There was never any need for it. As ballet mistress, my duties seldom led me to that subterranean domain; as Erik’s accomplice, I had always met with him either in my office or in Box Five. And while I had long suspected Erik made his home somewhere in that labyrinthine region, the exact location had eluded me for several years. It was only through Christine’s account of her first meeting with Erik that I knew where to look at all.
Due to my various duties at the Opera I had acquired my own set of keys to the building, and so required no assistance getting in to the now-deserted edifice. Once inside, I made straight for the descending stairs, never faltering in that course until it brought me to the lowest level. The air took on a damp chill, and cold moonlight pierced the grates in the street high above to shimmer and dance on the surface of the dark lake and gild the misty air. I paced the shore for a time, holding my lantern as high as I dared, but could discern no hint of the far shore which was my ultimate goal. Christine had spoken of a boat, but none could be seen; perhaps it was docked nearby, or perhaps there was a way of skirting the edge. I turned and set my course with the latter possibility in mind, but I had not taken five steps when my search was abruptly ended by its object stepping out of the shadows to block my path.
The lantern did not appear to separate him from the surrounding darkness; rather, I had the unsettling impression of a powerful shadow encroaching inexorably on the light. He folded his arms beneath his cloak with a foreboding gesture, and his eyes seemed to pierce straight into my soul. Despite the cold, I felt warm and flushed in his presence.
"It’s a rather late hour for you to be about," Erik said, stepping forward and reminding me that he towered head and shoulders above me. "I suggest you go home, Madame…it is unseemly for a woman to be wandering alone at night."
The voice enveloped my senses, causing my strength to falter and my resolve to weaken; I felt the breath pant and shudder in my mouth. His power battered against me like a relentless wave and for a moment I felt helplessly compelled to give in and do as he said…
No. I must be strong, for Christine’s sake. For his sake. The thought restored my determination, straightening my shoulders and lifting my eyes to meet his gaze with composure. He blinked in surprise, stunned and more than a little unnerved by my resistance. "Well? Are you satisfied?" I asked.
He frowned. "What do you mean by that?"
"What I mean," I began, growing angrier with each word, "is that that poor child is curled up in front of my hearth crying her soul out tonight because of you! You’re destroying her; you and that fool boy are killing her with your love, do you realize that? Nobody on this earth would blame her if she took the next train out of Paris and washed her hands of the lot of you…and yet she remains, because in spite of all that she feels she owes it to you to stay. And she’ll stay, even if it ruins her, and what I want to know is are you satisfied with what the two of you have done to her? Are you, Erik?"
"Do you think I wanted it to come to this?" he replied, his body going rigid. "I delight in this turn of events no more than you do. I never wanted it to end this way, but I have no other choice—"
"Sophistry," I spat. His drew an indignant breath at the refutation. "You’ve always had a choice, but you couldn’t bear the risk of loss enough to accept it. But you had better learn to bear it, Erik, or you will never be truly worthy of her. You want to be treated like a human being—then act like one, damn you! Act like one!"
"How dare you?" His voice thundered and the storm of his eyes flashed rage and shame. "I am not one of your wayward girls; you have no right to chastise me when you don’t know what I suffer…"
"How…dare…you?" Each word hissed out of my mouth with cold, deliberate fury. "I was a woman of the stage who conceived out of wedlock. I suffered the contempt of my husband while he lived, and the contempt of my fellow man when he died. For years I have walked in your shadow and stood as a symbol of your power, knowing that my colleagues would ostracize me as a result. And you dare—you dare to stand there and tell me I don’t know what it is to be unfairly judged by the world! Oh, I know…I know everything you have suffered because I too have suffered, and I have learned that there are two things a body can do when oppressed. It can bear the burden and defy those who would crush it…or it can allow itself to be crushed, it can sink down into the mire and become exactly what the world believes it to be. And I know you, Erik. You might not believe or treasure the fact, but I know you well…and you are far too good to sink. This behavior is beneath you."
He stepped back, reeling under my fiercely candid words—I don’t think I’m mistaken when I say I must have been the first person ever to speak so to him. His hands clutched against his arms fiercely, stooping his shoulders…once again he appeared much older and frailer than I believed him to be. But again the moment passed as he faced me with his customary cool dignity. "Take great care, Madame," he whispered in a dangerously low voice, his eyes frightfully calm. "Your years of service incline me to be generous, but there are limits to what I will tolerate even from you."
"I’ve not yet finished." I took a deep breath, like a diver preparing for a plunge. "In spite of your recent behavior I have always known you to be a gentleman, never striking without fair warning. And as such, I think it only fair that I offer you a similar concession. If at any time tomorrow night, I believe even for an instant that you will bring any harm to Christine Daaé, I will stop you. Without question and without qualm, I will use whatever means are in my power to save her, even if I must betray everything I know about you."
He gasped, his eyes widening in shock not from the ultimatum itself but from the fact that I had delivered it. He knew I did not lie, and he knew — as well as I did — that I had just placed my life in his hands. "I know you could prevent me from doing this, if you chose," I continued quietly. "I know that you will not question to do what you think is necessary any more than I will. But as I have been your faithful and devoted servant until this hour, I ask that you grant me one request." I lowered the lantern to my side, leaving my hands low and my throat unprotected. "If you mean to stop me, then do it now…and do it quickly." I shut my eyes, offering up one last prayer as I prepared to face my Creator. Let it end here, let him sate his lust on my blood, and leave the rest in peace. Let my death bring him to remorse, that he may turn from this shadowed path and find his way back into the light. Let me save him.
A single footstep, then another…and then silence, echoing through the darkness inside my eyes and sending my resolution into puzzlement. Was this how it felt, then? I opened my eyes carefully to find that I was still alive…and alone.
I breathed a sigh, which resonated across the dark water. Perhaps I should have felt relief, but instead I was disheartened, the burden I had taken weighing even heavier than before. Into the silence, I whispered the words which Erik had often used to challenge the management of the Opera:
"So it is to be war between us."
And I turned toward the ascending path with leaden steps. To this day, I don’t know why Erik let me leave that night. Perhaps he did not believe the threat to be in earnest—but no, he should have known I would not say such things idly. Perhaps he hoped that his plans were laid well enough that I would never see a need to fulfill my vow. But perhaps…perhaps he was not entirely lost, even in that darkest hour. Perhaps part of him remained pure, able to feel compassion and shame, despite the malevolence that threatened to consume everything good and beautiful within him. I like to believe that—that some part of him was always true to what he might have been, had fate and the world been kinder. And knowing how it all ended, can you believe otherwise?
Go on to Chapter 26
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