Title: "Only Us Left Now"
Author: Jill
Summary: Mulder and Krycek are assigned to watch over a highway... and things go wrong.
Disclaimer: Fox Mulder, Alex Krycek, Dana Scully, Walter Skinner, and Marita Covarrubias belong to Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen Productions, and 20th Century FOX Broadcasting.
FADE IN~
We only see a typical wooded area at daybreak....it could be anywhere, until a LEGEND appears.
HIGHWAY 95
ARLINGTON, VIRGINIA
6:33am FRIDAYOnly usual forest noises are heard, until we hear the sounds of a person running, coming closer. As the person gets closer, we can now hear him.
MAN~ Oh shit, no! Why me? Why the *fudge* did I have to be so stupid?!
The man sounds an awful lot like MULDER, and soon enters our view.
MULDER (wearing mismatched pajamas doused with pink paint)~ Now, for a hiding place!
He runs around frantically and does not notice what only we see. A man dressed in black slowly steps out from behind a tree. We cannot see his face, only his shoulders down. He is holding a damp rag. In his confusion, MULDER trips over the man's feet. We see him turning around, staring up at the man.
MULDER (horrified)~ No way....What are you-
Camera shows the rag coming down over MULDER'S mouth. Struggling for a second, he passes out.
FADE OUT (slowly, like eyes closing)
LEGEND~
FBI HEADQUARTERS
8:37am THURSDAYMULDER, dressed nicely in his work clothes, walks through the basement hallway carrying an unidentified folder. Entering the basement office from MULDER'S POV, we all see KRYCEK and MARITA making out on MULDER'S desk. They do not notice his entry.
MULDER (pained)~ Guys....c'mon! I have to eat over there!
KRYCEK and MARITA abruptly stop.
KRYCEK (embarrassed)~ Yeah....um....
MARITA (also embarrassed)~ I'll be leaving now.
She blows a kiss to KRYCEK, then passes MULDER, still standing in the doorway.
MARITA~ Don't worry, Foxy....We'll find you a girlfriend-
KRYCEK (interrupting with a snicker)~ Eventually.
MARITA leaves, as MULDER plops down in a chair on the other side of the desk, sighing heavily.
MULDER~ She's right, y'know....That's why I've been asking all the chicks at the Paranormal Pirates message board if they think I'm hot.
KRYCEK (trying not to laugh)~ Really....
MULDER (nodding)~ Uhhuh....I'm meeting one tonight at some coffee place....
He pauses to smile widely.
MULDER (continuing)~ Her name is Mykerica Johnson. She always responds to my-
KRYCEK (bursting into laughter)~ *Mykerica*?! She's not real, you made that name up!
MULDER (stubbornly)~ I did *not*! Her photo is in this folder!
They are about to fight, until someone standing in the doorway clears his/her throat loudly. Camera reveals SCULLY standing there, looking impatient.
SCULLY~ Boys? Skinner needs to see you....
MULDER (giggling)~ Haha....You're in trouble, Viagra-freak!
KRYCEK (startled)~ What?!
SCULLY (irritated)~ *Both* of you! Like, now.
She leaves, MULDER and KRYCEK shrug at each other, and we FADE OUT.
FADE IN~
LEGEND~
9:04amWe are inside SKINNER'S office. He is sitting at his desk, arms folded, appearing bored. MULDER and KRYCEK have their backs turned to the camera, seated in the chairs in front of SKINNER'S desk. They are taking turns punching each other's arms.
KRYCEK (whacking MULDER)~ Ha! That was a good one!
SKINNER (coughing loudly)~ *Agents*.
MULDER and KRYCEK stop, staring at SKINNER in confusion, as if forgetting where they are.
MULDER~ Okay.
SKINNER (rolling eyes)~ Now....I was just approached by the Department of Public Works. Because of all the criminal activity along Highway 95, they wanted my approval to station agents along specific points of the highway. You will be responsible for maintaining your part of the highway that you will share with your partner....
KRYCEK (disgusted)~ Like picking up garbage?
SKINNER~ Yeah, making it look pretty. It's sort of like the "Adopt a Highway" program, only-
MULDER (interrupting excitedly)~ We get to *adopt* something?! Like an animal?! I get to be a daddy?!
SKINNER (frustrated)~ No! No animals!
MULDER (disappointed)~ Oh.
SKINNER (sighing)~ You will have to take care of your highway, though....clean up after it, make it safe. Oh, and your highway will be inspected once a week, so don't treat this like a crap job.
MULDER (giggling)~ You said crap.
SKINNER (disgusted)~ Alex....did you drug his cereal or something?
KRYCEK only rolls his eyes, punching MULDER lightly on the arm again. MULDER continues giggling, as we FADE OUT.
FADE IN~
LEGEND~
HIGHWAY 95
2:59pmCamera is positioned on the road, from the POV of litter. Cars zoom by in the opposite direction, and soon MULDER and KRYCEK approach the camera. MULDER is wearing gray sweatpants and a New York Knicks t-shirt, while KRYCEK is dressed in his work clothes.
MULDER (carrying a trash bag)~ You should have changed, buddy....you don't want to get dirty.
KRYCEK (glaring)~ I don't intend to, thanks....that's why you're here.
MULDER starts picking up fast food cups, with KRYCEK holding the trash bag open. They are silent for a moment, until....
MULDER (sarcastically)~ Haha....Hey, why isn't Scully here?
KRYCEK~ She's probably too busy doing "paperwork" with Skinner, like always.
MULDER snatches the bag from KRYCEK'S hand, walking away with it, closer to the camera. KRYCEK is still in the BG.
MULDER (sadly)~ Yeah, like always....And like how you're always doing "paperwork" with Marita. If she were here now, you guys would probably be finding some hay to roll in.
He returns to KRYCEK, handing him the bag, appearing upset.
KRYCEK (uncomfortable)~ You're feeling left out again....I understand.
They stare at each other for an awkward moment, silent. Until....
MULDER (angry)~ How could *you* possibly understand, loverboy?!
He runs into the woods on the side of the highway, leaving KRYCEK with a perplexed expression on his face, as we FADE OUT.
FADE IN~
LEGEND~
PIPER'S JAVA HUT
10:27pmWe are obviously in a coffeehouse, which looks like a cross between the bar in "Never Again" and the "Friends'" Central Perk. It is packed with people, mostly in their twenties, mingling, sitting in comfy chairs, sipping coffee, and watching a FEMALE MUSICIAN play guitar at the small stage. Camera travels through the crowd, until focusing completely on the WOMAN. She had blue streaks in her long brown hair, bold blue eyes, is appropriately made up, and wearing a long black skirt and a tight Hole t-shirt.
WOMAN~ Okay, I just taught myself how to play "Something in the Way" by Nirvana, but since I just wore my voice out screaming "tourette's", I'm going to-
She abruptly pauses, staring into the crowd, then smiling, as if she spots a surprise visitor.
WOMAN (smiling)~ -Take a little break.
The crowd groans as she leaves the stage, putting down her guitar, and we see who she is approaching....a grinning MULDER, clad in jeans and an alien t-shirt.
WOMAN (excited)~ Fox Mulder?! Is that you?!
MULDER (nervous and a little shy)~ Yeah, it sure is....Mykerica Johnson?
MYKERICA (nodding, also shy)~ It's great finally meeting you!
She hugs MULDER and he responds, surprised.
MULDER (returning her hug)~ Same here, "MoonAngel"! (Author's note~ my email name!)
MYKERICA (laughing)~ Yeah, "Ten-Thirteen-Bastard"!
MULDER (happy)~ C'mon, let's sit down.
They move to a little table.
MYKERICA~ I got your email before....I'm so sorry about your fight with Alex.
MULDER (saddened for a moment)~ Yeah, it's a shame....he just doesn't understand me, y'know?
MYKERICA~ Yeah....
Their eyes lock for a moment.
MYKERICA~ ....I wish things could be happy and pink all the time....Whenever I'm feeling sad, I just paint....Maybe you should try it.
MULDER (excited)~ Hey, yeah! Mykerica, you are my soulmate!
MYKERICA giggles, as the camera moves backwards away from them. We still see them chatting, until....
FADE OUT
LEGEND~
MULDER AND KRYCEK'S APARTMENT
4:47am FRIDAYCamera FADES IN on MULDER'S open eyes, illuminated by moonlight pouring through his bedroom window. Suddenly, he bolts upright in bed, staring at the clock, which reads "4:48am" in bright red digital numbers.
MULDER (whispering)~ There's always time to feel better....
Camera jumps to a large can of pink paint on the floor, then MULDER. Jumping out of bed, he grabs the paint, as we FADE OUT.
FADE IN~
LEGEND~
HIGHWAY 95
5:36amNothing is seen or heard, except for a person humming. We suddenly focus on a highway, lit by a streetlight. Then, a hand is seen holding a paintbrush dripping with pink paint, painting the pavement. Camera reveals a pajamaed MULDER, carefully painting the street, smiling. FADE OUT.
FADE IN~
LEGEND~
6:27amThe same highway is seen again, only the sun is rising. The road is also entirely pink, at least a 15 foot stretch of it. MULDER steps back, admiring his "work".
MULDER (beaming, doused with paint)~ There. My highway is happy. I am happy. Mykerica will be happy.
Suddenly, a rumble of cars is heard in the distance, growing louder and louder. The cars approach, about fifty of them.
MULDER (horrified)~ Ohhh, no!!! The morning rush hour! My beautiful-
The cars swiftly approach the paint....the drivers in front slamming on their brakes. Like a frightened bunny, MULDER dashes into the woods. FADE OUT.
FADE IN~
LEGEND~
6:33amThe forest we see matches the TEASER perfectly, along with a scared MULDER running in. He trips and falls just like before, and the strange man places the damp rag over his mouth. MULDER passes out....Only this time, the camera slowly reveals the man to be....ALEX KRYCEK!
KRYCEK (rolling eyes)~ Mulder! Wake up!
He slaps MULDER'S cheek hard. MULDER is still on the ground.
MULDER (sleepy)~ What....why did you drug me, Smoking Man? You're supposed to be my daddy....
KRYCEK rolls his eyes once more, then kicks MULDER'S ribs.
MULDER (sitting upright)~ Damn it, Krycek! What the hell are you doing, drugging me?!
KRYCEK~ Keep your voice down! And, I did not drug you....the rag is wet 'cause I had to blow my nose and I'm sick.
MULDER makes a face, then stands up.
MULDER (annoyed)~ Why are you here?
KRYCEK (sighing)~ To *help* you....Obviously you're gonna get in trouble for the little paint job you did to our road.
MULDER (mumbling)~ You don't understand.
KRYCEK~ I really don't care!
He grabs MULDER'S arm, and they walk back to the highway. There, a massive line of traffic has stopped. Motorists are out of their cars, staring at the paint. Some have even locked themselves inside their cars, afraid.
KRYCEK (stepping onto the street)~ Attention!
The curious people surrounding the paint stop talking.
OLD MAN (suspicious)~ What's going on?
KRYCEK (indicating MULDER)~ My partner here-
WOMAN (with a Southern accent, agitated)~ Is this some kinda gay pride thingy?
KRYCEK (insulted)~ Nooo, not *that* kind of partner!
MULDER giggles, which causes KRYCEK to smile.
KRYCEK~ My *FBI* partner....Fox Mulder painted this highway to begin a very important tradition...."Appreciate Your Friends Day".
KRYCEK smiles at MULDER.
MULDER (awed)~ Um, yeah....I did it for my friend, Alex Krycek....to let him know that I'm sorry for being so jealous over Marita.
KRYCEK (beaming)~ Mulder here also made me realize that sometimes friendships are more important than girlfriends.
MULDER and KRYCEK embrace....and the crowd boos.
MAN (angry)~ What about everyone else?!
SAME WOMAN~ Are you two sure you's aint gay?
MULDER (rolling eyes)~ This is for everyone....You people are talking to each other, making friendships! That wouldn't have happened if the paint wasn't here....it *caused* you to stop and meet each other.
SAME MAN (still booing)~ This sucks man! I don't give a fuck about these people!
OLD MAN (lifting his cane high into the air)~ Let's get those hippies!
MULDER and KRYCEK give each other an "oh shit" look and race into the woods, with the angry mob chasing after them. Camera moves upward, showing a bird's eye view of MULDER and KRYCEK about to get their asses kicked.
MULDER (V/O)~ And that's how me and Alex tried to make new friends.
FADE OUT, with the very beginning of Nirvana's "Territorial Pissings" (cover of The Youngbloods "Get Together") playing in the BG.
THE END!!!