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Music of the Stars

 

          I've never believed in self-sacrifice.
          It was a foolish ideal, a foolish notion of the human brain I had found myself slowly growing attached to because I had been asleep for so long that I didn't even know what it was to wake up anymore. I was, for all the records, dead. And Gabil knew that, and Valgo knew that. And Sivil knew that.
          I was second in command of the Protodeviln fleet and all I could do was scream in rage as two underlings of the monster whom I served destroyed my dream.
          Yes, even Protodeviln have dreams. What else would Gepernitch's Spiritia Dreaming be, if not a dream, a foolish, egotistical dream which I hoped would never come true?
          I didn't care one way or the other, when the battles began. I didn't believe in self-sacrifice. But that was before I met Nekki Basara.
          I've always believed that the human body was weak, a useless tool in the end, but somehow, Nekki Basara managed so much in such a small, insignificant body. I didn't understand how he did it. He was…he was the anima spiritia. He was the enemy. But I've always admired strong opponents. Another weakness of the brain of the human lieutenant whose body I resided in, but his body was my body and his mind was my mind, and we were inseparable, because I had been asleep for far too long.
          Nekki Basara.
          He made my body…he made me weep. One tear; after millions of years of existence, a single tear. And I knew then that nothing would ever be the same again.
          And as I stood there, almost blinded, blood running down my face and down my chest and down my throat, tasting my death near, I knew he had believed in something far more stronger and far more potent and far more beautiful than any Spiritia Dreaming could ever be.
          "Sivil!" I screamed, clawing for thin air, not even sure if she was there or not, a figment of my imagination, while the winged white shape of Gabil laughed wildly above me.
          "Don't worry, Gigil." Weapons pointed directly at me, above the laughter. "Gepernitch-sama has ordered me to kill you also!"
          "Why?" I screamed. "Why? Sivil!" The trees creaked as if in reply, bending to an unseen wind, and the noises of battle grew distant in my ears. The world was spots of brilliant light before my eyes.
          "Your cries are useless! A useless beauty!"
          "You fool!"
          "The beauty of assassination!" Gabil crowed, and in that moment, I knew what I had to do.
          I pulled myself up from the ground as the explosions began around me, glaring at Gabil with all the remaining strength in my weak, puny human body, because the human body wasn't so weak and puny after all. Basara had taught me that.
          Basara…
          Gabil was paying no attention to me. "Be gone, Sivil! The beauty of destruction!"
          "Sivil!"
          The roar of a red Valkyrie through the trees.
          "NO!" I cried. "Sivil!"
          I felt a burning sensation in my chest and then the wave of power, light and darkness all in one, shooting towards Gabil, hitting with a roar. The trees shook and crashed, and through the explosions I heard Gabil's painful shout of surprise.
          "How…how is this? He hasn't awakened yet!"
          "You…" Basara's voice from the Valkyrie.
          "I am…" I threw my head back. My eyes searched for Sivil. I wanted to know she was watching. I wanted her to know that I… "I am Gigil! Listen to my song!"

          Power to the dream!
          Power to the music!

          "What?" Gabil said incredulously. "What? He's singing!"
          "Singing my song before I do…" I heard the stunned voice from the red Valkyrie. "I like it!" And another voice joined mine, potent with energy, that which was called the anima spiritia, soaring into the skies, and Gabil screamed.

          Power to the universe!
          Power to the mystery!

          Nothing mattered anymore; not Gabil, not Valgo, not the burning forest, not spiritia…only the song that was flowing inside of me, burning into my blood and making me feel more powerful than I had ever felt, though I was still sleeping, sleeping and could not be awakened. Gabil's beauty was dust compared to this. This was true beauty.
          Sivil. This was for Sivil.
          I would give my life for Sivil, I heard myself say, my voice echoing in my head from a long ago battle, and I had never meant it more than I did in that very instant.
          "Gigil! You are a dangerous presence…the beauty of elimination!"
          And I knew what he was planning, but it was too late, even as I turned and tried to fend off his crushing blow of power with my small body, and as I flew through the air, I knew it was the end.
          "Gigil!" Basara cried. "Gigil!"
          I'm sorry, Basara. Sivil…I.
          Sivil.
          I would give my life for Sivil.
          What was I doing?
          There was power there, far more power than I or Gepernitch or anyone in the universe had ever dreamed of, and I could still sing. A flash of pain as I crashed into the ground, another duller realization that I could no longer move, and then everything began to fade in front of my eyes.
          No! I cried silently, trapped inside that dying mind, desperately trying to find a way out, staring up at the broken treetops and Gabil's grinning face and Valgo's monstrous body and Basara's Valkyrie, knowing he was desperately trying to find a way to save me.
          No need, Basara. I tried to move my arms, but there was something broken and I could no longer feel…anything.
          I am Gigil!
          And then I saw Sivil, her face stricken, staring into mine as I lay there.
          "Sivil!" I heard Gabil cackle into my fading ears. "Sivil, you're next!" Aiming.
          "No," I murmured between cracked lips, and then my mind was streaking light years away to a cave colder than the farthest imaginations of men, where no one had dared to tread for five hundred thousand years.
          And I spoke.
          NO!
          And I moved.
          Cramped wings, cramped muscles unused for thousands of years, and I roared to the skies and the heavens above, shaking the ice cave in which I lay, two pairs of eyes gazing at once into the ice and into the forest where a broken human body lay.
          SIVIL!
          Streaking back across the light years, faster, ever faster, because it didn't matter now whether I was asleep or awake or alive or dead, only that Sivil was safe.
          I roared again and felt the stars quake.
          Gabil was not so imposing after all. He was so small. So tiny. I knew now not to underestimate size as an indication of strength, but Gabil had been my rival for so long that I knew his every thought, his every move, before they had occurred to him.
          "Impossible!" I heard him gasp. "Gigil…Gigil has awakened from his sleep?"
          Sivil. Where was Sivil? I shouted my rage to the heavens, seeing the swirling cosmos before my eyes, feeling the need to crush them in my grasp. Anything for Sivil. Anything at all.
          "I will not forgive you!" I gathered the spiritia of the stars in my palm, my vision narrowed down to single pinpoints. A red Valkyrie. A white winged Protodeviln. A monstrous beast standing in my way. And Sivil. "No matter who you are, if you try to kill Sivil, I WILL NOT FORGIVE YOU!"
          "Gigil! This power…You'll wipe out the beauty of the dark void!"
          I don't care about beauty! my mind screamed. There are only two beauties in this world, and you would destroy them both! I WILL NOT LET YOU!
          "I WILL DESTROY YOU ALL!"
          "Gigil!"
          I'm sorry, Basara, I whispered into the void, knowing he would not hear me, but it was the only way. And in that instant I heard again in my mind the stirrings of memory, a guitar in a dark glade lit only by Sivil's light, and a voice, singing.

          Omae ni aitai kono sabishisa wakachi aeru
          Omae o zutto yobitsuzukeru koe no kagiri

          Thank you, Basara. For everything.
          "Gigil!" I heard him scream. "Gigil! Stop!"
          You taught me beauty. True beauty.
          "Gigil! You'll kill yourself! STOP, GIGIL!"
          His cries were too painful, and I stopped them, blocked them from my ears because he had made me weep once and he could again. And I could not afford to, this time.
          This is the end.
          I gathered the stars to myself, the moons and the planets, the galaxies and the dust of a thousand suns, and I screamed.
          SIVIL!
          "GIGIL!" I felt his cry across the universe, the anima spiritia calling to me. "GIGIL, STOP IT!"
          Basara. You taught me love.
          And then everything exploded in the blinding light of a million suns and pinpoints of pain, and there was nothing, only the swirling of memories in silence. My memories, memories of others, memories of which I had no memory, passing in a silent play before my eyes.
          Sivil, you showed me the universe.
          Listen to my song!
          Anima spiritia! I'll crush you!
          Why do you sing?
          It's not enough! It's not enough to wake Sivil! I'll kill you!
          Gigil…do you still love me this much?
          And somewhere, the music began.
          Gigil.
          There was a voice in my mind. A small, insistent voice, pleading. Gigil. Gigil, Wake up.
          I am awake, I whispered, and even that small effort was pain.
          Gigil, the voice said again, and I found that my eyes opened of their own accord, and she was there, before me. The one I had fought so hard to save. There was rubble floating in the background, as far as I could see, and the brilliant planet was no longer there.
          I did this?
          Gigil…wake up.
          I can't, I said, and I tried to smile at her, except the mouth of my body was not made for smiling. I had been in human form for so long that I had forgotten. I saw the tears glisten at the corner of her eyes, and far away, I still heard the music.
          Basara…
          Sivil, I said, cupping my hands slowly, painfully, and she settled down into them gently. Her eyes were fiercely bright.
          "Sivil…this is everything I have."
          And accompanied by the music of the stars, I sang to her.

          Omae ga kaze ni naru nara
          Hateshinai sora ni naritai

          One silver tear streaked down her cheek and dripped into my palms, and then I could no longer keep my eyes open and I was falling.
          Everything I have.
          My soul for you.
          Gigil, she said softly into my mind.
          It was too late for anything now, but there was nothing I needed to do. It was complete.
          Sivil.
          And then there were only the stars against the black beauty of space, and I could hear their music echoing from every corner of the galaxy, echoing through myself and I wondered how I could have been so deaf before.
          I had never felt so alive.
          Sivil. I'll be waiting for you. 



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NOTES on Music of the Stars: 14 march 2001

My effort to explore Gigil's thoughts during the pivotal scene in episode 38 as well as give the Protodeviln the credit they deserve in the Macross 7 fanfiction world. I believe this is most likely the first Protodeviln fanfic ever written, or at least which I've seen posted on the internet. The Protodeviln are a fascinating study, and there is so much great fanfiction material that has not been touched.

Gigil did love Sivil, that much is certain. It's not really clear if Sivil felt the same way for him, but I believe she did have some feelings for him, as her tears at his death signify. As for Gabil being Gigil's rival, I believe that is very plausible. Of course, this is Gabil we're talking about here, and he considers every Protodeviln (except for Gepernitch) his rival, so who knows? I might do a Gabil fanfiction next...scary thought. ^^;;

Episode 38 is one of my favorite episodes, a turning point in the war and also a complete de-villainizing of a main Protodeviln enemy. Gigil might not be the most noble man (alien?) in the universe, but in the end, he had a noble heart, and this is what I tried to get across in the story.