It all started when I was in high school, I
was young and in love, I met a guy who swept
me off my feet, we went to lunch each day, he
met my parents, he picked me up before school
took me to school, and life I thought was
Good.....
What people did not know of us was the way he
would get angry with me, and slap me, then
saying i am sorry, and he would then buy me
nice things to make up for his temper.
He was my first love, I knew no other up till
him, I thought this is the way it was supposed
to be, I remember one time after we were
engaged he was at work, and we gotten into an
argument, he jumped over the counter and hit
me across my face.. I was so embarrassed! he
ended up getting fired, and then once we were
alone, well It was my fault he got fired, so
he let me have it, he got me down and wouldn't
stop hitting me.. Saying it's your fault!!!
ITS YOUR FAULT!!! Why did you make me do
that!
Time passed, as did the incidences of
violence, that I thought was normal.....
We got married, and then I found out I was
pregnant, he said he was happy, but he also
said he didn't think we were ready, what are
we going to do? he even suggested that I get
an abortion! I said NO!!! After a lot of
fighting, I finally said ok then I will put the
baby up for adoption, then my daddy talked
some sense into me... he said that I was
being brainwashed, and that for me to keep my
baby, he would help me with him/her,I put my
foot down and decided to keep my baby!
My husband didn't like it, and he took every
little thing out on me, even while i was
pregnant, he would shove me in a corner, and
knock the crap out of me, but I thought this
was the way it was supposed to be. I talked to my
best friend about him, and she always told me
to get out, I always said I love him, he will
change, I know he will, If I love him enough
He will finally see, and he will change!
Well that never happened, Time passed, I had
my baby boy, (while in delivery he fell
asleep - that helped me a lot! - when he was
awake, he would leave the room, leave me!)
Once I returned home he had taken a week off
from wrk to help me with the new baby, so I
thought - he ended up drinking with his
friends every night, and I would have to
call, and call and beg for him to come home
to help me.
Things from the outside
looking in, looked peaceful, and happy, but
it wasn't, life was rough, being married to a
abuser, (I didn't realize it till recently)
and having a new baby, time passed, and so
did the violence contenue.....
I
ended up pregnant again, ( a result of him
making things up to me ) Things went all right
for a while, he wasn't as mean or violent,
till things didn't work out for him, and he
had a bad day, then I got beat up on again,
every time. I wish I knew then what I know
now!
For the 2nd baby's delivery he was doing ok,
he only slept for a little bit, and he helped
me push, he again took a week off, I thought
this time yes - he will stay home to help
me!
I was wrong! he slept the week away,
when I tried to get him up to help me, he
started again with his violence, coming up
out of the bed after me.
Me with a 1 1/2
yrs old, and a new born, with a spouse that
should be helping me, slept the whole week
away, I had so many stitches, and could not
hardly walk, but due to him, I had to, I had
to take care of the babies, and the
household, and him!
He began to Get Irate
when I tried to get him up, it would take
hours, and it would end up with him jumping
up out of bed and coming after me,
every time! The violence still
contenued.....
Once again I was pregnant, This time Well I
tried to wake him up to tell him the good
news, and it ended in the same way, him
jumping up and coming after me.... He said
you woke me up for this!?!?! LEAVE ME ALONE!
time was hard, but I was used to it, so I
went on as if nothing was wrong, life to
everyone else was good... I remember a time
we got into a huge fight, and he locked me out
of the house with the kids inside with him, I
was so scared! I ended up breaking a window
to get in, and get my kids from him, after a
long drawn out fight, and my glasses were
broke and I was all bloody, I got the kids
and left... But his sweet words, and his
gentle touch brought me home
again.....
We decided to make a fresh start, and move to
another state, to start a new life
together.... It was good for a month or so,
then he got upset about his work, and came
home and started fights with me ending in
violence.....
I had a neighbor who was always getting him
off of me, making him leave me alone.... This
is when he started abusing the kids, I started
standing up to him, so he started abusing
them while I was at work! I was told of
things the neighbor heard while I was at
work, and one time I got a phone call from
that neighbor saying that the cops found my
son down the road on the RR Trax looking for
me, My husband WAS HOME! - BUT ASLEEP! the
cops showed up at the house and got him up,
my neighbor saved his butt from getting in
trouble, she told them that he worked
Midnight's and thought all the doors were
locked... ETC....... He got by with it, and
when I got home and was furious, he didn't care
he blew it off like it was nothing!
He got
me a web tv for Christmas, I met a friend on there
who talked to me, and listened to me, and my
problems, he gave me advise, and I was
getting stronger, and more aware of what was
going on.
I ended up agetting a baby sitter, after her
taking care of my 3 kids for over a year, day
in day out, she found out a lot of things my
husband was doing to the kids while i was at
work, I found out that my husband had kicked
my oldest in the groin and left a massive
bruise... I never thought about it till now,
but he had to have surgery for excessive
swelling in that area, and I do believe now
that it was due to his father!
I Decide to Leave Him
I made plans, (with the help of my web tv
friend) we found a house to rent, we saved
up money to get the house, and have some to
fall back on.
My Mom, step-dad, brother,
and my web friend all helped me move out one
snowy night while my husband was working, I
took what we needed the beds, TV, couch,
clothes, dishes, towels etc. Not leaving
him much of anything... I felt bad for
leaving him with nothing.. I shouldn't have
but I did...
My web friend moved in with me to help me,
and give me support. A few days later I hear a
knock at my door, It was my Mom telling me
that my husband was in the hospital and had
tried to commit suicide.. she gave me a 4
page long letter that he had written before
checking himself in the hospital, begging me
to come back, saying he was sorry, I cried
and felt so darn bad... ( You see my daddy
committed suicide when I was 3 months pregnant
with my first baby--- ) I got scared! I
didn't want to be the cause of such thing. I
called him that next day while I was at work,
and talked to him for a few hours, the next
day I ended up going to the hospital that
evening after work, he looked so pitiful so
innocent, like a young child lost without his
mommy... I gave him a hug, and cried, I
returned the next day, had a meeting with his
therapist, we talked about everything, and I
gave in, I took him back.....
I asked my
web friend that was living with me, to go
home, " I now know that was the biggest
mistake I ever made " !!!!. Things went ok
for a while, he was on medication, and
visited the Dr. regularly....
During all of this I kept in contact with my
web friend, I would even call him, so he
could calm the kids down at times.
Soon after my husband returning home from the
hospital, He received a letter from "CPS"
Child Protective Services, We had to take the
kids down to their office, they interviewed
the 2 oldest children, then me, them my
huband.
Once they interviewed all of us separate,
they called us all in, they said that he was
to have NO contact with the children at all,
anthill he was in a treatment program for his mental well-being, and showed he was not a threat to us any longer.
Well, he had no place to go, so Dummy me went
in to the main office at work, and requested
a 30 day medical leave of absence, They would
not accept it, they said the only way I was
going to be able to take the time off was to
resign, and then once the 30 days was up come
back, and apply for work again.
I resigned, and stayed home with the kids.
He began getting rough with the kids, not
me, but the kids, he would always look over
to see if i was watching him, and then he
would turn beat red, and the vanes in his
neck would protrude, and he would get right
in the kids faces and scream at them and then
while picking them up he would have such a
tight grip on the kids arm that it would
leave a bruise, and he would knock them into
things as he put them in their room, he cut
the oldest ones chin by throughing the door
open, knowing he was back there, and hitting
him dead on in the mouth with the door knob,
knocking him into the dresser, cutting his
back, and scraping him up real bad leaving
several bruises. He stooped taking his medication as well.
Things got hard, I knew I made a mistake, but
didn't know how to fix it.
I was going into the women's stress chat room,
to find support, and help from other ladies
that has been there, that may have some
advise for me... I met a lady that has been
there, and she told me what I had to do, who
I needed to call, and how to do it, So I
did.... After 10 years with an abusive man, I
did It ! ! !
It took a lot for me, a lot of strength, and
support from my web friend, Finally
I had him removed from my home, with a
protective Order, I now have custody of the
kids for 180 days, and I have filed for
divorce, He is now in another state and has
not yet sent my lawyer anything replying to
the initial divorce papers
****UPDATE****
Since I first wrote this, when this site was made, 3 Years ago, I am still in the middle of Divorce proceedings, The court says the abusive spouse must have telephone privileges, and only 1 hour a week supervised visitation, (He has been to see them Twice.)
I am now struggling, to keep the abuser from getting Unsupervised Visitation I can handle him putting off the divorce, but to even think of what he will do to my babies, if he got them ALONE Is Unbearable!, I will continue to keep my kids safe from the harm he has caused them, and will continue to trying to make the court see, and understand by showing proof of the abuse and the harm it has caused my oldest, with Affidavits of those who has witnessed the abuse, and with Phycoligest's reports, who are counseling my children, giving the court there professional opinion, and with the CPS paperwork, and much more, by doing this I hope to prove to the court, that the abuser is unfit to have any type of Unsupervised Visitation!.
I never knew that love, life was supposed to be like this, I never realized that life could be so good, even though times get tough, with bills, schools, Court, and everyday life, it is all bearable, he makes this all better, even when I spaz out and think what now?
He is Love (to me), now I am finally Happy.
I wanted to help others like myself that
needs a friend, and needs help, so I created
this site... I hope that through the web and
the Internet, that this site will help other
ladies, and children like myself, and they
too can get out and finally be happy!
As This process proceeds, I will continue to
update my story, and let you know how we are
doing....
