Disclaimers: I don't own anybody in this story.

Category: VA

Feedback: Comments and constructive criticism welcomed with glee. Flames fed to with equal glee to my pet dragon. I am *extremely* nervous about this one, so any fellow Dippers out there who'd like to drop me a note, PLEASE do so!

Archive: Gossamer, Ephemeral, I'll submit to Spookys.

Keywords: S/D UST, Sc/Sk Friendship, Skinner first-person POV.

Spoilers: "Per Manum" and a little one for "The Gift"

Rating: PG for one or two curses

Note: Skinner had *such* a knowing look on his face during that early morning diner scene that I just had to get into his head. This is what I found there--blame the muse. Apologies to all of those who had their hopes up that "Per Manum" would bring me fully back into the 'Shipper fold. It didn't, so consider yourselves forewarned. (In other words--if you liked "Dante's Prayer" you might NOT want to read this one.)

Summary: It's hard to watch a friend self-destruct.

"The View from Outside"
by Julie L. Jekel

Oh, Scully...

For almost seven years I've watched you and Mulder fight to uncover secrets. And now...in only four short months you've become so adept at keeping them that you've even managed to hide one from yourself.

I watched you tonight. I watched Doggett. And I think I'm the only one who managed to come away with a clear picture of what really went on. You're falling for him. Whether you realize it or not, you're falling for him. That's why you're afraid to tell him the truth. You're afraid if you don't hang on to whatever secrets you've got from him, that soon you won't have any, and you feel that would betray Mulder. You feel that to care about Doggett at all, in any way, would betray Mulder.

And at the same time you're afraid of losing John if he finds out you're carrying another man's child, even if there was nothing natural about that child's conception.

He wants to be part of your life, Scully. Why else would he have asked you to "drop him a line" now and then? Why else would he have covered Mulder's ass on that Pennsylvania case when he never even met the man? I knew when I went down there to talk to him he'd never file that report. He just needed someone else to confirm that he was doing the right thing. So I reminded him of all the reasons. But in the end, he did it for you.

He's done everything he can think of to win your trust, and even I can see how frustrated he is that he continues to fail.

I know you want Mulder back. Hell, so do I. But don't throw away one good thing in your life just in the hope that one day you'll get another one back. Even if you can't let yourself love Doggett, at least let him be your friend, your partner. He deserves to know about this, and make up his own mind what the consequences of that knowledge will be.

And I should've had the guts to tell you that.

I sigh, watching like some forlorn narrator as the two of you get in your separate cars and drive off. I've always made it my business to watch over you, like the younger sister I never had. But when it comes down to it, for all the shared secrets and quiet sacrifices, I'll always be on the outside looking in where you're concerned.

I just wish the view from outside wasn't so damned clear.

FIN

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm an official member of PADP ('Philes Against Dented Pillows), so while I do believe the baby is Mulder's...I believe that the doctor either lied or was mistaken about the IVF not working. In other words, I don't think anything happened in "all things" or any other episode that would've created that kid the natural way. (And not just because of my Dippy tendencies--I'm a 'Shipper too, and was even more of one when that ep aired.)