Title: The Camping Trip
Author: Cassie & Kristi
Disclaimer: We don't own Cheerios or Lucky Charms
FADE IN:
INT. PICK-UP TRUCK - HWY 41 - SOMEWHERE NORTH WISCONSIN
Mulder is behind the wheel. It's a jerky ride... and snow is pounding down... visability is zero. Marita is seated next to Mulder and on the other side of her is Krycek. All are bundled up for the cold, freezing weather.
MULDER Krycek starts to dig through the glove compartment.
Don't worry, I know
where were going.MARITA
Alex, give me the map.
Men can't navigate to
save their lives.
KRYCEK
It's not here.MULDER
Because I didn't bring it.MARITA
You didn't bring the map?
(underbreath to Krycek) What
kind of idiot would do that?KRYCEK
(louder)
That idiot!He points to Mulder.
MULDER He grins at himself as they pull up to a cabin.
Well... the idiot just found
where we are suppose to be.
MULDER
(overly cheerful)
Let's go get a camping site!Mulder gets out of the car. Marita and Krycek stay in the car as Mulder trudges through the snow.
MARITA
Who would do this?KRYCEK
Do what?MARITA
Go camping in the middle
of winter in a blizzard?KRYCEK
Us.He gives her a goofy smile... she rolls her eyes.
CUT TO:
INT. CABIN
The cabin is warm. A mooses head is above the mantle... Mulder looks at it horrified.
MAN Mulder turns to see a Man (60s) standing behind a desk. He wears a Green Bay Packer sweatshirt. Mulder smiles.
Hey mister, what
can I do for ya?
MULDER The man just looks at him.
Hi. Um... me and my
friends need to rent
a camping site.
MAN The man shakes his head.
Sonnie, do you know
what time of the
year it is?MULDER
Winter.
MAN The man turns around and gets a clip board for Mulder to sign.
Ok... how many people are with you?MULDER
Two others.
MAN Mulder starts to sign.
Sign here please.
MAN
You did read the rules
and everything, right?MULDER
Um... yeah.MAN
Ok then... you're in
lot 64. (beat) It's
just up the way.The Man points out the window towards a snowy road.
MULDER He gives the man a smile and leaves.
Thank you.
CUT TO:
EXT. LOT 64
Snow covers the ground. The only color is from the evergreens... which are also covered in snow. Small deer footprints are the only thing that disrupts this peacful ground... until... The big pick-up truck comes roaring through... then slides to a stop.
Mulder jumps out of the car... along with Krycek. Marita slowly gets out.
KRYCEK They start to get things out of the back.
Wow!MULDER
I know!KRYCEK
It's a good thing we
didn't bring a camper...
it's too nice here!MULDER
Told you a tent
would be better.
MARITA Mulder smiles at her.
(freezing/shivering)
Do you guys realize
how cold it is?
MULDER Krycek glares at him and hardly tosses a sleeping bag at him.
I'll warm you up.
MULDER Krycek passes Marita (who is sitting sideways in the car with the door still open) and gives her a kiss on the cheek. She just looks at him dead panned. He walks off to help Mulder set up the tent... then Marita gets a smile on her face. She leaves the car and grabs something from the back of the truck and walks towards Mulder and Krycek.
(to Krycek/quietly)
I was just kidding.KRYCEK
(to Mulder/quietly)
Rule number one also
applies out here.
MULDER He moves some pieces around.
You're doing it wrong.KRYCEK
(arogant)
I think I know how to
set up a tent, Mulder.MULDER
But that goes there!
MULDER He pushes Krycek away and works on the tent. Suddenly everything standing collapses. They see Marita on top of the tent.
Get out of the way, you
don't know what you're
doing.
MULDER
Marita?MARITA
I fell! It's all your
fault! You're the ones
that dragged me out here and...KRYCEK
Oh puh-leez, Marita! You're
the one that tripped over
that branch.Krycek points to a big branch that is now uncovered from the snow as a result of Marita tripping over it. Marita, furious with Krycek, stands up and wipes snow from her face and clothes.
MARITA She wasn't amused at how Krycek embarrased her by pointing out that she tripped.
(to Mulder)
Mulder, want to go with
me to the grocery store?
It's warmer there.
MULDER
I'd like to but, Krycek
doesn't know how to set
up a tent.MARITA
I'll be back.MULDER
We'll be here (beat)
Scouts honor.He smiles at her, she waves goodbye to him. Krycek wonders why he's being ignored. Marita gets into the truck and speeds off. Mulder is waving goodbye.
KRYCEK Mulder's smile vanishes.
She's taking off with our truck!MULDER
You're quick.KRYCEK
She may not come back.
KRYCEK (con't) Krycek bends down and picks up an armful of snow and throws it at Mulder.
Oh. But wait, she will.
She likes you.
MULDER They both head back to the tent to rebuild it.
Oh that's mature. I see
why she's so in love with you...
CUT TO:
INT. SMALL PHONE BOOTH.
The grocery store is closed because of the snow advisory. Marita is calling Scully's cell phone. She's shivering very much.
MARITA (on phone)
Dana! Thank God!SCULLY (filtered)
Marita? Where are you?MARITA
Nowhere Wisconsin!SCULLY
Why? It's got to be
freezing there, you
should have come to
Hawaii with me and Walter.MARITA
Hawaii? (beat) Can you
come pick me up?INTERCUT - SCULLY IN HAWAII
She's dressed in her favorite lime green tank top and shorts. Skinner is behind her... they are on a beach watching the sunset. Skinner is wearing his favorite Hawaiian floral shirt.
SCULLY INTERCUT BACK TO MARITA
Pick you up?! (laughs)
Marita, hon', we're
already here.
freezing in the phone booth... she is now wearing Krycek's winter hat.
MARITA
Is it nice?INTERCUT BACK TO HAWAII
From behind Scully and Skinner watching the sunset on the beach.
SCULLY Skinner whispers soemthing into Scully's ear.
It's wonderful.
SCULLY Marita shiver - laughs.
Hey Marita, I've got go now.MARITA (filtered)
Wish me luck.SCULLY
Give 'em hell.
MARITA
Bye.She slowly walks back to the truck and let's out a heavy sigh.
CUT TO:
LOT 64
The pitter patter of Mulder and Krycek's feet crunching in the snow... a snowball flies through the air and whacks Mulder in the butt. There is a 'yelp', a girlie yelp... from Mulder and a manly laugh from Krycek. Marita pulls up in the truck and gets out.
MARITA Krycek and Marita stare him down and then Marita makes a snowball and throws it at him.
Did you guys know that Dana
and Walter went to Hawaii for
their winter vacation?!MULDER
Yeah. They invited us.KRYCEK
What?!MULDER
I told them we
had other plans.
MULDER Mulder crawls into the tent... there is only one tent... and he knows that they won't throw any snow at him in there... unless they want to sleep in snow...
Owe!
Marita and Krycek stand there in silence. Krycek, feeling bad for Marita, goes up to her and holds her in his arms (from behind her) and kisses her neck. She caresses his arms and leans into him.
MARITA Mulder crawls back, he looks terrified.
Ya tay-byea loob-loo.
(I love you. in Russian)
MULDER He sees what's going on.
(scared)
What's going on?
MULDER
Hey! I thought you were mad!KRYCEK
Go away Mulder!Mulder mumbles something under his breath and goes back in the tent. Marita turns to face Krycek.
KRYCEK
He's a ncie guy.Marita goest on her tip toes and kisses Krycek's cheek then goes into the tent to join thier friend. Mulder is sitting in the corner... shivering, pouting, and sad... Hearing Marita and Krycek enter he perks up.
TIME CUT:
Midnight...
MULDER
(singing)
Kumbaya my lord. Kumbaya-KRYCEK
Shut up!Krycek, trying to sleep cuddles back up with Marita.
MULDER CUT TO OUTSIDE:
(quietly)
Row, row, row, your boat gently
down the stream. Merily, merily,
merily, merily, life is but a dream.MARITA
...merily, merily, merily,
merily, life is but a dream.MULDER
(louder, stronger, accented, con't)
Row, row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream...MARITA
Row, row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream...KRYCEK
(happy)
Row, row, row, row your boat...
There's a crunching in the snow... as we hear three happy people singing "merily, merily, merily life is but a dream"...
ANGLE
A big bad grizly bear, woken up by them. He's mad. The bear goes over to the truck, where Mulder and Krycek left the food supplies. Inside the tent they hear creaking coming from the truck.
MARITA
(suddenly scared)
What was that?KRYCEK
(singing)
...if you see a crocadile
don't froget to scream.He and Mulder scream, causing Marita to scream. They laugh at Marita.
MULDER
Scared you!He pokes Krycek with this elbow... they snigger.
MARITA
(whispering/yelling)
There's a noise outside!Mulder quickly flips off the flashlight. Mulder pounces on top of Marita and Krycek.
KRYCEK/MARITA
Ow! Mulder!The bear growls, looks towards the tent as Krycek peeks out. He's terrified. Mulder and Marita peek out from behind him. The bear stands to approach them, they duck back into the tent. There is a bunch of "EEKS!" coming from the tent. And the tent sways back and forth as they move about trying to hide.
The bear is at the base of the tent... sniffing at the flaps.
KRYCEK Marita sqeals, pulling Mulder and Krycek closer to her, hiding behind them. They smile... however they are scared to death. The bear's head pokes into the tent adn goes right up to Krycek's face. Krycek and the bear are literally nose to nose. Kryceknot caring how wimpy he looks, whimpers. Mulder snorts, hiding his laugh. Then the bear just leaves... no harm done...
(scared shitless)
Don't worry....
Krycek remains there paralized, tears streaming from his eyes. He turns to Mulder and Marita and hug them, and bawls in their arms.
KRYCEK
(crying)
I thought it was the end of me...
Mulder pats his head...
MULDER Krycek stops crying, becomes serious, wipes tears from his eyes and goes 'macho man' on them.
There, there, Alex.
It's all gonna be ok.
KRYCEK Mulder sniggers. Marita tries not to smile, she thought is was cute...
If anyone tells about
this, (beat) you'll all pay.
CUT TO:
It's morning... Marita is up trying to find out what to make for breakfast. She looks at their boxes of Cheerios and Lucky Charms.
A few minutes later, Krycek and Mulder wake up, they smell something cooking outside. They crawl out of the tent and see Marita has a fire started and is cooking a miz of Cheerios and Lucky Charms over the fire.
KRYCEK
What are you making?MARITA
Good morning. Since the bear
ate most of our food, I mixed
your Cheerios with his Lucky Charms,
added water and put them over fire
to create a kind of... oatmeal.Mulder and Krycek look betrayed. Marita has sinned... she broke a rule that was meant to be made: Don't ever mix our cereals.
MULDER Marita nods her head and stirs the cereal mix. Krycek and Mulder sit down in the back of the truck waiting for breakfast. Within time, Marita brings it. She hands them her invention and waits to see them eat it... she hopes it's good.
(holds empty box)
You used it all...
Mulder looks afraid of it, but not wanting to hurt Marita's feelings, takes the first bite. He is disgusted, and tries not to show it.
MULDER Krycek decides he should eat it too.
Mmm... it's good.
KRYCEK They made Marita happy. She digs into her bowl of the cereal mix, and makes a disgusted face.
I-it's... different.
MARITA She splits her bowl between them.
Eww... how can you like this crap?!
MARITA They try to look happy, but they aren't. They behave themselves and finish it all.
You guys can have it all.
CUT TO:
ICED OVER LAKE
Mulder and Krycek are dragging Marita behind them in a sled.
MARITA Mulder and Krycek stop.
(makes whipping motion)
Wah pah!
KRYCEK They continue out onto the lake, why so far, we don't know. An excited giggle comes from Marita.
Wah pah?MARITA
Shut up... stop looking
at me like that...
keep going... be nice. GO!
Wah pah! Giddy up! Mulder and Krycek stop.
MULDER They continue...
We're not horses.MARITA
I know.
MARITA Mulder and Krycek stop.
(singing)
Rudolph the red nose
reindeer...
KRYCEK Krycek sits down behind Marita. She giggles. Mulder rolls his eyes, he continues. A few moments later, there is no noise from behind him ...
Ok, I want to ride
in the sled.
MULDER Mulder stops. He looks behind him, Marita is lying on top of Krycek, they are making out.
You konw. I better get
the sled on the way back.
Cuz this just isn't fair.
MULDER Mulder kicks the sled, Marita and Krycek fall out.
Geez. You guys are gonna
freeze together!
MULDER Krycek and Marita pretend they are actually frozen together. Mulder bends down next to them and breathes the air from his mouth onto their lips.
STOP IT!
Krycek, mad, punches Mulder. Mulder tumbles over onto thin ice. He lies there for a moment, then he attempts to stand.
Once he is standing, they hear the cracking of the ice, Mulder gives Marita and Krycek the "oh crappit" look just before he falls into the icy lake.
KRYCEK Marita screams, in the background we see some guy on skis approaching them. His name is Jeremy the Ranger. Krycek starts to crawl out on his stomach to help his friend out of the lake. Jeremy the Ranger arrives, to provide some help. Marita is panicked.
OH SHIT!
JEREMY THE RANGER Jeremy the Ranger tosses some rope out to Krycek.
What are you guys?! Idiots?!
KRYCEK Krycek looks back, great just what he needed, some random guy that will make him look all stupid in front of Marita.
What the hell is this for, Marita?!
Mulder's hands are flipping and splashing about. Krycek doesn't use the rope, he alone wants to be the hero, not some hot stud on skis. Krycek grabs one of Mulder's hands and pulls hom out of the lake. Mulder is unconscious.
JEREMY THE RANGER Marita crawls out there, and shoves Krycek out of the way. Marita starts to perform CPR on Mulder.
CPR man!KRYCEK
I'm not putting my
mouth on his!
KRYCEK Marita looks up at him, not happy.
I'm officially scarred!
You look like you're kissing
him! (beat) Stop!
MARITA Jeremy the Ranger, pushes the sled out to them. Once Marita gets Mulder breathing again, she and Krycek roll him onto the sled.
Would you help?
Get the sled for him!
JEREMY THE RANGER Jeremy the Ranger pulls out a big warm blanket from his backpack (gee how convinient is this guy?! LOL :)
You have to get his clothes
off! I have a blanket in my bag.
Marita looks to Krycek and looks to Mulder.
MARITA Krycek's eyes go big, Mulder is awake, but not really mentally there. Marita crawls back to Jeremy the Ranger to get the blanket.
Ok honey, your turn to help.
Krycek starts to undress his friend.
KRYCEK While chanting this, he closes his eyes once reaching the crucial part ... Mulder's underwear. Marita blindly hands Krycek the blanket and he has to quickly open his eyes to see what he's doing ... OOps!!!!! He catches a glimpse!!!
(to himself)
I'm doing this to save you.
I'm doing this to save you...
CUT TO:
A rental cabin, Marita gave up the great outdoors idea for a comfy cabin ... on her.
Mulder is lying in a warm bed. Marita is collecting his clothes too wash in ... a washing machine. Krycek is making a fire in the fireplace.
MARITA We see the underwear merchandise from Mulder and Krycek's favorite TV show ... "Syndicate X" ... it has a picture of Agent Spendie (similar looking to Jeffrey Spender) ... the word "Spendie" is written on the elastic band.
(looking at underwear)
Spendie underwear...
MARITA Krycek ignores that comment, what he saw out on the lake was scarring enough.
Krycek? What is "Spendie
underwear"? There's some guy's
picture on it...KRYCEK
(to himself)
He didn't... (to Marita)
it's "Syndicate X" merchandise.MARITA
This is scarring ...
CUT TO:
Mulder lying in bed. He wakes up, not knowing where he is. He realizes that he's naked.
MULDER Krycek runs in.
Marita?!
KRYCEK Krycek walks out of the room...
No! You fell in the lake!MULDER
(to himself, disappointed)
Oh... man... (to Krycek)
How'd I do that?
MULDER Marita walks in and sits down on the bed next to him.
Why was I skinny dipping?
MARITA Marita winks at him.
He saved your life, you know.MULDER
He did?MARITA
Yes. So did I.
MARITA She smiles and leaves the room, leaving Mulder to wonder who stripped him naked and who gave him CPR...
(flirtatiously)
Nice underwear you got.
TIME CUT:
It's New Year's Eve evening. Mulder, Krycek and Marita are sitting near the fireplace silent. All of them have different things on their minds.
MARITA They all laugh.
What are you guys thankful for?MULDER
My clothes.
MULDER Marita hugs Mulder.
No, seriously. I'm thankful
I've got friends like you.MARITA
Awww...
KRYCEK She smiles at them... knowing tht their "tough-man" act is just an act, especially from Krycek. Mulder stands up and goes to get something in the other room. Krycek moves closer to Marita and puts his arm around her shoulder. Mulder comes back with a bottle of champagne.
I'm thankful that we are safe
here and not in Hawaii with
Scully and Skinner. They can be
such party poopers once in awhile.
Marita?MARITA
I'm thankful we're here too.
I got to see you guys in a
whole new light.
MULDER He pours them all some into the empty glasses sitting on the table.
Can't celebrate without the bubblies!
TIME CUT:
They are all looking at Kyrcek's wrist watch, waiting for the New Year countdown.
MULDER / KRYCEK / MARITA They all hug each other, Marita kisses Mulder on the cheek and then Krycek on the lips (prolonged)... Mulder goes to set up the camera on the tripod... their one picture from their camping trip... them on New Years.
Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six!
Five! Four! Three! Two! ONE! (beat)
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
They stand in front of it, Krycek behind Mulder and Marita, his arms around their shoulders, they are all smiling.
CAMERA FLASH
ANGLE - STILL PICTURE OF MULDER, KRYCEK, and MARITA
FADE OUT:
THE END