How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things! I just won the California lottery!" Martha responds excitedly, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?!" The man responds, "I don't care ... just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"
A man complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman ... then ... pow! ... it was all gone!" "What happened?" asked the friend. "Ahhhh ... my wife found out."
Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street bald and still think they are beautiful.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months-I don't like to interrupt her.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was damned near impossible.
A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle.
If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he's finished.
