The Writings
of Evilin
Adore
These are the thoughts
and ramblings of my twisted mind ,
that is to say I have one left to share. Anyhow,I hope you might, find
some enjoyment from my pain,etc. I warn you now however, I do not claim to be a writer.
BRING ME SLEEP!!!
Empty again,Not a new feeling, however, ever tragic when it comes.
Will this feeling ever end?
I have been here more times than I can count.
Friends tell me to just get it all out,
But if I opened the doors of my heart, I might not make it through the night.
The tears stream hot over my cheeks like fire,
And my head hurts like a live wire.
I feel my stomach twist in agony; feeling sick.
I am a ticking bomb with a short wick.
Smoking cigarettes to calm my nerves,
Drinking Crown to induce some sort of sleep,
But the tears still steam down my cheeks with every drag and every sip.
I sit and wonder after all this time is it me?
Because if not, then am I really just this unlucky,
To have all this shit.
I feel the arms of loneliness wrap around my soul,
Freezing me.
I wrap myself tight in covers but it is still there.
My body shakes as I sit thinking, drinking, thinking, drinking.
Hope to pass out. To dream of better things.
Everyone says I have such a beautiful face,
I have such a wonderful personality, were have they really gotten me?
Can they see through this mask I hold up so well?
Do I want them to?
Time to go through another day lying,
to myself and everyone around,
that I am alright,
and I can handle everything.
*snicker*
YET ANOTHER BY: EVILIN 2/6/01
My
Plea
One
might never really see,
That
my pain runs so deep....
I
hide it all ...
Can’t
you see...
For
my soul has many a mask...
don’t
let them fool you...
I
am not as strong as I seem...
I
am like you in many ways...
I
swallow it all...
Burying
it deep...
hoping...
it
does not all surface at once...
It
is automatic me anymore...
until
now...
I
detect your sorrows... your hell...
the
darkness within you...
Your
eyes tell all...
I
take them on with my own...
Because
I love you...
I
have never done that...until you...
I
know the loneliness of the endless void...
It’s
excruciating cold stabs...
That
leave deep scars...
They
torments me as well,
in
my endless personal hell...
I
can only truly sympathize,
and
quest for understanding...
for
I have not confronted the demons you
have...
But
I feel I am starting to understand...
and
if you feel I don’t yet, I want too...
For
I Love you...for you...
Not
just the good sides...
The
somber sides as well...
They
make up who you are...
I
love you...as a whole entity.
Just
let me in...
I
will prove my self worthy of your trust...
Let
me in you corner...
As
you have done before...
let’s
hold each other ...
brave
it together.
I
know I come on strong...maybe too strong...
I
really don’t mean to...
This
is all just new me.
Never
have I know the bliss,
of
just seeing a person and my whole being
start
to lift...
Nor,
euphoria in a kiss ...
I
now understand selfless love.
These
miles that separate us dear...
will
soon diminish...
for
I will..be by your side...
Though
thick...
Through
thin...
I
hope we will conquer all...
Together...
Just
let me in.
I
know...it is frightening...
To
let someone in again...
I
am giving you a chance...
So
do the same for me... please...
I
love you.
It
has been so..so long...
since
I expressed...
and
felt...
The
feelings ...
The
I love you’s...
in
my soul.
Evilin
8/99
Se ~par~ation
The void
~
the emptiness
~
You are not
here with me.
Your touch
is but a ghost,
that haunts
my heart.
You
are not by my side.
So many miles
away;
can we survive?
No one else
for me you see,
I am happy
with you.
But the miles,
the hours,
it is what
creates this void.
The emptiness,
that only we together can fill.
The
separation is what hurts
and
burns.
Our Hell
is the distance,
the separation.
I feel rage...pain...agitation,
I miss my
best friend...my lover.
Why did I
leave you there!
I want to
come back... Now!
I just want
to be with you...
there is
no concern
as to were
we are,
but rather
that we are together... there.
I miss your
eyes...voice...YOU..
How I long
to have you near me...
Just talk
to me...face to face...
about anything...
lets just talk...and cuddle.
I miss you
so...
Let’s play
a game...
lets
do anything...
just
as long as we are together.
Evilin Adore
7- 99
I am Here
Watching
lovey movies,
Seeing it all work out,
their
lovingeyes,
their
wistful
glances,
I see it all aroud me,
Painfully, I
ask the question,
were is my chance-
were is my glance-
Seeing, hearing it all makes my heart grow
that much colder.
I feel my hope deminishing.
Here I am see me, don't pass me by.
I have so much to give.
Look at ME!
See ME!
I have not vanished,
I have not gone away,
I still wait for you!
My heart is pure, true and ready for you.
Love, compassion, selfless love-
DON'T PASS ME BY.
My past has been filled with others deceit,
empty promises,
just interludes to my souls death.
So don't pass me by.
To cry is inevitable,
To scream seems insane,
To worry is rational,
but all this is pointless,
all is in vain.
so, DON"T PASS
ME BY,
Please...
Give me life,
see my pain,
heal my soul,
Make me sane.
Evilin Adore May
13th, 1999
Paradise Lost.....To My Sweet Demon
Skin, of pale alabaster,
flecked with crimson,
Hair of midnight shades,
I Love to touch the potent lips that bind
my very essence.
I touched the lips of my sweet demon ,
not once but twice against my souls will ...for to do so meant I must forfeit
my soul.
My inter-being was sacrificed for what,
a moment of one sided ecstasy
in the clutches of my sweet demon,
Skin of pale alabaster,
flecked with crimson,
Hair of midnight shades.
The golden gates of hells polished bone arms
await me.
The greatest dream from which I might never awaken,
if it had not been for the setting of the evening sun,
which awakens me like the vampire from my grave.
I sleep to escape the reality...
that pains my heart and steals my will, my passion.
Can a corrupted spirit like mine know rest
and love,
when it must rise again and again
to the tender memory of your flesh.
I can not touch without the chill of my own
death engulfing me.
I have pierced you with my gaze many times
over,
yet you scorn me.
Enrapture me deep within your sweet embrace
for all eternity,
lest I die tonight.....
"Evilin"" December 1998
this is to ""My Sweet Demon"" you know who you are....
Solitude
An plauge
which most displeases the mind,
with meditation.
Thus, have me live unseen,
unknown.
steal away from the world,
Therefore let me die;
and let there be not one stone
to tell where i lie.......
"Evilin" 4-12-91
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If you have comments or suggestions, email me at evilinadore@yahoo.com
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