head against his chest and take him in. 
"I know it's hard to believe but you can get passed this."
"I wish I could believe that was true. But there is an empty 
space in my heart after he died and I'm not sure that it ever
will be mended."
"You think that no one can know your pain. But I do. Believe 
me, I do."
"Scully..."
"Her name was Emily."
He slipped away from my arms and looked at me. He took my hand.
I know that he has read my file. But I want to tell him anyway.
"She was my daughter. Or at least that was when the science 
told me. God, she was beautiful. She was perfect. But she was
never mine."
"What happened to her?"
I turn away from him and walk over to the window. The rain is 
still pouring down outside. 
"Faith, maybe. I like to think that it was faith other than 
what it was. It feels better somehow....She developed a rare
condition that slowly but surely killed her. She fell into a
coma."
"Scully...I never knew.."
I turn towards him. His eyes are dark and filled with sorrow. 
"I could have saved her, you know. Or at least pro-longed her 
life. But I chose not to. Was I cruel?"
"Don't say that."
"She died in my arms. It's a horrible thing to see life leave
like that. To feel her hand change from being warm to being
cold."
Tears cloud my vision as I meet his eyes. Without saying a word
he takes me in his arms. 
"I wish I could take away your pain."
"And I yours."
We stand like that for a while, clinging to each other. 
He talks first.
"You and I are alike. A bite broken and a bite burned but still
standing."
I smile up at him as he continues:
"I can't make any promises. Maybe one day I will have the 
strength to put all those horrible things behind me. One day,
maybe, I will remember my son with a smile not with an aching 
in my heart. But until that day I will walk on and see where 
life leads me. How about you?"
"I couldn't have said it better."
Maybe he's right. I don't know. All I know it feels so great
to have shared that weight upon my heart with someone who knows
what is like.
As I look into his eyes I feel closer to him than ever. The man
that I once labeled as an enemy has turned out to be a friend.

It feels like my heart stopped beating for a while when she
smiled at me. 
God, she is beautiful. My hand trembles a bit as I wipe away
a tear from her cheek. As I stand here so close to her I feel
myself crumble and fall. It has been so long since I have
been this close to a woman. Don't get me wrong. I have had 
my share of rolling around in the hay. It has just been so long
since I felt like this. 
The moon has chased away the rain and makes its presence known
in the little room.
Her eyes have a little green in them. I wonder what she would 
do if I kissed her right now. Would she push me away? Or
maybe she would invite me closer? 
I can't say that I haven't thought about it. From the first 
time we met I have thought about what it would be like kissing
her. 
I'm so tired of thinking of what is right and proper. I need
her. I want her. My whole body screams out for her.
All I can think about is her as I lean down and brushes her 
lips with mine.

I'm not scared. I will not back away from him. I want this.
His lips are soft against mine. I lean closer and let me
be taken away. I shiver a bit as I feel him running his
tongue against my lips. I open and let him in. I can feel 
myself crumble as our tongues meet. 
His hands are warm against my back as he pushes me closer.

She tastes like heaven and hell all rapped in one. Her scent
fills me in and makes my mind blurry. I tremble as she runs her
hand up and down my back.
I pull away from her and look at her. She has never been so 
beautiful as now. Her hair is in a mess and her lips are red.
Her eyes are darker.
She smiles up at me as I take her hand and lead her to the bed.
"Afraid?"
"Never. You will never scare me."
My hands tremble as I unbutton her shirt. Her skin seems to
glow as I push her shirt apart.
She leans closer to me and lets me in.
I frame her face between my hands and look into her eyes.
"You are so beautiful. Do you know that?"
"Thank you. Thank you for everything."
Maybe this was wrong. Maybe this will only cause me heartache.
But as I look into her eyes now all of that doesn't matter.
I can see the future in her eyes.
I will not regret this.

The warmth in his eyes makes me shiver. I can see myself in 
his eyes. I can see promises for the future.
I will not fear the love I can see in his eyes.
I stand on my toes and place the softest kiss upon his lips.
He smiles at me and sits down on the bed. He reaches out his
hand after me and I go to him.
His kisses are gentle, almost fragile. He lays me down on the 
bed. I surrender to his touch as he removes my bra. His hands
are warm as he runs his hands up my stomach. I close my eyes
when his hand touches my breasts. He leans in and our lips meet.
All the passion that lives in us meets in that kiss. His hands
takes me over. It feels like small fireworks are going off 
inside my stomach.
I pull him closer. His skin feels soft against my hand. I can
hear him tremble as my lips touches his chest. My hands find
their way down to his belt and without any hesitation I 
unbuckle. Our eyes meet as I pull down his pants over his hips.
His eyes are dark as he takes off his pants and boxers. 
He comes to me without any hesitation.  Our lips meet once again
and I let myself fall. My heart is racing faster as he position
himself between my legs. He whispers my name as he peals of
the last remaining clothes. A small cry escapes from my lips as
his hand reaches the center of my being.
Our bodies meet in a fire that I never thought was possible.
When he enters me I whisper his name into the dark. 
He takes me to heaven and beyond.

I lay here listening to the sounds that the night makes. 
She's sleeping in my arms.
It's amazing how she makes me feel. I feel so at peace when
I lay close to her. It feels like I can do anything.
I can still taste her. Our bodies lay entwined as the morning
sun makes its presence known in the room.
Is this heaven?
I believe so.
I don't know where the future will take me. But for the first
time in a long time I will not fear it.
I will embrace it.
It feels like I can fly.
I have my ghosts, as we all have. But I will not let them win
the battle about my life. I will be the master of my life.
She's waking up now. 
The morning sun warms my face as I smile down at her. 
This is the beginning of a wonderful thing. 
Happiness is in my grasp and I will not loose it.
Never again.

Feedback-----PLEASE-----j_rothen@yahoo.se