Shelter From the Storm

oceania_blue@hotmail.com

Protecting those we care about from the act of rape and other forms of sexual violence goes hand in hand with protecting ourselves. In order to help our friends avoid the trauma, we must take steps to do the same, and the provided list is meant for you to go over together. The situation is different with children because we are authority figures and create the context with which they view a stranger offering candy. I have compiled here suggestions for how to protect friends and how to protect children.

• Make plans and go places together. When going out, especially at night, it is good to avoid being by oneself. Having a buddy makes one less vulnerable to predators and more likely to have someone there who knows you and will miss you if you are suddenly absent.
• When going out, be certain to tell someone where you are going and what time you'll be back. This way if you are abnormally later than should be expected, people will know where to look for you to make certain you are safe.
• Don't accept drinks from anyone you don't know you can trust. Especially in party situations, it is important to know exactly what's in your drink. If you don't know the person offering (even if it sounds as harmless as a soft drink), it's best to decline.
• Avoid going into dark alleys and parking lots alone. If possible get someone to walk with you to your car. Avoid dawdling and call someone ahead of time, if possible, to let them know you are now heading to your next destination, so they know to expect you soon.
• When alone, avoid responding to strangers. This may sound slightly paranoid, however it is especially true for women that it can be necessary to ignore strangers on the street or in public buildings who attempt dialogue with you. Trust your gut, and don't worry about being rude. If a man asks you what time it is, where something is, or how you're feeling and you don't feel safe answering, remember you have no obligation to do so.
• Trust your instincts. As mentioned above, it is usually best to place faith in our intuitive reactions to situations. Play it safe and if you really don't feel right doing something, no matter how harmless it may seem, know you have every right to not do it.
• Have faith in yourself. People are often targetted as victims because their body language said they weren't especially aware of their surroundings. Walk tall, head up, looking around, and make your personal power clear to the people around you.

• Decide on code words. Choose a secret word or phrase that children understand means an adult is safe to go with. It is recommended that the word(s) be changed at least once a month and be easy for the child to remember (suggestions: milkshake, mommy, hugs, etc.). If having a friend pick up your child from school, tell the friend what the code is, and make certain your child knows to ask for the password before getting in someone they don't know's car.
• Don't make strangers in boogie-men. It's common for adults when warning their children about going with strangers to make them into monsters. Often child-molesters look and behave like nice, ordinary people that children find easy to trust. If children think of strangers as dark and scary figures in trench coats, going with the nice little old man who lost his puppy won't seem like a violation of your directions.
• Teach them to scream. Tell them if someone they don't know who doesn't know the passwords is trying to get them to go with them, the best thing to do is to scream as loud and shrilly as possible and run away before the person can get hold of them.
• Decide on meeting places ahead of time. When picking your child up decide together on a safe, public area in view of adults where they are to wait for you.
• Don't hide facts. Make it clear to your child why it is necessary to have codes and meeting places. Don't scare them, but tell them enough so they know it is for their protection and they won't try to rebel for fun.
• Make a list of your child's friends. List the names of your child's friends, where they live, and they're phone numbers. This way when they visit their friends, you can be certain to know where they are and how to contact them. Be certain to include your child in making the list, and that they always tell you where they are going, how they are getting there, what time they'll be home and how they'll get back.
• Be available. One of the most important things a parent or guardian can do is be there for children. Try to be home in the afternoons when they get back from school or extra-curricular activities. Attend any sports events, plays or other endeavors your child is involved in. Show that you care and are a safe person your child can trust. Know that child molesters are most often people who your child knows, and the safest thing you can do is make certain you're the one your child is most often with. Let your children know you love them and will protect them as best you can.